Head over here, just leave a comment and $1 will be donated to Team James and Jake for every comment that is left. Plus you are entered to win a $50 gift card to anywhere of your choice. You have every reason to go over there and no reason not to. And hurry and do it by 8 tomorrow (Sunday) evening because that’s the deadline. m’kay?
sometimes I’m bossy.
Also, if you want to twitter or blog about this, I’d probably kiss you through my monitor.
and I’m a very good kisser.
We had thunderstorms yesterday. Rain, wind, thunder and lightning. It was so dramatic and so appropriate. When I woke up to the darkness yesterday morning, it was foggy and I have to admit, I got a little “why me-ish” on the weather, like “why can’t it be sunny today, today of ALL days?“ But that thought and that attitude went away with the fog, I found the weather to be perfect, just like our day.
We didn’t do anything.
Brian stayed home, we didn’t work, we didn’t really clean or do laundry, we just existed as a family. We went to lunch, the four of us and then headed to Target for essentials, toilet paper, toothpaste, laundry detergent, you know, one of those trips.
We came home. Ariel made bracelets with the new beads she got at Target, Racecar played Wii, Brian played with Racecar. I sat at my computer, checked email, read comments and laid down on the couch and counted my blessings.
We picked up Papa John’s and sat in the living room and started to watch American Idol, we put the kids to bed and then a thunderstorm rolled through, just in time for their bedtime. Now, Racecar is much like his father in that thunderstorms do not phase him at all, he could not care less. Ariel, on the other hand is very much like her mother who needs to know every detail about the storm because WHAT IF THERE IS A TORNADO? She’s very scared of storms.
Brian and I eventually laid in our bed with her, when the storm passed, while she was still awake, we put her back to bed, but Brian and I continued to lay on our bed and we fell asleep.
My final thought before dozing was one year ago, in just forty minutes, the boys exited my body. I remember being in labor and feeling their descent and crying not because of the pain but because my moments carrying them was soon to be over. I cherished carrying them so much, the realization that it was minutes away from being over was devastating.
I fell asleep after that and woke up at eleven. I brushed my teeth, went downstairs, turned of the lights and crawled back in bed.
Yesterday was perfection. It was exactly the way it was supposed to be.
All of you made such a difference in our day and in our hearts. We could feel the love and prayers that surrounded us and that helped to fill us with peace. James and Jake are our most perfect angels. I don’t know why they were taken from us, and I’d give anything to have them here in our arms, but we feel incredibly privelidged that they are ours, even in their heavenly form. It is better to have loved and lossed then to never have loved at all. These words are so true.
Thank you for being with us yesterday and today and during our entire journey, you bless us. Every day.
______________________________________
Many posts were written about James and Jake and our family yesterday and I wanted to share them with you:
First of all, my Mom started a blog this week, she wrote a post about yesterday. I hope you head over there and not only read her post, but also welcome her to the blog world.
Thea is doing this incredibly AWESOME thing to celebrate her two year blogoversary, where she is donating $1 to Team James and Jake (up to $250!!!!) for every comment that is left on this post. Plus by leaving a comment you are entered to win a $50 gift card to anywhere you want. This is so incredible – please, flood her post with comments!
Stephanie wrote here and here, Christy’s post, Arianne’s, Melissa’s and Lisa’s. These words are so meaningful to me, thank you all so much.
Here we are. One year later.
Right about now my labor was really starting to begin. I can remember sitting in a chair in the hospital room, our priest from our church came in and was praying for us and for our strength, I can remember during the prayer feeling discomfort deep within me, I can remember wondering if labor was actually beginning.
With Ariel and Racecar I never really experienced labor and delivery, after having a c-section with Racecar, I knew I would never have a vaginal delivery. I was always a little disappointed about that, little did I know that God was saving that experience for me for two very special boys.
The contractions arrived and intensified. The pain was unbearable and usually non-stop, throughout labor I was continuously offered pain medication and epidurals. But each time I refused. All I could think about was how this labor was my real labor of love. I would breathe through each contraction thinking that this is just one day of my life, this is just one moment in time that is for them, I wanted to feel what I was supposed to feel. I didn’t want to miss a single experience I was supposed to have with them, no matter how painful.
That physical pain was a sliver of the emotional pain we have experienced.
The labor was my gift from them. Although it was such a tragic end to something so beautiful, that experience that I had with them was so unique, it was something I had never experienced before and I hope I will never experience again.
