Not planned
ByI wasn’t planning to get pregnant, but I did.
We never thought we’d find out we were having twins, but we did.
During that time, I wasn’t planning to become the happiest most grateful person on this earth, but I did.
I wasn’t planning on losing James & Jake.
But I did.
I never thought my heart could break into into a million little piece to never be the same.
But it did.
The funeral home, the memorial service, memorial cards, flowers, meals; I never thought those would be a part of my life. But they were.
I never thought my children’s ashes would sit on my dresser in my home. But they do.
I was JUST LIKE YOU, ONCE UPON A TIME. I didn’t know grief like I now know, I took my children and my pregnancies for granted, I thought that type of thing only happened to other people.
But that’s not true.
Tomorrow we walk for so much. For love, for hope, for missing, for dreams, for inspiration, for loss, for sadness, for gratitude. For life. We walk for James and Jake, Lydia, my niece and nephew, my dear friend’s daughter, Allison and for Madeline.
And for you. For you because you just never know what is going to happen. You never know when your life will be flipped upside down to never return to the place it once was.
By walking tomorrow, it is my goal to make sure you never know what you don’t know.
But just because you don’t know it, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t know about it. Donate to the cause. Appreciate the gifts in your life. Love with all of you heart.
I never thought I’d be part of a team, walking for our sons that would raise close to $18,000 in two years. But I am, and I’m so proud of that.
thank you for walking, you helped my babies live
*tears*
thank you.
You are doing an amazing thing! Thankfully when my daughter was born 5 weeks early she didn’t need any help, but I know she could have easily went the other way. It makes me feel loved knowing that there are people like you who do so much for others that you don’t even know.
Love you. Lots.
thank you for sharing. you walk with the wings of so many angels.
There are times when I was pregnant with Luke that I’d wish that he’d calm down a bit in utero, so I could get some sleep. But now? I never wish that. Ever. I relish every kick, punch, even every headbutt to the cervix (and I get a lot of those), because it’s a reminder that I’m damn lucky to have a healthy growing baby inside of me. I wish that I wouldn’t have had to learn that lesson from you, but I did, and I am the better for it. And tomorrow, when I’m the last one to finish the walk because of sciatica, I’ll do it with a smile on my face because it’s so wonderfully, beautifully worth it.
Love you
I will be thinking of you as you take the strides of strength, hope, and determination tomorrow….
What a beautiful post, picture, and blog. I am sorry for your loss and grateful that you are walking. Rock on, strong mama!
Crying. Beautiful posts and pictures. I will be praying and thinking of you and your family as you are walking tomorrow.
How incredibly beautiful and wonderful and sad all at the same time.
Thank you for sharing and for walking. {higs}
I was one of those people who did not know. Knowing now makes me love and appreciate all those in my life and cherish all the moments even more. Which enriches my life. So thank you.
I hope tomorrow is a beautiful day and a beautiful walk in honor of all those beautiful babies.
Thank you for all you do- your shirts are amazing. I’m so glad about how much money you’ve raised – I think it’s great. Thank you for sharing your loss with all of us.
We’ll be thinking of you tomorrow, your walk, your work for this cause and your beautiful boys. Love.
Oh dear. Beth, this is beautiful. I didn’t plan on crying today, but I am.
Steph
I LOVE the photo of you holding James and Jake. Thanks for sharing it with us.
My one year anniversary of our twins is coming up… On Mother’s Day… Again I am going to tell how important your site is and how important you are to me… I have been attending a support group for almost a year now and I am forever talking about you and your story to others. I really don’t know where I would be emotionally if it were not for your similar feelings and thoughts… Thank you!
[...] walk for Team James and Jake, the twin angel boys of my boo, Beth from I Should Be Folding Laundry. Her boys left this Earth so early, before any of us were able to make them giggle or tickle [...]
