Archive for January, 2009
Coldly
Posted by: | CommentsI was watching The Weather Channel yesterday, which I do for fun because it’s awesome. There was a woman from Arizona being interviewed about her feelings on winter and she said something like “I love winter, I think it’s the best, it’s awesome.“ And she was wearing a cute hat and had on a thin coat and when she talked, you could not see her breath, which meant it’s not cold at all, in fact, let’s just consider it summer. I threw my shoe at the TV, starting booing and turned on Hannah Montana.
Am over here discussing winter today. Come join me, k?
Hopefully
Posted by: | CommentsMinutes after finding out that James and Jake had died, I feared losing another pregnancy. I grew up with five brothers and sisters and beside the occasional (everyday) brawl, it was a wonderful experience.
To this day we still get together and laugh and cry and reminisce about the wonderful life and childhood that we had. Despite the occasional (everyday) brawl.
My point is? I want more children.
I know having a pregnancy loss is annoyingly common. My Mother suffered multiple losses of her own, as did my grandmother and most recently, my oldest sister.
Logically, I understand that most early miscarriages are simply because the pieces of the puzzle just did not fit together. It makes total sense. The entire process is so incredibly intricate, how could it not go wrong some of the time? The night I was admitted to the hospital, I can remember talking to Brian and my parents about how amazing it is that Ariel and Racecar are here with us in their most perfect forms.
I still can’t over it.
Honestly, I get annoyed that people don’t know how amazing it is that they can have multiple children and not have any idea how fortunate they are to have carried and birthed without complications. It annoys me, but I also envy that a little bit.
I know there are many people out there that are aware of their gifts or their “luck,” but not everyone is.
Awhile ago, I sat in the waiting room at my OB’s office, only briefly enough to see the ultrasound tech walk up to a very, very young patient. (maybe sixteen years old.) The tech informed the patient that she was incorrectly scheduled for an ultrasound, that she would need to schedule it three weeks later when they could better take measurements of the babies body parts, this it was simply too early to get the best view.
This girl looked up at this tech and started to cry. Why? Because she had to wait three weeks to find out the sex of the baby. Not wait three weeks to make sure everything was okay.
The bitter (and probably jealous) person inside of me wanted to yell at her “have you know idea how lucky you are? In the grand scheme of things you’ll never even remember this teeny tiny little wait.”
I realized then how wrong that was of me to think this way. I did understand her disappointment, but I was still frustrated at what I was seeing.
I guess that’s one of the reasons why I chose to write so candidly about losing James and Jake. I wanted people to understand and I wanted people who have experienced a loss similar to mine to know they are not alone.
Also? There are woman who at the time of my loss had not experienced a loss but have since then and have come to me seeking advice and comfort.
One year ago, I thought my blog would be a great place to share my life with identical twin boys and two kids who were born less than a year apart. I never dreamed my blog would actually turn into a blog that is sometimes described as helpful, inspiring, resourceful and sometimes too difficult to read. {ouch.}
I’ve stated before that I’m not okay with losing James and Jake. I’m not okay with the fear I have when thinking about future pregnancies.
But I am okay with being something bigger than I was a year ago today. I am okay with the fact that I know how sacred each breath we take is, I’m okay with sharing with all of you my hopes and fears and my shortcomings because I know that not everybody is perfect.
Not you. Not me. Not science.
I am fearful, but I guess all we can do is HOPE for the best and let life head in the direction that it’s supposed to, no matter how incredibly difficult that actually is. Any tips on how to do this?
I have answers.
Posted by: | CommentsFriends, it’s time for round three of the “ask me a question” segment of my blog. Remember when you asked me questions a long, long, long, long time ago, way back in late December? Well, I’m back to answer more and if I’m you’re lucky, I’ll have this done by the end of January.
of 2010.
The first question is from my dear, sweet, lovely, awesome, inspirational and beautiful friend, Sharon.
She writes: Barry and I will be doing the Polar Plunge on New Year’s Day in our very cold Narragansett Bay… bathing suits and all… we used to do it every year, but have missed the last 3 due to (oh, I don’t know…) maybe sanity! BUT WE ARE DOING IT! Jane may be joining us. Audrey… a big, resounding “NO, thanks.” Have you ever done a Polar Plunge or anything like it on New Year’s Day? What are your plans for this New Year’s Eve and Day?
