Today…or maybe yesterday, I realized two things.
The first is that I haven’t blogged since last Wednesday night. (what is up with that?)
The second is that we could very well have a baby, like, in just a few months.
Yesterday, I turned 20 weeks and ever since then I’ve been having some emotional celebrations going on inside my head and my heart. It’s powerful stuff…it’s beautiful stuff.
So, the reality is that we need to make a decision about whether or not we’ll find out the sex. At an ultrasound at 17 weeks, when the tech asked if we’d like to find out, we said “no.” But now I’m not so sure…
We’ve got one child that REALLLLLLY WANTS A GIRL!
And the other REALLLLLLLY WANTS A BOY! And then there is Brian and I who REALLLLLLY DO NOT CARE…but then again…
shopping and planning would be much easier knowing the gender, now wouldn’t it?
But it’s not about the shopping and planning, it’s about the baby and health and love and who cares about the rest of the stuff.
RIGHT?
We need to make a decision…I have another ultrasound approaching in TEN DAYS.
Help? (please keep in mind that I do not think green and yellow are neutral…in my OPINION, the colors seems to lean more towards boy colors than girl colors.)
I’d find out…but that’s just me.
I found out with Boo, and will again next time. I don’t like the yellows and greens either, and wanted to be able to find that “just right” ourfit for her ride home.
Plus, I needed to plan and didn’t want to loose that little bit of control once we knew.
I say find out!
Don’t Do it!!!!
There are so few true surprises in life….let this be one of them! I never found out the sex of any of my babies, and it was so wonderful when we had that moment of “It’s a….”(well in our case it was always BOY!!) in the delivery room. I know there will people that will argue and say you get that same excitement when the ultrasound tech tells you what it is, but I always felt that there might be a tiny bit of disappointment if I found out ahead of time. At the moment of birth though? There is NEVER disappointment…only joy, and pure love for that baby!
And as for planning, whatever. Planning schmanning. Babies don’t need pink or blue clothes for the first week of life, and older siblings adjusted just fine for hundreds of years before ultrasounds came along.
Let it be a surprise!
Oh, and as for finding the perfect “coming home” outfit, I always bought two outfits…a boy and a girl. Then just kept the receipts and returned the one I didn’t need.
Find out! Think of it this way…whether the baby is a girl or a boy is already decided and will not change whether you find out or not, so make life easy for yourself and find out now. Your surprise will be now!
I am currently pg w/ #4….we found out with our first son, waited for the second son, and found out with our daughter (#3 pg). It was nice to have a surprise in the delivery room but there was so much going on that I didn’t feel like I got the “la ta da da” moment that I wanted. I almost went crazy thru my pg trying to “figure” it out. Pressure was on the 3rd time for a girl so I HAD to find out. My dh says that we’ll wait this time since we have both genders now, but I just don’t know. This will likely be our last baby and I want to be able to clean out what we don’t need b/c we’ll be moving to a new house. Also, I agree about the green and yellow stuff. Since you already have boy and girl, you’ll be able to use what you already have for awhile. As far as bedding, I picked out what I wanted for boy or girl and then bought it after he was born (since you don’t really use it at first anyway). It all worked out. In the end, you have to do what’s best for your family. Like others have said, it’ll be a surprise whether you choose to find out at u/s or wait until delivery.
I found out with both of my children too. I think it’s awesome that people can keep secrets from themselves like that. I can keep secrets from others, just not strong enough to keep them from me. Do what you want, Beth. I think it’s awesome that you were willing to give it a shot. I wouldn’t have been able to say no!
I’ve always loved the analogy, “it’s a surprise no matter when you find out.” best wishes to you and your family. looking forward to the news!
We didn’t find out with our first two (both boys), but when it came to our third, we did find out. If I was having a girl, after two boys, I wanted there to be some girl things in my house to prepare for her. She was a girl, and I am happy we found out. I LOVED both ways of doing things. I can’t say that it made it any more special either way. Welcoming a new life to our family was the most important part to us, boy or girl! I didn’t believe the ultrasound 100% until she came out anyways!
Take care.
Do whatever you feel is best for you! Do you still have girl and boy baby clothes at your house? If so, you are prepared either way. Good luck in making your decision. Continuing to keep you, your family, and that sweet baby in my thoughts.
I want to say that you should be surprised, but I don’t think I could do it! I have a girl and a boy and want #3 one day! Sometimes I think that I would really like to not find out if/when I am pregnant again, but when it came down to it I don’t know if I could!!
