I woke up this morning and remembered it was your birthday. As I was brushing my teeth, with you and Ariel still asleep in your rooms, I looked out of the bathroom window and saw snow gently falling and a soft pink light. I walk downstairs to make coffee, but instead, I grabbed my camera and took a picture of the beautiful sunrise that I know was meant for you.
As we drove your sister to school, I could not help but to notice how beautiful everything was. The now soft yellow sun was peeking through snow covered trees. Everything that surrounded us was covered by the purest white I have ever seen. It was beautiful and peaceful. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw you looking out of the window with a smile on your face.
At that moment, you took my breath away, just like you did the first time I saw you. Five years ago today.
When I reflect back on this past year, it makes me so sad that it was a year of such sadness. I wonder if you’ll look back on your childhood someday and think of your Mom crying. That isn’t what I want, I only want happiness for you, always. And I want to apologize for being so sad, but something tells me you understand. There is something deep within you that I think gets it. I can remember, back on March 2nd, the day after the memorial service, I was sitting in the living room with your two aunts and your Grandma and I finally allowed myself to cry, to really, really cry in front of people. You walked into the room, climbed on my lap and in my ear you whispered “I got you, I got you, Mama.” And you, at the tender age of four, made me feel better.
I used to whisper that in your ear when you were a baby and you were crying. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think you’d say the same thing to me.
You did have me, you still have me, and you’ll always have me. Which makes me the luckiest person in the world, because I’ve got you, too.
Today we celebrate you and the bright, sensitive, funny, picky, loving, feisty boy that you are. Something tells me this is going to be a very, very good year. I can’t wait to share it with you.
___________________
Last night, I was able to sit down with you for your annual birthday interview:
Mom: So, Racecar, what is tomorrow?
Racecar: My birthday.
Mom: How old are you going to be?
Racecar: Five
Mom: What do you want to do on your birthday?
Racecar: I don’t know.
Mom: What do you want for breakfast?
Racecar: Cinnamon toast crunch? (Mom: we don’t have any) Fruit loops? (Mom: we don’t have any) Apple jacks? (Mom: we have Apple Jacks!) (we went to Dunkin’ Donut and he got a chocolate donut with sprinkles. Red, white and blue sprinkles)
Mom: What did you love about being four?
Racecar: hmmm….I don’t know.
Mom: Who is your favorite person?
Racecar: Jose.
Mom: What is your favorite color?
Racecar: Green and blue.
Mom: What’s your favorite show?
Racecar: Spongebob
Mom: What’s your favorite food?
Racecar: Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Mom: What’s your favorite vegetable?
Racecar: Green beans
Mom: Your favorite fruit?
Racecar: Pineapple.
Mom: Would you rather have a donut or a grilled cheese sandwich?
Racecar: Donut.
Mom: Tomorrow, on your birthday, can I kiss you 100 times?
Racecar: No.
Mom: Why not?
Racecar: uh, because maybe you could spank me and I’ll watch out.
Mom: But, I want to kiss you 100 times.
Racecar: No, not 100, how about ten times?
Mom: That’s fine. How many hours can I hug you?
Racecar: One hour.
Mom: How much do you love your Mom?
Racecar: super duper super duper super duper super duper super duper much.
Mom: How much do you love Ariel?
Racecar: None.
Mom: How much do you love Daddy?
Racecar: A little bit. I like him 99 and I like you 100.
Mom: Who’s better at Wii bowling, you or Daddy?
Racecar: Me.
Mom: What about Wii Golf?
Racecar: Daddy
Mom: What about Indiana Jones on the Wii?
Racecar: Me. and Daddy.
Mom: What do you want for your birthday?
Racecar: I don’t know.
Mom: Last week, you mentioned that you wanted your ears pierced, do you still want them pierced?
Racecar: Like at the girls’ store or the boys’ store? Cause I only want them pierced at the boys’ store.
Mom: How excited are you to be turning five?
Racecar: so excited. super duper super duper super much. Like 100 million thousand much.
Mom: Do you know how much your Mommy loves you?
Racecar: No.
Mom: Well, I love you so so so so so so so so so much.
Racecar: Man, that’s a lot of so’s.
You have no idea.
(this photo taken by CE)
oh so precious….and priceless….love your interview
happy birthday Racecar!!!!
oh so precious….and priceless….love your interview
happy birthday Racecar!!!!
Beautiful pictures! Love his answers. Happy, happy, happy birthday RC!!
Beautiful pictures! Love his answers. Happy, happy, happy birthday RC!!
*sniff* *sniff*
So precious! My favorite food is Cinnamon Toast Crunch too.
*sniff* *sniff*
So precious! My favorite food is Cinnamon Toast Crunch too.
