We have the craziest week ahead of us. My brothers and their families are coming into a town which means a week jam packed with family time. Then my sister and her family are coming and staying with us, whenever we all get together like this, we tend to freeze our lives and spend our time just visiting and enjoying being surrounded by each other.
My brothers (identical twin decorated Army Majors) are both receiving awards on July 4th from the Mayor of the city where they were born and raised, the city where my parents live now. We are so proud of them.
Tomorrow, I meet with a cardiologist at the University of Chicago who specializes in pre-pregnancy and pregnant women, it’s just another step we are taking towards ensuring good health before attempting to have more children. I am not looking forward to this appointment, I’m not sure why. I typically have a pretty understanding disposition about such appointments, but this one I’m dreading a little bit.
Maybe I’m just bitter that I just can’t get pregnant AND REMAIN pregnant like everyone else?
Before I know it, though, it will be over. On the upside, no one will be driving dump trucks into my vagina at this appointment, so that’s a plus. And the kids get to stay at Stephanie’s during my appointment, they are beyond excited about that.
On July 6th, we meet with our specialist (the woman who specializes in pregnancy loss) to go over her findings after our meetings and blood tests and her driving a dump truck into my vagina. I’m so hysterically scared that she’s going to advise not to have anymore children.
I mean, I’ll be fine, if that’s what she suggests. I’ll just be heartbroken, I just thought we’d have more than two children, you know? But I’m always so grateful for the two gifts that we have here on earth.
I’m also so grateful for the two precious babies in heaven, watching over us all of the time. I am missing them so much right now, realizing that no doubt we’d be celebrating their 1st birthday any day now. Those two identical little boys enjoying their little cakes together. What a celebration that would be! I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve written about them, sometimes it’s just easier to think about them and hold them in my heart rather than trying to verbalize what I’m feeling to others.
I feel like I shouldn’t be sad any longer, so I keep to myself, I’m okay with that. But I do like talking about them and the amazing love they have shown us. (and the love we feel for them, it’s impossible to put into words!) The other day I was way behind on my blog reading, within the first five minutes, two blogs that I read had referenced James and Jake. That made me really happy. I’m always astonished how many people share my love for them.
It comforts me. It supports me. It reminds me that life is amazing and beyond what exists inside these walls.
No matter what happens, we are so blessed.