Going on
ByHere’s the skinny.
We got the car back last Friday. Total damage? $2400.
I went to garage sales on Saturday and spent $12 on 17 summer items for Ariel.
I couldn’t find anything for Racecar.
This weekend, I spent time in the garden.
and took lots of naps.
We ate corn on the cob and we also went to Redamak’s and then we had ice cream.
I had a photo shoot.
I’m still feeling very vanilla about everything right now. Today, Racecar asked me when we were going to get more kids in our family and I didn’t even know how to answer him. So, Ariel did “when God puts some in her belly,” she said. (Since James and Jake, they never think of me being pregnant with just one baby.) I felt nothing when she said that. Maybe a little sad because I feel like I’m failing to add to this family and now I’m failing to explain why.
I just don’t know why. But we are working on that.
The interesting thing about him asking this and Ariel answering is that Brian and I are quite private about our feelings regarding our hopes for our family, even from each other, to be honest. We know we would like more children, but we know that right now we just can’t control that, so we wait. And hope and pray and we really don’t talk about it.
We know that the kids would like more children in our family, they are five and six, they see other families with more siblings, they know we lost James and Jake. They just know what isn’t there.
Anyway.
Last night I had the most vivid, crazy, beautiful, disturbing, passionate, awful, amazing dream I think I have ever had. I’ll never tell a soul what it was about. But part of me wishes I could have the same dream over and over again. And part of me wishes I had never had it in the first place.
I’ve been on the verge of laughter or crying, like that feeling before sneezing, where you feeling like something is going to happen, but the sneeze never comes. I’ve had the feeling since waking up.
And finally, tomorrow I’m getting a tiny piece of my uterus removed to be studied by my research doctor.
But let’s not talk about that, let’s look at pictures of Lynette’s family from Saturday’s shoot! These are some of my favorite shots, you can visit Lynette’s blog to see which ones she likes the best.
Lynette has no idea how beautiful she is, it’s both intriguing and frustrating. She hates having her photo taken. Such a shame, don’t you think?
I’m praying for you. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.
You take beautiful pictures – you’re very talented!
good luck tomorrow…and love the photo shoot.
Gorgeous photos, Beth. I am praying that all of your dreams come true and that your family is not complete yet. ((hug))
What a good looking family!
I’ll be praying for you and your family. Your children’s desire for siblings speaks to the love they experience as part of your family and their desire to share that with brothers and sisters, and that is just beautiful.
Those photos turned out beautiful as always. I love your work. I’ll keep your uterus in my prayers, if that’s ok with you. I know a uterus are personal things, but I’m thinking and praying for yours. hugs!
Those photos are gorgeous, just like Lynette, who I want to punch for being so skinny and fit.
It goes without saying that I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow and that if you want to talk about things, I am always, always here.
I will keep you and your “lady parts” in my heart the next few days. Everything will be okay, I know it.
The photos are gorgeous.
Photos are GREAT!
$2400? What else did they steal?
WOW! That’s a lot of money. That totally sucks. I’m sorry. Thinking of you, praying for you. The photos of Lynette and her family are GORGEOUS. You’ve always been good at this thing, but I have noticed you improving more and more with each shoot- you are doing awesome! And yes, I totally want to punch Lynette in the face too- so gorgeous. I don’t know though- if I was THAT pretty I might feel a little uncomfortable with all the attention (because she must get a lot of attention).
All those hundreds and thousands of practice shots you take every month really paid off! I love your pictures and I’m glad that you have taken this step of BEING a photographer. You’ve got talent, my dear. Big huge hugs for all your worries.
It’s so sweet that Ariel and Racecar want a sibling. I’m praying that things work out of you all to expand your family.
So sorry again about the car…
The photos, are gorgeous. Gosh I wish I lived near you!! And tell Lynette I’m jealous of those svelte arms of hers. Geez, if only I could have some like that!
Holy crap, is there gold on those tires, or was it rims as well (maybe I missed that)?
I can understand being a bit gunshy about asking the hard questions, you’re still reeling despite time being passed. One thing at a time, and it will happen, I have no doubt, I’ve seen the love in your eyes. I love her response, though. Beautiful, just like her momma
Good luck with the test. My sister has had it done, as well as my mother, so I’m semi-familiar with it all. Thinkin’ of you, honeybun. *hugs*
You did a fabulous job on the photo shoot. I love that first picture. Beautiful.