I vote no. We didn’t find out with our first and did with our second. It was so much more fun not to know!
While I would love to be surprised on delivery day, my theory has always been that there are enough surprises with motherhood and infants, with labor and delivery, even. As big as a jump it is going from two to three kids, I would just find out. I could go from one to two kids over and over again, but two to three is a whole new game. Be on your toes, mama. It’s fun over here with three but wooooo, baby, get used to the words crazy and chaos.
Of course, having the two little dudes just 15 months apart certainly did not help with that chaos. People keep telling me, however, that it WILL get easier as they GET OLDER. I’m waiting….tick tick tick tick….
with my third I wanted to find out to be fully prepared! I knew I was going to be more tired (that) time around and needed any extra time I could have to prep (prepare the room, get the clothing ready, cards premade etc)
I had three miscarriages in between my 2nd and 3rd baby . . . so I NEEDED to find out “what” I was having for my sanity!! I needed to put a gender, name and visualization to ‘that’ baby.
I say keep it a surprise. There are so few real “surprises” in life. I don’t have children, but know that when I do I don’t want to know.
Good luck to you!!!
I had to find out with this baby (#1) because I HAVE to plan. Even though all of our “gear” will be “neutral” .. I did not want yellow and green clothes.. I also just don’t think I could wait until February to know who the little person growing inside of me is. Knowing that it’s a girl has helped me get to know her better and hopefully she wont be a complete stranger when she arrives into the world
This is so hard for me to weigh in. I agree with Love’s thoughts on it, especially since I think I might have lost my mind if I would’ve spent my pregnancy with Tommy with people saying, “AWW, another boy,” as if that’s the end of the world. I’m also not the hugest planner in the world, so it’s fine for me to wing it with gender neutral (although I had BOXES of Ivy’s clothes waiting if it’d been a girl, so she would’ve been in pink from the start!). Was it worth the wait both times? Yes, 100%, but I also never had moments where I felt I needed to find out so badly that I couldn’t wait. If I had, I probably would have changed my mind.
We found out, but I always kept it in the back of my head that they could have made a mistake. I didn’t do it just so I could plan better or buy things in the “right” colors. I just wanted to know because I hate not knowing things
I didn’t find out for my first child. It was a picture perfect pregnancy and I WANTED to be surprised. (side note: my mother was crocheting a pink blanket, perhaps she had insider info)
For my second baby, I HAD to know. My mom died the day I found out I was pregnant, I needed to know about the baby to distract me from all the realities of emptying her house and getting her affairs in order. I needed to talk to the baby and call her by name.
Finding out all depends on the situation you are in. I loved everything about both pregnancies and wouldn’t change a thing!
I’m so torn on this. Personally, I would find out. I don’t think I could handle the suspense. But that is just me. I hate surprises! The planner in me needed to know. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to convince myself to wait if we ever have #2, but there is something romantic about the ‘Its a….’ moment. But I also imagine it never quite happens like it does in the movies in a real delivery room.
I would find out if you and Brian want to know. If you two don’t, I wouldn’t do it for the kids. I *think* (being the mom of a 15 month old, I could be wrong) they are old enough to understand that its a get what you get kind of thing, and while one of them may be disappointed at first, I am sure they will get over it quickly. If they were younger, it might be different story. But I think they are old enough to enjoy the surprise at delivery if that’s the route you decide to go.
Different situation – I have 3 boys and am pregnant with #4. #1 was a surprise bc he wouldn’t show the goods. We found out w. #’s 2 and 3. #2 was fine…but I really thought that 3 was a girl, and I really wanted a girl. I was sad that he was a boy…and then I spent the next 5 months hearing a) how full my hands were going to be w/ 3 boys and b) how disappointing it was that I wasn’t “getting my girl.” It was a hard pregnancy and I felt pretty sorry for myself. Then he was born and it was like DUH! – of course it was him! It was always him! This baby is a delight and a wonder and exactly who needed to be in my life.
This experience was a HUGE life lesson to me. Genitals are such a small part of who someone is. You’ve got to wait until birth to find out who’s in there – and what’s between their legs matters so little.
So #4 will be a “surprise”
There are so few happy surprises these days, IMO wait. We waited to find out with both kids and it was such fun to have that to look forward to after labor.
(tho to be honest, with DD I found out accidently about 2 weeks before she was born, OB was checking my fluid levels with the ultrasound, as she narrrated the bits and pieces she was looking at, and mentioned seeing her “girl parts”. But it was OK because I love love love my OB and we cried and laughed and giggled about girls)
Yeah, wait.
