So seriously, I am feeling much better. The nurse didn’t hear anything “rattling” in my lungs, so I see that as a success.
Yesterday, the nurse put the doppler on my belly and within two seconds she and I heard the most beautiful heartbeat music ever. I was so nervous because the last time the doppler was on my belly to hear two beautiful baby heartbeats…it was silent.
When I heard that rapid beat my heart melted. I recorded it on my iPhone and emailed the clip to Brian. When the kids came home from school, I played the heartbeat for Anna and Noah.
When the clip was over, Anna looked up and me and said “is that better than James and Jake’s heartbeat?”
They have so much fear that they’ll never meet this baby, just like they never met James and Jake.
They love this baby so much already. They constantly ask questions about him or her like “what size is the baby today?“ (I read the updates to them every Saturday when I receive them in my inbox…this week, the size of a peach!)
“almost the size of an orange!“ Anna exclaims.
One night while walking Noah to bed, he looked at my rapidly growing belly and said “when you eat food, does it fall on the baby’s head?”
Yesterday, Noah wrote a note in his notebook “maybe the baby will be a boy or a girl.”
Let’s hope so.
I’m so scared of losing this baby for so many reasons, OBVIOUS reasons, but I’m also so scared of breaking Anna and Noah’s hearts again.
I remain hopeful, faithful and in love. And today, once again, I get to hear that beautiful heartbeat music playing at my doctor’s office.
I’m taking it ONE DAY AT A TIME. That’s all I can do.
Anna and Noah are the sweetest little people ever. One day at a time for sure, but in the end you will all have a lifetime of love for this sweet baby.
Your kids have such wonderful amazing hearts. It tugs at my heart strings to see the fear they have, but hearing how much they love that little one makes me tear up.
I am keeping you close to my heart Beth.
I can’t imagine what a range of emotions you have on a daily basis. It breaks my heart that your children live with the fear of loss. But it is beautiful that you all have enough hope to keep going, to take that risk again and let yourselves love this child.
And, I’ve never lost a child, but I hold my breath each and every time I go to the doctor until I hear that heartbeat.
How precious! I know they probably think about “their” baby throughout the day too…such sweet kids!
Sweet music to your ears indeed!
Your kids sound adorable. I’m sending good thoughts your way. And the food on the head remark? Priceless.
Bittersweet.
But more sweet than bitter. I think we are all more than a little in love with this baby, Beth. And we are all probably more than a little frightened too.
But fear is not what will define us, love and faith will. My prayers for all of you continue. <3
I have been visiting your blog since last year…i am finally commenting. my heart is always with you and your family…how exciting to hear the heartbeat! i will be following you as you take it one day at a time. btw…i have you on my sidebar on my new blog. have a blessed weekend.
They DO love. And they are wonderful just like their mom and dad. AND their little brother or sister with the beautiful heartbeat. How great that the whole family got to hear that heartbeat too. You’re SO smart to record it! Thank you!
I felt the same way with my last pregnancy after losing 4 babies already. I was so worried that I would disappoint my 7 year old daughter and not give her the sibling she always wanted. I know what you’re feeling and I can feel it in your writing as well. You have two amazing children on Earth and James and Jake are watching over their brother and sister…they will make certain that in a few months you and Brian are going to bring home another baby and make Anna and Noah two of the happiest kids on earth!
Your kids sound so sweet. “Maybe the baby will be a boy or a girl”, as opposed to, say, a puppy. Too cute! Although most kids would take a puppy, too.
awwww bless!! Does the food fall on the baby’s head!!! awwwww
I have a lump in my throat. Your kiddos need this baby too.
Hugs to you, all of you.
Your children are so special. I’ve been praying daily for you and your family.
I LOVE that you get updates in sizes you can identify with. I wish I could take all that fear away for you. hugs and prayers and lot of positive thoughts.
The peach? I have one on my counter, so cool to hold!
Oh, wow, that is so sweet, and so sad. I never really fully considered before the effect losing James & Jake must have had on your older children. Thank you for sharing this – I am praying for a healthy baby & a healthy pregnancy for you!
