I often think people are just waiting for me to talk about it, about James and Jake, (not Disney World.) Not that there is anything wrong with that, it’s just that sometimes it feels good to not talk about it. To live life the way it’s supposed to be lived, without grief, without heartache. (that is the way it’s supposed to be, right?)
I can’t imagine trying to be my friend. Always wanting to do or say the right thing, never wanting to disregard, but not wanting to bring anything up for fear of upsetting me. And then I write something like I wrote in that first paragraph, which only proves that I am impossible to be around.
But I promise I’m not. At least I try not to be.
While I was in Disney World, I sat across from Emily, whom I had never met before, and she brought up a post I had written about James and Jake. Her forwardness took me by surprise because people just don’t really do that. But it was AWESOME. She had something to say to me about James and Jake and she said it. It was powerful and it ignited an amazing conversation with her and Andrea.
The people around us, the children, the families, the other bloggers, felt the magic of Disney World because of Mickey and fireworks and I felt it because of the person, the mother, THE DAUGHTER, who sat across from me at our table who was willing to put herself out there, to tell me her thoughts.
As soon as I got off of the plane in Orlando and started walking away from the gate, a woman and her identical twins boys walked directly in front of me. They were about four. It was so hard for me because I don’t think I really ever visualized James and Jake at that age. We are missing so much. We will always be missing so much.
Then, a few hours later, a set of twin baby boys were in front of us as we walked.
I started to wonder why was this happening? It was hard enough being in Disney World without my children, this was like throwing salt into the wound. But as the night progressed I realized that it was to show me that despite the pain, magic still exists. Not just at Disney World, but everywhere.
I talked to Ariel on the phone while I was riding the Magical Express, heading towards the resort. The Magical Express is a free transportation service offered to families staying at one of their resorts. I said to her “I would give anything to have you sitting next to me, staring out of the window, excited to see what lays ahead.“ And she said “well, next time you go to Disney World, we’ll go as a family.”
I made a promise to her that somehow, the next time I’m in Disney World, we will all go as a family.
The weekend consisted of waking up extremely early and going to bed extremely late. We walked around all day long and were treated to some of the nicest restaurants around. We totally and completely received the VIP treatment, which was an amazing treat. I’ll never know what I did to deserve to go on this magnificent adventure with these great people, but I’m thanking my lucky stars that I was asked and that I was able to attend.
The highlights for me were meeting the other bloggers on the trip, hanging out with the friendliest of Disney people and actually realizing that a Disney vacation for me and my family, in a resort, can be affordable.
I had no idea. My first visit to Disney was when I was thirty, I always thought Disney World was for other people. But I was wrong.
It’s for everyone.
I will be planning a vacation, when? I don’t know. But I know that there are so many options for me, and I can begin my planning by getting personalized assistance from Moms (the REAL Disney experts), who can help me plan the best trip, the most memorable (AND AFFORDABLE) vacation, for my family.
I boarded the plane towards Orlando wishing that someday I could go and experience a vacation with my family. I left knowing that I can. Now THAT is magic.
——
other bloggers who attended, Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting, Christine at From Dates to Diapers, Megan at Velveteen Mind, Amanda from Oh Amanda, Marsha at Sweatpants Mom, Dawn at Because I Said So and Lindsay at Surburban Turmoil.
And the person who made it all possible, Maria Bailey.
Let me just say that I say things to you that I think I would want said to me. I hope that’s okay. Next, I’m glad you had a fabulous time, but I’m extremely jealous because I’ve never been to Disney World!! That is all. ;o)
Interesting, Beth. This is why blogs are so great. Who would know that sometimes you just ARE wanting/needing to talk about them? I specifically noticed your necklace that weekend and was going to mention how beautiful and special it was. I love the thought of you putting it on every day. But didn’t know the right words to use. So, I didn’t and apparently missed out on a great conversation.
