I have spent so much time writing about our fears and hopes and doctor’s visits and MORE FEARS and good news, etc, that I’ve spent very little time talking about my symptoms.

I’m sure you’ve noticed.  And I’m sure this upsets you.

Okay, I realize you have not noticed.

But still, sharing is good.  (it is!  DON’T LEAVE.)

My name is Beth and I have a saliva problem.  It’s like I’m at the dentist office and there is one of those water-rinsey-hosey things and it’s turned on…all of the time.  One night, while Anna was sleeping, I leaned in to kiss her good night and dropped a huge pile of spit on her face.  Please do not tell her.

EVER. (fortunately, she sleeps like she drank a pint of gin before bed, so nothing wakes her.)

At night, I wake up with spit covering an entire side of my face.  Last night I woke up, to pee for the 3rd time in 90 minutes (more on that later) and actually became angry at all of the spit.  First I wipe near my mouth and it still felt wet, I continued to wipe towards my ear and then all the way down my neck, I literally yelled out “what the hell?“  I was angry.  It was gross.

In the middle of the night and sometimes in the middle of the day, I start choking on it.

I realize how attractive I’m making myself appear to all of you, but the glamor of pregnancy should always be shared.

My most frustrating symptom is my inability to pee.  This is difficult to explain, so bear with me.  When I lay down for bed at night, usually around 10:30, I have just gone pee, quite successfully.  As soon as I lay down, I have to go again.  I usually wait about 30 minutes and I go again.  I fall asleep, wake up an hour later…pee again.  I wake up 30 minutes later…pee again.

(don’t worry, I was just tested for an infection yesterday)

Although ALL OF THAT PEEING is frustrating, the real frustration comes hours later.  Around midnight, I fall into a nice, deep, restful sleep, dreaming about french fries and caterpillars. (oh, like you never dream about french fries.)  This morning, to be specific, I woke up at 5:17 and had to pee.  BAD.

I get up, sit on the toilet and nothing will come out.  It literally just sits there in my bladder, stubbornly refusing to make it’s descent into the damn toilet.  It’s so frustrating, I have literally cried.  It’s so frustrating that I actually WANT a catheter.

This condition should not alarm you, it doesn’t alarm me or my OBs, it just happens.  It happened when I was pregnant with the twins.  What can I do to prevent this from happening?  Pee more frequently between the hours of 2-5, like set my alarm clock, was the advice I was given.  Which sounds like fun but UM…NO.

(OHMYGOD THIS POST WON’T END.)

So, I sit down this morning to pee and it won’t come out.  I lean back, forward, side to side, I push, I squeeze, I touch my toes and at one point, I can feel it start to descend, I can actually feel it traveling down “there.”

It hits the water with a momentary “plop” and that’s it.  All that work for a drop of pee.

I lay back down AT 5:28, frustrated, cursing and have to pee so bad I can’t see straight.  I get up, try again and finally after 292 attempts, it comes out, in a trickle.

But I’m not going to lie to you.  Pregnancy is still awesome.

(unless there are onions nearby, then it’s not really awesome at all.)

I know you think I’ve been withholding information from you, but I just heard back with GOOD NEWS.

I figured you’d like to know.

Thank you to ALL OF YOU for your amazing words of comfort and super-powerful prayers!