It honestly was not my intention to write that post about finding out we were having a boy and then just let it sit there at the top of my blog, letting it get stale.
But things happen. This morning, I posted over here and afterwards I was going to write a post reminding all of you to gather up your favorite photos from 2009 to share in tomorrow’s You Capture.
But then my phone rang and it was Arianne and I realized quickly that this phone call would be one we would never forget.
Her baby died, at 18 weeks.
My heart aches as I sit and think about what her heart feels like right now. There are 50 things I want to do but I don’t want to do these things now because they all seem so trivial. I can remember after losing James and Jake, reading a post by someone where she wrote about how she was thinking of me during our darkest moments. It meant so much to me because I felt so alone all of the time. And it’s not that she wrote about it, it was that she was thinking of me, really dedicating her private moments to me and my family.
It was so hard for me to hear that people’s lives went on as usual as mine STOPPED, dead in it’s track and the only real thing going on was the intense pain felt all over my body, the hot tears that flowed constantly and the pit of emptiness that sat within at every second.
After James and Jake’s memorial service, we all had dinner afterwards at my in-laws house. I can remember my two friends telling me a funny story about how they were together the night before at Bunco (where I usually was) and how silly they were and it felt like someone had punched me dead in the face….how could life be so normal for people so close to me but so completely flipped around and horrifying for me?
I didn’t blame them for continuing to live their lives because that’s how we move on – it was just so hard to comprehend how not too long before that, our lives were so similar and suddenly, they were not.
Arianne just recently moved to South Carolina which is making this so much more difficult for so many of us. I’d give anything to make her lasagna and muffins and bread and soup, I’d love for her to know that I could be at her house in seven minutes if she needed anything, even a glass of water. I want to reach out and physically care for her…but I can’t.
So, I pray. I give her my moments of peace. I pray for strength for her and Jacob, I pray for grace and understanding and hope to creep in over time. I want her to know how not alone she is even though that is what she is feeling right now.
Loneliness.
Fear.
After losing the twins, those precious boys that we miss SO MUCH all of the time, so many of you reached out to me with your words, your prayers, your wisdom. You helped me through my darkest hour and not just me but many of my family members that read my blog, they would say “your comments are amazing and uplifting” or “did you read this comment from so and so?” That’s how powerful you were and are to me – you left your words with me and they resonated throughout my entire family and continue to do so…everyday.
I hope you can take some time to do the same for Arianne.
Arianne is so blessed to be surrounded by wonderful friends, like you. I pray for peace for her and for her close friends who will hurt right along with her. Make sure to take care of yourself and stay strong. xoxo
My prayers do go out to her and her family…my heart breaks for her. I am also going through the same thing as yesterday at my 18 week 4 day u/s, we were given the devastating news that our baby girl passed away in just the last couple days. I am pregnant with twins, and our little boy is ok right now. This is our 2nd set of twins, and what we thought was our 2nd chance to having them, as our first set was born at 25 weeks and we lost one of our precious baby girls. I hate that this has happened to them, and that it happened to you and to us again. I wish I could take all the hurt away from them and make it not so. I wish we could all wake up and start 2010 all over again
My prayers are with you all.
wow everything you wrote reminded of my day over and over again. i hated checking facebook and seeing the trivial things that people posted and just how life stopped. it reminded me of the day I went to a friend memorial service for her two year old. I sat in the church holding my daughter, grieving for her but thinking, well thank God I have my little one. That one thought rang over and over again in my head, is that was my friends are all thinking as they tell me how sorry they are for me.
the amazing thing that amazed me was the outreach of people on the internet and how many people had been through what i went through and were sending me love, it was so nice to have and worked so much more than other things.
God has blessed Arianne with friends like you and I know He will see her through this dark time. She’ll definitely be in my thoughts and prayers.
this makes me so sad. arianne and i have followed such a similar pregnancy pattern, we both lost our 4th very early on back in july, and now both pregnant again. i just can’t imagine enduring this at 18 weeks. heart-wrenching. awful. you are so very strong, thank you for sharing. sending prayers her way, and yours.
