I woke up this morning and remembered it was your birthday. As I was brushing my teeth, with you and Ariel still asleep in your rooms, I looked out of the bathroom window and saw snow gently falling and a soft pink light. I walk downstairs to make coffee, but instead, I grabbed my camera and took a picture of the beautiful sunrise that I know was meant for you.
As we drove your sister to school, I could not help but to notice how beautiful everything was. The now soft yellow sun was peeking through snow covered trees. Everything that surrounded us was covered by the purest white I have ever seen. It was beautiful and peaceful. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw you looking out of the window with a smile on your face.
At that moment, you took my breath away, just like you did the first time I saw you. Five years ago today.
When I reflect back on this past year, it makes me so sad that it was a year of such sadness. I wonder if you’ll look back on your childhood someday and think of your Mom crying. That isn’t what I want, I only want happiness for you, always. And I want to apologize for being so sad, but something tells me you understand. There is something deep within you that I think gets it. I can remember, back on March 2nd, the day after the memorial service, I was sitting in the living room with your two aunts and your Grandma and I finally allowed myself to cry, to really, really cry in front of people. You walked into the room, climbed on my lap and in my ear you whispered “I got you, I got you, Mama.” And you, at the tender age of four, made me feel better.
I used to whisper that in your ear when you were a baby and you were crying. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think you’d say the same thing to me.
You did have me, you still have me, and you’ll always have me. Which makes me the luckiest person in the world, because I’ve got you, too.
Today we celebrate you and the bright, sensitive, funny, picky, loving, feisty boy that you are. Something tells me this is going to be a very, very good year. I can’t wait to share it with you.
___________________
Last night, I was able to sit down with you for your annual birthday interview:
Mom: So, Racecar, what is tomorrow?
Racecar: My birthday.
Mom: How old are you going to be?
Racecar: Five
Mom: What do you want to do on your birthday?
Racecar: I don’t know.
Mom: What do you want for breakfast?
Racecar: Cinnamon toast crunch? (Mom: we don’t have any) Fruit loops? (Mom: we don’t have any) Apple jacks? (Mom: we have Apple Jacks!) (we went to Dunkin’ Donut and he got a chocolate donut with sprinkles. Red, white and blue sprinkles)
Mom: What did you love about being four?
Racecar: hmmm….I don’t know.
Mom: Who is your favorite person?
Racecar: Jose.
Mom: What is your favorite color?
Racecar: Green and blue.
Mom: What’s your favorite show?
Racecar: Spongebob
Mom: What’s your favorite food?
Racecar: Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Mom: What’s your favorite vegetable?
Racecar: Green beans
Mom: Your favorite fruit?
Racecar: Pineapple.
Mom: Would you rather have a donut or a grilled cheese sandwich?
Racecar: Donut.
Mom: Tomorrow, on your birthday, can I kiss you 100 times?
Racecar: No.
Mom: Why not?
Racecar: uh, because maybe you could spank me and I’ll watch out.
Mom: But, I want to kiss you 100 times.
Racecar: No, not 100, how about ten times?
Mom: That’s fine. How many hours can I hug you?
Racecar: One hour.
Mom: How much do you love your Mom?
Racecar: super duper super duper super duper super duper super duper much.
Mom: How much do you love Ariel?
Racecar: None.
Mom: How much do you love Daddy?
Racecar: A little bit. I like him 99 and I like you 100.
Mom: Who’s better at Wii bowling, you or Daddy?
Racecar: Me.
Mom: What about Wii Golf?
Racecar: Daddy
Mom: What about Indiana Jones on the Wii?
Racecar: Me. and Daddy.
Mom: What do you want for your birthday?
Racecar: I don’t know.
Mom: Last week, you mentioned that you wanted your ears pierced, do you still want them pierced?
Racecar: Like at the girls’ store or the boys’ store? Cause I only want them pierced at the boys’ store.
Mom: How excited are you to be turning five?
Racecar: so excited. super duper super duper super much. Like 100 million thousand much.
Mom: Do you know how much your Mommy loves you?
Racecar: No.
Mom: Well, I love you so so so so so so so so so much.
Racecar: Man, that’s a lot of so’s.
You have no idea.
(this photo taken by CE)
Happy Birthday, little man!!!
Happy Birthday, little man!!!
Aw, Beth *sniff, sniff* With Flicka’s big 5 coming up in 7 weeks, this hits me right int he heart.
Aw, Beth *sniff, sniff* With Flicka’s big 5 coming up in 7 weeks, this hits me right int he heart.
You totally made me cry. But I forgive you because you also made me laugh
I LOVE the interview. I am stealing that idea.
You totally made me cry. But I forgive you because you also made me laugh
I LOVE the interview. I am stealing that idea.
I just got cold chills reading about how Racecar said “I got you, mama.” What an amazing little boy! Happy Birthday, Racecar!
I just got cold chills reading about how Racecar said “I got you, mama.” What an amazing little boy! Happy Birthday, Racecar!
I came to this post totally happy, not sappy in the least and as I read and got to the “I got you, mama” I lost it. Totally, helplessly broke down. What an amazing thing these kids do for us. So funny how we always think they’re the ones that need us most as so often, they’re the ones saving us. Happy Birthday to your sweet boy and happy day to his mama
.