So, after reading this, I suddenly became very, very cold. Did you freeze your ass off? I have never done a Polar Plunge and I don’t think I ever will. On NYE and New Year’s Day, we spent the time together with my entire family. It was lots of fun, we ate, drank, danced, maybe took videos that should be deleted and I also took this picture of Racecar, which is one of my favorites.
This was the first year we let the kids stay up past midnight. It was very special.
The next question comes from Jenny from Chicago:
Who cooks at this house? Can I come over for creme soda and vodka? Okay, then can I just come for the Vodka?
(When Jenny said “this house,” she means at the big rental house my entire family rents.) We all cook. At lunchtime, we (the Moms) turn into cafeteria workers for the kids and at dinner, a different family takes responsiblity for dinner each night.
Yes, you can come over for creme soda and vanilla vodka anytime (or just the vodka), I have both ingredients on hand, just in case.
A simple question from Chris:
I would love to hear how you met your husband?
Brian and I knew each other in high school, I was dating someone, he was dating someone and then after graduation, we broke up with our someone’s and then we started dating. I have a full write up right here if you’d like to read more.
Sarah M. asks a very painful question:
Here’s a random question. I was talking to someone you know very well the other day (keeping her name private in case she doesn’t want me revealing this…) & we started talking about waxing. Waxing our upper lips to be exact. I haven’t done this yet, although at times I’m SURE I need it. I do the Nair thing instead. Anyway she does & was encouraging me to give it a try even though she admits to blurting out obscenities uncontrollable when it happens. What about you? How do you feel about having hair ripped off of your face using hot, gooey wax?
I’m a big fan of having the hair ripped off my face with hot, gooey wax, however, I have never had my upper lip waxed before, although I’m certain I need it. I just love having my eyebrows, but now I feel lost because my aesthetician just moved to the East Coast and that makes me want to cry. Into my freakishly out-of-control eyebrows. Maybe the next time I’m in your area, we’ll do it together? And that girl you are speaking of can watch us and laugh.
My real life friend, Misti ask:
My question is… What is your favorite book or movie?
My favorite book is The Time Traveler’s Wife. My friend, Amy, recommended it to me and I absolutely loved it. I hear the movie is coming out soon, but I hope you read the book first. It’s fascinating and wonderful.
I don’t think I have a favorite movie. Can you believe how boring I am? It’s okay, I admit it, you don’t have to talk about me behind my back.
And Jessica has asked me a whole line of questions, which is fun and exciting and fortunately, they only require one word answers.
What is your favorite color of glitter? I never really realized that glitter came in different colors. I’ll say silver.
What’s your favorite Britney Spears song? Right now, it’s Womanizer. Yes, I love me some Brit Brit, I’ll admit it, you don’t have to talk about me behind my back.
Is your second toe longer than your first? I think so, but I’m not sure. Do I need to take my shoes off to see? Have I mentioned I wear shoes all day long until I put my pajamas on at night? (which last night was at 6:30.)
When you do the hokey pokey what’s your favorite appendage to shake all around? Whichever one doesn’t make my jelly belly shake. So, maybe my elbow. or my ear.
Do you know my friend Bart? He’s tall. I don’t, but I really like tall people. Is he nice?
What color was the last horse you rode? Um, I have no idea. I’ll say brown.
Which dance do you prefer, the chicken polka or the macarena? If I’m sober, the chicken dance, if I’m un-sober then the macarena.
Libby asks: your photographs have inspired me to pick up photography as a new hobby – what kind of camera do you use? (i think i have seen this answer before from you but can’t find the answer on your blog). my husband is going to buy me a nice camera for my big 4-0 in february and we’re trying to research what type to get…suggestions?
Wow, wow, wow! My photographs have inspired you to pick up photography? That is amazing and wonderful news! I have the Nikon D80, my last camera was the Nikon D40x. I have had much luck with Nikon and definitely recommend. Happy 40th Birthday to you! (my birthday is in February, too!)
(Jenni asked me the same question.)
