Right now I’m sitting on my couch, I just ate a bowl of Cinnamon Life and I’m drinking coffee. Yes, even though I’m pregnant, I still drink coffee in the mornings.
I have to clean my whole house by 11:00 today because I asked my cleaning lady to come back after having to say goodbye to her in an effort to save money before summer started.
Yes, I clean my house before my cleaning lady comes…it makes sense. Yes it does. She can’t clean my bathtub if it’s full of clothes. Not that mine is full of clothes. *cough*
On my way to dropping the kids off at school today, I plugged in my iPhone to the audio system in the car and played a song that I had in my mind and I really listened to the words and it nearly brought me to my knees with it’s lyrics. It was my life. It is my life. I finished the song and felt refreshed and not alone and Anna said “will you play that song again?”
I wonder if she had the same experience, although, probably, hopefully, not as heavy.
Tomorrow, Brian and I are heading to our favorite little town in Indiana to spend four days with my sister and her husband. This is the eighth year that we have done this trip and it just gets better and better.
No kids. No responsibilities. No cooking. No laundry. Just ice cream. Pizza. Shopping. And for the husbands: beer and golf. We share a condo…it’s literally BLISS.
I’ve been more emotional about things this week than I have been throughout this entire pregnancy. Not that I sit around crying all of the time, although I did while watching flash mobs on You Tube yesterday, it’s just that I’m feeling things more deeply than I have been. It’s possible I’m feeling again because I’ve cut back on my prozac significantly. I always felt that prozac was like a concrete barrier that prevented me from ever going to “that place.” It’s like a great protector…but also, sometimes that place needs to be visited.
I took Noah to the dentist on Wednesday, somehow, the conversation with the hygienist led to losing James and Jake, which is so strange because it’s not something I bring up with people I don’t know, but it couldn’t be prevented. So, I shared. I’m glad I did. She asked me questions, real questions, it was a good moment. To recognize their place in our lives feels good.
It’s interesting to me that two little boys who were so small and who were here for such a small portion of time, can impact us FOREVER and SO DEEPLY.
I am so grateful for them.
I probably won’t be around much until maybe Tuesday or Wednesday, but I’ll try to pop in when I can. My sister, Sarah, is 28 weeks pregnant and she and I are doing a maternity shoot for her, so maybe I’ll come by and show you how wonderfully cute she is.
She is so cute.
I’m off to begin my day…THIS DAY that is so remarkable and beautiful, I’ll be sure to live it because that’s what it’s here for…I’m hoping you do the same.
Jealous of your getaway. I hope it is all that you want and more. I’m curious about what song spoke to you so strongly. Have a good weekend!
Love this beautiful, real post.
I would totally clean beforehand if I had a cleaning lady come. But only then. ;p
Enjoy your weekend, can’t wait to see your photos!
What a great post! I love to hear that you’re evolving emotionally and I need to know the name of ‘your’ song, and I’m a tiny bit jealous about your Brown County weekend but mostly I’m happy for you. I love it when my children do wonderful, fun things together.
Don’t feel too bad… yesterday I picked up AN ENTIRE LOAD of dirty clothes off my bathroom floor. Do you know how many pairs of dirty underthings it takes to make an entire load?
What a beautiful post! So much feeling written in the most beautiful and real way.
If I had a bigger house, I’d totally hire a cleaning lady. But, I guess it helps that hubby is willing to share in the cleaning.
I hope you all have a perfect weekend again this year!
Have fun, take lots of pictures and hurry home to tell us all about it.
Touch Sarah’s belly a lot for me. And then have her touch your belly a lot, also for me. I can’t wait to see the photos, but most importantly, I can’t wait to hear how wonderful your weekend was. I miss that part of Indiana. My favorite thing (well, my favorite non-drinking thing, anyway) about IU was the colors at this time of year.
what a refreshing post!
safe travels to good ‘ol Indiana!
my hubby is from there… went to school in Terre Haute!
i want someone to come for a visit… that way i will be forced to really clean the house…
… the pile of laundry this week hasn’t seemed to bother me enough!
I love your blog!!! You are so inspiring to me!
My son Samuel passed away when he was 6 weeks old, and this Sunday is the 2 year anniversary of his passing. With all that said, I feel so very, very blessed and that is something most people just can’t understand. They just expect me to be a pile of mush on the floor, or to never speak of him again, and I refuse to do either. Just like you and your family, our son is part of our life and there is no other way around it.
