I don’t even know what to say.
I started a post about, GOD, I don’t even know what it was about and it SUCKED because everything is just so sucky right now. So sucky that I can’t even come here and talk about how sucky everything is.
Financial problems, cramps, marriage woes, a daughter that LOVES to argue AND who is sick, a cluttered mind, an anxious heart.
I just can’t come here and pretend like everything is fine, when it’s not. I can not pretend. I’ve never been phony before and never will be. (well, except in job interviews. shhhh….) What do I do? What do I say? I feel guilty coming to my blog making my readers feel like crap.
I can take hard times, I CAN, I swear. But WE are getting our asses kicked right now and we need a break.
AND WHY IS THE TV SO LOUD!?!?
Hey universe? LAY OFF.
But I can’t end this post this way, I just can’t. So, I wanted to tell you that right now I am eating a turkey sandwich, with cheese and mustard on delicous soft white bread and it is amazing.
Also? My weight is surprisingly good. I have not shredded since, well, A LONG TIME AGO, but I’m pretty okay with where I am at right now. (down about ten pounds since January)
I am really loving my yard and my flower beds right now. It was a big concern of mine considering last year at this time it was CLAY. The hard work is paying off and it does bring me peace of mind and heart as I walk around my house. I love it especially because it’s OUR creation, we didn’t hire a landscaping company to do it for us. (plus one for being broke!)
I’ve added prints to my Etsy shop, flowers from my flower gardens, in fact, have been added.
Although Ariel is very argumentative (read: spoiled) lately, she is sick which makes her extra cuddly and soft and pathetic. Her nose is very runny and when she blows her nose it irritates her skin, so she wants to go to the store to get some “creamy tissues.” (puffs plus)
And finally, we bought Racecar a pair of Crocs yesterday because his were broken and he graduated preschool AND they were on sale. He knew he wanted green ones because green is his favorite color.
We let him pick out two jibbitz, as well. They had tons at the store, Lightning McQueen, Spongebob, Spiderman. What does he pick?
A hot dog and a smiley face.
Which is pretty much perfect, if you ask me.
I’m feeling a little better already, honestly.
Now we have to run to Walmart to get some creamy tissues and teddy grahams, lots and lots of teddy grahams. Assuming I don’t get in a car accident, my kids don’t puke on the floor and my debit card doesn’t get lost, it should be a good trip.
Wish me luck. I need it, man.
I am so sorry life is so sucky right now. I can relate. Sometimes you get up in the morning and get punched in the face. Sometimes you get up every morning and get punched in the face. It sucks. Here’s to waking up in the morning and not getting punched.
Sometimes I fell exactly like you and I’m impressed that that you’ve been able to see the bright side of things. When I get in a funk it takes me a long time to get out.
((Hug)) I wish I had some words of wisdom but right now my life is pretty sucky as well. We’ll get through it… I’m sure.
~ FC
I’m going to say an extra prayer for you
Way to try to see the bright side, even when it’s hard. And I LOVE the hotdog and smiley face. It’s so refreshing when kids choose the non-licensed stuff, you know?!
Hang in there. I hope things will turn around soon.
I lost my debit card on Friday. IT HAS SUCKED!
And it seems that the more that life pours on you the harder it is to deal with our blessings in a good way. I know how that goes and my heart goes out to you.
So sorry you are having such a difficult time right now. I have been feeling the same way here lately and I don’t know how to get out of it. I just found out that I am going to have my gallbladder removed on Thursday and I am just having one of those days as well. My solution is to take the kids to see UP and indulge in popcorn and coke (ok…maybe some chocolate too). Hope things get better for you soon! You are in my prayers.
Sending soul sister love… Still laughing about our convo yesterday…despite the hard times, I am so glad we can count on each other for a good, rich, soulful laugh.please know how much I care… Big HUGS.
Hi, cramps suck, they should come with manditory chocolate if you like chocolate. I’m sorry that the mood swings are a pile of goo right now.
