Right now I’m sitting on my couch, I just ate a bowl of Cinnamon Life and I’m drinking coffee.  Yes, even though I’m pregnant, I still drink coffee in the mornings.

I have to clean my whole house by 11:00 today because I asked my cleaning lady to come back after having to say goodbye to her in an effort to save money before summer started.

Yes, I clean my house before my cleaning lady comes…it makes sense.  Yes it does. She can’t clean my bathtub if it’s full of clothes.  Not that mine is full of clothes. *cough*

On my way to dropping the kids off at school today, I plugged in my iPhone to the audio system in the car and played a song that I had in my mind and I really listened to the words and it nearly brought me to my knees with it’s lyrics.  It was my life.  It is my life.  I finished the song and felt refreshed and not alone and Anna said “will you play that song again?”

I wonder if she had the same experience, although, probably, hopefully, not as heavy.

Tomorrow, Brian and I are heading to our favorite little town in Indiana to spend four days with my sister and her husband.  This is the eighth year that we have done this trip and it just gets better and better.

No kids.  No responsibilities. No cooking.  No laundry.  Just ice cream.  Pizza.  Shopping.  And for the husbands:  beer and golf.  We share a condo…it’s literally BLISS.

I’ve been more emotional about things this week than I have been throughout this entire pregnancy.  Not that I sit around crying all of the time, although I did while watching flash mobs on You Tube yesterday, it’s just that I’m feeling things more deeply than I have been.  It’s possible I’m feeling again because I’ve cut back on my prozac significantly.  I always felt that prozac was like a concrete barrier that prevented me from ever going to “that place.”  It’s like a great protector…but also, sometimes that place needs to be visited.

I took Noah to the dentist on Wednesday, somehow, the conversation with the hygienist led to losing James and Jake, which is so strange because it’s not something I bring up with people I don’t know, but it couldn’t be prevented.  So, I shared.  I’m glad I did.  She asked me questions, real questions, it was a good moment.   To recognize their place in our lives feels good.

It’s interesting to me that two little boys who were so small and who were here for such a small portion of time, can impact us FOREVER and SO DEEPLY.

I am so grateful for them.

I probably won’t be around much until maybe Tuesday or Wednesday, but I’ll try to pop in when I can.  My sister, Sarah, is 28 weeks pregnant and she and I are doing a maternity shoot for her, so maybe I’ll come by and show you how wonderfully cute she is.

She is so cute.

I’m off to begin my day…THIS DAY that is so remarkable and beautiful, I’ll be sure to live it because that’s what it’s here for…I’m hoping you do the same.

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