I have had one of the most difficult weeks that I have ever had. I don’t know why, well, I think I know why, but I’m so frustrated I can’t see straight. I have tried to deal with this on my own, I’ve tried to pretend, I’ve tried to flow with life as if I don’t want to crawl into a ball and cry all day and night long, but I think I can’t do it anymore. I’ve continued to be a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister, a business owner, a writer, I’ve tried to be a friend, but all around? I think I’m failing, I have reasons for feeling this way that I CAN NOT go into because it’s not in me to do so (publicly), but right now? I’m not sure how to put one foot in front of the other. I’m sure I’m coming across as a shallow person, I swear I’m not, I’m just so tired of this (new) life. For months I’ve looked at bright sides and silver linings and I can’t find any right now.
I want to come here and write about it, but being my therapists must be getting old, hearing about ME must be getting old. I just feel like my time to grieve IS OVER, not just on this blog, but everywhere and I’m not ready for that to happen, but I’m thinking I have no choice.
I wish I were better at this, I wish I weren’t so weak, but I just…am.
I think the point of your blog is to talk about you and that’s why we all keep coming back. I don’t know how you do it… I really don’t. You are human and what you have been through is not something you can get past, get over, or stop thinking about and anyone that expects you too needs to take a step back and think about what they are saying.
I know a public forum is probably not the best place to get everything out but maybe that’s what you need. Maybe just saying (or writing) things out loud helps them to feel real and for you to know that you are not alone.
You ARE going to get through this and more. You will never forget and you will never stop grieving but one day it will be just a little easier to put one foot in front of the other. Today may not be that day… but that’s what your friends are for. They will hold you up when you feel like you are going to crumble. And I can tell you have amazing friends. You will be strong again… I believe in you!
I think the point of your blog is to talk about you and that’s why we all keep coming back. I don’t know how you do it… I really don’t. You are human and what you have been through is not something you can get past, get over, or stop thinking about and anyone that expects you too needs to take a step back and think about what they are saying.
I know a public forum is probably not the best place to get everything out but maybe that’s what you need. Maybe just saying (or writing) things out loud helps them to feel real and for you to know that you are not alone.
You ARE going to get through this and more. You will never forget and you will never stop grieving but one day it will be just a little easier to put one foot in front of the other. Today may not be that day… but that’s what your friends are for. They will hold you up when you feel like you are going to crumble. And I can tell you have amazing friends. You will be strong again… I believe in you!
There is never a time limit on grief.
My mom has been gone for 17 years. 17. That’s twice as many years as I had her in my life, and 4 years longer than half my life. It’s not easier. Some days it’s harder. Some days I’m fine. You don’t get to pick and chose what TODAY is going to be. It just is. And if it wasn’t, well then we’d have a problem.
It’s your blog. Write about what you want. And if it makes you feel better, I’ll write a post about my grief today. And it’s way older than yours. So now who’s the weak one?
There is never a time limit on grief.
My mom has been gone for 17 years. 17. That’s twice as many years as I had her in my life, and 4 years longer than half my life. It’s not easier. Some days it’s harder. Some days I’m fine. You don’t get to pick and chose what TODAY is going to be. It just is. And if it wasn’t, well then we’d have a problem.
It’s your blog. Write about what you want. And if it makes you feel better, I’ll write a post about my grief today. And it’s way older than yours. So now who’s the weak one?
Beth,
There is NEVER a time limit on grief, and there should NEVER be a limit on friendship. We are here. To listen, to hug, to help in any way we can. To bottle it in is not healthy. We are your friends, and we come here everyday because we WANT to. Because of YOU. Wether you are happy, sad, defeated, lost confused, celebrating, whatever…. We are all here for eachother. You need us, we will be there for you, just as you would for us if and when we need you.
Beth,
There is NEVER a time limit on grief, and there should NEVER be a limit on friendship. We are here. To listen, to hug, to help in any way we can. To bottle it in is not healthy. We are your friends, and we come here everyday because we WANT to. Because of YOU. Wether you are happy, sad, defeated, lost confused, celebrating, whatever…. We are all here for eachother. You need us, we will be there for you, just as you would for us if and when we need you.
