Oh My Lands.  (do people really say that?)  I am stuffed to the gill.  (do people really say that?)  Tonight we ordered pizza, some of my favorite pizza and I could not stop eating it.  Afterwards, I was trying to mop my kitchen while rolling around and well…it was tough considering I thought my stomach was going to rip open and pizza would come flying out like a volcano eruption.  It’s not comfortable, it’s stupid and I wish I wouldn’t do it, but pizza is so good. 

While cleaning and popping rolaids, I was thinking that pizza boxes should have warning labels on them like cigarettes do, it would read like this:

-The Surgeon General warns that pizza is freakin’ good.  Even reheated.
-The Surgeon General warns that if you like cheese or bread to stay away.
-The Surgeon General warns that if you like garlic to stay away.
-The Surgeon General warns that if you like to eat, do not, he repeats, do not eat this pizza.
-The Surgeon General warns that you may not move after eating.
-The Surgeon General warns that you will not eat just one two three pieces half of the pizza.
-The Surgeon General warns that even after eating half of the pizza, you will continue to eat the pizza.
-The Surgeon General warns if you are on your period or pregnant or a woman, to just stay away from the crap.
-The Surgeon General warns that if your husband takes the last piece without asking when you wanted it (even though you were not hungry at all) he may die or at least lose a finger.
-The Surgeon General warns that just because you only have one ginormous slice on your plate, that does not count as one serving, you idiot.
-The Surgeon General warns that you do not need two pizzas for two adults and two toddlers, you big fat pigs.
-The Surgeon General warns that you will have gas.  But he knows you won’t care.
-The Surgeon General warns that if you have garlic sauce and/or cheese sauce that comes with your pizza, that you will search for anyone’s leftover crust so you can dip it in the sauce.  You know it’s true. 
-The Surgeon General warns that if you can’t find someone’s leftover crust, you will eat another slice just to have the crust to dip in the garlic sauce.  You know that’s true. too.
-The Surgeon General warns it will cause you to walk around with your pants unbuttoned.  Even in public.
-The Surgeon General warns that even after reading this label, you will still stuff yourself silly.

Don’t even get me started on chocolate.

Share and Enjoy:
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Facebook
  • Mixx
  • Google Bookmarks