The Crocs? they rock!!! I had no idea, they had green, and my MJ is a green nut but that’s because Luigi is green. Everything he wants to buy is green! the hotdog and smiley make me think Summer BBQ and Sun.
hugs!
You have had a stream of bad luck, no doubt…
And don’t ever feel like you have to be happy all the time on the blog. I love posts where people just DUMP on life because sometimes you just have to.
Hang in there. The universe can be a pain in the ass sometimes but she always comes around.
hugs!
Oh honey, I’m sorry
I wish things didn’t suck so bad right now. If you need to unload, I’m always here, ok? I hope for a drama-free Walmart trip. Hug that sweet girl of yours, I’m tending to a couple sickies myself.
visiting from blogs of your friends…
i’m sorry things are so rough right now, but it sounds like you do have some good things going for you. gardening has always been theraputic for my mom – hopefully it does the same for you. and congrats on the 10#s!!
When it rains it pours. I’m sorry you’re going through so much. Your kids are so sweet though… creamy tissues? hot dogs and smiley faces? Awesome.
Your honesty is really refreshing. Thank you. And thanks for telling us what you are thankful for too!
So, you already know that counting your blessings, multiplies your joy. Not an easy thing to do, but well worth it.
I’ve found that there’s a tremendous amount of power in thanking God for exactly where I am. And if I can’t, then I pray for someone who may be in the same situation. Then I don’t feel like my experiences were a total waste. Sometimes I realize right away that I should pray for someone else, other times I wallow in misery for a long time before I make the connection. It’s almost always very freeing and brings peace.
You will find your way through all this stuff. And remember that when the cramps go away, you may grow a mustache. See . . . it only gets better.
the crocs are sweet!
Sending lots of hugs and prayers to you.
And I wish I could send you my dog Darius too. He is great at making a horrible day/week better.
He’ll play Wii Fit: http://i223.photobucket.com/albums/dd98/katarianna/Fur%20Babies/DSCN0407.jpg
Give you kisses: http://i223.photobucket.com/albums/dd98/katarianna/Fur%20Babies/DSCN0511.jpg
And won’t leave your side: http://i223.photobucket.com/albums/dd98/katarianna/Fur%20Babies/DSCN0509.jpg
When I went through a horrible phase of morning sickness last year (52 hours of vomiting) he stayed on the bed with me the whole time. Except when I managed to make it to the bathroom. He then would lay down next to me, with his nose on my foot. Just letting me know he was there.
I hope you find a Darius for your day.
I LOVE his jibbitz. I think you look great, by the way. I want everything else to start looking great, too.
Steph
I’m sorry Beth. It just SUCKS when your life has been under the dark cloud. As you know, I’m having a bit of a good run in 2009, but instead of fully celebrating it, I’m sort of suspicious…waiting for the roof to cave in. Because I have spent years, I mean YEARS, in the sucks phase and I don’t quite know what to do with myself when things go well.
But the amazing thing about life is that it swings between sucks and sweet, and I really hope yours swings soon. Thinking of you.
First of all, we wouldn’t read your blog if you faked it.
Contrary to what my 10th graders think, you really can tell when someone is lying on the written form. We love you because you are…well, you. And you remind us of us. We like that. It makes us not so sad when we have such sucky days. And we can even look up tags like “sucky” (just kidding, since it’s “categorized” but you get my point) and re-read this post for when we are having the same day.
I’ve been in a slump lately about the end of the year. Mostly, I’m just tired and whiny that my students aren’t glowing with knowledge of the universe and a love of reading to boot. I am confident that I impact my students, but I’ve got this one class that really makes me feel like a failure. And it sucks. And I’ve tried so hard that seriously? I want to scream.
So, I’ve been there with the “too many things suck right now.”
We still love you.
Because, like you, we find those “eternally happy, nothing ever bothers me” people frankly annoying. I sometimes refer to them as the “sugar high” people. And I’m diabetic when it comes to those kind of people.
We much prefer your kind.
The real kind.
(((hugs)))
What better place to vent than your blog? That’s what it’s for, right? And don’t worry about us-we can take it!
My son loves green too, just graduated from preschool, and would also probably love a hot dog Jibbitz!
