Today marks the start of spring break and although we will not be getting the ridiculous amount of snow they have predicted, there is still white crap on the ground which just makes me a little bit sadder than what I want to be.
But as I sit here wanting to go on and on about just how sad I am today, Racecar just came up to me and put his arm around my shoulders. His fingers are resting comfortably on my neck as he patiently waits for The Wonder Pets to end so he can begin playing Wii. Unfortunately, I just informed him that he could not play Wii right now, that he would have to wait another half an hour and his gentle hand has abruptly left my neck and he has fallen into a heap of tears on the floor.
Silly boy.
I need distraction today, I can feel it. I have a follow up appointment with my OB this afternoon, which will also include a pelvic examination, which makes me want to stick a fork in my eye. Quite honestly, though, I don’t care about the examination, I just care about walking into that building. That cold building that was the location of finding out that our dreams of raising twin boys was just that, a dream. When I even think about going there, I feel my body go numb and my heart races faster. I’m feeling anxious, very, very anxious. It bothers me so much that the place that I used to enjoy visiting so much, now holds so much darkness for me. I never would have thought.
So, maybe you can help me today. I’ve been thinking a lot about all of you and where you are, reading blogs, sipping on coffee, taking breaks from doing laundry, washing dirty faces or if you’ve just finished a report at your job and you looking for a break from work on this Friday before Easter. So, where are you? What state? What country? I’d love it if you told me where you were visiting from.
Or, you can just tell me how fast you can type. Either way, I want to learn something new about you. And yes, I mean YOU. Even those that have never commented before and those that think I don’t know you come to my blog, even people I know in real life, I’m always telling you things about me, but now it’s time for you to tell me something about you. Where you live, how fast you can type, your favorite food or your favorite color. Something, tell me something.
I could use the distraction. Thanks.
First I am so sorry about your twins. I read your blog daily but have never commented. I am a SAHM to 3 kids – 2 boys and a girl – they are 16, 15, and 11. I homeschool – except my middle son who goes to high school. Most days and hours I am overwhelmed with my life. And some days I am so overwhelmed – that I don’t know where to even begin – so I do nothing. I feel so guilty for that. My husband works out of state and for 2 years now – to pay the bills – we have lived apart. He came home for Easter and before that I hadn’t seen him since January 7th. I hate being here alone. And the sad thing is the bills still are barely getting paid. And I feel so terrible because as much as I do and have to do with the kids – I don’t make a dime to help. I pray for you. Liz
First I am so sorry about your twins. I read your blog daily but have never commented. I am a SAHM to 3 kids – 2 boys and a girl – they are 16, 15, and 11. I homeschool – except my middle son who goes to high school. Most days and hours I am overwhelmed with my life. And some days I am so overwhelmed – that I don’t know where to even begin – so I do nothing. I feel so guilty for that. My husband works out of state and for 2 years now – to pay the bills – we have lived apart. He came home for Easter and before that I hadn’t seen him since January 7th. I hate being here alone. And the sad thing is the bills still are barely getting paid. And I feel so terrible because as much as I do and have to do with the kids – I don’t make a dime to help. I pray for you. Liz
Okay Okay! Since you keep bringing it up, I will tell you something about me!! =)
I live just outside of Tulsa, OK and I have only the slightest hint of an accent. The most interesting thing about me is that I speak French, although it’s not the most useful language to know here in Oklahoma. I am funny and smart and a little bit weird. I am 37, although most days I feel like I am 22 (immature maybe?) and I certainly don’t act like I’m pushing 40! I have a husband and 3 kids who keep me laughing constantly and a boring job that if it didn’t pay so well, would make me cry! That is me in a nutshell, aren’t you glad you asked?!?! =)
Okay Okay! Since you keep bringing it up, I will tell you something about me!! =)
I live just outside of Tulsa, OK and I have only the slightest hint of an accent. The most interesting thing about me is that I speak French, although it’s not the most useful language to know here in Oklahoma. I am funny and smart and a little bit weird. I am 37, although most days I feel like I am 22 (immature maybe?) and I certainly don’t act like I’m pushing 40! I have a husband and 3 kids who keep me laughing constantly and a boring job that if it didn’t pay so well, would make me cry! That is me in a nutshell, aren’t you glad you asked?!?! =)
Hi Beth,
Thank you for your inspiration and honesty about your little boys….my prayers are with you.
