I have had one of the most difficult weeks that I have ever had. I don’t know why, well, I think I know why, but I’m so frustrated I can’t see straight. I have tried to deal with this on my own, I’ve tried to pretend, I’ve tried to flow with life as if I don’t want to crawl into a ball and cry all day and night long, but I think I can’t do it anymore. I’ve continued to be a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister, a business owner, a writer, I’ve tried to be a friend, but all around? I think I’m failing, I have reasons for feeling this way that I CAN NOT go into because it’s not in me to do so (publicly), but right now? I’m not sure how to put one foot in front of the other. I’m sure I’m coming across as a shallow person, I swear I’m not, I’m just so tired of this (new) life. For months I’ve looked at bright sides and silver linings and I can’t find any right now.
I want to come here and write about it, but being my therapists must be getting old, hearing about ME must be getting old. I just feel like my time to grieve IS OVER, not just on this blog, but everywhere and I’m not ready for that to happen, but I’m thinking I have no choice.
I wish I were better at this, I wish I weren’t so weak, but I just…am.
Beth,
Your pain and grief is NOT getting old. You NEED this blog and your friends to talk to, scream to, cry to…whatever is necessary to get through today. If you still need to do so months from now, it’s okay…we’ll all still be here. I know you feel weak now, but we are built to rely on others in our weaknesses. Lean on the strength of your collective therapist…us, Brian, and any one else that makes up that system for you.
I am praying for you today…and always. You just let it out…and don’t worry about it getting old because it absolutely is not.
Beth,
Your pain and grief is NOT getting old. You NEED this blog and your friends to talk to, scream to, cry to…whatever is necessary to get through today. If you still need to do so months from now, it’s okay…we’ll all still be here. I know you feel weak now, but we are built to rely on others in our weaknesses. Lean on the strength of your collective therapist…us, Brian, and any one else that makes up that system for you.
I am praying for you today…and always. You just let it out…and don’t worry about it getting old because it absolutely is not.
You simply cannot put a time limit on your grieving, and that is okay. I do not think you are weak at all. I love the person I have been getting to know in you, and I wish there was something I could do to help.
XOXO
You simply cannot put a time limit on your grieving, and that is okay. I do not think you are weak at all. I love the person I have been getting to know in you, and I wish there was something I could do to help.
XOXO
Beth not even in my wildest nightmares can I imagine what you are going through. If it helps you to write about it than do so. In my opinion you have amazing strength and courage just wanting to put one foot in front of the other every day.
Beth not even in my wildest nightmares can I imagine what you are going through. If it helps you to write about it than do so. In my opinion you have amazing strength and courage just wanting to put one foot in front of the other every day.
“my time to grieve IS OVER, not just on this blog, but everywher’e and I’m not ready for that to happen, but I’m thinking I have no choice”
It’s your time Beth. YOURS and no one can decide when it’s over but you.
If there was ever one thing in my life I felt ok with being selfish with is my grief. Right now – thats all I have to hang on to and I am owning that.
“my time to grieve IS OVER, not just on this blog, but everywher’e and I’m not ready for that to happen, but I’m thinking I have no choice”
It’s your time Beth. YOURS and no one can decide when it’s over but you.
If there was ever one thing in my life I felt ok with being selfish with is my grief. Right now – thats all I have to hang on to and I am owning that.
Beth, by all means….you are NOT weak. My Lord, woman…you have had the most unbearable loss that a mother can have…not only one baby but two. So many times as I am going through my day and I am feeling “overwhelmed”, down etc….I think of you and ALLLL that you must be going through. We all have our moments of unbelievable strength and weakness….actually weakness is a bad word…maybe I mean to say….moments when we are not so strong…raw, human moments!!!! It is hard to be everything to everyone on the strongest if days!!! You are doing a magnificent job and although I admire you so much for being so good at sooo many things….I admire you all the more when you are just Beth…….a mom who because of your blog and your truthfulness has allowed me to grieve my daughter Allison still 10 years later!!! The pain is sooo severe, I know…….but it gets easier. It never goes away…matter of fact, I don’t ever want to “not” feel the grief. It would make her short life not count for very much. James and Jake are here with you…..I think grief is a constant reminder of what/who we have lost. Remembering only makes us stronger. You ARE stronger Beth…it may not feel that way…but you are stronger!!! And I will NEVER get tired of hearing about your babies…..if blogging helps your heart then I think you should blog!!! I am hear to listen.
