Thanks to all of you who have left an amazing comment or sent an email, your support makes such a difference during this time. If I’m being honest with you, I have to tell you that I’m almost embarrassed to be in this position again. This position of leaning on you for your support and love and prayers. I had made so much progress since that fateful day last February and then this happens and almost lands me at square one.
I said almost at square one. This time I know we’ll be okay, last time I never believed it for a second.
The procedure and the day went quite well. I was with my favorite doctor which made me feel well taken care of and Brian was by my side, which brings me strength, especially when he continues to tell me how pretty I am despite the dark circles, lack of make-up and funky surgery hair.
Today, however, brings me a new dilemma. I have to make a very big decision. Back before I even knew I was pregnant, I bought airlines tickets, booked a hotel and registered for Blissdom. My flight was schedule to leave on Thursday, February 5th and I was flying with Sarah, Stephanie and Arianne.
I couldn’t wait. I can’t even describe to you how excited I was to meet so many people that are attending. I was constantly giddy at the thought of being able to connect these blogger’s written word with their faces and being able to actually wrap my arms around them.
Even though I knew my pregnancy was a threatened miscarriage this weekend, I had hope and started to shop and prepare for the trip. But then on Monday afternoon, we learned that the once beating heart had stopped and then everything in our worlds stopped, too. Planning stopped, hoping stopped, everything stopped.
I know I should go on this trip and my doctor has told me that physically I would be fine, but also wanted to warn me that the emotional aspect is what I should be thinking about.
Not only that, but can I be ready in time? I mean, I’m still in my hospital underwear for the love of God. (don’t judge, they’re awesome and the nurse gave me EXTRA.)
My eyebrows are bushy.
I have no clothes.
I still have to pack.
And do tons of laundry.
I still have cramping and all I want to do is lay in bed. And not because I’m so depressed, but because I’m so incredibly tired, I just want to sleep.
And? I can’t even drive until this afternoon. Also? 15 inches of snow fell on us last night, so getting around will be treacherous.
I’m saying all of this and I know that I should just crawl back in bed and just wait until next year.
Then again, I wonder if I should just buck up, take a shower and start doing some laundry and go to bed extra early tonight and this weekend I can feel the love and support of my friends and blog world.
But then? What could be better than staying home with my family? (did I mention my birthday is this weekend, too?)
I just need one more day.
I just need to make this decision.
But I can’t.