The title of this post is so fitting for my life right now. I did not intend to be all double meaning, it just happened. I opened up the photo in photoshop and thought “GOOD GRIEF, I am large.” And then I saw things on my dresser, sacred, beautiful James and Jake things that I won’t even tell you about (that’s how sacred) that are right there. On my dresser. GRIEF.
And right above, my belly, growing this delicious baby inside of me who I know is speaking to his big brothers up there (as Anna and Noah refer to heaven now). GOOD.
February 26th, the day I delivered James and Jake, the day that marks the moment I held them in my arms when I should have been holding them in my belly…the day and the days and months after..they hold GRIEF.
But that day, February 26th, marks the day we were able to hold those precious angels in our arms, we remarked on their sameness, their uniqueness, how much they looked like Noah. We held the babies that changed our lives, our love, our outlook, OUR EVERYTHING. GOOD.
We’ve traveled this road of GRIEF for nearly two years now – it’s been a road with dips and curves and SPEED BUMPS that felt like they would kill us. It’s been a road of greener trees and flowers with overwhelming fragrance, the kind of fragrance that stops you in your tracks, just to take in the sweetness that you never took the time to notice before. But now you stop and you wipe the tears that flow endlessly down your face, you sniff and you smile and feel the sun on your hair. This road, abundant in birds and butterflies, sunshine and the sweet laughter of a child, this road that I would not have chosen, not in a million years, yet this road is the most beautiful road I have ever seen in my life.
GOOD GRIEF.
Yes, in the same sentence, yes, together.
It’s funny those words with so many double meanings. And yet, they are so perfectly perfect.
Hugs. Prayers. Blessings beyond your imagination.
(By the way, that belly is fabulous!)
I adore how the camera focused on the items on your dresser. And I double adore that belly.
I am so anxious to see the face of that baby that all of us hold in our hearts.
Man, you’re cute!
As always you’ll be in my prayers for the next 7 days especially. I hope you feel the love, peace and comfort so many are praying for.
So beautiful, all of it.
I hope to one day be walking down that beautiful road.
Many blessings and happiness to your beautiful belly, babies and family!
This took my breath away…and just so you know, you look beautiful.
Beautiful. Every last word and image. Thank you so much for welcoming us into your world and sharing so openly.
Good Lord, woman. This post is powerfully redemptive. And that capture at the top…just, wow.
thank you for sharing this beautiful post!
believe it or not, while working on a loss project i wanted to name it “good grief” SO BAD (alas, all the domain names are taken.) i think the loss of a child, and the aftermath of it can only be explained as “good grief.” we’ll never stop missing them and thinking of them, and we’re at a point where we are so happy to have carried them. to have loved them.
our new name will be “grieve out lout” and one day i hope to ask for your help. cheers momma.
-jmcanary
Amazing. Your words reached out and yanked on my heart. Beautiful. And so touching.
That is such a true touching post Beth. The words have so many meanings for everything you have been through, every stop on the journey that has gotten you to this very moment.
Your belly is fantastic…just perfect.
Ohmigosh I love you so much. In a thousand ways I love what you say here and what it means and just how full my heart is of agreement and peace. I can’t say it any better than you so I will just say – well said.
hugs and prayers to you today. i am all too familiar with how good and grief just belong together sometimes in our lives.
I literally had to take a big deep breath after reading this. And you are gorgeous!
This touched my heart Beth. I pray for you and your sweet baby boy every day.
This is just beautiful. I don’t think I would have ever put it together just that way – so lovely of you to share it with us. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself.
So so lovely…your words, your belly, your journey!
Beautiful.
This is a beautiful, meaningful, well composed post. I’m glad of your awesome belly ~ it holds so much hope
!!
Gorgeous photo, beautiful post. Enough said xxx Best wishes
Leaving a smile. What else can I leave? You’re so right. It’s good.
Gorgeous photo, beautiful post, best wishes xxx
Beautiful post. We are about to end our efforts for another child (we have a beautiful 3yo)and considering adoption. I hope someday I will look back and say good grief!
YES. yes.
Beautiful, the photo and your words!
It’s when The Good and The Grief mix, that God truly teaches us, touches us.
It’s beautiful-all of it.
And you.
Beautiful. You and your words.
Beautiful. You will be in my heart as you pass their birth day. James and Jake are always in my heart.
Just about the most perfectly heart breaking post I’ve ever read.
Love you, Momma.
I too had to take a deep breath after reading.
It took my breath away
I love you
xoxo
So incredibly true.
Grief changes us. But sometimes, it’s for the better.
My goodness. This is amazing, as are you. Beautiful and breathtaking and perspective changing, all of it.
Love. You, this picture, that you have come so far. Love.
Amen! I lost my husband in Dec of 2007 at the age of 24 we had been married 6.5 years and 4.5 of those were dealing with cancer. I just got married again last July and I completly understand “good grief”.
I am blown away by this post. I can’t imagine the loss you describe here, but you are obviously a very strong woman. I wish you all the best this world has to offer and am excited to read about the new chapter you’ll soon open in your life
Good grief, this is a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing this part of you!
Beautiful picture, beautiful words. Your belly is such a nice round shape! It would make a really pretty belly cast.
this was one of the most amazing posts i’ve ever read. i’m amazed at how amazing you are.
Beautiful.
That photo is so wonderful. And your words as well. I simply adore this post.
And your little birds are looking down here, watching over you as you walk that beautiful road, full of grief and goodness.
What encouraging words for someone who is going through the grief of a child lost before their days. I hope in two years I can use both those words together like you are. It really does give me some encouragement.
thank you again for allowing us into your heart…you will be in my thoughts and prayers this week more than ever!!! xoxoxo
You look beautiful and so full of life. I have never experienced loss on your level, but I can attest that it is the darkest times of life that make us thankful for the happier times.
I love it when words work together so beautifully. And speaking of beautiful – that is one GORGEOUS belly, mama!
Life is so full of that – Good Grief.
Nell
Being only 6 wks into my good grief, I can’t imagine 2 yrs from now. I’m amazed at your journey and pray I travel it with the grace you have.
Xoxo
so beautiful.
What a precious picture, and what a wonderful surprise gift that all the double meanings showed up for you.
Your words are honest and beautiful. Thank you for sharing them with us.
I love how you integrate this into your life, and how healthily you’ve dealt with it. They’ll never be forgotten, and you remember them with love and grief-tinged joy. (((hugs)))
By the way, I’ve left something for you over here:
http://wackymummy.blogspot.com/2010/02/what-happens-when-im-given-award.html
I hate February 26, I wish I could have it removed from the calendar. I can’t get positive about it. I’ve tried. Hope yours is peaceful this year.
And you’re not huge, you’re gorgeous.