The title of this post is so fitting for my life right now. I did not intend to be all double meaning, it just happened. I opened up the photo in photoshop and thought “GOOD GRIEF, I am large.” And then I saw things on my dresser, sacred, beautiful James and Jake things that I won’t even tell you about (that’s how sacred) that are right there. On my dresser. GRIEF.
And right above, my belly, growing this delicious baby inside of me who I know is speaking to his big brothers up there (as Anna and Noah refer to heaven now). GOOD.
February 26th, the day I delivered James and Jake, the day that marks the moment I held them in my arms when I should have been holding them in my belly…the day and the days and months after..they hold GRIEF.
But that day, February 26th, marks the day we were able to hold those precious angels in our arms, we remarked on their sameness, their uniqueness, how much they looked like Noah. We held the babies that changed our lives, our love, our outlook, OUR EVERYTHING. GOOD.
We’ve traveled this road of GRIEF for nearly two years now – it’s been a road with dips and curves and SPEED BUMPS that felt like they would kill us. It’s been a road of greener trees and flowers with overwhelming fragrance, the kind of fragrance that stops you in your tracks, just to take in the sweetness that you never took the time to notice before. But now you stop and you wipe the tears that flow endlessly down your face, you sniff and you smile and feel the sun on your hair. This road, abundant in birds and butterflies, sunshine and the sweet laughter of a child, this road that I would not have chosen, not in a million years, yet this road is the most beautiful road I have ever seen in my life.
Yes, in the same sentence, yes, together.