But even as I sit here re-reading my comment for the 80th time I wonder if it’s ok. Just know I mean it with love and respect and friendship!
a
I love Disney and have been too many times to count! If you ever need advice, ideas, planning tips just let me know!! I love planning trips to Disney for others- I have planned 3 trips now for friends and they had a blast.
Your new header is breathtaking. And being your friend has, in my opinion, helped me to be a better friend to everyone.
Steph
1. Your new header is beautiful.
2. I’m glad your trip was good.
3. I can’t imagine that any of your friends would say that being your friend is anything other than a pleasure.
4. When are you going to put that picture in the Etsy shop for me?
Love the new header. The softer colors are so nice.
The pics from the trip are great.
I read this before I left for work and didn’t have time to comment. Then on the way to work, I saw a little something that made me think of you and James and Jake, and I just had to buy it for you. That said, I completely agree with Steph. Being your friend has taught me to be a better friend to everyone–to pick up little treats when they catch my eye, to say things I normally wouldn’t say, and to just love the people in my life as much as I can.
Speaking of love, LOVE the new header!
I know exactly what you mean, Beth. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished people would ask me how I’m doing, how my family is, to extend their body for a hug…and often it doesn’t happen. Which is okay, really, but sometimes it would be nice.
I can imagine how much it means to you when people talk about your twins, because that means they aren’t forgotten…they’re alive in the hearts and minds of those speaking about them. And even if it’s painful for you to think or talk about them sometimes, I know it must feel good inside to know they mean something to everyone.
HUGS!
Nell
PS
I adore your new header.
I’m sorry the day had its share of pain, but I’m glad you were able to meet other bloggers and share in the experience of Disney World. I’ve never been there. Maybe someday..
From the sounds of other bloggers posts it sounds like you guys had a lot of fun. (even though it was realllly rushed!)
btw.. love the new header.. its really pretty!
I took 2-3 years saving every little extra amount that I could to make our trip to Disney possible…and it was THE BEST.
Disney is magic and seeing it through the eyes of my children, even more magical!
I know you will get to take your family there someday, and I can’t wait to hear all about it when you do.
You are a true gem. I feel blessed to have hung out with you that weekend and learn a LOT from you. Your strength, your beauty and your amazing talent for taking a good pic
And, I too love the new header!! You are awesome in so many ways!!! I CAN’T WAIT to see you again at BlogHer!!!
Sounds like a great trip – and I can’t wait to hear about when you go with your family because I know you’ll make it happen!
And, by the way, sweet header! Nice work
I was so excited to meet you, seriously,and I’m so glad I did. I, too, hard a hard time being there without my kids, but it gave me SO much to look forward to when we do bring them back.
It was amazing to have met you Beth. I can’t wait to see you again.
I love your new header, it’s beautiful
Oh! And I’m planning our trip to go, too. If you’d like the skinny on all the cool stuff I’m finding out, I will be more than happy to share
I would love to know what Emily said to you. I’d love to know what to say to those people around me who are hurting so much. I just opened my big mouth this morning without engaging my brain and blurted out something and I don’t really know if it reopened wounds or not, but I feel like the bull in the china shop. It’s so hard to know what to say and when to say it.
That photo of those two women is stunning — love it! I adore hearing about your experience there, even the bittersweet, because it teaches me something every time. Love.
I read about your twins one night when I stayed up late(I always stay up late.Late as in 1:00 in the morning sometimes later. I get so much done when my phone doesn’t ring my husband is asleep and the dogs are snoring. Okay back to your sweet twins. I cannot recall in my reading if you mentioned that you will be with your twins again. Do you believe in “families are foever”? We lost a litle boy premature by 4 months and the fact that I know for a certainty that we will see him again. Life doesn’t end here. I hope you believe that too. You are a wonderful person from what I read. Thank you for finding the energy to share this challange.
Oh Beth, I don’t know what to say.
You’re amazing, and I’m so, so glad I was able to spend the weekend with you. (and all those other crazy girls!)
BIG HUGS.