How precious! And thanks for being such a wonderful friend to my daughter! Hugs!
Your kids comments are so adorable and innocent and precious. Keeping you and this wonderful growing baby in my prayers.
I am *SO* hopeful for all of you… You, Brian, Anna, Noah, and this sweet little baby. You made me teary, hooker.
What sweet kids! Beautiful post.
wow. that is a powerful post. i can hear the pressure in your voice. the pressure to deliver these babies for your children. girl, that is not something you can control. but you are right…you can take it one day at a time. one day. don’t lose focus today and the joys your children bring you, today.
prayers from me to you.
Next time I see Noah, he’s walking away black and blue. Especially if he calls my baby Tom.
Much love to you Beth. So glad you got to hear the heartbeat! YAY!
Hurray for heartbeats! Such sweet kids you have. My prayers will continue.
YAY for the sound of heartbeats!! Your kids sound amazingly wonderful children. HUgs.
How sweet are your kids!? My best ‘advice’ is to have faith. Faith has gotten me through my hardest times and I hope it will comfort you through this wonderful pregnancy.
And I love that Noah is optimistic about it being a boy or a girl
One day at a time is just about all we can manage. Put it in God’s hands. Wishing you a safe pregnancy…
I would imagine that you feel a wide range of emotions every day! I’m so happy for you…yes, said it again
Nell
How sweet.
oh my word…i love your kids. ALL of them.
so hopeful, so positive, so praying for you!
One day at a time; one foot in front of the other… arms and heart open!
Prayers for a healthy baby and mommy
Sending prayers your way!
Your kids are so adorable =).
It’s such a blessing to be able to pray for you and your babies.I am so happy for you Beth.
So so sweet. I can’t wait to meet this new baby!
Beth, the way you can bring on the tears my way and add a little chuckle right in the middle is why I love coming here. I am thinking a lot about you right now. Lots of love,
Jen
Your post brought tears to my eyes. Praying for the health of you and your baby! I have a few friends that have purchased their own doppler to have at home. Not sure of the cost but worth looking into.
If food does drop on the baby’s head, make sure you’re chewing really, really well. And if love falls on the baby’s head, then you are doing everything right. You ARE doing everything right! What a beautiful post…
Oh, this is all just so precious.
Steph
You have some seriously amazing kids – who will be incredible older sibs.
All the hope and love in the world to you all!
Best wishes to you for a strong heartbeat that they continue to find quickly each time you go.
So funny. My son asked about food falling on the baby’s head with my most recent pregnancy too. They’re so literal.
It’s one of the most beautiful noises in the world. I held my breath waiting for it too every time until my daughter was big enough to kick. And then she was so active I stopped worrying so much. So hopefully that happens for you too. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Have you seen the baby vegetable comparison site? It sounds similar to what’s coming in your email. We enjoyed those comparisons very much. Towards the end we bought the equivalent sized vegetable or fruit each week. But not the pineapple; I’m extremely allergic to pineapples.
Be hopeful. One day at a time is good.
Aloha,
Liza
I’ll definitely say a prayer for you. I know the fear of losing a child. It’s a horrible thing to feel and live with. Positive thoughts are coming your way!
All I have to say Beth is that I love you. Hang in there girl. I won’t lie and say that you are almost over the tough part, because you aren’t. BUT, you have the faith and you are surrounded in love. How precious are your two munchkins? I LOVE seeing sibling excitment and I LOVE seeing how involved they are with your pregnancy. It is so important and it is truly special.
Continue to find the preciousness in every moment. Thank you for sharing it will all of us in the cyber world too!
I’m sure that beautiful fast heartbeat was music to your ears! Anna and Noah are so sweet! I’m praying for you and your precious little one…
your title says it all, my friend… much good energy and healthy vibes being sent your way.
Yay! Rejoicing with you on this most wonderful news! Praying for a healthy baby, healthy mom, and faith-in-the-waiting for your kids.
Oh my goodness, Beth. You are in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to be throughout.