I approach this Mother’s Day in a way that I never knew possible. I think back to last year when my biggest concern was if Brian was going to offer to take us out to breakfast or would I have to suggest it?
I didn’t know how unimportant that really was.
My foundation, my beliefs, my soul have been rocked. My life flipped upside down and shaken – it’s contents flying about. As a person, a woman, a mother, I’m no longer certain. I ache. I realize I am not in control
When I think of James and Jake, I feel their love immensely. I sense their guidance, although they were with us for such a short time, I would rather have known them a little, than not known them at all. How does that saying go? It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?
It is so painfully true.
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and the day I would have turned thirty weeks pregnant. It’s almost too much for me to be able to handle, I am feeling so much emotion right now. My sister and I just went to Kohl’s and the sight of infant boys summer clothes hanging on a rack with clearance tags nearly brought me to my knees. I swim in sadness, but somehow, my love for my family and those tiny boys is bigger than anything I could ever imagined. Somehow, someway, my heart and my life are full, although empty.
Back on February 26, 2008, if I had even imagined what my Mother’s Day would have been like, I would have seen myself in the fetal position, crying out, clutching my heart. I would have wanted to skip over this celebration of Mothers and landed on the day after.
But I can’t. I am here. Ariel and Racecar are here. James and Jake are in my heart – where they belong, for the rest of my life. Although it’s not how I want to mother them, just in my heart, it’s all I have and I will take all I can get.
It is my hope for you, whether you are expecting your first or your
fifth child, whether you are trying to conceive or are adopting, whether your
children or your child are in heaven or here on earth, it is my wish
that you feel the love that surrounds you on this day. That you see how special you are. It is my hope that you comprehend the enormity of being a
Mom. and the miracle growing inside of you, if you are pregnant. The importance of your role is not only significant in your
children’s lives and your husband’s life, but yours and other mothers.
Realize the good. Accept the difficult. Embrace the noise, the mess,
the tantrums, the diapers, the late nights.
They will not last forever – now is
your time. Hold it tight, it is so very precious.
Happy Mother’s Day.
The howling wind woke me up – I was thinking about you and your roller coaster year. I was also thinking about the strength you have taught me. I am 32 weeks with my first and your words really hit me, Thanks you! I want to be a GREAT mother like you are. Your love and courage are very inspiring. I complain less and listen more – for that I am a stronger person. I am a mother – although she is still inside me for 6-7 more weeks. I even forgot that my birthday falls the day after mother’s day this – because mommy’s birthdays don’t really matter. What’s with that – I used to live for my birthday and celebrate for a month! I now celebrate every day that true miracle and blassing inside of me. THANKS YOU FOR YOUR STRENGTH AND COURAGE! HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
The howling wind woke me up – I was thinking about you and your roller coaster year. I was also thinking about the strength you have taught me. I am 32 weeks with my first and your words really hit me, Thanks you! I want to be a GREAT mother like you are. Your love and courage are very inspiring. I complain less and listen more – for that I am a stronger person. I am a mother – although she is still inside me for 6-7 more weeks. I even forgot that my birthday falls the day after mother’s day this – because mommy’s birthdays don’t really matter. What’s with that – I used to live for my birthday and celebrate for a month! I now celebrate every day that true miracle and blassing inside of me. THANKS YOU FOR YOUR STRENGTH AND COURAGE! HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
Please excuse the typos…. it is 3AM!
Please excuse the typos…. it is 3AM!
Beth, your experience HAS reminded me of the miracle and I feel that I look at things in a whole new way. You’re right- whether it’s your first or your last, whether you are newly pregnant or an old granny, it is always a miracle. Life is a miracle.
Happy Mother’s Day to one of the most beautiful inside-and-out mothers I know.
Love,
Steph
Beth, your experience HAS reminded me of the miracle and I feel that I look at things in a whole new way. You’re right- whether it’s your first or your last, whether you are newly pregnant or an old granny, it is always a miracle. Life is a miracle.
Happy Mother’s Day to one of the most beautiful inside-and-out mothers I know.
Love,
Steph
Thank you for your comment on my blog page. Also, thank you for your beautiful way of reminding all mums to value the moments and to recognize the love around us. Have a beautiful day.
