Dear James and Jake –
It’s been two weeks since I delivered you. I just wanted to tell you how much I miss having you inside of me. I miss eating for three. I miss waiting for your movements. I miss writing about how excited I was to have been blessed to have you.
I love how big I was with you, even though something as simple as sleeping was becoming increasingly difficult, I knew it meant that each day you were both becoming bigger and healthier.
I loved how when I became pregnant, I wondered how I would give up my coffee addiction, and you took care of that by making the smell make me sick.
I loved talking about you and telling the story about how we found out you were twins. I loved telling strangers that you were twins when they asked when the baby was due. I loved daydreaming about carrying two identical twins boys around in their car seats, to church, to the grocery store, to family get-togethers.
I loved picturing you two sleeping together in your crib, bringing each other peace and security. I loved thinking about having your pictures taken throughout your life with your identical twin uncles.
I loved daydreaming about the moment your older sister and your older brother saw you for the first time. I loved knowing that soon they would not even remember their lives without you in it. I loved knowing they would love you so much and you would be close and grow old together as siblings, as friends.
I loved imagining your Daddy holding you, one in each strong arm of his, seeing his pride and love for each of you.
I loved you, from the minute I learned of you and I will love you forever, with every part of my heart and soul.
I miss you.
And even though this pain is so deep and raw and as the tears steam down my face, I can say that I am so glad you are our babies. I’m glad that I was yours to provide you with a warm place to grow and to give you the nutrients you needed, if even for a little while. You will be ours forever and we will never, ever forget you and the joy you brought into our lives.
I have always believed that children choose their parents, I’ve thought this even before having my own children, it brings me comfort knowing you chose us, thank you for choosing us.
James and Jake, I hope you know how special you are.
I love you.