I’m waiting for something to change. I’m praying for everything to be okay. But day after day things just seem to be getting worse.
Yesterday, five year old Racecar had an appointment with an ENT, his second in six weeks. We learned he’ll need surgery, tubes in his ears and adenoids removed. On the way home, sweating in the heat, my legs sticking to the seats because our car has no air conditioning, Brian calls me on my cell phone and says “someone stole my fucking tires off of my car.”
That’s right. ALL FOUR TIRES were missing. Completely. (note to all of you: everything you have heard about Gary, Indiana is totally true. Stay far, far away.) (he parks there to catch the train into Chicago)
Instead of getting air conditioning, we get to pay a $500 for the deductible to get tires put back on his car. Tires we did not remove.
This on top of about twenty things running through my mind and creating darkness in my heart that I just can’t write about. Some things are little and some are bigger than I can handle.
So, I’m waiting for the lesson, the blessing, the SOMETHING that will tell me why so much of our lives right now is just not okay. I’m waiting to FEEL again. I’m hoping, hoping, hoping that this dark cloud passes over us swiftly and without much more pain.
I’m not saying that we should be excempt from anything bad happening to us, but it just seems so soon. I just really want to be left alone.
I’m trying to take it like a big girl, facing each day, but one of these days, I’m pretty sure, I’m going to pull the covers over my head and leave them there for a very, very long time.
And after pulling the covers off of my head, I just hope the sun is shining, here, with us, once again.