Megan wants to know: I don’t have question so much as seeking advice. I have an 11 month old. I bought a Nikon D60 last summer but I am not great at taking pictures with it. Any beginning photography tips that you can give me? You should totally do simple photography tutorial post!
I imagine my photography tutorial post would be very frightening as I have no idea what I’m talking about. But thanks for saying that, so nice of you! My recommendation is to get close, and either get down to eye level or shoot from slightly above. I never, ever shoot a face from below. Use that zoom and lose background. Pick a subject and photograph it. If you are using a flash, I recommend an external flash or a diffuser (much cheaper than an external), it softens the harshness of the flash. Honestly, I’ve even used one ply of a kleenex and placed it in front of my flash, it makes a slight difference. It’s very ghetto.
Try finding a subject and finding ten different ways to shoot it. You’ll be surprised with what you’ll come up with. Maybe I’ll come up with a photography challenge for all of you, wouldn’t that be fun?
I also recommend downloading Picasa for photo editing. It’s free and it’s very good.
One more thing, I recommend this book by Scott Kelby. It’s great.
Wow, that was fun.
Susan asks: What was your favorite meal that your mom used to make when you were a child? I have two; a dish called Cream of Chicken (always served with peas) or her meatloaf (always served with creamy mashed potatoes and corn). They’re still my favorites and I still request them. DELICIOUS.
shoot. Now, I’m hungry.
Here’s are a few questions from Carrie: Did you take a photography class or is that all just because you’re that good? I so want to start taking pictures on the weekends, but keep putting it off. What size lens do you have? I just got a Nikon D60 and just have the lens that it came with, but am looking at others. What do you suggest?
I took a class this past fall, it was a total of about 7 hours and it was not good. Not good at all. My official answer is no, I have never taken a real photography class. I just practice. A lot. I’ve taken almost 15,000 pictures since August.
I have a few different lenses, the one my camera came with, the 18-55, like yours, I have a 50 mm, (my fast 50) and some larger lenses. I totally recommend the 55-200 mm lens for your camera. Also, my friend, Crooked Eyebrow just purchased the 18-105 mm lens and she loves it. It’s on my wish list.
I recommend any of these. If you are starting out, just make sure your lens has vibration reduction (vr) on it.
Sara asks: Here’s a question. Since you just moved, do you find yourself buying matching picture frames or do you have a hodge podge of frames on the walls?
I find myself buying matching frames. Much to my husband’s chagrin. I’m taking it slow, however. Many of the photos that were up at my old house are still in a box in the closet.
Aaaaand, it’s nap time. This wraps up round 3 of answering your burning questions, come back later for more!
What new and exciting in your life?
Trust Me
Posted by: | CommentsLet’s face it. I lead a very glamorous life. Everyday, I roll out of my bed, brush my teeth, go downstairs, make my coffee and feed my kids breakfast. On Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I put on my makeup and put in my contacts, on Tuesday and Thursday. I don’t. I typically slide on my best good pair of yoga pants but sometimes I shake things up by putting on my sweatpants that I bought on clearance at Target for $6.
I’m always, always topped off by my finest luxury graphic tee. And my hairstylist daily puts in a ponytail using only the finest of ponytail holders.
And my cuisine? Consists of a Nutrigrain Bar for breakfast or on my most leisurely of days, a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. For lunch? Peanut butter and jelly.
So, a few weeks ago, when I was invited to attend a luncheon in downtown Chicago with the actress, Monica Potter from the new series called Trust Me on TNT, I was all like “and give up this luxury for half of a day?”
But, for the sake GETTING OUT OF MY HOUSE AND CHANGING OUT OF MY PAJAMAS, I accepted the invitation. (this is unlike the call with Patrick Dempsey, where I sat on my bed in my super hot yoga pants.)
This was this past Friday. Prior to Friday, I was also sent two episodes of the new series to view at home, just to see what I think.
I’m not going to lie to you. I really liked it. It’s different. It’s not the same ol’ CSI, it’s not a medical show, it’s not reality, it’s a good show with great actors. I’m a huge fan of Eric McCormack and love that he’s in another show. I was interested in how believable he would be as a non-gay actor. At first it was difficult for me, but after awhile, not so much. He’s such a good actor. (and I’m pretty sure he wants to be my boyfriend, but that’s between you and me.)