You totally made me cry (not hard to do today!). What a sweet, sweet post. Love it. Happy Birthday to your handsome little Racecar.
You totally made me cry (not hard to do today!). What a sweet, sweet post. Love it. Happy Birthday to your handsome little Racecar.
What a sweet post
Happy birthday big boy! My middle boy turns 5 on Thursday!
What a sweet post
Happy birthday big boy! My middle boy turns 5 on Thursday!
I still love that he wants his ears pierced at the boy’s store. I hope he has the best of birthdays, and I’m sure that what he’s going to remember is how much love his mom has given him.
I still love that he wants his ears pierced at the boy’s store. I hope he has the best of birthdays, and I’m sure that what he’s going to remember is how much love his mom has given him.
Happy Birthday Racecar. What a great post Beth.
Happy Birthday Racecar. What a great post Beth.
Happy Birthday Racecar!!! Hope you have a FANTASTIC day!
Happy Birthday Racecar!!! Hope you have a FANTASTIC day!
I love, love, LOVE the interview!!! How cute!
Happy Birthday Racecar!!
I love, love, LOVE the interview!!! How cute!
Happy Birthday Racecar!!
What a cute interview. Funny that he wants his ears pierced at the boys’ store.
Happy Birthday Racecar!
Great post Beth.
What a cute interview. Funny that he wants his ears pierced at the boys’ store.
Happy Birthday Racecar!
Great post Beth.
OH, Beth. He is the most precious thing ever. You must feel so blessed to get to be his Mom.
Steph
OH, Beth. He is the most precious thing ever. You must feel so blessed to get to be his Mom.
Steph
Happy Birthday Racecar! I can’t believe you’re 5 already! Great post Beth.
Happy Birthday Racecar! I can’t believe you’re 5 already! Great post Beth.
Ok – that first part, totally made me cry.
And the second part – awesome.
I think that no matter what this year held for your family, that he will remember that he is loved.
Ok – that first part, totally made me cry.
And the second part – awesome.
I think that no matter what this year held for your family, that he will remember that he is loved.
Happy birthday to your sweet boy! My son just turned 5 on Dec 31st so I can relate, Apple Jacks tend to be his favorite. I love how you do a birthday interview – cute idea!
Happy birthday to your sweet boy! My son just turned 5 on Dec 31st so I can relate, Apple Jacks tend to be his favorite. I love how you do a birthday interview – cute idea!
This post made me CRY.
I know you have had a challenges this year….but you are so lucky to have such a sweet 5-year old.
This post made me CRY.
I know you have had a challenges this year….but you are so lucky to have such a sweet 5-year old.
So beautiful and that interview is HILARIOUS!
So beautiful and that interview is HILARIOUS!
Happy Birthday little man.
Happy Birthday little man.
I really enjoyed reading this. Five year old boys are so special.
I really enjoyed reading this. Five year old boys are so special.
Beautiful post!!! Thanks for sharing! Loved it!
Beautiful post!!! Thanks for sharing! Loved it!
Happy Birthday to your sweet Racecar! He’s a lucky guy to have you
Happy Birthday to your sweet Racecar! He’s a lucky guy to have you
How precious!!! Happy Birthday Racecar!
How precious!!! Happy Birthday Racecar!
I know exactly how you feel. I have a five-year-old boy, too, and I still can’t believe he’s MINE.
I know exactly how you feel. I have a five-year-old boy, too, and I still can’t believe he’s MINE.
This was such a wonderful, amazing, feel good post and very well written! Once I started to cry, I cried through the rest. You should frame it and put it up in Racecar’s room. He will adore this letter from you one day.
I always love your interviews! I wish I had copied this idea from you, I mean, started this from my original idea a long time ago.
This was such a wonderful, amazing, feel good post and very well written! Once I started to cry, I cried through the rest. You should frame it and put it up in Racecar’s room. He will adore this letter from you one day.
I always love your interviews! I wish I had copied this idea from you, I mean, started this from my original idea a long time ago.
Happy birthday to Racecar…love the interview idea…love his answers, so true, so five. My bubba is going to be five at the end of February, where does the time go?
Happy birthday to Racecar…love the interview idea…love his answers, so true, so five. My bubba is going to be five at the end of February, where does the time go?
Wow! What a sweet thing to say to your mother!! I can’t stop crying over that one. Thanks for sharing this. You are blessed with a wonderful, sweet, sensitive little guy. What a great husband he will make someday!!
Wow! What a sweet thing to say to your mother!! I can’t stop crying over that one. Thanks for sharing this. You are blessed with a wonderful, sweet, sensitive little guy. What a great husband he will make someday!!