So seriously, I am feeling much better. The nurse didn’t hear anything “rattling” in my lungs, so I see that as a success.
Yesterday, the nurse put the doppler on my belly and within two seconds she and I heard the most beautiful heartbeat music ever. I was so nervous because the last time the doppler was on my belly to hear two beautiful baby heartbeats…it was silent.
When I heard that rapid beat my heart melted. I recorded it on my iPhone and emailed the clip to Brian. When the kids came home from school, I played the heartbeat for Anna and Noah.
When the clip was over, Anna looked up and me and said “is that better than James and Jake’s heartbeat?”
They have so much fear that they’ll never meet this baby, just like they never met James and Jake.
They love this baby so much already. They constantly ask questions about him or her like “what size is the baby today?“ (I read the updates to them every Saturday when I receive them in my inbox…this week, the size of a peach!)
“almost the size of an orange!“ Anna exclaims.
One night while walking Noah to bed, he looked at my rapidly growing belly and said “when you eat food, does it fall on the baby’s head?”
Yesterday, Noah wrote a note in his notebook “maybe the baby will be a boy or a girl.”
Let’s hope so.
I’m so scared of losing this baby for so many reasons, OBVIOUS reasons, but I’m also so scared of breaking Anna and Noah’s hearts again.
I remain hopeful, faithful and in love. And today, once again, I get to hear that beautiful heartbeat music playing at my doctor’s office.
I’m taking it ONE DAY AT A TIME. That’s all I can do.