You are so very loved and admired. I lift you up in my heart daily!!!! It will get better Beth…I promise!!!!!
Love and prayers, Kim
Beth, by all means….you are NOT weak. My Lord, woman…you have had the most unbearable loss that a mother can have…not only one baby but two. So many times as I am going through my day and I am feeling “overwhelmed”, down etc….I think of you and ALLLL that you must be going through. We all have our moments of unbelievable strength and weakness….actually weakness is a bad word…maybe I mean to say….moments when we are not so strong…raw, human moments!!!! It is hard to be everything to everyone on the strongest if days!!! You are doing a magnificent job and although I admire you so much for being so good at sooo many things….I admire you all the more when you are just Beth…….a mom who because of your blog and your truthfulness has allowed me to grieve my daughter Allison still 10 years later!!! The pain is sooo severe, I know…….but it gets easier. It never goes away…matter of fact, I don’t ever want to “not” feel the grief. It would make her short life not count for very much. James and Jake are here with you…..I think grief is a constant reminder of what/who we have lost. Remembering only makes us stronger. You ARE stronger Beth…it may not feel that way…but you are stronger!!! And I will NEVER get tired of hearing about your babies…..if blogging helps your heart then I think you should blog!!! I am hear to listen.
You are so very loved and admired. I lift you up in my heart daily!!!! It will get better Beth…I promise!!!!!
Love and prayers, Kim
Oh sweet Beth. Who puts a timeline on grief? It is not time to be over it. You are human, you have had a horrible loss this year and you, girlfriend, should take all the time you need. Don’t worry about everyone else or what you think you should be. We still love you, we al want what is best for you.
Oh sweet Beth. Who puts a timeline on grief? It is not time to be over it. You are human, you have had a horrible loss this year and you, girlfriend, should take all the time you need. Don’t worry about everyone else or what you think you should be. We still love you, we al want what is best for you.
I know what you mean about feeling like your time to grieve is over. Even though it’s bullshit to expect us to be “over” it, it feels like people are done hearing about it. Just know that we – the people who read and love you – are not done hearing about it.
I know what you mean about feeling like your time to grieve is over. Even though it’s bullshit to expect us to be “over” it, it feels like people are done hearing about it. Just know that we – the people who read and love you – are not done hearing about it.
Your time to grieve isn’t over until you decide it’s over. I have a feeling that the grieving will never end, Beth. This is honestly the most difficult thing that can happen to a person and using the word difficult seems like the understatement of the century in comparison to your pain. Take all of the time that you need. Friends will let you grieve and cry to them for as long as it takes you to get to the point where you don’t need to do it anymore. Don’t fight against it and don’t try to force yourself to keep it in or not feel it because you think that’s what people want! Talk all you want about it. Love you you, Beth.
Your time to grieve isn’t over until you decide it’s over. I have a feeling that the grieving will never end, Beth. This is honestly the most difficult thing that can happen to a person and using the word difficult seems like the understatement of the century in comparison to your pain. Take all of the time that you need. Friends will let you grieve and cry to them for as long as it takes you to get to the point where you don’t need to do it anymore. Don’t fight against it and don’t try to force yourself to keep it in or not feel it because you think that’s what people want! Talk all you want about it. Love you you, Beth.
Girl- This is your blog! You get to write about whatever you want and no one can tell you otherwise. If they don’t want to hear about it they can go somewhere else.
That said, is there a time limit on grief? There isn’t one posted anywhere. And a PP was right you not only have one baby’s death to deal with but two. Unless someone has gone through your exact same situation, they have no right to tell you when to stop grieving.
I know it sucks and you long to be your old self. I am so sorry it was all taken away from you so horribly. But I have a wonderful feeling that you will see the light again and it won’t be a struggle to find it. Give yourself time and space to get there though. Think about how far you have come and know that the boys are smiling down on you.
You are not WEAK! You are loving, human and compassionate. I think you are truly a wonderful woman and mother.
Girl- This is your blog! You get to write about whatever you want and no one can tell you otherwise. If they don’t want to hear about it they can go somewhere else.
That said, is there a time limit on grief? There isn’t one posted anywhere. And a PP was right you not only have one baby’s death to deal with but two. Unless someone has gone through your exact same situation, they have no right to tell you when to stop grieving.
I know it sucks and you long to be your old self. I am so sorry it was all taken away from you so horribly. But I have a wonderful feeling that you will see the light again and it won’t be a struggle to find it. Give yourself time and space to get there though. Think about how far you have come and know that the boys are smiling down on you.
