I had to laugh at Amy F’s comment from last night’s entry about my weight loss during my cruise. Let me start out by saying that because I was sick, it was really easy for me to become full and not finish eating. I can’t smell anything, nor can I really taste anything. That really helps. However, with that said, I would have rather gained 5 lbs than been sick during the cruise. (and still be sick right now) I also had a goal to try to eat like someone who is a size 10, rather than a person who was a 14/16 who is temporarily wearing size 10 clothes. I am really trying to figure out when I am full and learn to be okay with not eating everything on my plate, no matter how good it tastes. I also walked alot and took stairs about 60% of the time. (10 floors on this ship, that’s alot of stairs!)

I joined Weight Watchers in March of 2004, I weighed in at 208 pounds. I successfully lost weight, BUT I did not exercise and I saw my “healthy” eating habits as temporary. I would often think to myself “when I’m off WW, I can’t wait to eat that or this…I’ll just eat less.” But I never taught myself to eat less. In September 2004 I weighed in at 166 lbs, my lowest weight, after that week I gained and continued to do so. By January 2005, my weight “crept” up to 188 pounds. By April I weighed 194.5 pounds. Since the first time I joined Weight Watchers I have re-joined SEVEN times. Last spring I even went as far as asking my doctor if there were any weight loss pills that he could prescribe to help me along. He said no, just eat healthier and exercise. I thought “I’ve done that, I’ll just buy some pills over the counter.” He must have heard my thoughts because he said because of my hypo-thyroidism and my high blood pressure, if I were to take any type of weight loss pill, especially those containing ephedrine, I could very well die of a heart attack. I never took a pill.

I joined on February 8th, 2006 to lose weight for our cruise. I have been incredibly focused from the start. In my first five weeks, I can honestly say I NEVER cheated. If I did throw something in my mouth that was not planned, I counted it. I felt instant results and I liked it. I also decided to join a gym, doing both programs made me see myself differently and made me feel different. I felt good. Healthy. Thinner. I have attended Weight Watchers meetings for 14 Wednesdays in a row, no matter what, I never miss. I often ask myself what is different about this time versus the other “failed” attempts, this is what I have come up with:

1. I want to be healthy, not just skinny. (thank you, Penny for pointing that out)
2. After watching so many Oprahs about being a woman and being healthy, they always say to eat healthy and excercise. I figured they’re probably not wrong.
3. I view eating poorly as doing something negative to me. I COULD stop and get a milkshake or sneak one silly little french fry, but why would I do that to myself? I take it personally.
4. I love having energy. Energy means alot to me. Between my low thyroid and my extra weight I was constantly tired, now I am not.
5. As mentioned before, weekly meetings. It means alot to me to go in and lose weight every week. It means something to me to know I am not alone. I take pride in my recognition. Last night, someone at my meeting, who joined in December and who regularly attends, stopped me and said “Beth, you look really good.” I don’t know why but that compliment from that person meant the world to me.
6. Most importantly, my heart is in it. If your heart is not in the program, you can’t be successful. (explains the seven failed attempts, my heart just wasn’t in it.) I recently learned that “to discipline” means “to teach.” I am very disciplined. But at the same time, I hope I am teaching myself to eat right, learn when I am full and love my new found health and do everything it takes to hold on to it.
7. I have an incredible network of support, others doing the program along side me. Great cheerleaders and motivators make such a difference.
8. I don’t always resist temptation, but when I do, I pat myself on the back, feeling great pride. When I don’t resist, I get over it and run towards the next hurdle, knowing there are more.
9. I plan my meals almost every single day. Every point is planned ahead of time. This is really important.

So, there really are no secrets. I just follow the program. I keep saying to myself that there is nothing wrong with the program. That if I fail on this program, the program didn’t fail me, I did. And I refuse to fail.

That’s all I have to say about that. The bright side is that by him not winning, he could have an even bigger opportunity to become a huge success. (I’m deliberately not saying a name just in case someone is going to watch it later.)