On Tuesday, out of the blue, you came to my mind when I was at work and I said a prayer for you. I almost sent you an email to tell you but I got interrupted and, well, you know the rest…
In many ways you will grieve for your sweet boys for the rest of your life. and that’s okay. I read somewhere (and I can’t remember where – I read alot) that when you lose a spouse, you are a widow; when you lose your parents, you are an orphan but when you lose a child, there are no words. Loss is so personal and we all deal with it differently. If you need to lean on us, lean on us. That’s what we’re here for…
On Tuesday, out of the blue, you came to my mind when I was at work and I said a prayer for you. I almost sent you an email to tell you but I got interrupted and, well, you know the rest…
In many ways you will grieve for your sweet boys for the rest of your life. and that’s okay. I read somewhere (and I can’t remember where – I read alot) that when you lose a spouse, you are a widow; when you lose your parents, you are an orphan but when you lose a child, there are no words. Loss is so personal and we all deal with it differently. If you need to lean on us, lean on us. That’s what we’re here for…
As everyone has said, grief does not have a time limit. This grief will always be a part of you. Always. The first year is going to be hard, because there will be dates and reminders all the time of what you thought you were going to have. But, there will continue to be pains, throughout your lifetime. The key is bringing it to a level that allows you to function. And only you can decide if what you need is some outside intervention. It does not make you weak to ask. It only makes you human.
Prayers/
As everyone has said, grief does not have a time limit. This grief will always be a part of you. Always. The first year is going to be hard, because there will be dates and reminders all the time of what you thought you were going to have. But, there will continue to be pains, throughout your lifetime. The key is bringing it to a level that allows you to function. And only you can decide if what you need is some outside intervention. It does not make you weak to ask. It only makes you human.
Prayers/
We are hardly tired of you! You are an inspiration – watching you walk this walk through this valley leaves me speechless. When you are able to see the forest amid the trees, you will see the strength and bravery you are living in right now. (((hugs)))
We are hardly tired of you! You are an inspiration – watching you walk this walk through this valley leaves me speechless. When you are able to see the forest amid the trees, you will see the strength and bravery you are living in right now. (((hugs)))
Yesterday, I told my husband that I was having a bad week (not your kind of bad week, but just a busy, hectic, stressful kind) and he looks at me and says, “Well it could be worse.” I wanted to slap him. I know it could be worse, but that isn’t what I needed to hear. I guess I just wanted him to give me a hug and tell me that he was there for me if I needed anything.
Why am I telling you this? Well, I think we all need that sometimes and clearly what you are going through is WAY more complex than just a “stressful” week. You just need to feel the love around you and know that you are not alone in your grief. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.
So, I’m sending you cyber hugs and letting you know that I’m sorry that you are going through this and that you should take all the time you need.
Yesterday, I told my husband that I was having a bad week (not your kind of bad week, but just a busy, hectic, stressful kind) and he looks at me and says, “Well it could be worse.” I wanted to slap him. I know it could be worse, but that isn’t what I needed to hear. I guess I just wanted him to give me a hug and tell me that he was there for me if I needed anything.
Why am I telling you this? Well, I think we all need that sometimes and clearly what you are going through is WAY more complex than just a “stressful” week. You just need to feel the love around you and know that you are not alone in your grief. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.
So, I’m sending you cyber hugs and letting you know that I’m sorry that you are going through this and that you should take all the time you need.
Beth, this is YOUR blog and YOUR journey. No one here is tired of you. I love your blog because you’re real, whether you’re happy or sad. You need to get your feelings out. That is the only way to work through them. If you don’t feel ok sharing those here, that’s ok! I hope you are sharing them somewhere with someone. We love you and our hearts break for you. Hugs.
Beth, this is YOUR blog and YOUR journey. No one here is tired of you. I love your blog because you’re real, whether you’re happy or sad. You need to get your feelings out. That is the only way to work through them. If you don’t feel ok sharing those here, that’s ok! I hope you are sharing them somewhere with someone. We love you and our hearts break for you. Hugs.
Oh, sweetheart, you are anything but weak. I always marvel at your willingness to find the silver lining but often wonder how the hell do you do that? I will read you EVERY day, (I do already), even if you write of nothing but James and Jake forever and ever amen. There is no stopwatch on grief. It’s yours to bounce around in your brain and torture you. You just have to deal with it as it comes. It’s horrible and who gets to choose their emotions?
My experience doesn’t begin to compare with yours but when I learned of my husband’s infidelity I’ve felt some of your same emotions. Why am I so willing to move forward and forgive one day then sitting on my hands to keep from drowning him in the kitchen sink the next morning? The public blogging about it seems so inappropriate but as my therapist pointed out, it’s the only way I feel I have any impact, any recourse.