Thank you for your comment on my blog page. Also, thank you for your beautiful way of reminding all mums to value the moments and to recognize the love around us. Have a beautiful day.
Aloha Beth,
First, I would like to thank you for that sweet reply you sent me on e-mail as a reply to my comment here. That touched me and it is such an encouragement to me.
Second,thank you for this post, for letting us know how you are doing on Mothers Day, because I and been thinking of you .. and know that you’d be missing Jake and James especially on this day.
I posted a song on my blog called “Cry Out To Jesus”. I pray that as you feel the pain of missing your dear twin boys, you will be comforted as you cry out to Jesus.
http://www.lizas-eyeview.com/2008/05/cry-out-to-jesus-third-day.html
Aloha Beth,
First, I would like to thank you for that sweet reply you sent me on e-mail as a reply to my comment here. That touched me and it is such an encouragement to me.
Second,thank you for this post, for letting us know how you are doing on Mothers Day, because I and been thinking of you .. and know that you’d be missing Jake and James especially on this day.
I posted a song on my blog called “Cry Out To Jesus”. I pray that as you feel the pain of missing your dear twin boys, you will be comforted as you cry out to Jesus.
http://www.lizas-eyeview.com/2008/05/cry-out-to-jesus-third-day.html
Happy Mother’s Day! You bless your family and the whole world each and every day.
Much love,
Sharon
Happy Mother’s Day! You bless your family and the whole world each and every day.
Much love,
Sharon
Hugs – Love you, Beth.
Hugs – Love you, Beth.
Happy Mother’s Day my sweet friend. Enjoy you’re day.
Love,
Christy
Happy Mother’s Day my sweet friend. Enjoy you’re day.
Love,
Christy
You always seem to have the right words Beth. Simply another wonderful, touching post straight from your heart. Enjoy this special day.
You always seem to have the right words Beth. Simply another wonderful, touching post straight from your heart. Enjoy this special day.
Happy Mother’s Day.
What a beautiful post!
I prayed for you today.
Happy Mother’s Day.
What a beautiful post!
I prayed for you today.
What a beautiful reminder. Your writing is amazing.
Happy Mother’s Day
What a beautiful reminder. Your writing is amazing.
Happy Mother’s Day
Happy Mother’s Day to you. Thank you for such a raw, honest post. I recently had a miscarriage and this day is hard for me too as I imagine what could have been. Thank you for sharing.
Happy Mother’s Day to you. Thank you for such a raw, honest post. I recently had a miscarriage and this day is hard for me too as I imagine what could have been. Thank you for sharing.
Beautiful post. Hugs to you and all that you do for others.
Beautiful post. Hugs to you and all that you do for others.
I’ll be thinking of you all day, B. Enjoy your Sunday with your family. XOXO Sarah
I’ll be thinking of you all day, B. Enjoy your Sunday with your family. XOXO Sarah
Beth,
I have a million things that I would love to say to you but nothing that I can say will change the way that you feel inside. I don’t understand why your time with your beautiful boys was cut short. I don’t understand the way you feel inside. Just being on the outside and reading your posts makes my heart hurt so bad!! You know my story and I want you to know that I think that I met you so that I would know that I need to just enjoy each day that this baby is growing inside of me. I don’t know if today is the last day or if I will have many days to come but I am going to appreciate the time that I have. You are such a wonderful and amazing woman and mother. James, Jake, Ariel and Racecar are so lucky to have such a wonderful mommy. You make me want to be a better mother and to just enjoy each day with my children. Thank you so much for opening my eyes and making me see how much I have. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! May god bless you!
Beth,
I have a million things that I would love to say to you but nothing that I can say will change the way that you feel inside. I don’t understand why your time with your beautiful boys was cut short. I don’t understand the way you feel inside. Just being on the outside and reading your posts makes my heart hurt so bad!! You know my story and I want you to know that I think that I met you so that I would know that I need to just enjoy each day that this baby is growing inside of me. I don’t know if today is the last day or if I will have many days to come but I am going to appreciate the time that I have. You are such a wonderful and amazing woman and mother. James, Jake, Ariel and Racecar are so lucky to have such a wonderful mommy. You make me want to be a better mother and to just enjoy each day with my children. Thank you so much for opening my eyes and making me see how much I have. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! May god bless you!
