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Archive for April 2008 – Page 3

What can you do?

April 23rd, 2008

People often ask what they can do to help.  I usually say "nothing" or "just pray for strength and please, please do not forget my boys."

Never in a million years did I think I could experience a loss like we have.  We never thought we would be the ones grieving, we never thought we would be the ones going to the funeral home to plan a memorial service.  We only had visions of sleepless nights, blue blankies, and baby toys scattered across the living room floor.  What we would give to have those sleepless nights and the messy floor.   

But it did happen to us and the reality is, it could happen to you, your sister, your cousin, your best friend or your daughter, and I don’t want that.  I will do what I can do try to stop others from experiencing this type of loss by raising money for the March of Dimes.

You all have helped me so much with your kind words of support through this blog, but now is when I need your help in helping me make a difference- you can help me by donating to the March for Babies. On April 27th, my family, friends and I will be walking six miles in honor of James and Jake, my dear friend’s daughter Lydia Grace, my niece, Grace and nephew, Jonathon, and ALL babies who left this beautiful earth too early or those that were born prematurely or with birth defects.

I can’t stand that I lost James and Jake and I’m going to do something about it.  Walking on April 27th will not bring them back, but I will be comforted knowing I am doing what I can do make a difference.   It is my hope that you will help me by donating.

**To everyone who has donated so far, we THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts for honoring our boys with your donation.  We are amazed and touched by your generosity.  (click here to see our team’s outstanding progress.) **  My goal is $3,000 – I am almost there.

If you live in the Northwest Indiana area and would like to join our walk, it’s not too late – click here.  We would be honored to walk with you.

I hope you consider helping my team to REACH & EXCEED our goal – every dollar truly does make a difference.

You can donate by clicking here – credit cards, paypal or checks made out to The March of Dimes are accepted.

With all of my heart and soul, I thank you.

AHF NDF Team James & Jake

AHF NDF Team James & Jake 1

A post

April 23rd, 2008

I have a post over here.

I am that woman

April 21st, 2008

Ever since losing James and Jake, I have been to my OB’s office many times.  As I mentioned before, she is trying to lower by blood pressure and work out a few other medication changes.  My doctor is a great doctor, an amazing woman, she keeps a close eye on me. 

However good my doctor is, I can’t get over how emotionally draining it is to drive to the office, walk up to the window, sign my name and sit down.

Next to other pregnant women.  Pregnant women who I can only hope know how lucky they are.  Pregnant women I silently pray for, praying they will have healthy and happy pregnancies and I pray they know what a miracle their babies truly are.

Sometimes I smile at them, but mostly I sit and stare at the wall.  My heart breaking, my pulse increasing, tears trying to escape my eyes.  The anxiety is palpable.  Painful.

But every visit since losing the twins, the nurse opens the door just moments after my arrival and says "Beth."  She looks at me, deep into my eyes and says "how are you?"

I walk in, I say "fine," (although I’d love to reply with "I’m really shitty, please take this pain away, please give me my boys back.  IT’S A DREAM, I KNOW IT’S A DREAM!!!!!!!")  She escorts me into a little room, where I sit.

You see, it wasn’t my turn to be called back, my name was called before the rest of the patients because my doctor and her nurse do not want me to experience the agony of sitting next to other pregnant women. 

So, my wait, which still exists, takes place in a sterile, cold room.  I’m alone.  I prefer it that way.

I often think about how I would have reacted, way back when, if a patient were called into the doctor’s office before me, after I had been waiting for too long already.  I would have become angry and impatient, I certainly would have scowled.

But I will never scowl again.

I am that woman.  The woman that gets called in before you. 

I would give anything to be the woman who gets to wait.

Bloggy Giveaways *comments are closed*

April 21st, 2008

Okay, fine.  I’ll participate in the giveaways, stop twisting my arm.

I am giving away a $20 McDonald’s gift card.  (I prefer you use it on coffee, but if you want to buy a Big Mac, that’s fine by me.)

Just leave a comment.  GOOD LUCK!

Winner will be announced on Friday morning, comments will be closed Thursday night at 10:00 pm CST.  For more giveaways, go here.

So, I like California

April 21st, 2008

It’s true, I heart California.

I like the people, I like the food, I enjoy the expensive margaritas, the expensive cosmos, the expensive chocolate, the cheap burgers, the cheap hot dogs, the nice people, the crazy homeless people, the crazy people who are not homeless, the crazy Moms forcing their kids to stay up at downtown Disney at 11:00 P.M., even though the child is crying to go home and go to bed, I enjoy the shopping, I like the people singing on the streets (they seem to have more talent than those in Chicago – I’m just sayin’), I love the landscape.

Oh my God – the landscape.  Breathtaking.  Beautiful.

Pacific Coast Highway - stunning

outside the getty

What I don’t love is waiting two hours for a damn hot dog.

pinks = 2 hour wait.  whatever.

The line wrapped completely around that second building and went waaaaay back to the back of the building.  I still don’t know if it was worth that long of a wait – but it was good.  I am glad we did it.

pinks dogs

and I don’t love paying $3 for 20 ounces of water.

But that’s okay, I’ll do it anyway.

I appreciate the strange.

cool dog

blue balls

I love the diversity.

I can’t wait to come back.

For now, however, I have coffee to drink, donuts to eat and a plane to catch.  See you in Indiana.  If you don’t recognize me, I’ll be the one who just gained 12 pounds eating chocolate and chili cheese dogs and drinking $12 margaritas.  You can’t miss me.

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