You are not WEAK! You are loving, human and compassionate. I think you are truly a wonderful woman and mother.
Beth:
My heart breaks for you. Please give yourself time, all the time you need, and permission to grieve and heal. You owe nobody an explanation, and those who truly care for you don’t expect one. (And no one else matters!)Take all the time you need, these were two lives that were lost, two people, two souls that you gave life to, precious, precious little boy heartbeats. They mattered and still matter; will always matter. When I haven’t taken the time to fully grieve my losses, they back up on me years down the road. I don’t want that for you,
Take special care of you right now. It’s okay…
Desto
Beth:
My heart breaks for you. Please give yourself time, all the time you need, and permission to grieve and heal. You owe nobody an explanation, and those who truly care for you don’t expect one. (And no one else matters!)Take all the time you need, these were two lives that were lost, two people, two souls that you gave life to, precious, precious little boy heartbeats. They mattered and still matter; will always matter. When I haven’t taken the time to fully grieve my losses, they back up on me years down the road. I don’t want that for you,
Take special care of you right now. It’s okay…
Desto
Take as much time as you need. If people don’t want to read it they will simply click the x. It is about you and what you need.
Have you read http://our-journey-to-parenthood.blogspot.com/
She is experiencing a different kind of loss today but still a loss of a child. People supporting people that is what blogs should be about.
Take as much time as you need. If people don’t want to read it they will simply click the x. It is about you and what you need.
Have you read http://our-journey-to-parenthood.blogspot.com/
She is experiencing a different kind of loss today but still a loss of a child. People supporting people that is what blogs should be about.
Your time to grieve is not over. The time is there for as long as you need it. Your sharing it in your blog helps me realize that I am not alone in my own grief. Please come here and write about it whenever you want to. Please take extra good care of yourself right now.
Your time to grieve is not over. The time is there for as long as you need it. Your sharing it in your blog helps me realize that I am not alone in my own grief. Please come here and write about it whenever you want to. Please take extra good care of yourself right now.
Your time to grieve is over when YOU decide it’s over. If it’s not over for you, then by all means, let your hurt out, just please don’t keep it inside. I struggle for words because it all seems so trite in comparison to what you’ve just said, but I want you to know that–as always–I think you’re beautiful, amazing, and you’re forever in my prayers, thoughts, and heart.
Your time to grieve is over when YOU decide it’s over. If it’s not over for you, then by all means, let your hurt out, just please don’t keep it inside. I struggle for words because it all seems so trite in comparison to what you’ve just said, but I want you to know that–as always–I think you’re beautiful, amazing, and you’re forever in my prayers, thoughts, and heart.
There is no set time for grieving to be over, it never really is. I just posted today about my grief, and my baby has been gone for 5 years. It never ends.
Keep talking about it. Keep writing it out. Whatever helps. I know you don’t like your new life, it sucks, it bites, it’s not fair and it hurts.
Let us help you. There are many who have walked this path and want to help you.
Love and hugs Mama
There is no set time for grieving to be over, it never really is. I just posted today about my grief, and my baby has been gone for 5 years. It never ends.
Keep talking about it. Keep writing it out. Whatever helps. I know you don’t like your new life, it sucks, it bites, it’s not fair and it hurts.
Let us help you. There are many who have walked this path and want to help you.
Love and hugs Mama
The funny thing about grieving is its a process and there are no right or wrongs you can be in any phase of it and go right back to the first. You own your emotions and no one can tell you how you feel is wrong. grief comes in waves sometimes its a horrible blow that knocks you off your feet and sometimes its a gentle whisper that gives you the hope to get back up and continue on.. there is not a right or wrong. And I hope you know your not alone, I read your beautiful coments theses people care for you and it may not feel like it but god is with you, if you fall he will find a way to pick you up. The holidays are the hardest time, give yourself the ok to grieve a little each day, dont feel like its wrong or that society can decide whats right for you. I will pray for you and your family
The funny thing about grieving is its a process and there are no right or wrongs you can be in any phase of it and go right back to the first. You own your emotions and no one can tell you how you feel is wrong. grief comes in waves sometimes its a horrible blow that knocks you off your feet and sometimes its a gentle whisper that gives you the hope to get back up and continue on.. there is not a right or wrong. And I hope you know your not alone, I read your beautiful coments theses people care for you and it may not feel like it but god is with you, if you fall he will find a way to pick you up. The holidays are the hardest time, give yourself the ok to grieve a little each day, dont feel like its wrong or that society can decide whats right for you. I will pray for you and your family
Just tonight I was making applesauce muffins with Audrey’s 2 oldest little guys… and we were having so much fun. It is rare that Barry and I are alone with just 2 grandkids at one time. We measured. Mixed. Poured. Baked.