I am a lurker from Columbia, Missouri.
I am a 5th grade teacher, have been married 5 years and have a black lab named Jack. I can type 79 words per minute…which could be better!
Hi Beth,
Thank you for your inspiration and honesty about your little boys….my prayers are with you.
I am a lurker from Columbia, Missouri.
I am a 5th grade teacher, have been married 5 years and have a black lab named Jack. I can type 79 words per minute…which could be better!
I live in Huntington, Indiana, i’ve been pregnant 6 times, 2 of which were heartbreaking miscarriages at 18 and 13 weeks, I am the mother of 4 girls that I cannot get enough hugs, kisses and cuddles from. We’re planning on keeping ko-tex in business:) Having more children sounds fun to me!:!: My husband is a chef and we own our own ice block/carving business. I enjoy your blog and I find myself saying little prayers for you everytime I log on to see how you are doing!
I live in Huntington, Indiana, i’ve been pregnant 6 times, 2 of which were heartbreaking miscarriages at 18 and 13 weeks, I am the mother of 4 girls that I cannot get enough hugs, kisses and cuddles from. We’re planning on keeping ko-tex in business:) Having more children sounds fun to me!:!: My husband is a chef and we own our own ice block/carving business. I enjoy your blog and I find myself saying little prayers for you everytime I log on to see how you are doing!
Hi Beth,
I am from Cleveland, Ms. I am a 54 Y/O grandmother of 3 boys, ages 12,5, & 17 Mo. Just found out by phone that the youngest just got his first shinner at daycare today. I don’t know what I did before them they are my life. My heart goes out to you and your family for the loss of your twins. I will and have prayed for you.
We had a little snow awhile back which is very unusual for this part of the country. Didn’t amount to much but was pretty and gone by noon the next day.
Thank you for letting me lurk around
Linda
Hi Beth,
I am from Cleveland, Ms. I am a 54 Y/O grandmother of 3 boys, ages 12,5, & 17 Mo. Just found out by phone that the youngest just got his first shinner at daycare today. I don’t know what I did before them they are my life. My heart goes out to you and your family for the loss of your twins. I will and have prayed for you.
We had a little snow awhile back which is very unusual for this part of the country. Didn’t amount to much but was pretty and gone by noon the next day.
Thank you for letting me lurk around
Linda
Hi,
I just recently started reading your blog through the Pinks & Blues Baby Shower. I am from Mishawaka, IN, am married to a wonderful man and have a two year old little girl named Briella.
Since I started coming here I have been a lurker but I guess I’ve changed that
. I wanted you to know that I am so sorry for your loss and have prayed for you every day. The fact that you are able to write about your experiences, thoughts, and feelings is very inspirational!
PS: I type 73 WPM!
Hi,
I just recently started reading your blog through the Pinks & Blues Baby Shower. I am from Mishawaka, IN, am married to a wonderful man and have a two year old little girl named Briella.
Since I started coming here I have been a lurker but I guess I’ve changed that
. I wanted you to know that I am so sorry for your loss and have prayed for you every day. The fact that you are able to write about your experiences, thoughts, and feelings is very inspirational!
PS: I type 73 WPM!
I typed 67 WPM, thought I would do better. Something about me that I dont tell a lot of people…I’m scared all of the time (or at least it feels that way). Scared of stuff I can’t control like my kids when they aren’t with me, the future etc.
I typed 67 WPM, thought I would do better. Something about me that I dont tell a lot of people…I’m scared all of the time (or at least it feels that way). Scared of stuff I can’t control like my kids when they aren’t with me, the future etc.
Hi there! I’m Liz and live in Plano, TX, and work in Dallas. I grew up in East Texas (Marshall) but have lived all over – from Tennessee, Kentucky and Missouri to Los Angeles. I’m married to a wonderful man I met on the Internet and he tolerates my love of knitting and my slight obssession with the tv – everything from LOST to “reality” stuff to my new favorite – Ghost Hunters.