My husband and I chose not to find out ahead of time with our oldest daughter and it made the most exciting event of my life even more suspenseful! For our second child, we did find out and it was just as exciting. We have two beautiful girls and I was just as excited with the second as the first. Having experienced both finding out and not finding out…if you have never let it be a surprise before, I say don’t find out:)
I say find out! Remember how exciting it was when Crooked Eyebrow found out she was having a girl!?!?
I found out with both of mine. IMO, it is a surprise either way.
I never found out during any of my pregnancies. I think the surprise is awesome… the phone calls afterward are awesome… the blogging will be awesome.
Plus, you will totally be showered with gifts from the second you walk in the door from the hospital, so what are you worried about with planning?
I’m at the exact same crossroad that you are. Our plan is to take the road less traveled this time. I’m 23 wks and we’ve decided to not find out the sex with this one. I couldn’t wait to find out the sex with my daughter (she’ll be one on December 2) but this time I’m actually looking forward to the surprise on delivery day when the doctor says “It’s a …..”. I have a quite a few friends that did not find out the sex with at least one of their children and they say that I won’t regret it. He or she will be in the room with us in the beginning so we’ll have a while before the nursery needs to be decorated, set up and ready. Buying neutral onesies and the bare necessities to start out with doesn’t bother me so much. Buying gender-specific items will be fun to do after he or she is here and it’ll give me the push I may need to TRY to get out of the house with a newborn and a toddler. Either way, now or delivery day, the “it’s-a …” moment will be special and exciting.
Well, since you asked…
I never found out with either of my pregnancies. I just kind of new. I am very superstitious though and I don’t buy anything really. I bought a car seat of course, but as far as outfits, no. Both times I had my kids, my mom tore off to shop.
Don’t stress too much, momma. Because you are totally having a girl.
I have found out both times, and I love it- I think it’s so fun to know & it makes you so much even closer to your baby. I would definitely find out EVERY time, even though I have a boy & now am having a girl.
Besides, I am really a planner by nature, so I love knowing ahead of time. 
For me, I felt like I could bond even more with my babies when I found out their sex. We’d pick a name, then I’d call him that name throughout the entire pregnancy. Others would call him by name and we’d be able to handle the clothing and decorations and toys and everything, too.
But mostly, it was just another way to bond deeply with the baby growing inside me. I would always find out the sex, but I know not everyone is the same way.
Nell
We found out accidentally with our first and then on purpose with the other two. I love knowing.
Don’t do it!! As an adult you have very few true surprises. Let this be one. That moment when the baby is delivered and you hear it’s a…… is one of the best moments on earth.
I love not finding out
We did with our first, b/c dh talked me into it, but I held fast with #2 to be surprised, and the with #3 he was on board. It’s just fun to be surprised and it seems like so many people give gifts AFTER the baby, that there is no problem having enough gender appropriate stuff. I enjoy not being overwhelmed by PINK (or blue, if any of my 3 had been boys) so I like having some neutral basic baby stuff ready, and then there is enough that we get after that balances out the nursery, so it looks like the baby is a boy/girl. Stay strong!!! My oldest daughter wanted a baby brother both times and was disappointed briefly but she couldn’t love her sisters more. Although she still asks for a brother…
you could find out but not tell anyone…they you and hubby have the secret! I waited with #1, found at at 37 week level 2 with #2, waited with #3 an found out at 19 week level 2 because I was carrying twins, sadly we found out Jessica’s twin had died. But I was so glad I found out.
I’d say find out. Your kids are older and even if you have some of their old baby clothes- you probably really want some of those really cute and adorable fashions that werent out there 5 years ago.
You do have friends with babies so maybe they’d lend you some clothes but still.
I’d find out
Mom to 3- 1 girl, 1 boy , 1 girl
We found out with our daughter. I’m so glad we did as I felt I bonded so much more with the person growing inside me. We have our 20 week scan for baby #2 in a few weeks and we will (hopefully) find out what it is. Plus, it makes choosing a name so much easier when you can focus on boys/girls names only.
Do it! I found out both times with my boys, and I liked knowing. The whole thing about letting it be a surprise-isn’t it a surprise no matter when you find out? I like to plan, and would rather have clothes for the correct gender-I don’t really like green and blue on a boy (opposite of you, I know!).
