This past Sunday at church, the discussion was about how we, as Americans, work too much.
The topic for this week was “The Sin of Worshipping Our Work.” I was a little giddy at the idea that both Brian and I could listen to this message while the kids were at Kid’s Church, I knew this message was important for Brian as he is a workaholic, but I didn’t expect it to hit me so hard; so beautifully.
I just want to run a few things by you because WE were so profoundly affected by what was taught that I feel instantly different about my life, my family…MY PRIORITIES. No, this is not a Christian blog nor is it a religious blog, but it’s about me and my life and this is me and my life.
Some facts that shocked me:
-The average couples works 700 more hours A YEAR then a couple worked twenty year ago. (my husband rarely stops working and honestly? Neither do I.) We do not have more hours in a day than 20 years ago, we are just spending less time NOT WORKING which means less time resting and with our families.
-An average of three vacations days per American went unused last year.
-When a family vacations for down time, it is never without laptops, cell phones, blackberries, etc. You are always connected – you are never truly with just your family, there is no downtime, no rest. (ooooh, we are so guilty of this.)
-The “best” companies to work for offer many amenities at the office; a gym, free food, child care, massage, naps, etc., making work feel like home and home feel like work. When really what the companies are offering is something so that you actually WORK MORE hours and spend less time at home.
I’m obviously paraphrasing and I wish I could put something together for you that was more profound, but the only thing I can tell you is what an impact it was on us.
One of the quotes by Arlie Hochschild struck me HARD because this is something we are so guilty of, not purposefully, it is with the best of intentions that we are guilty of this, but NOT ANYMORE
“Quality time holds out the hope that scheduling intense periods of togetherness can compensate for an overall loss of time in such a way that a relationship will suffer no loss of quality. This is a way of transferring the cult of efficiency from office to home. Instead of nine hours a day with a child, we declare ourselves capable of getting the ‘same result’ with one more intensely focused total quality hour.”
ouch. If I’m being honest, we do this and it now seems so unfair to our children and to us.
I DON’T WANT to look back on my life and picture myself on a computer while the kids play in the next room, I don’t want to remember the half conversation I had with the kids while I typed meaningless messages on my phone. After James and Jake, I had this figured out, at least I thought I did. My priorities were clear – my family is now, this moment, I want to live them, love them and breathe them in. Because this moment, in another moment, will soon be gone and I have to wonder, how do I want to remember that moment…
was it connecting to the internet or connecting with my children and my husband? Or even connecting with myself.
Somehow, I lost that view point over the past year, but I’m hoping that WE have been awakened to the life that stands before us, just waiting for us to LIVE IT.
Wow. This post is really convicting. I had three weeks of unused vacation last year – I only used one. Thanks for the reminder that I often need to readjust my priorities.
((hugs)) I love this one.
Wow, talk about a personal message from God! It’s powerful enough when He speaks to me through my pastor’s sermons…it’s another thing entirely when He speaks to me through someone else’s! Thanks so much for sharing this. It’s certainly a message we all need to take to heart.
We are going on vacation on Saturday for one week…now I will be leaving my computer at home.
Thanks for the reminder!
Jennifer
Great post Beth!
Beth,
I’m glad you chose to publish this. What a well-written and fantastic reminder to all of us. You would think that after a life-altering experience it would come naturally to us…but somehow we keep needing reminders, don’t we?
Thank you for this one.
Thank you so much for posting this Beth. It is something that has been on my mind over the last couple of months. You put it into words so well.
Excellent reminder for all of us and written so very well.
I’m so glad you decided to post this. What a great reminder for all of us. Thank you! And…I have to ask, do we still go to the same church? We were gone on Sunday, so I didn’t go here.
Wow. Amazing…700 hours more?!?! Yikes. But I can believe it. I agree about the half conversations and how do I want to look back and see my life? It’s one of the reasons I put my etsy shop in vacation mode a little longer than planned. I have loved just sewing and crafting with and for my family this Summer. My son has not missed me saying “just a minute babe, mommy’s gotta get these orders finished first.” Frankly, as much as I love the creative outlet, I do not miss me saying that either.
That being said, I do believe there is a balance. It’s a hard one, but I am hoping to locate it someday….soon.
Thanks for posting this. It’s amazing how God can speak to us, isn’t it?!
Thank you so much for posting this. I have been thinking about this a lot over the past year, about how to achieve the work-life balance, and am having trouble discovering exactly how to do it. Part of the difficulty lies in how our society, as a collective, cannot slow down and does not value a slower paced life. It only rewards doing more. We pooh-pooh other countries that have 5 and 6-week vacations per year, as if their people are just lazy. If we try to slow down, when it comes to business, we will always be left behind. If only there was a way to change our mindsets, and get rid of the mentality that being on the “mommy-track” or “daddy-track” is of lesser value. I wish more people would recognize the higher calling of raising a family well over gaining another dollar. With all the time we spend trying to get, get, get, we lose out on our time and ability to give (to our families, to our friends, and to ourselves).
