The waiting. The unknown. This is familiar to me which sucks but then again, I also know that the wait will soon be over and we can begin the plan of action with our care.
In December of 2007, I had my first ultrasound with that pregnancy. It was then that I found out we were having twins, I was 8 weeks pregnant. I didn’t freak out, but I cried. It was the happiest cry I had ever cried. I couldn’t believe that I was so blessed to be pregnant with twins. I felt like the luckiest person in the world, like the sun was shining down on me, I couldn’t believe that God felt I could do this.
I was at the ultrasound alone, my parents were in the waiting room with my kids (who had no idea I was pregnant, the kids, not my parents), Brian was at work in Chicago. I was getting the ultrasound because I was having major cramping, it wasn’t a planned screening, otherwise, Brian would have been there with me.
I had to tell him this news, so after the ultrasound, barely dressed, in the dark room, I picked up my cell phone and called him. I said “there’s a heartbeat.“ He replied with “one heartbeat?”
“No, two.” I said.
He cried briefly, silently, sitting in his cubicle at work. He felt that same joy.
This was around 3 in the afternoon. Just before five, the nurse from my doctor’s office called and said the doctor had wanted to see me after my ultrasound but the tech failed to let me know. So, could I see the doctor first thing the next morning?
“Of course!”
God, I was so happy.
And then, I saw my doctor, where she grimly informed me that my two babies were in the same sac, this condition is called monochorionic and it was not good news. Essentially, over the course of the pregnancy, it was very likely that the twins’ cords would become entangled and their risk for twin to twin transfusion was increased. Their chances of survival were lessened greatly.
She did let me know that often, at this early stage, that diagnosis is incorrect, but we wouldn’t know for two more weeks when another ultrasound was done.
If it were correct, my care would be transferred to a specialist in Chicago.
I left and cried. I had planned to leave my doctor’s office and go buy a book about bring pregnant with twins but I felt like I shouldn’t because what if we lost them…
I went home.
For the next two weeks, we prayed and remained hopeful. And if the twins were, in fact, monochorionic, we would just pray EXTRA. Those two weeks were difficult because we just wanted answers RIGHT NOW. But it taught us patience and we made it through the two weeks.
Faith helped us through. Everyday I woke up pregnant with twins and that’s all we knew and that’s all we focused on.
And so that is where I’m at now.
I am pregnant with this miracle, who we love and we continue to love and we have hope, SO MUCH HOPE that not only will we hold this baby in the spring but that the doctors will be able to guide us through this pregnancy with their vast knowledge and experience.
The twins, we found out, were not monochorionic, what a moment that was to have that answer! And even though we eventually lost James and Jake to something unrelated; today, tomorrow, yesterday, we are reminded just how much we have learned from their little lives.
We are living it right now. And we are always grateful to them.
We are going to be okay.
prayer for you right now. Praying for the best of news.
Good luck, your hope and love are amazing. I will add you to my prayers.
You are such a wonder to me Beth. Your strentgh constantly brings me to tears, you are amazing.
We will keep you, Brian, the Baby and the kids circled in our love, prayers and hopes for you. We care for you Beth, and will be your own prayer warriors!
We too received devastating news about our son when I was 18 weeks along in my pregnancy. Essentially, his chances of carrying a genetic deformity where about 1 in 3. I can relate to the helplessness and despair that you and your family are probably feeling. I am so glad to hear how much you are leaning on God for this and relying on prayer. Please know that we’ll be praying for him to comfort your hearts and ease your worry.
I am confident that He will see you through. He’s already been with you for so much. Take care, sweet lady.
I don’t know what to say Beth, except that I am praying.
I am praying so hard.
xo.
The wait must be torture. Remember we all wait with you. We all hold our breath right along side of you..
I will continue to pray for peace and comfort for you and Brian, and saftey and health for you and that adorable little bean.
We love you…
Don’t ever forget that…..
I will hope and pray for a positive outcome. I will hope and pray for peace. I already know you are surrounded by love.
Oh, Beth. I’m so sad. But hopeful. With God all things are possible! I’m praying. Praying. Praying.
Positive thoughts and love coming your way for you and your family!
I am shooting over to you as much positivity, love, support and prayer that I can. *much love and hugs* honey
Beth, thinking of you guys and sending lots o love and prayers your way!!
I think about James and Jake all the time. I am so excited for your new little one. You’re due some joy!
You are amazingly strong, Beth! I will continue to pray for your entire family.
We’re all in this together, Beth. We’re all praying. LOVE.
I’ve been praying for you daily as soon as I heard you were pregnant. Now, praying extra. You are so amazing.
