In a World Surrounded by Men
ByToday’s guest poster is Laurie from Utah Sweeney’s. Laurie is a very fun writer with a great sense of humor. You can find her blogging relugarly at In a World Surrounded by Men (and she is, too, she has four sons!)
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My brother in-law was aghast at a recent post that I wrote where I quoted him saying something questionable about my youngest brother. It wasn’t anything bad, in fact, I think my little brother would have thought that it was as funny as I did. But my sister immediately replied to her husband that he must guard what he says around me because everything is in the running for potential blog material.
I admit that is true. If you’re reading this, I’m sure you can understand that writing a blog means seeing everyday life activities in potentially post-able segments.
Let me just say that I am not a scrapbooker and my baby books have fallen by the wayside, so starting my blog not only allowed me an outlet to write, but also created memories to keep and recreated laughter from those “special moments” that otherwise might have been forgotten over time.
All that being said, I think my boys will agree someday that their young lives were viewed in “posts” and I hope they can laugh with me rather than take revenge!
When adults become parents we start to explore and decide on our parenting philosophies. For example, will we let our baby cry himself to sleep or will we soothe him? Will we spank? Will we allow him to watch television and if so, what can he watch and how often?
Parents have some big decisions to make!
One of the discussions my husband and I had as new parents was regarding our approach to sex education. It started with whether we would call private parts by their true names, or something different. Would we have “the talk” at a certain age, or would we casually introduce it over time?
Although we both had different experiences growing up, we easily agreed that we didn’t want it to be a forbidden, secret or embarrassing topic in our family. We call body parts for what they are and when our boys were old enough to ask a question, we felt they were old enough to know the answer. The goal was to not act embarrassed or uncomfortable about the subject. We wanted them to feel like they could ask us anything.
In the times we live in, I felt strongly that I would rather our boys hear the truth from me than from a giggly schoolmate on the bus someday. I would rather our boys not be surprised and possibly even give accurate information to a peer when the subject comes up.
Most of all, I want them to know that the actual act of sex is not purely physical, but emotional and psychological. An act created by God for such intimacy between a man and a woman should be sacred, because otherwise, it has serious consequences.
Follow through is sometimes the hard part.
Our oldest son started asking somewhat detailed questions on this subject a few months after our fourth son was born. I felt alright about this because he was seven years old and is such the thinker in our family. He processes information until there is nothing else to wonder about, so I wasn’t surprised to hear the question.
“Mom, I was wondering, I know the sperm and the egg make the baby. But how does the sperm from the daddy get into the mommy’s body?”
Gulp.
At that moment my stomach dropped into my big toe. I had danced around the subject during my entire pregnancy by giving simple answers about the egg from the mommy and the sperm from the daddy coming together to make a baby.
BUT, I had prepared for this as well. Some time ago, I bought a book for the five to eight year old age group called “Before I Was Born” by Carolyn Nystrom. It is very upfront and tells the entire story from beginning to end, sparing no details and in a way that is considerate of the sacredness of sex.
So, that afternoon while his brothers were all down for a rest time, I sat down and read it to him. I explained that he was now old enough to know all about this special part of life, but that it was only for parents to tell their own children and at the right time.
Translation: don’t go telling your friends or little brothers about this.
I worked hard at reading very casually, and when we were done I asked if he had any questions.
“Yeah mom, I have one question.”
“Sure buddy, you can ask me anything.”
“Did you and Dad put your privates together?”
(I did not see that one coming!)
“Well, is that how babies are made?”
“Yeah.”
“So, yes. That’s how we got you and your brothers.”
“OK.”
And off to play he went without another word about it. Mission accomplished. I think.
This memory came to mind yesterday when my second son who just turned six came to me with a picture he had drawn. He had his birthday on his mind, so he had drawn a picture of Daddy, his big brother and me with a big tummy with a little stick figure inside of it.
“That’s me in your tummy!” he said.
“I loved having you in my tummy,” I replied.
Then I noticed all these little dots around the baby in my belly.
“What are these dots?” I asked.
“Those are the spears,” he answered.
“The what?”
“You know, the spears that mix with the egg.”
“Oh, you mean the sperm!”
“Yeah, the sperm.” He walked away giggling.
I think the trickle-down effect has kicked in and I have another story time coming up!
Oh… how I laughed! And laughed! I have 4 grown children and now 9 grandchildren… and I still remember “the talk” with our oldest son when I was expecting our youngest daughter. He was 8. He asked something like… “My friend said… ” It was pretty graphic! We gave him as much info as we thought he could internalize, but still be very informed. I wish I had written the exact conversation. I so think your generation has the remarkable ability to capture these precious moments in time… keep doing it. Some people understand blogging. Some don’t. Blog on… !
Oh… how I laughed! And laughed! I have 4 grown children and now 9 grandchildren… and I still remember “the talk” with our oldest son when I was expecting our youngest daughter. He was 8. He asked something like… “My friend said… ” It was pretty graphic! We gave him as much info as we thought he could internalize, but still be very informed. I wish I had written the exact conversation. I so think your generation has the remarkable ability to capture these precious moments in time… keep doing it. Some people understand blogging. Some don’t. Blog on… !
great post, I might have to check this book out. Thanks!
great post, I might have to check this book out. Thanks!