And then I reached into my cabinet with my cooling racks… and there were 2 of Flo’s. My heart jumped into my throat. Flo loved to bake probably more than anything… and I took all of her baking stuff. I don’t remember putting the racks in that cabinet… but tonight her death punched me. Maybe it’s the holidays coming. Maybe it’s the early darkness. Maybe this is the time for grief to overflow. I don’t know. I just know how you feel… and then again, I don’t know how you feel. I grieve for you as a mom… and I know that grief has no time table. It has no bounds. It lives in us. Near us. With us.
Your grief is as real as your very body. It is there. I am thinking of you… and I always think of your little boys…
Just tonight I was making applesauce muffins with Audrey’s 2 oldest little guys… and we were having so much fun. It is rare that Barry and I are alone with just 2 grandkids at one time. We measured. Mixed. Poured. Baked.
And then I reached into my cabinet with my cooling racks… and there were 2 of Flo’s. My heart jumped into my throat. Flo loved to bake probably more than anything… and I took all of her baking stuff. I don’t remember putting the racks in that cabinet… but tonight her death punched me. Maybe it’s the holidays coming. Maybe it’s the early darkness. Maybe this is the time for grief to overflow. I don’t know. I just know how you feel… and then again, I don’t know how you feel. I grieve for you as a mom… and I know that grief has no time table. It has no bounds. It lives in us. Near us. With us.
Your grief is as real as your very body. It is there. I am thinking of you… and I always think of your little boys…
Beth, your time to grieve is never over. Ever. That’s a clock that is all yours. It can and will go on forever.
and its ok if you feel weak and long as you let yourself hold on to someone to help. Sometimes its ok to ask for a hand.
Step back from all your responsibilities for just a few moments and breathe.
Nothing but love for you,
D
Beth, your time to grieve is never over. Ever. That’s a clock that is all yours. It can and will go on forever.
and its ok if you feel weak and long as you let yourself hold on to someone to help. Sometimes its ok to ask for a hand.
Step back from all your responsibilities for just a few moments and breathe.
Nothing but love for you,
D
Beth – there is no timeline on grief. Don’t put that pressure on yourself. Blogging is fabulous therapy and we all have so much to learn from you and your experiences.
Beth – there is no timeline on grief. Don’t put that pressure on yourself. Blogging is fabulous therapy and we all have so much to learn from you and your experiences.
I know what it is to feel like you have to be strong and happy and incredible to just to make sure others aren’t worried about you. Some days, it’s just too exhausting. It’s ok to let yourself take a day or two and just be pissed or sad or crawl up in that ball after the kids go to school and just be. It’s those kind of days that I allow myself to have that help me to recharge and pick up again. It’s tough being Mrs. Happy Pants all the time.
At any rate, grief has no timeline. I believe it’s like a snowflake- unique to each and every human being.
Know that I love you dearly and am always praying for you and yours.
T
I know what it is to feel like you have to be strong and happy and incredible to just to make sure others aren’t worried about you. Some days, it’s just too exhausting. It’s ok to let yourself take a day or two and just be pissed or sad or crawl up in that ball after the kids go to school and just be. It’s those kind of days that I allow myself to have that help me to recharge and pick up again. It’s tough being Mrs. Happy Pants all the time.
At any rate, grief has no timeline. I believe it’s like a snowflake- unique to each and every human being.
Know that I love you dearly and am always praying for you and yours.
T
I do not want to belabor the point that everyone else has made, but they are right – grief has no specific timetable or specifications – your grief is yours and yours alone. Take the time, as much time, as you need to grieve and heal and by all means write it out here. The people that come here daily to check in on you and your life want to know when you are struggling so we can lift you up in prayer or offer a kind word. We have been with you through all of this, Beth, and it is okay. I just wanted you to know that…it is okay. ((Hugs))
I do not want to belabor the point that everyone else has made, but they are right – grief has no specific timetable or specifications – your grief is yours and yours alone. Take the time, as much time, as you need to grieve and heal and by all means write it out here. The people that come here daily to check in on you and your life want to know when you are struggling so we can lift you up in prayer or offer a kind word. We have been with you through all of this, Beth, and it is okay. I just wanted you to know that…it is okay. ((Hugs))
Your time to grieve will be over when it’s over and not a second before. You can’t rush it. You can’t decide that it’s done. You can decide to put one foot in front of the other and go on, but you cannot force your heart to heal. You are going through something that no mother should have to do and no one can tell you the right way to do it.