I thought I was a good typist – but will not share my embarassing score.
Hi there! I’m Liz and live in Plano, TX, and work in Dallas. I grew up in East Texas (Marshall) but have lived all over – from Tennessee, Kentucky and Missouri to Los Angeles. I’m married to a wonderful man I met on the Internet and he tolerates my love of knitting and my slight obssession with the tv – everything from LOST to “reality” stuff to my new favorite – Ghost Hunters.
I thought I was a good typist – but will not share my embarassing score.
Hi! I’m Laura and have been a lurker for about a month now and I’ve never commented because I really just don’t know what to say. I’ll continue praying for you because that’s really all I know to do.
A bit about me: due to my husband being in the military, we currently live in beautiful Colorado Springs – I’m originally from the panhandle of Florida and he is from Australia (complete with accent and all!!). We have 2 boys, Jacob is 4 and Eli is almost 2 and I’m 14 weeks along with #3. I have had hypothyroidism since I was 12 and have to keep a close eye on it. I am a Legal Assistant and currently work from home and love staying home with my babies.
Hi! I’m Laura and have been a lurker for about a month now and I’ve never commented because I really just don’t know what to say. I’ll continue praying for you because that’s really all I know to do.
A bit about me: due to my husband being in the military, we currently live in beautiful Colorado Springs – I’m originally from the panhandle of Florida and he is from Australia (complete with accent and all!!). We have 2 boys, Jacob is 4 and Eli is almost 2 and I’m 14 weeks along with #3. I have had hypothyroidism since I was 12 and have to keep a close eye on it. I am a Legal Assistant and currently work from home and love staying home with my babies.
I’m Lori from Missouri and have been reading your blog for many months and only commented once – when you lost your beloved boys. I’m so sorry and am thinking and praying for you all the time.
I’ve been blogging over a year, but have been a terrible blogger lately.
I have one child – a son – Perry. He is an only because we wanted it that way. I do sometimes wished for another – only because I do believe he would benefit greatly having a sibling, but I’m too old to have another. And I do believe he will aspire to greatness, end up extremely wealthy and will provide for us in our older years!
I remember you one time talking about going to an Oprah show and I will be going to her show for my very first time on April 16th. Any suggestions or advice to share before we go?
I love your honesty and your zeal for blogging “no matter what.”
I’m Lori from Missouri and have been reading your blog for many months and only commented once – when you lost your beloved boys. I’m so sorry and am thinking and praying for you all the time.
I’ve been blogging over a year, but have been a terrible blogger lately.
I have one child – a son – Perry. He is an only because we wanted it that way. I do sometimes wished for another – only because I do believe he would benefit greatly having a sibling, but I’m too old to have another. And I do believe he will aspire to greatness, end up extremely wealthy and will provide for us in our older years!
I remember you one time talking about going to an Oprah show and I will be going to her show for my very first time on April 16th. Any suggestions or advice to share before we go?
I love your honesty and your zeal for blogging “no matter what.”
hi beth – i’m libby. i have been reading your blog for a little over 4 weeks now…i heard about your blog from new diva on the blog and have been thinking and praying for you ever since. anyway, i live in boston (originally from michigan) with my husband, our three maniacle dogs (brittany spaniels) and our two horses (well, they don’t live WITH us, we board them at a riding barn about 2 miles from our house!). we got married almost 4 years ago. we met out here in boston about a year after we moved here (me from michigan, he from st. louis).
i’m a compliance officer for a private equity firm and my husband owns his own consulting company. recently had a loss of my own when my father passed away on january 29th – the day before his 80th birthday…and i know how you feel about therapy and feeling completely and utterly drained afterward…it helped a little for me but i just was too drained by it to continue past a couple of months when i went. anyway, take care, and know that there are so many of us out here thinking about you….
hi beth – i’m libby. i have been reading your blog for a little over 4 weeks now…i heard about your blog from new diva on the blog and have been thinking and praying for you ever since. anyway, i live in boston (originally from michigan) with my husband, our three maniacle dogs (brittany spaniels) and our two horses (well, they don’t live WITH us, we board them at a riding barn about 2 miles from our house!). we got married almost 4 years ago. we met out here in boston about a year after we moved here (me from michigan, he from st. louis).
i’m a compliance officer for a private equity firm and my husband owns his own consulting company. recently had a loss of my own when my father passed away on january 29th – the day before his 80th birthday…and i know how you feel about therapy and feeling completely and utterly drained afterward…it helped a little for me but i just was too drained by it to continue past a couple of months when i went. anyway, take care, and know that there are so many of us out here thinking about you….