You’ve received some very passionate reasons on both sides of the “should I find out?” debate! Being older and all that, I never had the decision to make when I was having babies. BUT. I am a person who reads the ending of a book… just to feel comfortable with what’s coming. I never tell someone to NOT tell me how a movie ends. I know myself. I know that if I had the opportunity to know the gender of my baby, I would have found out. Not even a question. And it wasn’t about anything more than having that personality. Even with my grandchildren, I was always just as excited to know the gender at 5 months than I was at the moment of birth. And I do have experience both ways. We knew Taylor and Maddie were girls. We didn’t know that Andrew, Jake and Dylan were boys. But we did know that Audrey’s 4 boys – William, Alex, Benjamin and Henry – were boys. The moment is the moment is the moment to me. You will decide at the right moment if you want to know or not… whether it’s at an ultrasound coming up or waiting for the moment of birth. And that moment will be perfection. It will be beautiful. It will change everything. And that’s all that will matter!! xo!
I would say find out!!!!
I found out with both of mine, but I’m a planner. I wanted to get the nursery ready, buy clothes, etc. Both times, our surprise happened with the sonogram and having the doctor tell us it was a boy. Either way (boy or girl) we would have been thrilled, but knowing before the birth helped me feel like I could prepare a little better.
There’s a teeny-tiny part of me that thinks it would have been fun to wait for the delivery room announcement, but the bigger, more rational part of me (that knows ME) realizes I could never have waited.
Out of five kids, we found out once. That was the third kid, coming on the heels of two girls, and I had a feeling it was a boy. We were about to have our third kid in 23 months (Oct. ’01, ’02, ’03) and we were pretty set for baby stuff unless we had a boy! I’m glad we found out then, I guess, but I like not knowing. I have scheduled c-sections, so the anticipation of finding out the gender is the big deal for us. With the last two kids, I just bought a boy and a girl sleeper for the take-home outfit and kept the receipt and returned what we didn’t need. In my experience, you start getting clothing for gifts while still in the hospital, so you don’t have to worry about your kid having no clothes. Also, you could register for both boy and girl things, and then Brian could go buy what you needed while you were in the hospital. So, we like not knowing, but each couple is different, obviously.
I, personally have never understood the logic in waiting to find out. It is just as big a moment when they say, “It’s a boy or It’s a girl” in the ultrasound room as it is in the delivery room. It will still be the first moment that you get to hear those beautiful words. But if you find out before you deliver, you get to start preparing and dreaming about your future with your son or daughter even faster! I couldn’t wait to find out with both of mine and I am so glad that I did!
I say Be Surprised!
It was a surprise for each and every one of my children, and worth the surprise every time. Loved it!
We found out with our 1st daughter, and with our 2nd, well, we tried, but she would never cooperate. I am not sure what to advise you as I loved having the surprise in the end with Ariel, but I think that it would have been much easier to prepare knowing what she was.
There are pros and cons to all of it. I am sure that you will know what to do at the ultrasound.
There’s nothing better than a surprise, I say wait.
I’m going with Megan #42 on this. If you find out now, you can plan, dream, enjoy and bond even more before that little oogity boogity baby bear gets here. And plus, you get TWO big exciting moments to enjoy and remember forever – the moment you find out who was in there and the moment that baby comes out and you feast your eyes on all the sweet, tiny, cuteness and perfection! I had to know with both of mine and I do not regret knowing, not one single bit. Delivery/birth and those first few days afterwards are plenty exciting, no matter what you know ahead of time. xoxox. But that’s just me.
I say go for it and find out! I would be lying if I said i wasn’t curious…and I think you’re right about the colors thing…it’s so much easier to plan when you know.
DON’T DO IT!! DON’T FIND OUT!!
Not finding outthe sex of my 2 children was the best the decision I have ever made!! I loved…LOVED…the surprise and the excitement of not knowing! It truly is what got me through the last uncomfortable month!
There are so few real surprises in life! No one can ruin this one for you….Keep it a surprise!
If I had 50 children, I would let them all be surprises!
We just had our third in September and we never found out with any of them. We have two girls and now one boy. I am a major planner and really don’t like surprises, but somehow when it came to our babies, I really didn’t want to know until they were born. It was wonderful each time, but especially wonderful this last time when were sure we would have another girl (even though I was yearning so much for a boy) and then he was a boy! It was so exciting and all of our friends and family were waiting on pins and needles to find out. I didn’t have a stitch of boy clothes to put on him when we came home, but it didn’t matter because we got so many outfits from friends who came to see him. The first few days I just put him in yellow, white or green gowns or sleepers that I had from our other babies. Whatever you decide to do will be the right thing for your family
Good luck!