Good grief
By
The title of this post is so fitting for my life right now. I did not intend to be all double meaning, it just happened. I opened up the photo in photoshop and thought “GOOD GRIEF, I am large.” And then I saw things on my dresser, sacred, beautiful James and Jake things that I won’t even tell you about (that’s how sacred) that are right there. On my dresser. GRIEF.
And right above, my belly, growing this delicious baby inside of me who I know is speaking to his big brothers up there (as Anna and Noah refer to heaven now). GOOD.
February 26th, the day I delivered James and Jake, the day that marks the moment I held them in my arms when I should have been holding them in my belly…the day and the days and months after..they hold GRIEF.
But that day, February 26th, marks the day we were able to hold those precious angels in our arms, we remarked on their sameness, their uniqueness, how much they looked like Noah. We held the babies that changed our lives, our love, our outlook, OUR EVERYTHING. GOOD.
We’ve traveled this road of GRIEF for nearly two years now – it’s been a road with dips and curves and SPEED BUMPS that felt like they would kill us. It’s been a road of greener trees and flowers with overwhelming fragrance, the kind of fragrance that stops you in your tracks, just to take in the sweetness that you never took the time to notice before. But now you stop and you wipe the tears that flow endlessly down your face, you sniff and you smile and feel the sun on your hair. This road, abundant in birds and butterflies, sunshine and the sweet laughter of a child, this road that I would not have chosen, not in a million years, yet this road is the most beautiful road I have ever seen in my life.
GOOD GRIEF.
Yes, in the same sentence, yes, together.
I just really love you – that’s all! And, definitely thinking of you as you take the good with the grief.
PS, and you’d be happy to know that I shared some *personal* stuff on my site (under My Life). YOU are an inspiration in so many ways, which is why you I will always lurve ya!!
i think that belly is absolutely beautiful.
thinking of you on your upcoming rough day … i managed to make it through mine on v-day. while others are out celebrating … i spent time thinking about the wouldas and shouldas. but … in the end … i look back and realize it was good.
oh, holy man.
you are beautiful. i love you and all your babies.
Wow…! I always enjoy reading your blog and this post is so…so…powerful! Thank you for sharing. At the end you spoke of the most beautiful road, and that reminded me of a favorite song of mine called “Love’s Recovery” by the Indigo Girls. Specifically,
“My compass, faith in love’s perfection
I missed ten million miles of road I should have seen”
Your picture is a wonderful capture of the moment.
Again…So Powerful!
What a beautiful baby belly! I can’t imagine all the mixed emotions that you are storing right now – excitement along with loss and remembrance. I know that this week will be tough but you will make it through to the other side. Just think, in one more month, you’ll be holding your fourth precious son.
This photo & post is beautiful, Beth.
Steph
What a beautiful shot, your belly looks great, but I really love what’s in the whole shot. This is a photo to treasure….
i love real too! and you are one of the most honest bloggers i have the pleasure of reading. you are beautiful and i love that you put it all out there!!!
beautiful. just beautiful.
and you are providing so much hope for people who can’t right now.
So beautifully said… Your love for all of your children is moving, inspiring, perfect… I am so proud to know you and I love you all deeply. Sending love and strength your way this week and always… JH
goodness. what a beautiful, heart-wrenching post.
goodness. what a heart-wrenchingly beautiful post.
Wow, the tears. Your strength and character is amazing.
You are so beautiful! I only wish I could look at beautiful as you!
I thought about you yesterday, I was walking around my apartment complex and saw two doves walking together across the courtyard.
A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!! I wish I would have captured those moments when I was pregnant! GREAT POST! GREAT!
Thanks for the post…makes me cry.. praying for you…especially as you approach the end of this week.
Grief can be good, as I’ve learned. Praying for you today.