Was blog hopping and ended up here . . .I had my twins at 24 weeks and buried one of them 18 days later. Our survivor has pretty involved CP, and like you this is definitely not the life I had planned. Kudos to you for raising so much money for the March of Dimes–it’s a very special day for preemies and mothers like us everywhere.
Beth, May God walk with you tomorrow and smile down on you with your precious little ones by his side. Good luck and Thanks You!
I so wish I could walk with you. But, know that I am, in thought.
God bless you.
I feel so honored to be walking with you and I promise you, I will wear the T-shirt with respect, love and honor. Like Erin, I might be the last one across the finish line, but I will finish knowing that I gave it my all in honor of all of the little angels. This was such a tear jerker post.
I wish I could be there to walk for your sons. I’m thinking of you.
Nell
Many thanks to you for all that you do.
Such a beautiful post Beth. Thank you so much for sharing with us.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow. I hope the weather is beautiful, your knee is painless, and that you have a wonderful day.
I will be thinking of you tomorrow.
Wishing you all a wonderful walk and day tomorrow… my thoughts are with you.
thank you for walking, Beth. On behalf of all of us and all of those beautiful babies. We will be thinking of you and are with you in spirit.
Thank you for walking. My three preemies and I thank you.
(Sidenote: amidst tears, I’ve typed, deleted, retyped, deleted, retyped this over and over. Apparently, I can’t put together a single sentence.)
How I wish I could be there to walk with you. You will be on my mind and in my heart as you walk tomorrow (as you’ve continued to be).
*huge gigantic hugs*
I thought about you and your family today on our walk. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow. You’ll do great, and James and Jake will be right there with you. One on each shoulder.
The last picture is so sad and so beautiful seeing two children with the names of who they are walking for.
Many huge hugs to you & your whole team.
Beth, I wish I were walking with you and the team tomorrow. I will be praying for you and your family as you walk for your boys. They’ll be with you every step of the way.
As always, you have touched my heart with your post. I’m so proud to be on Team James and Jake and proud that our team has surpassed its $8000. goal. I’m sure your beautiful angels will be smiling down on us tomorrow. Love you!
Thinking about you today as you walk for all of our babies. Thank you.
Thank you for also sharing those special pictures with us.
BETH….GOD HAS ONCE AGAIN BLESSED THIS DAY WITH BEAUTIFUL WEATHER!!! LET’S DO THIS WOMAN!!!! CONGRATULATIONS TO TEAM JAMES AND JAKE…OVER $8,000.00..WOO HOO!!!!! YOU’RE AMAZING…CAN’T SAY IT ENOUGH!!! I love you and those little babies…who by the way, I believe have a little something to do with this 75 degree day!! Their beautiful smiles shining down on their mama whom they are soooo very proud of!!! I can’t wait to see you to hug the daylights out of you!!! LET’S GO PEOPLE~!!!!
I am thinking of you and praying for you today, Beth. Love.
Thinking of you, your family and all other families out there walking today. My heart and love will be there with you in spirit.
Beautiful post, Beth. I am thinking of you and your family and the babies today.
XOXO
This is just beautiful, Beth!! Thanks so much for sharing! My thoughts are with you today as you walk to help babies have a good start at life! Thanks for everything you do!
Thinking of you today, Beth.
Nell
I walked yesterday 4/25/09 in Lafayette,IN.
You all were on my mind during the walk.
God Bless
I am proud of you!
What a beautiful post Beth!!!! I am soooo incredibly sorry for your loss! Your pain is unimaginable.
You have done such great things in your boys’ honor. You should be so proud!
Your are amazing! Huge hugs to you and your walkers! Great post! I loved reading it even though it makes my heart melt. Thank you for that!
I will think of you, pray for you, and wish I could be there with you when you walk. Try and take comfort in all the love people are showing you.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss
I wanted to thank you for walking…it’s because of people like you that I lived…born at 26 wks.
I am very glad to share your story, you really did a good job. tomorrow is another day .I hope tomorrow is a beautiful day and a beautiful walk in honor of all those beautiful babies.