Beth,
I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day.
Hear the birds, feel the love and continue to grow in strength.
All my bloggin’ love,
CE
Beth,
I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day.
Hear the birds, feel the love and continue to grow in strength.
All my bloggin’ love,
CE
What a beautiful post…it gave me goosebumps! I hope you have a great Mother’s Day with Ariel and Racecar by your side and James and Jake close by in your heart!
What a beautiful post…it gave me goosebumps! I hope you have a great Mother’s Day with Ariel and Racecar by your side and James and Jake close by in your heart!
Thinking of you today. Loving this post.
We do remember those things. We remember to cherish what we have, for however long we have it. And we remember James and Jake and their perfection and their huge impact on this world. Not just on you, but on all of us.
Much love, dear friend.
`A
Thinking of you today. Loving this post.
We do remember those things. We remember to cherish what we have, for however long we have it. And we remember James and Jake and their perfection and their huge impact on this world. Not just on you, but on all of us.
Much love, dear friend.
`A
All I can say is hugs for you Beth. And Happy Mother’s Day. You are really the most incredible mother I have ever met. Seriously.
All I can say is hugs for you Beth. And Happy Mother’s Day. You are really the most incredible mother I have ever met. Seriously.
You are one of the strongest and most amazing mothers I know, Beth. I love you very much!
Have a blessed Mother’s Day.
You are one of the strongest and most amazing mothers I know, Beth. I love you very much!
Have a blessed Mother’s Day.
Hi Beth –
I am motivated to leave my safe comforts of lurkerville to tell you thank you for this post. When my daughters (now 2, 4, and 6) were born, I gave up a potentially very lucrative (and very time consuming) position as owner of a business to become a MUCH lower paid, 2 day a week employee of that business. Yesterday, I had to attend a meeting of all of us — owners and employees. As I surveyed the current stats about what I would be making vs. what I am making, I felt discouraged. I could practically have paid for my kids education by now and instead we are living paycheck to paycheck JUST so I can be home most of the time with the kids. I was second guessing my choice and feeling like it was selfish and stupid. Then I read your post and I remembered why I made this choice and why it is exactly right. They will only be this little for a very short time and if I miss that, I miss everything. Thank you for reminding me of that. Have a wonderful mother’s day hugging Ariel and Racecar!
Hi Beth –
I am motivated to leave my safe comforts of lurkerville to tell you thank you for this post. When my daughters (now 2, 4, and 6) were born, I gave up a potentially very lucrative (and very time consuming) position as owner of a business to become a MUCH lower paid, 2 day a week employee of that business. Yesterday, I had to attend a meeting of all of us — owners and employees. As I surveyed the current stats about what I would be making vs. what I am making, I felt discouraged. I could practically have paid for my kids education by now and instead we are living paycheck to paycheck JUST so I can be home most of the time with the kids. I was second guessing my choice and feeling like it was selfish and stupid. Then I read your post and I remembered why I made this choice and why it is exactly right. They will only be this little for a very short time and if I miss that, I miss everything. Thank you for reminding me of that. Have a wonderful mother’s day hugging Ariel and Racecar!
This is beautiful, Beth. I can’t think of anything I could possibly add.
Happy Mother’s Day.
This is beautiful, Beth. I can’t think of anything I could possibly add.
Happy Mother’s Day.
I hadn’t had a chance to visit for awhile, so I had no idea what you’ve been through. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I hope that you can still have a happy mother’s day while remembering the babies who aren’t with you physically. I can’t imagine the emotions you must be feeling…
I hadn’t had a chance to visit for awhile, so I had no idea what you’ve been through. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I hope that you can still have a happy mother’s day while remembering the babies who aren’t with you physically. I can’t imagine the emotions you must be feeling…
I think people overlook the bittersweetness of Mother’s Day for those who have lost children, mothers, or friends that they consider “moms” to them. It can be such a hard day for those of us that are missing someone.
I am thinking of you, Beth!
I think people overlook the bittersweetness of Mother’s Day for those who have lost children, mothers, or friends that they consider “moms” to them. It can be such a hard day for those of us that are missing someone.
I am thinking of you, Beth!
Prayers going out to you today, Heather. Happy Mother’s Day…
Prayers going out to you today, Heather. Happy Mother’s Day…