It is a very, VERY easy trap to fall into…one that I am guilty of myself. It’s so hard to disconnect, thinking that I’m going to be missing something if I’m not online constantly.
And what I’m missing instead are my kids’ lives.
Yet another wonderful post.
So true. My former employer made work so comfortable it was tough to come home some days…and I THOUGHT it was a perk. They were very, very cunning.
Thanks for the post – an important message for everyone.
Thank you for such a great post. I had a conversation with my Mom (Bacardi Mama) this evening that has reeeally made me think along these lines. Thanks for reaffirming these thoughts for me.
Great post. There are nights when Husband and I sit on the couch next to each other, but with our laptops on our laps, completely unaware of each other. Not cool. Will have to make some changes.
Have actually been thinking about this a lot lately. Great post.
I’m so glad you posted this.
I feel like some days I just am so torn between everything.
I need my kids and they need me.
Without a cell phone and a computer.
Great post.
Great post! so true! We priortize and forget to get them in check from time to time! Thanks for the reminder, putting my priorities in check!
Thank you for the long overdue reminder (well, overdue for me at least).
We definately need to keep a good work/family balance
So many people need to take this to heart, myself included. Maybe we should all encourage each other by having a “no electronic devices day” and instead focus on those who are with us in person.
I’m SO glad you posted this. Thank you.
I’m glad you hit “publish.” This is a great post. I’m glad to hear you AND Brian got a lot out of it. E-mail me what church you’re going to now…I’m curious.
I love that you brought this up. I’m on “break” now ~ away from most of the things that were taking up so much of my time. “connecting to the kids or the internet….” wow – that really hit home! great post!
This is something I struggle with all the time. As I sit at the computer I wonder what my kids will remember of me; me playing with them, or the back of my head and keys clicking?
I am going to start taking one day a week to totally unplug everything. No computer, no phones (unless someone calls me like my Mom cause really she’s the only one that ever calls me), nothing…and just be with my family.
Thank you for this reminder and kick in the behind that I needed
Your posting this has made me write a post (soon to be published) about the sermon at our church several weeks ago. It has been on my mind ever since. I too have conflicting feelings about writing about it on the blog, but hey, like you said, it is your life and your blog.
This was a GREAT post, and something to always have in the front of our minds. Since I work full time outside the home, time is even more precious to me…
I needed to read this!!! Thank you.
Thanks for this post. It’s a reminder that I needed to read – especially as my kids are in the last weeks of their summer vacations.
Yes, I’ve been dealing with this as well. We’re leaving for vacation in ten days and I can’t go without my laptop because I’m expected to work while away.
Thank you for this post. It was a necessary read.
What a wonderful post. It’s very uplifting and very informative and I love how you have your priorities in order and how happy you sound in having them in order. You so sound like the Beth I’ve known for over 32 years. I love it! And thank God for the church that sent out the message to everybody there but especially to you because you can send it on and on and on through this blog.
What a fabulous post, Beth!
It’s quite disturbing how out of whack most Americans are. Gotta have the big fancy car, the huge house in the ritzy neighborhood, all the electronic toys one can buy … and all the while the kids are suffering because Mom and Dad are always working to pay for those things.
Do we have money to spare around here? No. Do I wish we were living a bit more comfortably? Yes. But we won’t sacrifice our children for money and things.
Nell
It’s amazing how different things look when we re-frame them. Love this.
thank you…all my heart~~ xoxoxo!!
Hard to read that while I sit on the computer ignoring my children playing in the next room! I’m very fortunate to have a hubby from Europe who insists on taking every day of vacation he can get. He has chosen to make less money and even have a slightly less satisfying job because he really loves his time at home. I am the opposite, even when I’m at home with the kids, I’m very focused on other things and I keep volunteering for more. Maybe time to reevaluate!
I had been like this so strongly, until we moved out to the country. Now we eat meals at our kitchen table, not in front of our computers and spend time in the bed with our baby and dogs just enjoying our company.
It’s wonderful!
Great post! My husband and I don’t work too much, but I am totally guilty of being plugged into my computer way too much. We went on vacation for 3 days without kids and without internet, it was great, but I had major withdrawal (from the internet). I almost missed a You Capture challenge!
Great post. You know, I’m not like that. I work my 40 hours and rarely any more than that. I take all my vacation days and I never do any work when I’m off. And all of this should mean I’m doing things right, right? But I feel lazy and sometimes judged by co-workers. It drives me crazy because I know that work is not as important as my family and I don’t owe my work any more time than what they are paying me for. I don’t owe them to stress at home or to work from home. And yet still. . . I guess it’s just deeply ingrained to work, work, work.