And YAY! to a nice garden! Mine’s finally getting there, too-after 4 years of living here! I love your dahlias!
I can relate. I’m wishing you luck!
Part of a successful blog ~ I think ~ is being ‘real’. Is life sunny 24×7? Well, except for that one friend that we all want to slap back into reality? No. (And really, that one friend I think is secretly just putting up a front!)
So, vent, complain, cry, pour – why? Because it makes you real. Because so many have been there with you for the last 14 months. Because you’re who you are, no matter what colour of cloud is hanging over you during your post. And if someone expects you to be sunny and rosey all the time? Slap them. We’ll wait. OK, now then. Tell the internet all your problems! Why? Because it makes you “not perfect” and *not perfect* is something I (and I think many of us) can relate to.
I love the way your mood swung. It seemed to be on an up at the end. I hope it stays there. You must truly have an optimistic bent because even through all the bad you notice the good – - -like crocs and soft tissues. Wishing the bad gets better, but no matter what that you alway see the little blessings.
Hot dog and a smiley face? That’s the choice I would’ve made, too! Either Racecar is awesome, or I have the brain of a five year old. Or maybe a little of column A, a little of column B.
I think you look amazing, Beth. Despite all the shit life has thrown at you lately, you still manage to look radiant every time I see you. I can only hope that soon that radiance shines into every aspect of your life, love.
It really sucks when it seems that EVERYTHING sucks all at the same time. Hang in there. Glad to hear about the maintenance of 10 pounds. That’s pretty awesome news. I hope the WalMart trip brings a little brightness to everyone’s day. Let’s hear it for creamy tissues and teddy grahams!
Man, Beth. I just wish your luck would finally match your awesomeness as a person. Because then? You’d win the lottery and be able to eat all the teddy grahams you want and still lose ten pounds in two weeks…that’s how awesome you are. I hate when life sucks. I want things to turn around soon for you, babe. I seriously do. Love you.
I think you are doing great. Of course you are going to have days like this. Always. But you also recognize all the great stuff. Thinking about ya…
I read your blog BECAUSE you are so very real. Your pictures touch my soul and your words make me laugh out loud, cry, and sometimes, jump for joy. Well not really jump because this body hasn’t jumped in a very, very long time LOL!
I am sorry life is coming at you hard right now. Sending hugs your way.
PS The TV thing happens EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. in my home.
Hoping things are looking up since you blogged this post and went to Walmart. A little retail therapy sure helps me sometimes….
What is it with today? Is it the weather, it couldn’t be I’m in Fresno, CA. I’m not a complainer and I don’t think you are eather. I just started reading your blog not too long ago and you don’t strike me as a complainer. I also started the day “on the wrong side of the bed” but I’m not going to finish the day there. My post today reminds me of your – sort of.
((Hugs)) Here’s hoping things get better soon!
Hang in there! Maybe it’s the weather?? I’ve been hit with the blues the last few days as well and quite pissy feeling (even when I don’t want to be!). Love the hotdog and smiley face… that made me smile.
and why is the tv so loud?!
i hear ya.
racecar rules.
wanna come sit and drink iced caramel coffee in our backyard and let the kids play? might make it feel a tad bit better?!
I’m sorry…
The best advice a wise friend once gave me was “this too shall pass…” and I’ve found that I’ve relied on that little gem in so many areas of my life for many years now.
I think its good to be real.
Lost my debit card last week.
No kid puke, but dog puke is just as bad and I think smells worse.
I’m not going to fill you with platitudes, just let you know that I’m thinking of you, and hoping it gets better.
Real is good. I hope things stop sucking for you, hon.
I am sorry that life is sucky right now, that never seems to end does it? Hubby and I have gone through patches like that, it seems like the universe is always against you. I hope it gets better very VERY soon, you deserve the best.
Hugs to you, many many hugs.
Kellyn
I probably don’t comment as much here as I should because I want to say the right encouraging thing and I never know if “Wow, that SUCKS!” really helps. I will tell you this– while you are going through all of this stuff, stuff so discouraging that any ordinary human might just quit for awhile and shut down, you manage to go out of your way to be kind and friendly and encouraging to ME. That is a rare quality.