I appreciate how open you are about your life, and how funny you are about it, too (cause even us grieving mamas can be funny!). You are REAL and I LOVE it!
Thank you so very much!
Your trip sounds like it will be wonderful! Enjoy every minute of it.
)
(and I totally get cleaning before the cleaning lady comes!
Laundry in the bathtub? Sheer genius!!!! Have a great getaway!
Laundry in the bathtub? Sheer genius! Have a great getaway!
Hi Beth,
This post is beautiful. It spoke something to my heart today. I hope you don’t mind, I referenced you and this post in my blog today. I’ve been thinking a lot about your story lately, and this blog brought it all in for me. Here is the link:
http://insidetheparsonage.blogspot.com/2009/09/i-think-i-get-it-now.html
I really hope you don’t mind. Thanks for your words.
I hope you have a wonderful relaxing getaway! I am jealous, but you need it more than I do!
I love that a song spoke to you in such a way. It happens to me from time to time, makes me stop and take a moment to think. It is a wonderful thing.
nicely said! have a great weekend Beth!
I hope you have a fun and relaxing time. YOU and your sister are CUTE pregos!! Say Hi to Sarah for me!! I haven’t seen her in ages!
Wow, what a good post. I hope you have a fabulous time this weekend! I so wish I made ourselves do something like this every year.
You are so very brave.
Have a great weekend, Momma.
Have a great trip, I know you will.
You’re one inspiring lady. I love how you spill your beautiful thoughts here, the kind that validate and lift and bring a laugh. It rockages much.
Sometimes it’s nice to live so very much in the now, isn’t it? To just feel everything there it to feel in that particular moment?
I hope you have a lovely weekend.
Enjoy your weekend and all this wondefulness that you are feeling….
I’m glad you were able to have the chance to talk about your little sons. My first baby died many, many years ago (she would be grown, now). It still means so much to be able to talk about her.
I hope you have a lovely weekend.
Love this post today. And hell yeah re: coffee…it’s the one thing that gets me excited every morning.
You guys will have such a fun trip…I’m pretty jealous as I sit here with my swollen pregnancy feet! I can’t wait to see her maternity pictures, I wish you could take mine.
Wow…your post just took my breath away and I have nothing but happy thoughts and hopes and wishes for you!
Have a great trip!
ps – I know what you mean about cleaning before the cleaning lady comes. I would do the same if we ever got one to come, but whenever we think of it, I end up just cleaning myself. I need to get hubby to pay me for that instead of the $ going to the lady…right?
I have no idea how you do it. You can take an ordinary day and turn it into something so beautiful. It is truly a gift you should be proud of. I always enjoy reading your blog even though I don’t always comment. Thanks for inspiring me to try to find the beauty in each day. Have a great time on your trip!
i really appreciate it when real women talk about prozac. i, too, subscribe to the happy-pill and understand when you say that it becomes your “barrier.” i have recently dropped it and found myself much more emotional. thank you for sharing such a personal post and showing me that i am not alone.
I have a friend that gave hers up for adoption when she was 19 and she never forgot her daughter.
Although it was so hard for her to give her away but she wanted her to have a better life than what she could give her. It made a huge impact on her, like you said.
I miscarried our third child and I have never forgotten my baby either. Her impact is such that even my children occasionally say how old she would be now.
I am glad you were able to talk about your precious little ones. They were here and they mattered. They still matter.
Please share what the song was. I love songs with true meaning. Have a wonderful time on your trip and be sure and get one of those heavenly car fresheners you got last year. If I close my eyes, I can still smell it! It was perfection.
very VERY well-written, my friend.
LOL, I KNEW there was someone like me that would clean before the cleaning lady comes!!!!
I hope you have a great great weekend!
Enjoy your time with husband and family; unplug for awhile and return fresh with renewed energy for enjoying the small moments. Thanks for your blog.
Sounds like a blissful weekend! ENJOY!!
Have an amazing time this weekend with Sarah! Judging from the first shot of ice cream you posted on Twitter, you don’t really need too much nudging…
I can’t wait to see Sarah’s pics!
I can’t WAIT to hear about your weekend and see your photos!
Steph
oh, how fun! my sister and i need to do something like this….
i want to know that song, too. i love that.
can’t wait to see you!
I’m so happy to have stumbled on your blog. Best wishes for a lovelty weekend. I’m sending your link to a dear friend who has somehow ended up behind the concrete barrier, and who needs the pleasure of your posts right now.
[...] and I captured lots of fall-ish items while on our trip: [...]