Write about it, vent about it, whine about it, cry about it, talk about it then do it all again. Cuz I’m listening.
Oh, sweetheart, you are anything but weak. I always marvel at your willingness to find the silver lining but often wonder how the hell do you do that? I will read you EVERY day, (I do already), even if you write of nothing but James and Jake forever and ever amen. There is no stopwatch on grief. It’s yours to bounce around in your brain and torture you. You just have to deal with it as it comes. It’s horrible and who gets to choose their emotions?
My experience doesn’t begin to compare with yours but when I learned of my husband’s infidelity I’ve felt some of your same emotions. Why am I so willing to move forward and forgive one day then sitting on my hands to keep from drowning him in the kitchen sink the next morning? The public blogging about it seems so inappropriate but as my therapist pointed out, it’s the only way I feel I have any impact, any recourse.
Write about it, vent about it, whine about it, cry about it, talk about it then do it all again. Cuz I’m listening.
beth, i just don’t know what to say…except that i don’t think you could be doing anything more “right” ( i really don’t like using that term in reference to grief, because to me, there isn’t right or wrong ways to grieve.) than to feel and express your grief. in the first days after you lost jake and james, the first months, now, and any time in the future you need to…next week, in two years, on their tenth birthday. i’ve never met you. odds are, i never will. but today, i wish nothing more than i could meet you, give you such a big hug, and then sit and listen to you tell me all about your little guys, all about how you feel…i can’t, though, so i will read and admire you and always love jake and james.
beth, i just don’t know what to say…except that i don’t think you could be doing anything more “right” ( i really don’t like using that term in reference to grief, because to me, there isn’t right or wrong ways to grieve.) than to feel and express your grief. in the first days after you lost jake and james, the first months, now, and any time in the future you need to…next week, in two years, on their tenth birthday. i’ve never met you. odds are, i never will. but today, i wish nothing more than i could meet you, give you such a big hug, and then sit and listen to you tell me all about your little guys, all about how you feel…i can’t, though, so i will read and admire you and always love jake and james.
Woman – ditto to all the comments above.
So (and I mean this in a most loving tone)….
Shut up and keep grieving. We’ll be here.
Love you!
Woman – ditto to all the comments above.
So (and I mean this in a most loving tone)….
Shut up and keep grieving. We’ll be here.
Love you!
Beth,
I read your story in NWI parent today. It was beautiful. The way that you kept your faith was so unbelieveable. Having your children move inside and then never again is something special and only “moms” know what I’m talking about.
I have had 3 micarriages. Pretty sad. My first 2 were from problems with my thyroid. My third one was 9/17/08 and It was God’s way of telling us is wasn’t time. Aidan John was 4 1/2 months old. Sometimes grieving takes you on different roads and you may have to find ways to move on. I will pray for your babies. My Aidan looked like my son who Is living. We buried Adain in a special place for babies in a cemetery in Valparaiso, Indiana. We did have a small servie which helped with the grieveing process.
We never know what God has planned for us. We must have faith that everything will be ok. Even though it looks like it could not get any better. My husband blamed God for my first 2 miscarriages. I am a strong Catholic and still I miss him and I visit the cemetery every two weeks.
Just remember that God loves you and your family no matter what.
Sincerely,
Christine Grutsch
Beth,
I read your story in NWI parent today. It was beautiful. The way that you kept your faith was so unbelieveable. Having your children move inside and then never again is something special and only “moms” know what I’m talking about.
I have had 3 micarriages. Pretty sad. My first 2 were from problems with my thyroid. My third one was 9/17/08 and It was God’s way of telling us is wasn’t time. Aidan John was 4 1/2 months old. Sometimes grieving takes you on different roads and you may have to find ways to move on. I will pray for your babies. My Aidan looked like my son who Is living. We buried Adain in a special place for babies in a cemetery in Valparaiso, Indiana. We did have a small servie which helped with the grieveing process.
We never know what God has planned for us. We must have faith that everything will be ok. Even though it looks like it could not get any better. My husband blamed God for my first 2 miscarriages. I am a strong Catholic and still I miss him and I visit the cemetery every two weeks.
Just remember that God loves you and your family no matter what.
Sincerely,
Christine Grutsch
I should have read this yesterday but (as I feel I’m failing too) I am so behind. I do not think there is an expiration on grieving. That is entirely up to you. This is one area I hope you give in and be selfish. You need it. We as your friends need you to.
