Cleaning hurts
ByTonight I cleaned my house, it was pretty bizarre because, well, I’m going to be really honest with you, I don’t do too much cleaning, especially lately with the sickness and the pregnancy and all of the eating that I do.
I’m just too busy.
Too tired.
And also cleaning is dumb.
But it’s not, I actually love having a clean house, it empowers me and brings me peace but yet I never feel empowered and peaceful because, again, cleaning is dumb.
But this afternoon, around 4:30 I started getting into the mood, my friends are coming over tomorrow so I thought the least I could do is scrape some of the old food off of the stove, you know, to be polite. I started with that and something happened and I just continued to clean.
I did stop to go get Taco Bell, I hesitate to even tell you that because you’ll be like “seriously? Are you trying to make us jealous with all of your ambition?”
After we ate (at the table, thankyouverymuch), I created a list of things for my kids to clean and handed it to them. It was brilliant, they went down the list and cleaned up everything listed and more. (brilliant idea. I know.) (also, my kids are not good cleaners so this was HISTORY TONIGHT, HISTORY.)
Anyway, while they cleaned, I cleaned and then I couldn’t stop, I cleaned toilets and bathtubs and floors and our bedrooms and downstairs and did laundry. (sidenote: if you ask your husband to clean the bathrooms, please also specify the toilet because apparently that is easily forgotten when a husband cleans a bathroom.)
I came downstairs and swept the first floor, which is pretty big, I swept until I had a blister forming on my thumb, I’m not kidding. (ohmygodwearesogross.) Then I grabbed the little broom and dustpan and swept up all of the massive piles I had all over the house and I was SO HOT and SO THIRSTY and my back hurt SO BAD.
I finally went upstairs (with FOLDED LAUNDRY in my arms) and changed my shirt to a tank top and drank some water. I came back down and swiffered and then I mopped for a long, long, long time because our floors were nasty. (I mopped 10 days ago, what the hell? Why are we so gross?)
Anyway, I folded more laundry and put it away and put the chairs back in the kitchen and put the rugs back down and switched loads and put the kids to bed and I sat on my bed and thought “OH MY GOD, CLEANING WHILE PREGNANT IS SO HARD, I THINK I’M GOING TO DIE.” and I looked down at my tank top and literally saw sweat below my boobs and then I looked further down and saw this large bump that will only grow to be so much bigger and make cleaning even more difficult and I thought. OH MY GOD…
I CAN’T WAIT.
Cleaning is dumb. You should totally make all the girls do it for you when they come over. Keep that in mind next time. FOR REAL. You know I’d be doing it for you if I were closer
Tell those hookers to step up!
I cleaned my house today, too.
Then, I went to Barnes and Noble after the kids were in bed.
Then, I stopped by the new house.
Then, I FB’d and Tweeted a bit.
Then, I read this post, and, at the end, I thought…
“I CAN’T WAIT, EITHER!”
Sigh. Love this and hate it all at the same time. But mostly love it. I wish you would stop being so dang captivating.
Clean for ME coming over again, someday?
Beth, that was the funniest most accurate depiction of cleaning while pregnant, that I have ever seen. well done! (the boob sweat in particular really got me giggling!)
Sweep? Broom? Oh gosh, use your Dyson… less work… Crazy Lady….. I love my Dyson so much I’d spoon it if I could….
Cleaning really is totally dumb.
And cleaning while pregnant is just ridiculous. I hardly ever did it after month 5. Hehehe 
P.S. At least your hubby cleans the bathroom, mine refuses.
It’s called neh-ehsting! (sing-song voice, here). Usually kicks in a little closer to your due date, but behbeh, you are nesting! (I used to clean my garage top to bottom about a week before I’d go into labor. All three times.)
Such a cute post…if I lived near you, I’d clean for you! I love cleaning (yes, I’m weird and aware of it)…
Cleaning really is dumb, except when I have a university assignment due, and then it becomes irresistible to me, and I want to clean mould off grout in the bathroom. I really feel like cleaning this week, lol
My boyfriend wont touch the damn toilet either!!!
I DON’T GET IT!!!
It IS inside the bathroom..right?
Haha..I love this post!
I totally LOVE it when the cleaning bug hits me like that. It is amazing how much you can get done and how good it feels!
Too bad it happens so rarely…
1 to the Dyson suggestion. I don’t sweep any more…I just vacuum it all.
And get some of those Clorox bleach tablet things that you toss in your toilet tank. I still clean the outside of the toilet (well, sometimes), but now I don’t have to clean the inside all the dang time.
Cleaning can be fun, but it’s the results that are so addicting: clean places! Although, I’m surprised you had enough energy to blog after all that cleaning.
As to the toilet thing, if he wants to use it, he must help clean it. Otherwise he should go to the nearest gas station and use theirs. Just saying.
