Do you want to hear a really weird, bizarre, long winded story?  You do?  I’m so glad.

We moved into our last home on August 1, 2003.  The house was brand new, no yard, no landscaping, just like this one.  I waited until July of 2004 to do the landscaping because I was pregnant and very large and grouchy, with the puffiest fingers anyone has ever seen, so we waited.  During that year, my sister lost her baby, Jonathon.  She was 22 weeks along. 

My Mom and I decided to tackle the landscaping on our own.  I happen to think my Mom is a Landscape Genius, but she disagrees.  While shopping for plants I came across the most peculiar looking tree, it was small, unique and it was a perfect tree to become my Jonathon tree.  I had a brick made with his initials on it and placed the brick underneath that tree.  It was the perfect place, the perfect tree, it was all perfect.  That tree became my favorite part of the garden and I LOVED my garden, so that says a lot.  Unfortunately, when we bought the tree, we didn’t even know the name of it, as it had no tags.

When we sold our house, my first point of panic came when I thought about leaving that tree and the rest of my landscaping, for that matter.  Every Mother’s Day, I planted something new, one year I planted two lilac trees beneath my kitchen window (a dream of mine.)  Another year I planted a beautiful purple clematis, that just this year climbed the sides of my deck with vigor, it was gorgeous.  So, leaving my landscaping was more than just leaving my landscaping, it was leaving a little piece of my heart at that house.

I am okay with that, after meeting the new owners.  The wife is an avid landscaper, which makes me happy.  We discussed my plants and what they meant to me, specifically that tree.  I told her about James and Jake and she looked deep into my eyes and listened and understood.  We connected.  It was amazing.  She was meant for our house.

But now here I am, wanting to begin the landscape "adventure" all over again.  I worked with the landscaper, who put in our yard, and he and I created and prepared the beds, with beautiful dirt just waiting to hold and nurture some vibrant black-eyed Susans or protect the hostas from the harsh cold during the winter.

At our last house, Brian dug out all of the beds and it took many hours of back breaking labor, so he was quite pleased with the work the landscapers did.  I am quite, pleased, too.

I want to plant two trees for James and Jake, I want them to be the same trees I planted for Jonathon, the problem?  I don’t know what kind of tree it was.  I knew it was some sort of crabapple and that’s about it.

On Thursday, I began my search for the trees, no luck.  Then yesterday afternoon, I stopped at a landscape place, kinda out in the country.  I went there and talked with someone and they had lots of crabapples.  It didn’t take us long to find THE tree.  It’s called a lollipop crabapple.  It had crabapples on it, which surprised me because I didn’t remember ever seeing crabapples on the ground.  I told her this and she said "that’s because birds eat them in the fall and in the winter."

I thought, "of course they do, what an absolutely perfect tree to plant for James and Jake, as birds thrive off of its fruit in the colder months."  Birds which remind me so much of my precious boys. (and always have.)

Unfortunately, there was only one.  I discussed with her having personalized bricks created , this is the same place I bought one four years ago.  We walked into the building and she asked me what color brick I wanted.  I told her I didn’t really pay attention to the colors and told her I would go back outside to look.  I did and on my way back to the store, I saw it, the other lollipop crabapple.

I came in and told her there was another one and she said "no, that’s a lilac tree."  I told her she was wrong and she agreed.

But, both of these trees were so expensive that I couldn’t even bring myself to buy one of them without searching every other landscape place in Northwest Indiana, I wish I could have just taken them and thrown them into the back of the van, but they just cost too much.

My plan was to continue looking for the trees this morning.

Well, last night, another blogger who lives in this area left a comment saying she drove past a landscape place and thought of me, the sign in front said "if your name is Beth or Brian, come in for a free rose."

My name.  My husband’s name.

I e-mailed her and asked her where the place was.  She replied and would you believe it was the EXACT place I had found the two trees and ordered the stones with their names engraved on them.

Ever since losing James and Jake I have decided to try to follow what is meant to be.  To not fight anything, to just go with the flow. 

I have no doubt, these two trees are meant to be and I know that James and Jake agree.