I type 73 words per minute and that was really stressful for me, so I won’t ever do that again. Ever. Some random things about me…my brother and sister call me Annie and their kids call me Aunt Annie and I love it.
I don’t like to drink coffee but I love the bottled Starbucks mocha drinks.
My parents divorced when I was 18. They were married for 30 years.
I married young probably to be rebellious about that. But I don’t regret it. Mike and I have a strong marriage and I really respect and love him.
I’m a terrible shopper. I seem to only buy what the manequin is wearing.
I’m okay with being curvy but I hate having big arms.
Yesterday a friend told me that I spend too much time behind my blog, that I should get out more.
I love candy. Runts, sweetarts, skittles, you name it.
I’m not a fan of gourmet organic chocolate.
I love going to baseball games in the summer – the smell of beer, popcorn and cigarettes reminds me of when I was a kid. Ha! That came out wrong.
That was fun, Beth. Thanks for the invite to do this. Hope you’re having a good moment tonight. Praying for you.
I type 73 words per minute and that was really stressful for me, so I won’t ever do that again. Ever. Some random things about me…my brother and sister call me Annie and their kids call me Aunt Annie and I love it.
I don’t like to drink coffee but I love the bottled Starbucks mocha drinks.
My parents divorced when I was 18. They were married for 30 years.
I married young probably to be rebellious about that. But I don’t regret it. Mike and I have a strong marriage and I really respect and love him.
I’m a terrible shopper. I seem to only buy what the manequin is wearing.
I’m okay with being curvy but I hate having big arms.
Yesterday a friend told me that I spend too much time behind my blog, that I should get out more.
I love candy. Runts, sweetarts, skittles, you name it.
I’m not a fan of gourmet organic chocolate.
I love going to baseball games in the summer – the smell of beer, popcorn and cigarettes reminds me of when I was a kid. Ha! That came out wrong.
That was fun, Beth. Thanks for the invite to do this. Hope you’re having a good moment tonight. Praying for you.
I type 85 words per minute. I’m in Nashville. My boyfriend broke up with me today. He said we weren’t right for each other and I know he’s right but it still hurts. My eyes are still stinging from crying. But when I found your site and saw the “m’kay?” and a reference to “Women Are from Mars, Men Are Just Stupid”, I laughed out loud and am still smiling. So, thank you. I like your writing. My blog isn’t very interesting lately and I’m realizing that maybe I should just write about myself the way you do. It’s much more interesting than a particular topic (I write on small-home and city living).
I was reading your post about needing therapy for therapy. I can totally relate. The tipping point with my relationship was that I went to see my boyfriend’s therapist because I’m desperate to find someone cool and, even though he didn’t want me to go to her, I was desperate to connect with someone. He saw it as a very serious betrayal. I don’t blame him but it wasn’t my intention to hurt him.
I type 85 words per minute. I’m in Nashville. My boyfriend broke up with me today. He said we weren’t right for each other and I know he’s right but it still hurts. My eyes are still stinging from crying. But when I found your site and saw the “m’kay?” and a reference to “Women Are from Mars, Men Are Just Stupid”, I laughed out loud and am still smiling. So, thank you. I like your writing. My blog isn’t very interesting lately and I’m realizing that maybe I should just write about myself the way you do. It’s much more interesting than a particular topic (I write on small-home and city living).
I was reading your post about needing therapy for therapy. I can totally relate. The tipping point with my relationship was that I went to see my boyfriend’s therapist because I’m desperate to find someone cool and, even though he didn’t want me to go to her, I was desperate to connect with someone. He saw it as a very serious betrayal. I don’t blame him but it wasn’t my intention to hurt him.