I can’t believe an entire year has passed. This day marks the day we held their perfection in our arms and it marks the beginning of a season for us, a season of tears, questions, anger, sadness and experiences that have changed us forever. Everyday seems like a new anniversary of sorts, tomorrow marks the day we held them for the last time, this week marks the time we cried all throughout the day and it was expected and understood, the time when food and flowers were delivered seemingly non-stop, the memorial service, picking up their ashes, learning to live with grief.
There are so many memories flooding into our brains and into our hearts that it’s overwhelming. Somehow, though, it feels good, it feels good to be dedicating this time to James and Jake. I get so carried away with life that the only time I find myself feeling the heartache is while driving alone in my car or laying in bed, after turning out the lights.
James and Jake have changed us forever. We laugh and love more, we let go of the little things, we just want to live and live fully, all because James and Jake have taught us just how precious, beautiful and fragile this life is. Their power is undeniable, their mark is forever.
YOUR mark is forever, too. I told my sister, a few days after losing James and Jake that my biggest fear is that James and Jake would be forgotten, the mere thought made my heart break into a million little pieces. But so many of you are still here, so many of you have not forgotten, so many of you live fuller lives because of James and Jake and that is their power and that is so beautiful and healing to us.
Every story we hear about how they have affected you is inspiring to us. Every comment you leave about your love for our boys is a like a little gift handed to us, wrapped in the most beautiful paper, that we will hold onto for the rest of our lives. I could listen to you forever, telling me how your heart is better because of James and Jake.
We’d love to hear from you today, because this day, as my friend Amy pointed out, “is a day that maybe we’ll remember the special things from this day one year ago, meeting our boys, holding them, studying them and their beautiful features, loving them in the flesh.“ This day is not just about the sadness, but also about the beautiful, the amazing, the good.
Yes, there is good.
“our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” -confuscius
First of all, I am loving the challenge so far, thank you to all that have participated so far. It’s so much fun and I encourage you to continue to add your links, if you haven’t already done so. It’s never too late.
Secondly, I have posted over here about my humliating experience while in the nude today.
Third, Kristy V is the winner of the Live Beautiful giveaway – congrats!
Finally, thank you to everyone so far for your prayers this week. I’m dreading tomorrow, but am ready to get it over with.
Man, I am so excited to see what you all have come up with this week. Remember the challenge? Take a picture of something you love…without the flash. Did you find success? I know I did. I had such a hard time trying to find just one thing that I love and as much as I wanted to take pictures of my family (and as easy as it would have been), I decided not to.
Taking pictures without a flash can be really tricky, I still struggle with taking my camera out of automatic and getting a good enough shot by setting up my shutter speed, aperture and ISO. Which is reason number 1823 why I love this challenge, THE PRACTICE! It’s not just for you, it’s for me, too!
I received this item from a blog reader, her name is Racheal and she’s wonderful and thoughtful. She let me know early on that she wanted to make something for me and I know she worked so hard on this item. When I received it, I instantly loved it. Not just because it’s so incredibly beautiful and has birds! But also because I know it means a lot to her, I know the love that went into it and whenever I see it, I think of love.
I look a few different pictures for two reasons (you can take as many as you want, as well.) The first reason is to show you perspective, the second is to show edited and unedited version of the photos.
First the edited:
And the unedited:
I just love the way this plate looks like five different plates. (make sure you pay attention to the perspective…HINT, HINT.)
Now, it’s your turn to share.
Just a few things: Enter your site name and the link to your post (or picture) in the fields below, link to your post goes in the URL field. (see? That’s Mr. Linky.) It will automatically list your information when you hit enter. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU ONLY LINK TO THAT SPECIFIC POST, I will delete the link if you link directly to your blog/flickr site and not the post that contains the pictures. To link to your post, just right click on your post title and copy link or click on the post title and copy the web address in your browser and then paste into the link field, here’s an example for you:
Please also make sure you are referencing the You Capture photo challenge on your site to share with your readers. The more participants, the more fun we’ll have!
One more thing, remember to visit the rest of the participants sites and see what they did, this is a great way to build traffic to your site and create a community! Don’t be shy. If you love a picture, tell them so.
Now onto next week’s challenge:
PERSPECTIVE. Take a picture from a completely different angle than what you normally would. Be creative…makes us, your audience, see a piece of something that we normally overlook when just passing something by. (see my plate up there? Different perspectives, you can do this!
Some perspective examples:
Happy Capturing! See you next Wednesday!