Thanks for posting! This is a great reminder to all of us.
Whew…that’s good stuff. And Im totally guilty of doing all of it. Even as a WAHM. I think us moms are not at all immune to over-scheduling, over working…being overly busy. And its interesting to me how tragedy quickly snaps us back into right priorities, where we long for just normal everyday activities again…helping with homework, making dinners, tucking in bed. I think its something we have to be intentional about…keeping our priorities right doesnt just happen…(darn it!)
thanks for posting this. made me stop and think, thats for sure!
IS THERE ANY WAY TO GET THIS SERMON ONLINE OR ANYTHING? I WORK 24/7 AND WORK HARD TO CHANGE IT. HAVING YOUR OWN BUSINESS IS HARD IN THAT WAY. STILL, I REALIZE I NEED TO CHANGE FOR I AM NO LONGER ENJOYING THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE, NOT AM I TAKING CARE OF MYSELF. SO PLEASE, IS THIS ONLINE?? OR WHICH CHURCH DO YOU DO TO SO I CAN MAYBE ORDER THE SERMON FROM THE CHURCH?
I love this. I struggle with it a lot too. Unplugging the boys has really helped me HAVE to be on the computer less. They can’t sit in front of the TV, I can’t sit in front of the computer. It’s been so good. I often ask myself “what are we doing here with this internet STUFF?” Yes, it has SO much good, but we so easily take it way too far. I don’t have to keep up with everything, it’s not possible, and it’s definitely not fair to Miles and Asher.
Thank you.
Everything you said is exactly why I don’t ever, EVER bring home essays or papers to grade. I take flack from parents for taking longer (2 weeks) to grade essays, but you know what? My job is not important enough to me to take away from family time. It’s important enough that I put my all into it when I’m at work, but I need to disconnect and put my family first when I step out those doors.
Great post. Even your hint of it yesterday made me think. Today, I asked the kids if they wanted to go to the pool. They were luke warm about it. We’ve been there a lot and, to be honest, a good deal of the time it’s my kids playing with friends and me talking to other moms and saying “I’ll watch you jump in a second honey.” So we made a different plan. Picked up Subway and went to a new park. Played on the playground, walked on the trails and just did nothing. Then went to the farmers’ market. I was supposed to go to a meeting, but skipped it to have a family dinner of tacos. Now I’m helping my oldest with her shower (well, I’m commenting while she’s rinsing), having just helped her with the big decision of which pair of her back-to-school underwear she should wear after her shower. I feel really good about today. Not that it was anything so different or special, but it was just us and it was fun. And I tried really hard to just watch them — at the ages of 4, 5 and 7 — run holding hands, sprint across a swinging bridge, laugh and just be. Because this summer is ending and it will never come again. I, in large part, gave up my career as an attorney so that I would not miss their childhood. I don’t want to think that they had it while I played on the computer or talked on the phone. Thanks for the reminder.
This one struck a chord with me. Thank you, Beth.
Wow, what a great reminder about the quantity time vs. quality time. Everyone says I have the perfect job b/c I get to take my son with me, but I’m actually quitting to stay home b/c yelling at him across the office to quit throwing faxes on the floor is not the same as ‘quality’ or ‘quantity’ time.
My daughter is 4 months old and while she is a little easier to play with right now and doesn’t require much I feel like we spend a lot of time on the sofa with her in my lap while I’m on the laptop. I feel like I should be focusing on her more but I know that she gets plenty of attention. The older she gets the less time I need to be spending on my computer.
I am guilty of this as well. But, for me, this is one reason why I school at home. i do spend a lot of quality time with the kids and I still feel like I have time to be “connected to the internets”. Do I sometimes put them off to do something fun on the computer, yes. I’d be lying if I said that I never did. I do find that I am more likely to put my husband off than the kids. I have made some changes with my work schedule so I’m working less so I do have more time to spend with the husband AND get sleep. ‘Cuz sleep is really important.
I’m glad you posted this. It is an important message whether it was heard at church or elsewhere.
I am so guilty of this.
Thank you for the reminder. It is a good thing to start this day with.
Mr. K and I are both guilty of this. We need to disconnect from our electronics, something we encourage our kids to do on a daily basis. This was a fantastic post and a great reminder.
Oh my word. I am so glad you published this. Thank you. I’ve going to read it over and over again. I’ve been feeling sort of the same way too; like I’m not stopping to pay attention to my kid. Shame on me. In the end, laptops, cell phones, etc., will not matter. Time spent and memories made with my daughter will.
Thanks Beth.