Chiming in late, but my mom always said, better late than never, so here goes! I am in Connecticut right now, while my husband finishes up grad school. In May, we will move to Houston for his job. I stay home with our two boys, 3.5 and 2. My biggest dilemma right now is homeschool vs. preschool.
I pray for you. I’ve cried for you. I could cry now, if you want.
Chiming in late, but my mom always said, better late than never, so here goes! I am in Connecticut right now, while my husband finishes up grad school. In May, we will move to Houston for his job. I stay home with our two boys, 3.5 and 2. My biggest dilemma right now is homeschool vs. preschool.
I pray for you. I’ve cried for you. I could cry now, if you want.
Chiming in late, but my mom always said, better late than never, so here goes! I am in Connecticut right now, while my husband finishes up grad school. In May, we will move to Houston for his job. I stay home with our two boys, 3.5 and 2. My biggest dilemma right now is homeschool vs. preschool.
I pray for you. I’ve cried for you. I could cry now, if you want.
Chiming in late, but my mom always said, better late than never, so here goes! I am in Connecticut right now, while my husband finishes up grad school. In May, we will move to Houston for his job. I stay home with our two boys, 3.5 and 2. My biggest dilemma right now is homeschool vs. preschool.
I pray for you. I’ve cried for you. I could cry now, if you want.
Chiming in late, but my mom always said, better late than never, so here goes! I am in Connecticut right now, while my husband finishes up grad school. In May, we will move to Houston for his job. I stay home with our two boys, 3.5 and 2. My biggest dilemma right now is homeschool vs. preschool.
I pray for you. I’ve cried for you. I could cry now, if you want.
Chiming in late, but my mom always said, better late than never, so here goes! I am in Connecticut right now, while my husband finishes up grad school. In May, we will move to Houston for his job. I stay home with our two boys, 3.5 and 2. My biggest dilemma right now is homeschool vs. preschool.
I pray for you. I’ve cried for you. I could cry now, if you want.
I have never read your blog, but my sister sent me the link. I live in Indiana and have 4 kids. I work part time at a hospital. I don’t know how many words i can type per minute. I have a blog also, kathyssmallworld.blogspot.com
I have never read your blog, but my sister sent me the link. I live in Indiana and have 4 kids. I work part time at a hospital. I don’t know how many words i can type per minute. I have a blog also, kathyssmallworld.blogspot.com
Hey Beth,
Today you just recently visited the laboratory and gave me this website to view. I want to apologize again for the uncomfortable situation. I feel horrible. I read all of your blogs and you are an incredible person. I had to do my best not to cry because I have a son who is going to be three soon. I just know what it was like to be pregnant with him and go through all the emotions that come along with it. He is here yes, but it still hurts my heart to know what you had to go through. It had to be hard and it still must be hard for you at times. You seem like a strong woman. I just want you to know I will pray for you and your family. Take care and once again I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m sure I will see you again in the near future. Thank you for giving me this website it means alot to me.
Megan
Hey Beth,
Today you just recently visited the laboratory and gave me this website to view. I want to apologize again for the uncomfortable situation. I feel horrible. I read all of your blogs and you are an incredible person. I had to do my best not to cry because I have a son who is going to be three soon. I just know what it was like to be pregnant with him and go through all the emotions that come along with it. He is here yes, but it still hurts my heart to know what you had to go through. It had to be hard and it still must be hard for you at times. You seem like a strong woman. I just want you to know I will pray for you and your family. Take care and once again I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I’m sure I will see you again in the near future. Thank you for giving me this website it means alot to me.
Megan
Hi Beth, I am a lurker as well and found yours from another blog I read. I am a mother of 3 from VA. I work part time as a nurse and I love coffee as well:)
You and your family have been in my prayers. I truly can’t imagine what you are going through, but I think you are very strong and your posts are so real.
Hi Beth, I am a lurker as well and found yours from another blog I read. I am a mother of 3 from VA. I work part time as a nurse and I love coffee as well:)
You and your family have been in my prayers. I truly can’t imagine what you are going through, but I think you are very strong and your posts are so real.