Those crocs are just perfect. Results like that are why I love personalizing stuff!
I have a parrot. Sometimes she cusses. A lot. As I was reading this she said the s-word. (didn’t know if you wanted that word posted here.) I give you ONE guess what Christy wants me to teach her. I know this helps none, but it might make you smile.
)
I’ve been through similar times. Sometimes it feels like things will never get better. Especially when every time yo turn around, there’s something else. You have people who love you very much. Surround yourself with them and just smile and laugh. And things will get better. I promise.
PS. I love your blog just the way it is.
Well, you are doing all right, just look at all the comments made here on this blog. I just read your blog for the first time, and it was gritty, funny and honest.
We all have bad times, but you made a great point by trying to look at the silver lining.
Love the hotdog and the smiley face.
Keep your chin up. Keep smiling. Keep writing.
I’m so sorry life sucks for you right now. I’ve been there as well.
What helped me was doing what you pretty much did in this post; every night I would write down at least ten things that I was grateful for. It helped a little to change my perspective.
Alright I have been feeling like this for a couple days now and it just helped reading this because this is what I have been trying to say myself.
I love your blog
I love the realness in you Beth. You say what other’s are afraid to say. You poor out your heart and I’m sure there are many other people who feel like you do, so you reach people. I really hope things start shining again for you. Look at all the blessings you have that far outweigh the bad. I want a turkey sandwich now. Hope Ariel is feeling better after using her creamy tissues. Racecars crocs rock.
I truly only meant to share what helped me. After reading more comments I’m wondering if my comment is perceived as telling you to be sunny all the time. I’ve never been accused of being ‘Miss Sunshine.’ Quite the opposite! I didn’t want to hear it or try it the first time someone suggested the gratitude prayer. I was comfortable where I was. I think it’s good to be real, too. But how long do you want to be in this particular reality? All of the challenges in life are there to bring about growth and new life and draw you closer to who God wants you to be. I really don’t mean to sound smug. I just wanted to share the gem that initiated transformation for me. I didn’t want to hear that someone was worse off than me. I wanted my own misery acknowledged. I wanted my own misery to go away. I wanted things to be easier. I used to get up about 3 am to soak in a hot tub to ease the pain enough to go back to sleep. I was stuck in the place of wanting my life to be the way I wanted it, the way I thought it should be. Then one night it occurred to me that I could live in a 3rd world country (or even here) in poverty and not have hot water or a tub. And I was truly grateful for the hot water and the tub. But it was only after I stopped being angry for getting a raw deal to begin with. A lot of self-pity under the bridge first. (I’m not saying this about you, just sharing my experience and what truly helped.) If you think you can, try to read, “Left To Tell”, by Immaculee Ilibagiza. (It may be too graphic for someone raising young children) Then see if you still think you are getting your asses kicked.
I wouldn’t begin to compare the cross I carry to yours, I know mine is tiny, I didn’t grieve for a long time when I miscarried my 4th baby. (it had to be a miracle of grace because I am not a strong person.) But, from the point of view of eternity, our baby is in heaven, looking on the face of God, interceding for our family.
When my sister’s baby was stillborn, she found a prayer that helped and pinned it to the inside hem of her shirt everyday and she would flip the hem over and read the prayer over and over until she was able to move past her feelings. And through all we’ve been through in my immediate family and my extended family, cars have broken down, toilets overflowed, teenagers got into trouble, all the struggles and difficulties of life go on. Give those cars and sick kids and loud tv to God and ask for a little help if you need to.
I think you have a nice blog. I enjoy reading your posts. I think you are a kind and sensitive person. I’m not judging you for sharing what you feel. I just wanted to share something that helped me.
and to Mrs. Soup: my dog has helped me through the tough times, too. What a great insight to share!
(((HUGS)))
At least you’re brave enough to share your struggles. We aren’t all that brave. I’m praying that things turn around for you soon!