This baby.

I have this baby in my belly.  He makes me nervous and anxious and fearful.  Except he isn’t the one making me feel that way, it’s life and our past and I’m trying to move past those feelings except it’s hard because IT’S JUST HARD.

This baby, we found out yesterday, weighs 6 pounds 15 ounces already.  I think it’s funny that Brian and I both kind of feel like he’s a tiny little peanut where everyone else, (doctor, ultrasound tech) says BIG BABY.  He is set to arrive in 20 days.

20 days isn’t much considering it’s only twenty days and during that time the kids are off for spring break and that’s only like six American Idol episodes and only 19 more sleepless nights with ridiculous amounts of drool with tissue sticking to my face.

My doctor asked if the baby knows his name.  ”Does Supervisor know his name?”  We were caught off guard.  Does he?  I looked at Brian and we both sort of shrugged and said “Maybe?   We don’t know.”  And she said “teach him his name, call him by his name…everything is going to be alright.”

And that made me feel better, for a moment, because how does she really know?

{I’m working on trust.  I’m trusting her.  God.  and James and Jake to continue to provide us with the faith they have so far.}

Last night, Brian, Anna, Noah and I sat on the couch watching Yo Gabba Gabba.  (it was a good one with Weird Al Yankovic and Sarah Silverman…yes, I know some of you think it’s a strange show.  I like strange…I like that my kids like strange, too.)

Anyway, we sat and Anna sat next to me and soon her arm sat on my belly in such a way, like she was just making sure that this baby was moving the way he was supposed to.  and he was and she thinks that means that he likes her and can’t wait to meet her.

I’m sure she’s right.

We like him and can’t wait to meet him.  In just 20 days.

{and right now, as I’m about to hit publish, this baby has the hiccups – those make me so happy.}