Archive for June, 2009
Of the heart
Posted by: | CommentsThe appointment today went really well. It was a beautiful day in the Windy City and believe it or not, it was actually windy.
Also? I hate wind. But that’s another post for another day. Actually, it’s not, I’m sure I’ll never post about wind because I hate it and have nothing to say about it except I HATE WIND, THE END. So, that’s all my post would be and I just wrote that.
Anyway.
The appointment was slightly strange in that I met with the nurse first and then a doctor came in before the head doctor came in. The first doctor came in actually asked me all of the questions and got all of my information. (just after the nurse got all of my information and asked me all of the questions.)
As I’m sure you can imagine, or maybe you can’t, these appointments are not fun simply because I have to fill them in of our history. I was pregnant with twins. They died. We don’t know what happened. I miscarried again this past January, it’s believed that the two losses are not related, but we are working on finding the answers. We have two children that are alive. I am on 392 different medications, no I don’t smoke, and no I don’t exercise.
The first doctor: So, do you exercise?
Me: No…I don’t. and I make a face like I regret it, but really? I don’t.
Him: Why don’t you exercise?
Me: I don’t know, because it’s hard.
Him: You don’t exercise because it’s hard?
Me: Right.
Him: Well, I guess if it were easy and fun everyone would do it and we would never be in this situation.
Me: EXACTLY.
Him: hmmmm….
Then the big dog doctor comes in:
Him: so, have you always had high blood pressure?
Me: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I HAVE ANSWERED THIS QUESTION 12 TIMES IN THE PAST 18 MINUTES. Also, why am I wearing a hospital gown, exactly? Except I did not say that, instead “I started getting high blood pressure when I was pregnant with my oldest, it runs in my family. Everyone has high blood pressure, they’re all a bunch of jerks.”
Him: I see you are on prozac.
Me: Right.
Him: When did you lose the twins?
Me: Last February, 2008.
Him: And when did you most recently miscarry?
Me: January.
Him: And you’re on prozac.
Me: Yes.
Him: and you lost the twins, when?
Me: OHMYGOD, LAST FEBRUARY.
Him: Do you think you still need the prozac.
At this point I was pretty annoyed, but understood that he looked up Prozac and found the drug to not be safe during pregnancy and wanted me off of it. However, I explained that most OB/GYN’s say it’s safe and he said “hey, they know more than I do.”
At which point, he became my friend again. Good visit. I go back in two weeks, he gave us the green light to try whenever we (us and the OB specialist) decide it’s time. (by the way, I do not talk about these things, you know, about trying and all of that, this is a BIG DEAL that I’m sharing this information. I hope you are feeling my love for you, man.)
They did increase my BP meds because my blood pressure was high today.
When the first doctor handed me my prescription for the new dose of blood pressure medicine at the end of the visit, I asked him if he could write me a prescription for exercise in a pill.
He laughed and walked out the door and I’m pretty sure he said he hated me.
But that’s okay. I thought we got along famously.
Full week.
Posted by: | CommentsWe have the craziest week ahead of us. My brothers and their families are coming into a town which means a week jam packed with family time. Then my sister and her family are coming and staying with us, whenever we all get together like this, we tend to freeze our lives and spend our time just visiting and enjoying being surrounded by each other.
My brothers (identical twin decorated Army Majors) are both receiving awards on July 4th from the Mayor of the city where they were born and raised, the city where my parents live now. We are so proud of them.
Tomorrow, I meet with a cardiologist at the University of Chicago who specializes in pre-pregnancy and pregnant women, it’s just another step we are taking towards ensuring good health before attempting to have more children. I am not looking forward to this appointment, I’m not sure why. I typically have a pretty understanding disposition about such appointments, but this one I’m dreading a little bit.
Maybe I’m just bitter that I just can’t get pregnant AND REMAIN pregnant like everyone else?
Before I know it, though, it will be over. On the upside, no one will be driving dump trucks into my vagina at this appointment, so that’s a plus. And the kids get to stay at Stephanie’s during my appointment, they are beyond excited about that.
On July 6th, we meet with our specialist (the woman who specializes in pregnancy loss) to go over her findings after our meetings and blood tests and her driving a dump truck into my vagina. I’m so hysterically scared that she’s going to advise not to have anymore children.
I mean, I’ll be fine, if that’s what she suggests. I’ll just be heartbroken, I just thought we’d have more than two children, you know? But I’m always so grateful for the two gifts that we have here on earth.
I’m also so grateful for the two precious babies in heaven, watching over us all of the time. I am missing them so much right now, realizing that no doubt we’d be celebrating their 1st birthday any day now. Those two identical little boys enjoying their little cakes together. What a celebration that would be! I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve written about them, sometimes it’s just easier to think about them and hold them in my heart rather than trying to verbalize what I’m feeling to others.
I feel like I shouldn’t be sad any longer, so I keep to myself, I’m okay with that. But I do like talking about them and the amazing love they have shown us. (and the love we feel for them, it’s impossible to put into words!) The other day I was way behind on my blog reading, within the first five minutes, two blogs that I read had referenced James and Jake. That made me really happy. I’m always astonished how many people share my love for them.
