I don’t even know what to say.
I started a post about, GOD, I don’t even know what it was about and it SUCKED because everything is just so sucky right now. So sucky that I can’t even come here and talk about how sucky everything is.
Financial problems, cramps, marriage woes, a daughter that LOVES to argue AND who is sick, a cluttered mind, an anxious heart.
I just can’t come here and pretend like everything is fine, when it’s not. I can not pretend. I’ve never been phony before and never will be. (well, except in job interviews. shhhh….) What do I do? What do I say? I feel guilty coming to my blog making my readers feel like crap.
I can take hard times, I CAN, I swear. But WE are getting our asses kicked right now and we need a break.
AND WHY IS THE TV SO LOUD!?!?
Hey universe? LAY OFF.
But I can’t end this post this way, I just can’t. So, I wanted to tell you that right now I am eating a turkey sandwich, with cheese and mustard on delicous soft white bread and it is amazing.
Also? My weight is surprisingly good. I have not shredded since, well, A LONG TIME AGO, but I’m pretty okay with where I am at right now. (down about ten pounds since January)
I am really loving my yard and my flower beds right now. It was a big concern of mine considering last year at this time it was CLAY. The hard work is paying off and it does bring me peace of mind and heart as I walk around my house. I love it especially because it’s OUR creation, we didn’t hire a landscaping company to do it for us. (plus one for being broke!)
I’ve added prints to my Etsy shop, flowers from my flower gardens, in fact, have been added.
Although Ariel is very argumentative (read: spoiled) lately, she is sick which makes her extra cuddly and soft and pathetic. Her nose is very runny and when she blows her nose it irritates her skin, so she wants to go to the store to get some “creamy tissues.” (puffs plus)
And finally, we bought Racecar a pair of Crocs yesterday because his were broken and he graduated preschool AND they were on sale. He knew he wanted green ones because green is his favorite color.
We let him pick out two jibbitz, as well. They had tons at the store, Lightning McQueen, Spongebob, Spiderman. What does he pick?
A hot dog and a smiley face.
Which is pretty much perfect, if you ask me.
I’m feeling a little better already, honestly.
Now we have to run to Walmart to get some creamy tissues and teddy grahams, lots and lots of teddy grahams. Assuming I don’t get in a car accident, my kids don’t puke on the floor and my debit card doesn’t get lost, it should be a good trip.
Wish me luck. I need it, man.
My sweet, dear Beth: as hard and as overwhelming as it is, hang in there. You just have to believe that things will get better. I think that it is incredible to be able to put yourself out there and share exactly how you are feeling. I really do. And in some ways, I envy you for that because I like to live in two worlds: the outside world and inside world.
My outside world is what I project to others: that things are all hunky dory and I can deal with whatever gets thrown my way. The inside world however is a chaotic one filled with screams, tears and frustration. A world that I find so difficult to express and when I attempt to do so, it falls upon deafened ears or is subjected to insensitive scrutiny.
Continue to take comfort from all around you: your gorgeous husband, your beautiful, precious children and your loving blogging followers. We are all here for you Beth to catch you if you fall.
There is so much pain and so much turmoil right now in so many lives. I wish I could come and make you dinner, or let you borrow my van with a/c and windows that go down
I can’t wait for BlogHer to give you a huge hug and tell you to your face what an amazing woman you are.
Thanks for being honest. Cause honestly, I know sometimes life just sucks.
Hey, me too! Well, not all of it. But I can relate to the feelings. Being real on your blog is what keeps me coming back.
you bring tears to my eyes almost every time I read a post of yours…mainly, because you ARE NOT phony…you are Beth..always!!!! You say exactly what I think most mothers are feeling and I appreciate that so much. You can vent to us…that’s what we are here for!! Keeping you in my thoughts and in my heart….all my love!!!!
ps…I have to go now and check out your amazing etsy shop…I plan on placing an order if I can ever make up my mind which prints I love the most….!!
These are the days when just breathing seems impossible. And with each breath comes another layer of SOMETHING. Something sad. Something annoying. Something said. Something not said. Something unavoidable. Something uncontrollable. And these layers gang up on us and wrap around us. Sometimes the only things to do are to STAY AWAKE AND STAY AWARE… for the GOOD layers to follow. I love your blog. I love you.
I love your honesty.
Yay for green crocs, hot dogs and smiley faces!
Good luck with the paint job! The only time I have painted a room was years ago, when I was a kid. I would like to do some painting in my house too, but I have to find some time first… maybe after the wedding.
i love, love, LOVE your honesty…
& i heart your sarcasm…
Dear Beth, I hope things turn around for you very soon. I take great pleasure in reading about your life. I pray that you and your family will get relief soon. Love ya, Julie