Well, that was fun.

No, seriously. That WAS fun. Thanks to everyone for defending me and supporting me this morning, I mean, WOW. THANK YOU!

I did remove the link to her blog because I did not want her poison on this blog any longer. (and I feel quite guilty, honestly.  I really was hoping no comments would be made on her blog, but understand if you felt compelled to.)  I am actually in a great mood (for now) and I’m pretty sure it’s because you all reminded me how great blogging is, so thank you.

On to other stuff:

Today, the kids and I took the train into Chicago because I finally had my appointment with my endocrinologist. I discovered her last October and fell in love with her, instantly.

At that appointment, last year, I was having major thyroid issues, mainly high blood pressure, high pulse and feeling like someone was choking me. It totally sucked. I went to her and she pointed at me and said “now don’t get pregnant.” (I had told her we were thinking about trying) And then two weeks later I got pregnant.

Why, yes, I am a Moron. Well, not really, I thought I was trying not to, but for whatever reason my body (and God? The universe?) had other plans for me and my uterus.

The following day, after taking the pregnancy test, I called this doctor and I was all like “I’M AN IDIOT, WHAT SHOULD I DO? IS IT OKAY?”

She reassured me and fortunately, my levels evened out.

So, I stopped seeing her because everything was okay, my OB was checking my levels monthly and I did not want to go to Chicago when I was constantly wanting to throw up for 15 weeks straight. But I continued to send others to her because she’s that wonderful and those others told her about what had happened with James and Jake and all of that, which was actually nice because I didn’t have to start from square one upon seeing her today. Thank God. (OMG, if I got paid for each run-on sentence I ever wrote, I would be a bazillionaire.)

We discussed my issues: feeling like someone is choking me, with their thumbs pressed up against my neck, taking naps every single day, depression (duh), just a bunch of crap. The trick is that now much of these symptoms can be attributed to not just thyroid, but now also depression.

Complicated, no?

Now, I KNOW I love my doctor when she looks at me and says “YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH SOME SHIT, BETH.” and I’m all like “really? because I think so, too, but I don’t want to be a total wuss,” I admit sheepishly.

She ORDERED me to see a psychiatrist and ORDERED me to get an ultrasound done in Chicago (Northwestern) and ORDERED me to just let myself grieve and cry anytime I want.

Oh and NO PREGNANCY FOR ME, for a very, very long time. (for all of you wondering, and yes, I know you are wondering, don’t worry, I don’t mind.)

I did mention my blogging to her as a form of therapy for me.

Do you know what else she told me to do? She told me to stop blogging. I kid you not, she did. And I was all like “whatevs.” Because I won’t, but she did think perhaps I stressed too much about what I write and maybe I was feeling too much pressure. Now, I’m not sure I agree, it’s not like she has ever read my blog, but still, I’ll take her advice into consideration.

Truthfully, this blog HAS been my therapy and I’m not sure I am ready to let that go. But I do think I’m ready to let go of the pressure a bit, SOMEHOW.

In the end, I am relieved that I am being treated by a specialist, but mostly, I am relieved that I am being treated by someone who feels like my friend, someone who said things to me that I think I needed to hear and the fact that she freely used the word SHIT is just icing on the cake.

For the first time in a LONG time, tonight feels really good to me. I think it’s because of my family, my doctor and all of you. I hope you feel really good about what you have done for me today, I know I do. Thank you.