I came to this post totally happy, not sappy in the least and as I read and got to the “I got you, mama” I lost it. Totally, helplessly broke down. What an amazing thing these kids do for us. So funny how we always think they’re the ones that need us most as so often, they’re the ones saving us. Happy Birthday to your sweet boy and happy day to his mama
.
Happy Birthday Racecar!
He is such a precious, sweet boy. Every thing about his face is angelic and is smile alone could warm hundreds of hearts.
To the wii master (racecar)-
I hope you have an excellent 5th birthday and get to eat all the cinnamon toast crunch your little heart desires. Happy Birthday!
Love,
Crooked Eyebrow
Happy Birthday Racecar!
He is such a precious, sweet boy. Every thing about his face is angelic and is smile alone could warm hundreds of hearts.
To the wii master (racecar)-
I hope you have an excellent 5th birthday and get to eat all the cinnamon toast crunch your little heart desires. Happy Birthday!
Love,
Crooked Eyebrow
I can see that he has a beautiful, gentle spirit! Happy birthday Racecar!
I can see that he has a beautiful, gentle spirit! Happy birthday Racecar!
~~ Happy Birthday Racecar ~~
~~ Happy Birthday Racecar ~~
Happy Birthday, Racecar!
Happy Birthday, Racecar!
That was beautiful and tender and precious and perfect. Happy birthday Racecar!
That was beautiful and tender and precious and perfect. Happy birthday Racecar!
just.beautiful.
just.beautiful.
You melt my heart. Tell Racecar Happy Birthday and I love him (you too!)
You melt my heart. Tell Racecar Happy Birthday and I love him (you too!)
Love, Love, Love that boy!! I know today is the start of a great year for him–FIVE is a big deal!!!
Love, Love, Love that boy!! I know today is the start of a great year for him–FIVE is a big deal!!!
What a great tribute to your son! You made me cry. And speaking of crying, I think it is a sign of strength to be able to allow yourself to cry in front of your kids. They need to see the full range of emotions.
What a great tribute to your son! You made me cry. And speaking of crying, I think it is a sign of strength to be able to allow yourself to cry in front of your kids. They need to see the full range of emotions.
That was a very special post!
I have a 5 year old (daughter) too.
Feliz Cumpleanos to Racecar!
That was a very special post!
I have a 5 year old (daughter) too.
Feliz Cumpleanos to Racecar!
Racecar is a precious little boy or should I say “big” boy. I hope he never has trouble finding the words to make you feel better. …knowing that he’s your son, I don’t think he will.
LOVE the bday interview!!!! What a great idea!
Happy Birthday Kiddo!
Racecar is a precious little boy or should I say “big” boy. I hope he never has trouble finding the words to make you feel better. …knowing that he’s your son, I don’t think he will.
LOVE the bday interview!!!! What a great idea!
Happy Birthday Kiddo!
Happy Birthday darling. A lovely, lovely post.
Happy Birthday darling. A lovely, lovely post.
Beth: Put this post in an envelope and put it in your son’s keepsake box for him to rediscover another day. This is stunning work! ox, Destiny
Beth: Put this post in an envelope and put it in your son’s keepsake box for him to rediscover another day. This is stunning work! ox, Destiny
Happy Birthday Racecar! That was so beautiful!
Happy Birthday Racecar! That was so beautiful!
Happy Birthday to your big guy! such a sweet post!
Happy Birthday to your big guy! such a sweet post!
I have a 5-year old boy as well (and a 3-year old boy, and a 9-month old girl), but anyway, I cried thru this whole blog. The “I got you” part, oh, my, so touching and priceless. Thanks for sharing your intimate thoughts on your sweet boy.
I have a 5-year old boy as well (and a 3-year old boy, and a 9-month old girl), but anyway, I cried thru this whole blog. The “I got you” part, oh, my, so touching and priceless. Thanks for sharing your intimate thoughts on your sweet boy.
Happy Happy Birthday Race Car. What a wonderful little man you are.
Beth this was a great post. I wish they kids would stay this age forever. Enjoy every day with them.
Happy Happy Birthday Race Car. What a wonderful little man you are.
Beth this was a great post. I wish they kids would stay this age forever. Enjoy every day with them.
This is PERFECT! You can feel the love you feel, and it’s powerful. You are such a wonderful Mommy… Please give kisses and “sneezes” to my fellow January birthday kid.
We love you so very much… Hugs, JH
This is PERFECT! You can feel the love you feel, and it’s powerful. You are such a wonderful Mommy… Please give kisses and “sneezes” to my fellow January birthday kid.
We love you so very much… Hugs, JH
That Racecar is an amazing boy. Truly amazing. And wicked good at teaching people how to play Wii.
Happy birthday sweet boy. Always love your mama, because she *does* love you so, so, so, so, so much. And that *is* alot.
Love the sunrise picture. It’s magically delicious.
That Racecar is an amazing boy. Truly amazing. And wicked good at teaching people how to play Wii.
Happy birthday sweet boy. Always love your mama, because she *does* love you so, so, so, so, so much. And that *is* alot.
Love the sunrise picture. It’s magically delicious.
I could only stop the tears long enough to laugh at your little interview. This is just SO sweet…
Happy Birthday to Racecar!!!
I could only stop the tears long enough to laugh at your little interview. This is just SO sweet…
Happy Birthday to Racecar!!!