On to other news, I’m still sick, butRacecar is much better. Much. Much better.

I lost 2.4 lbs this past week, I’ve lost a total of 29.6 pounds, if I lose .4 lbs this next week then I officially hit my goal weight. I’m very excited.

We left for our cruise last Thursday morning, we drove away from our house at 4am. The day before was spent furiously trying to pack, do laundry, take care of sicks kids and clean. We attempted to go to bed at 11:30pm, but that didn’t work, it was closer to midnight, but I couldn’t sleep. I laid there and worried aboutRacecar, stressed about packing, and thought of about 5 things I needed to do before leaving at 4am. After laying there for 2 hours, I just got out of bed and took care of those five things and painted my nails. I never slept. I didn’t sleep until we were on the boat and I slept for about 90 minutes, but it was enough. I guess that night of no sleep didn’t help my sickness any. I woke up and showered and was rejuvenated!

Here is a link to some of our cruise pictures, if you look at it as a slideshow, you’ll miss some explanations and descriptions, if you want descriptions, just click on the thumbnail and when the picture becomes big on the left, the description is underneath.
Enjoy!
Cruise pictures!

Just a quick update for you! We arrived home about 24 hours ago. We had an amazing time. Unfortunately the sickness is still very much in our home. While we were gone,Racecar just continued to get worse, Brian’s mom tookRacecar back to the doctor Friday morning where his ears were still very red and he also had a touch of pneumonia, they prescribed a different antibiotic. Saturday was his worst day, well, everyone’s worst day. We completely lost contact with everyone Friday afternoon, which made me crazy that we couldn’t find out how he was doing. He’s doing better now, he still has some recovering to do, but day by day he’s getting better. Today he took a 3 and a half hour nap and we woke him up! Tonight after getting his pajamas on, he said “here Mama, take my hand,” he walked me into his room, turned off his light and said “there, that’s better” walked to his crib and said “I want my bed.” I put him in his bed and he laid down and went to sleep. My tired little boy. We feel as if both of the children of aged tremondously since we left. This morningAriel told me she missed me about 25 times followed with hugs and kisses and then this afternoon she said “Mama I missed you so hard!!” oh, how we missed them!

I also remained sick throughout the trip, even after finishing my antibiotic on Sunday. I went back to the doctor to learn I have a severe sinus infection and bronchitis. (Brian doesn’t feel well either!) Hopefully this new antibiotic will start kicking this infection’s ass REAL soon. And I have “sea legs.” No matter where I am, I feel like I am swaying, I really need that to end!

I will leave you with a picture taken in Key West and a picture of our ship. The ship picture I took while in Mexico. Oh and no, we did not want to wear matching shirts, but Pampered Chef asked us to for one day, so since they sent us on this trip for free and treated us like royalty, we thought we could do them this one favor!

I’m too tired to Blog. Blog is such an ugly word. It’s an official word now, did you know that? You can use it while playing Scrabble. Learn something new everyday.

I’m too tired to blog, but I’m doing it anyway. I know I have some faithful readers and I want to apologize because I feel like my on-line journal (trying not to use the word BLOG) has become a real downer to read, morose, depressing, negative. I’m really not that type of person, I’m just feeling a bit defeated, that’s all. (I promise I’ll get better!!)

Thursday morning, at 3:45AM, we will be pulling out of our garage to head to O’Hare airport. I should be thinking about the fact that we will be heading towards an amazing, FREE vacation, something we completely need and deserve. Instead, I’ll be thinking about the fact that I’ll be leaving my very sick child. I can hardly stand the thought, I’ve become choked up so many times tonight at the thought. I can’t even stand the thought of going to my Weight Watcher meeting because I feel so bad. (I’m gone for less than an hour.) I’m just so sad that this is happening right now.