I know it’s painful for a child to ask for more siblings but I also think it’s wonderful that Racecar feels comfortable expressing his feelings and his want to love more. That just shows what an amazing, loving mommy you are. The time will come.
Speaking of dreams, I had one of you last night. You and Sarah Viola were starting this amazing buisness and you gathered all of us girls to work for you. (interesting…)
Your photos keep getting better even when I don’t think they ever can. You have some wicked talent.
and Lynette is so damn gorgeous it’s not fair….those arms!
Beth, Thank you so much for the talent you shared with my family this weekend. You have some amazing skills. I am in awe of how you captured our lives in picture and I just want to squeeze you for it, or maybe a punch in the face would work since that seems to be the reaction of the day. (Don’t hurt me people!) I can’t wait to see how far your photography will take you.
I will keep you, as I always do, in my prayers during your procedure and while you await the results. Love ya!
It makes me smile every time I look at your pictures.
Lynette is insane. She is gorgeous.
You should look at Crazy 8 online for clothes for Racecar. They are CHEAP.
It’s so funny how each family and their kids are different. Your kids want more siblings, which I think is a wonderful testament to your parenting skills and their relationship with each other. The Boy has no interest in adding to our family. He never asks where babies come from or if we will have more babies in our family. He is content just being and having our family the way it is right now. All of his friends from school have siblings, and some of their moms are pregnant as we speak, but he could care less. Which, I must say, makes it easier to deal with my recent realizations and disappointments about the size of our family.
Nothing that I can say will make anything you are going through go away. And I know that you feel like a failure to not be able to produce more children for your family, but it really truly has nothing to do with you. God is in control, and He will take care of your family in His own time. We don’t know His plan and that is what frustrates us because we want answers, WHY GOD, can’t you have more children? But He’s waiting for the right time. And when that time comes, oh it’s just going to be perfect. I can’t wait to read about it.
xoxo
I am praying for you and your family. I am praying that God brings those new babies into your family and soon. I know what it is like to long for a baby and not know when/if that baby is going to show up. And I even know what it is like to have a relatively small child ask you questions you cannot answer about this. I pray that in His time and in His way He completes your family. God Bless.
Beautiful photos & many many hugs. I, in so many ways, understand a small fragment of what you are going through. If you need anyone to listen my mailbox is always open.
What a beautiful family! You did a great job capturing them. Good luck tomorrow!
i will be praying for you tomorrow!
That family is gorgeous!
I’m sorry that you have to have a test done tomorrow – I hope everything goes well, and you get a good result. I will be praying, too, about your family, and God’s will for more children for you. I pray He will bless you soon, even when you least expect it.
I pray that your family is not complete. I pray this for you and for myself. It is so freaking hard!!!
The pics are just great. This family is beautiful. You really captured some great photos!!! Good job.
Good luck tomorrow. I hope you find some answers.
These pics are awesome!! Sending hugs your way!!
Your talent is so awesome. Someday, I need you to take pics of my family. I’ll keep you in my prayers tomorrow as always.
Hugs and prayers for you today and tomorrow. You’re not alone in your struggles – I hope that you understand that. We are all beside you holding your hands.
The photos are beautiful. Great work!
Good luck with your appointment and testing. I will keep you in my thoughts.
I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow, girl. All day long. I’m sorry life’s so vanilla for you right now, because I know you’re totally a caramel and chocolate on top girl.
Lynette’s shots are great, and she is SO beautiful. You hear that Lynette? You are beautiful, and so is your family! My favorite thing about the first shot is that the window says Fine Shoes and they’re all sporting cool flip flops
Great shots!!
I love you, girl. So much.
Great photos, my dear! I will be thinking of you.
You are so, so, SO amazingly gifted. Those shots are GORGEOUS! Incredible work, Beth. Truly incredible.
You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Sending you love and extra squeezes BH… You and your many talents bring such light into this world.thank you for all that you do…
Beth, I just love your photographs! you do such an excellent job! I have been wondering how you get that classic look with the colors, like in the first few photos in this blog entry. More in particular the first photo. Thanks so much for sharing all your wonderful photos!!
Your children are cool. I hope they know how lucky they are to have you as a momma.
Good luck to you and your uterus. I hope everything is okay.
And I really need you to take my family’s photo. Those shots are gorgeous!
Good grief, Beth. These photos are AMAZING! Absolutely, positively stunning.
That is such a shame that she doesn’t like her picture taken. Absolutely wonderful pictures. You do a great job.