Hi Laurie!
So fun that you got to be a guest here
Great post. I’ll definitely check into that book, too.
Hi Laurie!
So fun that you got to be a guest here
Great post. I’ll definitely check into that book, too.
Okay, I totally need the title of that book. My now 5 year old is already asking some very tough questions on this subject. It didn’t help that he had to go to ALL of my pre-natal visits when I was pregnant with my now 10 month old daughter!
I love that you posted about this subject. I think that no matter how much you prepare, you’re always going to feel you heart sink to your big toe when they start asking “the questions.” It’s good to know how other parents handle the situation!!
Please, Laurie, share the book title. Pretty please!!
Okay, I totally need the title of that book. My now 5 year old is already asking some very tough questions on this subject. It didn’t help that he had to go to ALL of my pre-natal visits when I was pregnant with my now 10 month old daughter!
I love that you posted about this subject. I think that no matter how much you prepare, you’re always going to feel you heart sink to your big toe when they start asking “the questions.” It’s good to know how other parents handle the situation!!
Please, Laurie, share the book title. Pretty please!!
When I was a kid, my parents were really good about telling me the facts of life at a fairly early age. They read me a book – I believe it was called, “How Babies Are Made” and it used figures cut out of construction paper to illustrate things. I still remember the page where it’s explained how a man and woman join together and it was a picture of a man and a woman in bed, under the covers. It actually came as a shock to me later in life that not everyone had sex under the blankets all the time! Heh.
When I was a kid, my parents were really good about telling me the facts of life at a fairly early age. They read me a book – I believe it was called, “How Babies Are Made” and it used figures cut out of construction paper to illustrate things. I still remember the page where it’s explained how a man and woman join together and it was a picture of a man and a woman in bed, under the covers. It actually came as a shock to me later in life that not everyone had sex under the blankets all the time! Heh.
lol..that post just made me laugh so hard. i have a seven year old stepdaughter and we have joint custody and it’s always so funny the things that she says.
one day, we were watching some silly show or another and there was a kissing scene in it…i was embarassed so she took the blanket we were sharing and covered my eyes…then told me, “i’ll tell you when it’s over..”…we haven’t really had “the talk” yet…in fact, earlier this year she was pestering for me and daddy to have a little sister for her and i told her…well… i was giving her a bunch of excuses and she read through my baloney and told me straight up (with the hand on the hip and all) “uhm, you don’t get to decide when you want to have a baby…god just gives her to you and you don’t have a choice. ”
lol.
lol..that post just made me laugh so hard. i have a seven year old stepdaughter and we have joint custody and it’s always so funny the things that she says.
one day, we were watching some silly show or another and there was a kissing scene in it…i was embarassed so she took the blanket we were sharing and covered my eyes…then told me, “i’ll tell you when it’s over..”…we haven’t really had “the talk” yet…in fact, earlier this year she was pestering for me and daddy to have a little sister for her and i told her…well… i was giving her a bunch of excuses and she read through my baloney and told me straight up (with the hand on the hip and all) “uhm, you don’t get to decide when you want to have a baby…god just gives her to you and you don’t have a choice. ”
lol.
Ah, the joys of having boys.
My three year old was quite happy to explain to anyone who listened that, “Mommy had trouble pushing me out of her vagina when I was borned, so the doctor had to take a knife and cut her open and pull me out!”
He’s still trying to figure out how pee comes out of a vagina if there’s no penis to aim…
Ah, the joys of having boys.
My three year old was quite happy to explain to anyone who listened that, “Mommy had trouble pushing me out of her vagina when I was borned, so the doctor had to take a knife and cut her open and pull me out!”
He’s still trying to figure out how pee comes out of a vagina if there’s no penis to aim…
Hilarious! Wow, I really loved reading your entertaining post about sex education, especially since I have a 2 and 3 year old and my husband and I have NEVER discussed how we are going to do this! Just this morning, my 2 year old daughter was sitting on the potty, putting her hands “down there” and like a moron I just said, “Don’t put your hands ‘down there’! Girls don’t need to do that, only boys!” And I thought, why am I scared to call her private part what it is? Am I afraid she’ll just run around the earth forever screaming, “Vagina! VAGINA!!!”
My point is, your post had perfect timing for me. I needed a push into reality about openly and honestly discussing sex and body parts with my children. I envy your approach and I plan to follow your lead. Thank you for that!
Great post, by the way!!!
Hilarious! Wow, I really loved reading your entertaining post about sex education, especially since I have a 2 and 3 year old and my husband and I have NEVER discussed how we are going to do this! Just this morning, my 2 year old daughter was sitting on the potty, putting her hands “down there” and like a moron I just said, “Don’t put your hands ‘down there’! Girls don’t need to do that, only boys!” And I thought, why am I scared to call her private part what it is? Am I afraid she’ll just run around the earth forever screaming, “Vagina! VAGINA!!!”
My point is, your post had perfect timing for me. I needed a push into reality about openly and honestly discussing sex and body parts with my children. I envy your approach and I plan to follow your lead. Thank you for that!
Great post, by the way!!!
Haha, too funny!!
Haha, too funny!!
Thanks for the very funny post. I look forward to reading more posts from you in the future.