Today started out so much better,Racecar had a very good night, despite being sick, he slept until 8:40am. He woke up yelling “HI MOMMA! HI MOMMA” It was music to my ears. And although he didn’t eat much, he played and played. Something I didn’t see yesterday. Well, I put him down for his nap and then I had a doctor’s appointment myself, because, I am sick, too. I came home and opened the door and saw this child that made me want to weep. He looked so tired and so sad and his eyes seemed so little, he had so much puss oozing from his eyes and the snot streaming down his nose was dark and endless. (sorry to be gross) I immediately came in and cleaned his face off, which is when I noticed that he was so warm, hot. He was breathing fast, shallow breaths. He’s done this before but tonight it was worse. I took his temperature and he was at 104. I decided to page the doctor. She called back and was concerned, but told me to increase his Tylenol, (I wasn’t giving him enough) wait 30 minutes, give him a luke warm bath and take his temperature again. If he is still “panting,” as she called it, call her back right away. I did as she said and his temperature dropped to 102.6 and his panting slowed down. (she compared the panting to what a dog does when it is hot, it pants. A child will do the same thing to try to fight the fever. Interesting. No?)

So, we went to Walgreens to pick up even more prescriptions, came home and he played again. I need to learn to just put him into bed, even if he’s playing. The poor boy is so tired, but will play if the house is on fire. As soon as I laid him down he turned on his side and shut his eyes. Poor little guy. I’m praying that he feels better tomorrow. I’m so scared to see what his eyes will look like in the morning, they continued to ooze all night tonight.

And yes, I have a sinus infection. I’m really concerned about going into an airplane with my sinuses so plugged up, but my doctor gave me medication to combat that problem. So, I think I’ll head into bed and get a good night’s sleep, considering tomorrow night will be a short night.

Today I toldAriel we were leaving for vacation, believe me, she is not sad, she’s excited! She loves to have her Oma come over. I said we are going on a cruise on a big ship, do you want to see a picture? She replied “sure, great idea!” So, I showed her the boat and she said “you’re going on the ocean?” My girl is so smart. Tonight, I told her we were going to Mexico and we were going to bring her back a present “she said from Mexico and America?” My girl is wicked smart.

Don’t miss me while I’m gone! Well, you can if you want to.

Today started out sooooooooooooo bad. The kids woke up incredibly early, it was difficult for me to even go brush my teeth, they didn’t eat a good breakfast and both of them were sick. (It was one of those days where I askedAriel “do you want orange juice or milk?” “Milk” I poured the milk and gave it to her and she says “I want juice.” So, I did give her juice and it wound up on the floor, so I was mopping the entire kitchen floor by 9:30am.) Ariel has had a cold for 10 days andRacecar started to get a cold this past Thursday. Racecar cried through breakfast andAriel coughed through breakfast. I decided to call the doctor. I called right at 9am and they told me to come in at noon. We had SO SO SO MUCH to do today, so I took the kids to one city that is 15 miles east of my house to run some necessary errands and then drove to another city 10 miles west of my house to see the doctor. Racecar’s temperature was at 100.2, on Tylenol andAriel’s temperature was good. Racecar essentially cried through the entire visit, which is just not like him. Ariel was given cough medicine and my poor, little baby boy was given an antibiotic for a double ear infection. I feel so bad for him. He really hasn’t eaten much and he’s so tired, but he won’t sleep unless it’s nap time or time for bed. My biggest concern (which those words do not even describe my feelings) isRacecar’s fever which has spiked to 104. Early today he was on both Tylelonol and ibuprofen and his temp was still 102.6. So, needless to say, this has been what I’ve been doing today. I feel so bad for him. (did I say that already?) His little lips are red and his head is so warm, but he’s the best boy in the world. I’ve attached some pictures from tonight and some pictures from his first day of Sunday School yesterday. I SWEAR I didn’t know he was this sick. I feel just terrible. But, what can you do?

Eating applesauce! YAY!! (103.5 degree fever in this picture)

He’s finally playing. This was after eating some dinner and eating yogurt and strawberries. 102 degree fever. I just love this picture.

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(this is a picture ofRacecar,Ariel and their friend Kevin from Sunday school, we went to getRacecar’s haircut after church and Kevin and his family were there. I loved the way the three kids played together.)