When I was about seven months pregnant, back in March, one night I could NOT sleep because the bathtub was icky. I had to get up and scrub the bathtub at the wee hours of the morning, because it was dirty! I could feel it! It needed to be cleaned rightawaynow! I paid for that cleaning for about a week, with a ridiculously sore back.
But hey, I could sleep, because my bathtub was clean.
tee hee – yeah, cleaning is definitely my LAST priority. I have certain chores that I do every day of the week, like I sweep all the floors on Thursday…if I get to it…
But i am a terrible housekeeper – and it’s only going to get worse when I have more kids! 
i feel so empowered with a clean house, too. totally changes my mood. getting ready to put some music on & get to work!! (if the babies will nap today!!)
Ken totally thinks the toilet is self-cleaning since it flushes and refills with clean water. But he’s old like Erin’s husband, so he just feels lucky to have running water.
You’ve motivated me to get some cleaning done today!! In other words, you suck.
ps – I can’t wait, either!!!
WOW, you were busy, busy, busy. I bet you feel great it is done, but your body is now screaming at you.
Boys are dumb and don’t know how to clean the toilet, especially since sometimes they can MISS the toilet which just makes for a sticky situation.
Even though cleaning is dumb, it feels oh so good to do it!
This is an awesome post. Cleaning stinks. That growing baby belly rocks.
I went off on my house on Sunday. It was bad. Real bad.
My husband hid my laptop and phone until I finished.
RUDE.
Nesting has begun for you!!!! At least you did all the heavy cleaning now before you can’t move to much. Just do a little a day if possible and I’m sure it won’t get out of hand where you have to spend the entire night or day doing it. It’s hard when we are pregnant but at the end you will bask in the glory of a totally clean and beautiful house for your family.
Cleaning is dumb…and yet when I was pregnant I couldn’t stop either.
And I too, would get to the point of sweat under the boobs and having to sit on the bed with a big glass of water.
Glad to here you got so much accomplished!
Hope you have a great time with your friends.
P.S. We are gross also…you are not alone.
Cleaning is dumb, I cant comment on the cleaning while pregnant part as ive never been pregnant, but I can only imagine how hard it would be with a beautiful belly in the way. In my house my husband has to be be reminded to empty the trash in the bathroom when he cleans it, so I can comeserate. I am greatful he does do it though
Maybe you will get insane nesting urges later on which will compensate for the big belly slowing you down. I did and it was the greatest thing ever. My mom was even impressed with the cleanliness of my house.
We are getting Taco Bell later. Here, if our college football team scores 28 points at a home game then every ticket stub is good for one free taco. We never go to the games but my husband’s parents and friends send them to us, and we can get two nights of free food. The people working the Taco Bell drive-thru probably laugh at us because we are there so much ordering free tacos and nothing else.
I cracked up several times while reading this. Thank you.
Cleaning is overrated. But thank you for giving me that kick in the ass I need today. Shutting computer and going to clean. xoxo
I hate cleaning…HATE IT! Talked to Dave about getting someone to clean the house. He kept saying “If you think we NEED it…”
Need. Want. Whatever.
Yay for baby bumps!
This is awesome Beth. Here is what I want to know, you handed them a list and they just did it? No fighting? No screaming? No crying? You must come and work your voodoo on my children please.
You are so right, cleaning while pregnant is NO FUN. That’s why I’ve sworn it off. In fact, I asked J. to get me nothing for Christmas except someone else to come and clean our house. I don’t care if I ever get another gift for any holdiays as long as I don’t have to clean
This one time, I had a cleaning lady. Then she stole my vicodin. Not that I always take vicodin…it was just there from a c-section or two, ignored. Then my cleaning lady stole it and I was more mad that she wasn’t going to clean my toilets anymore than I was that she had stolen from me and was a pain pill addict.
Sad. But true.
Hope you’re rested now, lady.
Ah yes, nesting at its finest. However, the back pain sucks. It’s like a double-edged sword – finally getting the will to clean, but must do it with a bowling ball strapped to your belly.
I hope you got some rest.
So funny. Thanks for the laugh. I’m actually cleaning right now. I’m detailing the kitchen. Silly me. I took a break to check the blogs (and have a gin and tonic).
The instructions link isn’t working for me…
Is it ok if I look down at my *ahem* not-pregnancy bump and declare my cleaning dumb too?
I laughed, to myself, so many times throughout this post!! The folded clothes getting put away! That’s awesome! The big ol’ floor sweepin and the blisters, oh my! The changing the shirt and the soooo thirsty part! By the way, the wearesogross, cracks me up! All the same thoughts and things that happen to me when I finally get around to cleaning! But the part where you can’t wait, I can remember those days for me, but I can’t wait for you! Too precious!