Steph
I should have read this yesterday but (as I feel I’m failing too) I am so behind. I do not think there is an expiration on grieving. That is entirely up to you. This is one area I hope you give in and be selfish. You need it. We as your friends need you to.
Steph
honey, if it was getting old listening to you or being your “therapist” then we wouldn’t come back to read…so, put it out there…and we will either read or not. HUGS
honey, if it was getting old listening to you or being your “therapist” then we wouldn’t come back to read…so, put it out there…and we will either read or not. HUGS
I could never imagine going through your grief; it does not matter if it has been a year or ten years, you will never forget those little guys, and you should not try to. Only time will ease the pain, and while you will think of them every day for the rest of your life, it will not always hurt so much. When it is time for the hurt to ease, it will ease. In the meantime, keep putting your feelings out there; we are all here for you every day.
I could never imagine going through your grief; it does not matter if it has been a year or ten years, you will never forget those little guys, and you should not try to. Only time will ease the pain, and while you will think of them every day for the rest of your life, it will not always hurt so much. When it is time for the hurt to ease, it will ease. In the meantime, keep putting your feelings out there; we are all here for you every day.
beth, we do not come here to read about anyone OTHER than you…you have shown so much courage and SO much strength throughout this entire ordeal that you absolutely DESERVE to take time to melt down. you do what YOU need to do FOR YOU!!! go get some bug bites, sit in the corner and let it out…
beth, we do not come here to read about anyone OTHER than you…you have shown so much courage and SO much strength throughout this entire ordeal that you absolutely DESERVE to take time to melt down. you do what YOU need to do FOR YOU!!! go get some bug bites, sit in the corner and let it out…
I wish I could give you a break, show you how beautiful you are and give your self esteem a boost. There are no rules about the length of time for grieving. None. You take all the time you need, write about it forever if you need. Your honesty is very refreshing and keeps many coming back. Don’t stop now. Well, only if you want to, not because of us out here. We want to support you!
Sending hugs!
I wish I could give you a break, show you how beautiful you are and give your self esteem a boost. There are no rules about the length of time for grieving. None. You take all the time you need, write about it forever if you need. Your honesty is very refreshing and keeps many coming back. Don’t stop now. Well, only if you want to, not because of us out here. We want to support you!
Sending hugs!
The thing about grief is that it doesn’t listen to time tables. And because it sucks so much, it isn’t something that you can deal with in a short amount of time. Sometimes I think it doesn’t ever go away, and it is PERFECTLY all right to talk about it whenever you feel the need.
We are going to stick with you no matter what, and no matter how long. You have every right, and every need to keep grieving as long as you need to, and we will listen whenever you need an ear. For however long it takes.
Sending love and hugs your way-
The thing about grief is that it doesn’t listen to time tables. And because it sucks so much, it isn’t something that you can deal with in a short amount of time. Sometimes I think it doesn’t ever go away, and it is PERFECTLY all right to talk about it whenever you feel the need.
We are going to stick with you no matter what, and no matter how long. You have every right, and every need to keep grieving as long as you need to, and we will listen whenever you need an ear. For however long it takes.
Sending love and hugs your way-
Grieving is not weak. You are not Weak! I think you are incredibly strong especially for sharing you grief with us and being open to comments. Thank you for that. Grief has not time constraints. This January will mark the two year mark since I lost my father and missing him and wanting him home is something I experience every day!
Grieving is not weak. You are not Weak! I think you are incredibly strong especially for sharing you grief with us and being open to comments. Thank you for that. Grief has not time constraints. This January will mark the two year mark since I lost my father and missing him and wanting him home is something I experience every day!
You are one of the strongest people I’ve ever had the good fortune to cross paths with, even if it is just virtually. There’s no time limit on grieving a child.
You are one of the strongest people I’ve ever had the good fortune to cross paths with, even if it is just virtually. There’s no time limit on grieving a child.
[...] I told her about my visit with my endocrinologist last Monday. The one that led me to write this post about my grief being over. As much as I wanted to incorporate the details of my doctor’s [...]
[...] I told her about my visit with my endocrinologist last Monday. The one that led me to write this post about my grief being over. As much as I wanted to incorporate the details of my doctor’s [...]
I am sad to read this. I hope you always have a *place* where you can express your heart openly, because you need to have that. This is your place. Hugs to you.
I am sad to read this. I hope you always have a *place* where you can express your heart openly, because you need to have that. This is your place. Hugs to you.