This post is right from your heart, Beth. I love your heart. (oh, and you meant December 2007 for the ultrasound, right?). Praying lots!
Praying for all of you and sending you love and peace. I am so amazed with how you sound here. I love that James and Jake gave you this gift, this gift that you need so much right now. It’s beautiful that this is part of their legacy, and I’m so happy for you that you see it so clearly.
I just want to hug you right now. And I do not hug people. I do not approve of touching. Touching. ACK.
Waiting right here with you, and hoping for the best.
I never knew this experience you went through with the boys. I’m so sorry. I said it yesterday too, but I have faith that you will be holding this baby in the Spring and I will pray EXTRA hard with you. XOXO
I wish I could fast forward this week for you. Waiting can be such torture.
I’m praying for you.
Sending a hug from here….
Many hugs and prayers coming out to you Beth. xoxo
Your posts leave me speechless Beth. I’m thinking of you and your family.
Praying for you, Beth. Thinking positive thoughts will do wonders for you, I promise.
I am not alone in praying for you. And I am praying faithfully for you and the baby. Can I just say how amazed I am at the love and prayers flowing your way today? I know that I shouldn’t be amazed but there is something about the power of this community that we have all become a part of that continues to amaze me. God is certainly hearing many, many prayers on your behalf this week. Hopefully, you can find some comfort in that…
I’m praying too… and waiting with you… I’m seeing a reproductive endocrinologist to figure out why I’ve had 3 miscarriages in the last year and a half after two perfectly healthy pregnancies… waiting on bloodwork results…
May God keep His hand upon you and your family, and I pray this baby will be a picture of health all of his or her days… and I pray the Holy Spirit will be your constant Comforter…
Keeping your entire family in my thoughts, sending positive thoughts your way!
I’ll be praying for you. I want to have a lot of happy posts to write!
You are going to be okay and there is always hope. You have so many people praying for you and thinking of you. I have great faith that this will all work out just fine and you will be holding that beautiful baby in your arms in the spring.
I’m clinging to faith that this baby will be in your arms next spring. I am praying that you will have nothing but amazing things happen to help you during this time of waiting. LOVE you girl.
Praying. Praying for a chubby, soft baby in your arms.
Oh sweetheart – I’m praying with you, for you. You and your family deserve the happiness that this little baby will bring – and that little baby deserves a long happy life with your loving family.
Nell
From the beginning, you had a good feeling and I had a good feeling and I believe we still do. Maybe even better now. God is leading you in the direction you need to go. He’s holding you in the palm of his hand and we’re all holding both of you in our hearts and prayers.
Praying for you.
My thoughts are with you!
Thoughts and prayers are definitely with you! I’ve been there before as well and I know it’s horribly difficult. And you’re right. You are going to be okay.
Thinking of you. Sending more prayers and positive thoughts your way.
I will pray for your family in the coming weeks.
More prayers heading your way. I know there are never too many.
I have so. much. hope. for you and your family as well. Thoughts, prayers, well-wishes and anything else I can think of that might help are headed your way. But above all HOPE for you and your whole family.
Praying for you and your famiy. I hope you are feeling the love and support surrounding you. Take care!
Sending you and your little one all the strength and prayers I can muster.
Still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Your family remains in my thoughts. I hope this is one of those situations were the worry and anticipation turn out to be way worse that the results.
You are surrounded by all our good wishes.
The waiting is so hard. I am so sorry that you have to face anything difficult or frightening during this time. you don’t deserve it, but God must know how tough you are. Praying for all things good.
The waiting is hard, and I know you are not a patient person as I am not either. We want to know things now. I know this week is going to be so difficult for you and your family, but please Beth, remember you are loved, and so many people care for you and that beautiful baby. We will leave it is God’s hands. I will continue to pray and pray and ask God to Bless you entire family. If you need anything, please let me know. I know you have a great support system and much better friends than I am, but just know I am always here.
All my love!!!!
Yes, I am believing you will be okay!
Praying for you and baby! All the time!
Hang in there. With my fourth pregnancy,my Dr. who we had become friends with, came knocking on our front door to let us know of blood test results that did not look favorable. After 2 plus weeks of waiting for further tests and results it all turned out okay. I asked God to help me with the waiting, which was the hardest. I believe he did. I somehow made it through those weeks. You will too.
God bless.
I wished on my birthday candles today that your baby is perfectly healthy… and I am saying endless prayers. Soon there will be answers for this great HOPE and great MIRACLE… Much, much love, Sharon
Nothing I can say can ever top the selflessness of Sharon using her birthday wishes for you (SHOW OFF), so I’ll just say that I love you and am praying, always.
Continuing to pray for you….