Measured
ByI have this thing called “no patience.” It’s really annoying. I try and try and sometimes I’m “fake” patient, which means I go into another room while biting my fist while no one is looking and then come back into a room with a smile on my face like “oh, were we waiting to do something?”
But deep inside, I’m screaming because waiting? CAN SUCK IT.
I have been very busy doing designs lately, which is really good except that it’s mixed in with everything I’m trying to get done which I pretty much fail at as it is. I’m figuring out that I can not do work on my couch any longer. I must sit at a desk or the table.
We have a great desk in the office, but my kids like to sit there and color and play games on the computer, which is okay with me because then THEY ARE QUIET and quiet is gooooooooooooooooood. We do not disturb the quiet.
I can sit at the kitchen table and I do, but it’s so uncomfortable. It just is, trust me.
So, yesterday morning I remembered that we have a really cool desk in our basement. I’ve been hesitant to bring it up because I wasn’t sure where I was going to put it, but yesterday I finally decided that I would have to stuff it into our living room for the sake of getting some work done efficiently.
I went downstairs and uncovered the desk, it was covered with books and crap and surrounded by chairs and suitcases and other very heavy and annoying things. I finally made it to the desk and lifted it and all I thought was “wow, this is one heavy desk.”
But I persevered. I carried the desk to the front of the stairs where I got the leg of the desk caught on the glider that Brian sits on while playing video games. I should have set the 500 pound desk down on the ground and moved the glider, instead I lifted it higher up to try to set it free from the glider’s grip (think she-ra meets somebody really, really dumb) and pulled the desk which caused the glider to fall, directly onto my ankle.
It hurt.
But I continued. I was on a mission. I MUST SET UP A PROPER WORK STATION FOR ME AND I MUST DO IT RIGHT NOW. (NOT IN SIX HOURS WHEN BRIAN IS HOME)
When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I sized up the size of the desk with the width of the stairs and decided that Yes! It will fit.
I climbed the stairs, turned the desk on it’s side and pulled it up, one step at a time, scraping the backside of the beautiful desk against the wooden stairs. (I swear, I’m not an idiot, I’m just an idiot sometimes.) After a few minutes and sweat, MY GOD THE SWEAT, I made it to the top of the stairs where I couldn’t get it through the door.
Between the door, the door frame, the stair case rail and the massive desk itself, I could not get it through. I tried endlessly, I even left the desk at the top of the stairs, praying it wouldn’t fall, to get a drill to remove a leg. I instructed the kids to not move for fear their movement would send the desk cascading down the stairs.
I made it back with the drill but there were SOMANYSCREWS. And angles and no way could I do this. Especially while on stairs.
I tried for another ten minutes but it seemed the more I tried, the more stuck I got on the stairs. And the more I tried, the more holes and scrapes I was putting into the drywall.
And then it happened. It got stuck. And I was at the bottom of the desk looking up and had to climb through the legs to get back upstairs.
Where I promptly shut the door behind me, wiped the sweat from my brow and sat back down at my kitchen table.
And pretended that this wasn’t laying, stuck, on my stairs.
Where it sits, still, 24 hours later.
Getting work done is overrated. I’m going to the park.
Oh and when Brian got home late last night, I was all like, so I was going to move the desk upstairs and he was all “oh really, where to?“ and I was all “into the living room, see? I cleared out a space.“ To which he replied “nice!“ and then I opened the door to the basement and was all “hey, look down here!”
And then he looked at the desk and looked back at me and didn’t seem surprised at all.
this is soooo me! i love it!
O.K. Just caught up from being gone.
I love you. You crack me up. And I’m so happy for you. Good luck! You’re brothers rock. Go purple pill!
I think that about covers it.
LMAO!!! This is totally something I would do!
LOVE IT!! GO SHE-RA!! Thanks for putting a smile on my face!!
OK, this may be one of my most favorite blog posts by anyone ever. Awesome and somewhat familiar.
So totally something I would do! Thanks for making my impatience feel like something normal!!
LOL–whether it made it all the way up or not, you’re Wonder Woman in my book! I would have done the same thing!
So something I would (and do) do. Except I do it at work, cause I work in an opportunity shop (goodwill), and there are men who help out in the morning and evening for setting stock up and putting it away (small shop, big area in front we display on)and if they catch me…I have to stand back and let them do it. So hard.
By the way, if it were my desk on my stairs I’d remove the stair rail to get it up.
Hahahaha! That is SO something I would do. This is why I love Beth.
Oh, and the patience thing? Yeah, I didn’t get that either.
thank GOD i’m not the only “do it herself” chick (an endearing name that my husband calls me)
he gets soooo frustrated because i try to do this type of thing (”boy stuff”) myself – hey, i’m not the only one! WAHOO! (good luck getting it unstuck 
)
You make me laugh. A warning – my husband’s lack of patience in moving furniture resulted in a herniated disc and years of pain for him. Be careful not to do too much!
LOL too funny! I did the same thing once, only with a bunk bed!
Heh, it sort of makes me giggle to think you’re working upside down in the stairwell on my design. I’m sure you got the desk out though, right?
Right?
Hilarious post! I love your writing! I’m sorry you couldn’t get the desk up where you wanted though. =\
Hilarious! Other than the fact that I’m too lazy to do this, I would definitely get myself into this predicament.
That is so funny. 
That is something that I would totally do!
My husband wanted to know if we were friends in “real life”. Because that is something I would do. Or one of my best friends!
OMG you are SO like your mother. I’m laughing a lot really! What a great story.
Oh that is so funny. And so something I would do.
I would never do that! Just kidding but everyone else said they would so I wanted to be different
I would do that absolutely but I also would have involved my children or got myself stuck in the basement behind the desk…so you did good 
ha! I’m glad I’m not the only one who does things like this. Only I would have ended up breaking a leg off the desk in the process.
Well, at least you tried! But, that would be me as well…only I would have said screwed it and gone for a nap
Oh Beth you are SO NOT alone sweetie!! I totally would have and have done the very same thing before. I agree waiting… even a few hours… completely overrated! I have been persistent like that oh so many times.
Hold your head high!! You did a great job!
The possibility of something like this happening to me is one of the reasons we live in a one-floor house
Hope Brian’s able to get it unstuck without too much more damage — to the stairs, the desk and you
I’m sorry I had to LOL when I saw the photo. That is so something I would do.