Losing a baby is the worst. thing. ever. I’ve lost two myself. It’s just too much to bare on your own and I hope you, the other commenters who have lost and Arianne all feel the support, understanding and love of fellow grieving mommies. hang in there, ladies.
She is blessed to have you in her life. Because you’re the only one who really, really gets what she is going through. And she’ll need you and your kind insight. Terrible that either one of you can relate to each other on this level now, but thank God she has you.
I’m so sorry that you’re likely going through the emotions of her pain, as you remember your own terrible loss of those two sweet boys.
I feel such deep pain for all involved… for all touched by this horrible loss.
Your Friend,
Nell Taliercio
My heart goes out to her. I feel and know her pain well. Thank you for being there for her.
My thoughts and prayers go out to Arianne and her family. Ileft her a comment. I’m sure this must bring everything back for you. It did for me too. Today is the anniversary of when I lost our baby.
Beautiful post, Beth.
Steph
My heart aches for her…what a wonderful friend you are in sharing her story. Prayer is so powerful, she and her family will be in my prayers.
You are good people. Ari is lucky to have you. My heart breaks for what she is going through right now.
Thank you for writing such a beautiful post here and on her site – I hope with all of my heart that Ari will soon feel a little less lonely knowing just how much love is surrounding her in our virtual world.
xoxo Danielle
My heart sank when I found out about Arianne today. I know how much she wanted this baby and I’m just so saddened for their loss.
I left kind words on her blog today as well. It doesn’t feel like enough though. I wish I could do more.
I will pray for her everyday in the coming weeks.
You are a very good soul.
Hugs for everyone, I know that today had to bring so much hurt back for you.
Thoughts with you all at this difficult time.
You are such a special friend.
Praying for some sense of peace and comfort for Arianne and her family as they navigate through their heartbreak in the coming hours, days, months….
After reading through some of Arianne’s site, I think we may live very near each other here in the Charleston area. Please email me if there is any way I can help you to reach out to comfort her on a local level.
Thank you for your touching words and reminder to all of us to “Be glad for all that’s good.”
Thought and prayers to all of you. God put you together for a reason. Wishing you peace and strength.
Beth, like Katie above, I’m in Charleston, maybe seven minutes away. I don’t know Arianne; I just found out this week she and I are both in Charleston. I have a huge pot of chili that my family isn’t going to get through, even with family in town. Can I help?
Beautiful post Beth.
So sorry for her loss
Thank you for a reminder to “Be Glad for all that’s good”
Beautiful, just beautiful. I have been thinking and praying for Arianne since I heard the news yesterday. I’m praying for you too as a part of you relives your own shock, pain and grief though that of your friend. Love and hugs to you this morning.
oh how awful….i will be saying a lot of prayers for arianne and will stop by and let her know also. she will be in my thoughts. i had a miscarriage last month, at 7 weeks, so although i don’t know the pain of losing a child so far along, i know some of the pain and the emotions she is going through….my heart breaks for her….
I can’t imagine. I hate that other people have to live through it. I read about Arianne when you linked to that post but did not comment on her blog. This post gave me the push I needed to comment to someone who’s blog I have never read and whose pain I cannot imagine. I thought of her and her family all last night. I thought about how you said your world stopped and you couldn’t understand how the rest of the world went on. I thought she should know that she was part of my world last night. That my night was spent thinking of her and her family, praying for them, and my heart just breaking for them. Thanks for the inspiration to try to help.
I sat here yesterday with tears streaming down my face as I read your post on her blog. She has been through so much it just isn’t fair. I know that fairness has nothing to do with it, but it just plain isn’t.
I spent so much time last night thinking of her, of you. You both have touched my life in some way so much that I just WISH I could do something. So I pray.
I read her post about her baby being born and can’t understand why. I lost my baby on October 23rd. I was due the same day as you and it was a boy. I am so excited for you and having a boy. I can’t wait to see him. I am so sad for Arianne I hat to think of all the pain she is in. It really sucks. i will pray for her during this time.