I don’t watch much TV, I typically start to watch something and then I get distracted and turn it off. But this show held my attention. The series premiere is on tonight on TNT, CHECK IT OUT. And check out how cute Monica Potter is, she’s totally cute in person and she’s also a real Mom to three children.
I was able to sit right next to her while eating lunch, which was nice because we talked about things and it was like she wasn’t a celebrity. I tried talking her into getting an iPhone. (You’re welcome, Apple.)
And did I mention I was hired to photograph the event? It’s true. I was.
Love her.
In case you’re having trouble figuring it out, that’s me on the right and Monica on the left. I know, the resemblance is uncanny.
Here’s Monica loving on Asher and Ivy.
We were able to sit and ask her questions during lunch. She’s answered them wonderfully.
It was fun. Very fun.
Do me a favor, check out Trust Me tonight and let me know what you think. m’kay?
(to view the rest of the pictures, go here.)
Six.
Posted by: | CommentsI can’t express what you do to me.
All I know is that yesterday you were born, today you turned six and I’m afraid that tomorrow you’ll be eighteen.
I’m trying to take you in day by day.
I’m trying to soak in the words that you love to say, like seriously and ridiculous.
I’m trying to tattoo your smile and your personality on my heart and my brain with every conversation we have.
Daily I bring you close to me to feel what your hugs feel like on that day, I smell your hair, I feel your skin.
I want to live in the moment with you.
You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me think.
You make me Live.
I may bring you milk and cut up apples, but you bring me so much more than I ever dreamed possible. Thank you for your love, your hugs, your laughter, your jokes, your personality. Thank you for being YOU. You amazing child.
__________________________
Last night, I interviewed Ariel for our annual birthday interview:
So, what’s tomorrow?
My birthday.
How old are you going to be?
Six.
Are you excited?
Yes.
What are you going to do tomorrow?
I’m going to have a donut from Dunkin’ Donuts and then it’s going to have six candles in it and tomorrow night I’m going to Olive Garden.
Do you want the servers to sing to you?
Yes.
Why?
Because tomorrow is my birthday.
What did you do today?
Got my ears pierced. (a side note from Mom: SHE DID IT, SHE REALLY DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
I can’t believe you got your ears pierced. What was it like?
I was crying at the first because I thought it was going to hurt and they put a marker on it and I got a purse like Jenna (her cousin) and it has butterflies on it and finally got them. And at the end I was like “ow and that hurts” and then I was proud of myself.
Are you happy or sad that you have earrings?
I’m happy. I don’t know why I need to wear these earrings for six weeks.
For my birthday I got new earrings from Jenna and Jeremy.
What else?
A DS, a Hannah Montanta game for my DS and a carnival game, it’s rated E and a Hannah Montana bed.
Was it a great day?
Yes, it was very, very very very very very very great great great great great great great day.
What’s your favorite color? Blue.
What’s your favorite song? Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus.
What’s your faovirte food? Macaroni and cheese
What’s your favorite drink? Orange drink.
Whose your favorite person? Kylie and Addison and Allie and Claire.
How much do you love your Mom?
super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super much.
How long do you want hug me? 355 times.
How much do you love your Daddy-o?
very very very very very veyr super super super super super very super very much.
How much do you love Racecar? One.
What do you like to play with?
My DS and my puppy and barbies. and I like to play with my earrings. Kidding. I’m very kidding.
What’s your favorite animal?
Cute cute cute kittens.
I love celebrating my birthdays and going to chuck e cheese.
Do you like hugs or kisses? Hugs AND kisses.
Do you like vanilla or chocolate? Chocolate.
Do you like apples or grapes? Apples.
Broccoli or green beans? Green beans.
What’s your vegetable? Peas.
What’s your favorite fruit? Apple.
What are your favorite words? “What the?” “Weird.” “Ridiculous.” “Seriously.”
And then tomorrow, would you hug me all day long? No. I mean, yes. Just a little bit. Because I really want to eat my donuts.
Happy birthday, Ariel.
Thank you, Mom.
No, Ariel. THANK YOU.