I thought of you the other day. I was watching a tv show ( I don’t recall what) and the actress had lost her child. She said that when a woman loses a husband, she becomes a widow. When she loses a parent, she becomes an orphan. But when she loses a child, there is no word in our language to describe that. . . because it shouldn’t happen. My heart broke for the “mother” in the show, just as it does for you.
Keep your head up and keep going one day at a time.
Much love and prayers sent your way.
Your time to grieve will be over when it’s over and not a second before. You can’t rush it. You can’t decide that it’s done. You can decide to put one foot in front of the other and go on, but you cannot force your heart to heal. You are going through something that no mother should have to do and no one can tell you the right way to do it.
I thought of you the other day. I was watching a tv show ( I don’t recall what) and the actress had lost her child. She said that when a woman loses a husband, she becomes a widow. When she loses a parent, she becomes an orphan. But when she loses a child, there is no word in our language to describe that. . . because it shouldn’t happen. My heart broke for the “mother” in the show, just as it does for you.
Keep your head up and keep going one day at a time.
Much love and prayers sent your way.
Grief runs on different timelines and in different ways. There is no pattern. And losing a child? I’m not sure that’s something you ever get over. You just learn to get through it. To quote ER from the other night, “When you lose your parents, you’re an orphan. If you lose your spouse, you’re a widow or a widower. When you lose a child? There’s no word for that.” And she was absolutely right!
Praying for you…
Grief runs on different timelines and in different ways. There is no pattern. And losing a child? I’m not sure that’s something you ever get over. You just learn to get through it. To quote ER from the other night, “When you lose your parents, you’re an orphan. If you lose your spouse, you’re a widow or a widower. When you lose a child? There’s no word for that.” And she was absolutely right!
Praying for you…
This post really spoke to me. I’ve been having similar issues, in that I feel like I’m failing in everything. It sucks. It sounds like you have a lot going on. Hang in t here. Let yourself feel the feelings and just know you’ll move through them,eventually.
Go see a therapist. It helps a lot.
This post really spoke to me. I’ve been having similar issues, in that I feel like I’m failing in everything. It sucks. It sounds like you have a lot going on. Hang in t here. Let yourself feel the feelings and just know you’ll move through them,eventually.
Go see a therapist. It helps a lot.
You are not failing at anything. You may feel like you’re faltering, but don’t worry. There are so many people around you who love you and will be glad to give you a hand or a shoulder or an ear. I’m one of them.
Be easy on yourself. Your heart is broken and it will take time for it to heal. And what that time is cannot be determined by anyone except you.
I love you.
You are not failing at anything. You may feel like you’re faltering, but don’t worry. There are so many people around you who love you and will be glad to give you a hand or a shoulder or an ear. I’m one of them.
Be easy on yourself. Your heart is broken and it will take time for it to heal. And what that time is cannot be determined by anyone except you.
I love you.
As others have said, I hate to be repetitive, but I hope you won’t put any more pressure to be “over this” too soon. My mother-in-law delivered a stillborn baby girl a year before my husband was born. Out of that immense pain, she has become a grief counselor for many other women experiencing loss. She has told me several times that the most intense time of grieving lasts a full year at a MINIMUM; sometimes it’s intense longer than that. I realize that may sound horrific right now, but I offer it to ask that you please be gentle with yourself. Losing James and Jake is so unbearably unfair. My heart aches with you and for you and you are ever in my thoughts.
As others have said, I hate to be repetitive, but I hope you won’t put any more pressure to be “over this” too soon. My mother-in-law delivered a stillborn baby girl a year before my husband was born. Out of that immense pain, she has become a grief counselor for many other women experiencing loss. She has told me several times that the most intense time of grieving lasts a full year at a MINIMUM; sometimes it’s intense longer than that. I realize that may sound horrific right now, but I offer it to ask that you please be gentle with yourself. Losing James and Jake is so unbearably unfair. My heart aches with you and for you and you are ever in my thoughts.