It comforts me. It supports me. It reminds me that life is amazing and beyond what exists inside these walls.
No matter what happens, we are so blessed.
be patient
Posted by: | Comments“happiness is like a butterfly;
the more you chase it,
the more it will elude you,
but if you turn your attention
to other things, it will
come and sit softly
on your shoulder…”
(thoreau)
HALP!
Posted by: | CommentsI don’t know why this contest is lasting so long, but it is and I can’t change it. I wish I could because if I could I would have ended it two days ago and then I would have won but now I’m not in first anymore. And that makes me cry, but only a little bit.
So, can you fix that for me?
Just head over here and vote for my blog under Best Eye Candy? It’s so simple. And you can vote EVERY.SINGLE.DAY! C’mon, friends! We can do it!
V-I-C-T-O-R-Y! LET’S GO TEAM! GET DOWN, GET FUNKY, GET LOOSE!
Also, does anyone like fresh guacamole? I made THE BEST last night and am thinking about sharing the recipe with you guys. Interested?
just to bore you.
Posted by: | CommentsI’ve decided to bore you with live blogging my day today and maybe even tomorrow. Why? Well, I realized the other day how much Twitter takes away from my blogging. That micro-blogging site is so smart and I enjoy it so much but there are pretty much a million negative things about it. Like you know, I’M ADDICTED.
stupid twitter. Yesterday, I tweeted “I blame twitter for everything.’ and I do. That blanket statement is so true. (by the way, are you following me, why not? JOIN THE TWITTER PARTY LIKE NOW!)
so, I’m going to live blog today, which means you can come back here 79 times today and perhaps I’ll have updated 79 times which means this will be the most BORING DAY OF BLOGGING EVER.
Aren’t you excited?
One of the biggest reasons I’m doing this is for selfish reasons, I need to get some stuff done today and I’m thinking I can keep coming here today and tell you want I need to do and what I just did and maybe it will be one big productive day. Or maybe I’ll just come back tonight and be like “so today I ate a waffle cone and a box of teddy grahams and then I took a nap. good night.“ Which pretty much sums up my day yesterday. (I did clean three bathrooms, it wasn’t a total loss.)
Let me catch you up to speed.
First and most importantly, this is on my island right now. Brian made me the cone last night. He also accidentally left the ice cream out, but I saved the ice cream’s life by noticing a few hours later.
The cones are still on the island and I am a hero.
I woke up way too early when Racecar came into my room at 6:40 which is totally not allowed in my house. Somehow he left me alone until 8:30. Not sure what he did but he’s still alive and that’s all that matters. Right?
This is what I look like today. I took two showers yesterday so I think I can go showerless for many days now. That’s the rule, right?
All of these pictures were taken with my iPhone. I’m sorry they are so tiny.
I need to clean these two rooms today. The living room and the kitchen. Like REALLY clean them.
Looking at these two rooms I realize how very BEIGE I am. NEED COLOR.
And I need to do some laundry. These whites have been on the kitchen floor since OHMYGODSUNDAY. I need to add to the pile since we have sooooooo many more items to add to that pile but they are ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS. SEND HELP.
For breakfast I had 1 and a 1/2 piece of whole wheat toast. It was not good, so I quit eating it. I’ve also put make-up on and have a bra on and running shoes, I’ve also made my bed. But I do those things everyday.
I also posted over here today.
So, I’m going to leave now and make lunch, give Racecar medicine and try to check something off of my to-do list.
What are you doing today?
****
It’s now 1:51 and I really haven’t done anything except make lunch, eat lunch, water some plants, give medicine to my little, tiny, precious, angel boy and put a load of whites in the washer.
The neighbors behind us put a pool in yesterday. I may be spending waaay too much time starting longingly at their pool. (yes, I know…THE UPKEEP. Don’t care. Need pool.) This is also the time of day where my body requires a nap. Am so tired. Status of living room and kitchen? Still messy.
DANGIT.
Right now I’m emailing back and forth with Kim about her Etsy shop which is made up of the awesome.
Bored, yet?
****
and it’s 3:26 and I haven’t done anything. I’m really, really tired. So, I took a nap and am now drinking a diet coke. Have I told you that I get energy around five? It’s true. Also? I’m tired. Have I told you that?
My girls are coming over tonight after the kids go to bed. That should give me motivation, right?
Why are you guys so quiet today? Are you in your pool? Don’t tell me if you are. If you are, I’m coming over.
When you are tired and have to get stuff done, what do you do? HELP ME, MAN.
****
It’s 4:38 and I have good news. I started cleaning the living room, I even organized our craft cabinet. Also? According to twitter, Michael Jackson is dead.
****
It’s 6:51. It’s been a busy few hours. Brian came home from work, we picked our van up from the shop (window was broken…AGAIN.), and I just got back from the grocery store.
This may be it for it now, I need to make guacamole dip, two different kinds of brownies and well…CLEAN.
My girls are coming over and we love to eat.
Obviously.
