The tree is up, the lights are on outside, the stockings hung, the evergreen candle burns.

Yesterday, the Christmas music played, as much as I could stand.  We laughed about the holidays with the kids, we clapped at the excitement of the tree being placed in the car.

But I’m just not feeling that typical Christmas excitement that I feel every year.  I know, I KNOW this holiday is another expected stumbling block.  I KNOW what’s wrong with this year because I know what it’s missing.

But I’m remembering and trying to focus on what isn’t missing.  My children.  My husband.  My home.  My family.  My friends; all of the blessings in my life.  Sometimes, those blessings are in the form of a life, sitting still in  my arms telling me how much they love me.  Other times, the blessings are in the simplicity of sitting in my living room, listening to the heat kicking on, enjoying the silence of the moment.  or of Brian bringing me my coffee in my favorite cup.

I’m so acutely aware of those two little angels who ARE with us, at all times.  Yesterday, Ariel was decorating our patio window with Christmas stickers, she put two little birds together.  Anyone who knows me knows how much I love seeing birds and butterflies, they instantly make me think of James and Jake.  I told Ariel how sweet those two little birds were because they made me think of James and Jake.  I typically would have not said that to her,  but I said it and that made her so happy.  She then placed stars all around the birds and said they were in heaven.

While decorating the tree, I placed two golden butterfly ornaments that I purchased back in September on the tree.  The kids instantly said “for James and Jake.”  Those boys, they were with us for sure yesterday, while decorating the tree.  Maybe not with us in the sense that we’d prefer, but with us, nonetheless.

Every sweet moment of feeling them near us is a moment I treasure and hold with me so tightly.

So, even though I may not be feeling the holiday spirit that I typically feel around this time of year, maybe it’s so I can focus on what’s REALLY important.  Not the lights or the gifts or whatever else that can be purchased.  But the TRUE gifts, the gifts that can’t be replaced.  Whether they are in our arms or in our hearts, those gifts, THOSE GIFTS are the gifts that I want this year.

Nothing else.

I feel their love, their abundant, amazing love.  It’s so beautiful; I am so grateful.

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