Hard Times
ByMy heart is hurting and not just because James and Jake aren’t here with us today and I’ve been feeling their loss now more than ever, but my heart is hurting doubly because Maddie is gone.
On April 7th, Madeline Alice Spohr, just seventeen months old, passed away unexpectedly. Maddie’s Mommy, Heather, is a fellow blogger with a great sense of humor and a wonderful attitude. And now her life is changed FOREVER.
I know that losing James and Jake and Maddie passing away are not the same. I can not imagine losing the life of a child that I’ve looked deep into their eyes, or sang a song into their ears or watched them sleep to bring me peace.
But I do know grief and I know that it’s suffocating and physically painful and that it grips you from within and you want scream and fight and cry ALL OF THE TIME.
Grief is so hard. Grief is so lonely.
I HATE that Heather is feeling the pain and the loneliness. I HATE that she is missing her beautiful daughter. I HATE that she now knows this life that no mother should ever know. She is now part of that club, the club that nobody wants to be part of.
I know that many of us just don’t know what we can do in a situation like this. I mean, we’ve never actually met her, we don’t know her, so what can you really do that would make a difference?
When you go to her site, just let them know that you are sorry and that you are thinking of them. That simple message will mean so much. If you have more to say, SAY IT. If you go to her site and see that she has 500 comments and think that she would not possibly notice yours…you would be wrong. The most overwhelming feeling in grief is loneliness. Although you can’t physically wrap your arms around her, or bring her a meal or clean her house, you can offer her your words and your prayers. And it will make a difference.
I should know, so many of you did it for me. And I will never, ever forget it.
Hug extra tight, laugh extra hard, forget the dishes, live in the moment and be grateful for the blessings in your life.
(please be patient with their site, it is down much of the time, but keep trying to visit to leave your words of comfort and encouragement.)
Team James & Jake will proudly be walking in honor of Maddie Spohr. If you’d like to make a contribution to the family to help with upcoming expenses, you can do so by clicking here.
Oh, I’m sorry. I’m deeply sorry. And here I’ve been emailing you about a camera!
I too know grief quite well, but I’m beyond thankful I’ve not experienced the loss of a child. My heart crumbles when I hear of parents who’ve lost their children.
My heart crumbles for you & now for Maddies mom.
I had never heard of Maddie until yesterday. Now, every time I see her name or read a post about her or her parents, it physically hurts to breathe. So very sad for their family……
It’s wonderful that you are adding your voice, Beth, because I know your words are so right. I will keep on commenting, because I know you are speaking from experience (and I HATE that for you).
I wish this never, ever happened to anyone.
I can honestly tell you today when I said a little prayer and wrote a message on her blog I almost wrote “Maddie there are two little boys in heaven that will help you find your way around and play with you. There names are James and Jake. If I listen and pray hard enough I can already hear them giggling together.”
I will be for sure praying. Seriously thank-you so much for sharing this with us – I cannot even imagine what they are going through.
My thoughts and prayers are certainly with this family. I can’t even imagine what they are going through.
My heart goes out to them (and you). You will all be in my prayers.
My heart stopped beating momentarily when I read that Maddie was born premature because of pPROM @ 19 weeks. You know Burke’s story, so you know the similarities in their journeys. When my heart started beating again, it was broken for Heather and Mike. I will be praying for them. Thank you for passing their story along.
Beth, thank you for posting this.
Steph
Wonderful words. Wonderful reminder. Thank you.
After reading this last night, I let Luke fall asleep in our bed because I just wanted to hold him. Thank you for the reminder, Beth.
Your words have touched me and I am hugging my kids tighter. Thank you for sharing. I am keeping Maddie’s family and your family in my thoughts!
I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe everything happens for a reason. I know we have only met a couple of times, you are one of those, who are constantly on my mind! Ariel and Racecar and Brian and you, I think about daily. I don’t always comment, because, even as a fellow blogger, I don’t know what I can add to what has already been said! I follow you and I do love you! I love that you have made solid choices to move on, for whatever reason. I have the made choices to move on too, but my reasons are far different! I can never compare my life to losing children, I did lose a sister 21 years ago. I am sorry and happy to tell you it still effects me today! I have good days and rough days! I do associate my good days with my sister, even though my kids have never met her, I know they would! I am not sure if it ever stops hurting for a sister, I have been trying to stop it for 21 years, but I can tell you that it does make a difference in my choices for life! I do see you have found the same strength from James and Jake and I hope you continue to!
Huge hugs to you. That was a beautiful post.