The quick edition.
I’m sipping my coffee, which is cold and eating S’mores Pop Tarts. They are so good but I am joining Weight Watchers soon so the S’mores Pop Tarts are making a brief (and delicious) appearance in my life right now.
The week has improved. Compared to last week, I’d say this week is 60% better which says A LOT. My biggest frustration comes when I am nursing because he’s so hungry and gets so frustrated so easily, so what should be a pleasant nursing session turns into crying and screaming and clawing.
Eli cries, too.
This was happening before but not during every feeding but now it’s damn near every feeding.
It’s frustrating. REALLY. We have a follow up appointment with the lactation consultant this morning (which is why this is the quick edition), I’m scared and excited to see how Eli and I have done this week.
Team James and Jake is walking in the March of Dimes March for Babies tomorrow. I’m pretty excited about this event simply because it’s the only time of year where family and friends gather to show their love for James and Jake. I can’t believe it’s been over two years since we lost them. Seems like yesterday. Then again, seems like a lifetime ago.
I wish tomorrow would be just another Saturday with two twin boys running around our house and a newborn hanging out, too, while Anna and Noah run and play outside. To me, that is the most beautiful image, it’s my dream, my dream that will never come true.
So, instead, I’ll take tomorrow and all of the beauty and meaning that comes along with it. I’ll take it and love it with all of my heart and soul.
We haven’t reached our team goal, yet, which is okay, of course, I just wish we could raise more money for MORE research because how precious are our babies?
I’m wondering if you could give up one Starbucks coffee, one quarter pounder, anything, something small and donate to my walk?
I figured out that if a QUARTER of my visitors just donated FIVE DOLLARS TODAY … I would raise $2,000. Five dollars, that’s it.
Anyway, if you can, THANK YOU, your generosity means so much to me.
And to those who have already donated – THANK YOU SO MUCH! You amaze me! (don’t forget, if you donate $50 or more, you’ll receive a Team James and Jake key chain!)
It’s supposed to rain tomorrow during the six mile walk, which excites Anna to no end.
Finally, today is the last day that Brian will be home with me during the day. I realize how lucky I am that I have this great helper here during the day and for this long. He’s been home for four weeks, the last two weeks he’s been working from home. I know I’ll be okay but I have no idea how I’m going to swing the mornings getting Anna and Noah ready for school and, most likely, nursing Eli during that time. It’s going to be a challenge but I will manage. And secretly, I’m a little excited about it.
I’m hoping Eli and I will drop the kids off and come home and do lots of this:
That would be make me a very, very happy Mama.
Happy Friday, friends.
I hope the lactation consultant gives you a good report, and gives you some solutions for the frustrations.
Also – posting that picture is totally NOT FAIR. My baby boy is 11 months old, but that picture makes me want another. Now. I mean, just LOOK at that sweet baby tushie, just asking to be patted. Sheesh.
I just donated. I hope you can reach your goal, and have a good day tomorrow!
That photo of him sleeping on you – just precious!
OMG, that photo is the best and makes me want to have lots more little babies.
Will be thinking of Team James and Jake tomorrow! Much love, girl! xoxo
The McDonald’s in CP still has Shamrock Shakes, in case you want to stop after your appointment. I can’t wait to hear how it goes. I’m so proud of you. So unbelievably proud.
*sigh* I don’t have babies anymore. My little boy, the other day, told me (with much exasperation) “Mama, I’m not a baby. I’m 4 and tough.”
Beth, you will do just fine on your own, nursing baby and kids to get ready for school and all. Your kids are old enough to dress themselves and do quite a bit on their own, right? We went through this last summer when our girlie was born…I was anxious about getting my oldest (4yo) to school on time, but it turned out just fine.
And…the nursing. I’m so sorry that it’s not turning out to be the sweet, calm bonding time you imagined. It was the same for us with #2. So, so frustrating. She would cry almost constantly throughout nursing, and especially at the end. It turned out we had thrush (didn’t realize it for WEEKS). Solving that was a problem of it’s own, and it definitely was not the whole solution, but we worked through it. She is still a super-speedy, impatient nurser, and so the sweetness of it is pretty much nonexistent. But I know I’m doing the right thing for her, and this time is so short…she will be 1 in 3 months. Yikes!
Keep on keeping on, Beth…you can do it!
I just happened to be eating half of a s’mores pop tart as I read this! I’m also on WW… a poptart is 4 points. (In case you wanted to know. )
Just donated – I hope you reach your goal!! And I hope you enjoy tomorrow with your family and friends, remembering your sweet little boys.
Just donated – thinking about you and hope the transition next week goes well!
That photo is absolutely edible. Can’t wait to see you both tomorrow. And hope the appt goes well.
Steph
Beth,
Good luck with the LC, I am with you…while I am pumping exclusively accept for his first eating in the morning.
I just made a donation. I hope you reach your goal.
Best wishes tomorrow. I will be thinking of you while here in Virginia.
Love,
Anne
My son brought home a collection deal for March of Dimes and his words to me where, “Mama? I need to collect money to help the babies!”. I immediately thought of you and Team James and Jake.
I hope you have a great walk, even with the rain. We will be thinking of you guys tomorrow.
You’ll do it. You’ll just do it, and you’ll be okay.
The scariest thing for me after having each of my babies (and it got scarier with each one!) was the looming question of “How?”. How was I going to be able to take a shower now that I had a baby? How would I take a toddler and a newborn to the grocery store? How would I ever manage to get the other 2 out the door to school while nursing a newborn? (Funny – that must be a popular concern!). Trust that it all works out. Trust that you will figure it out. I could give you a bunch of tips or hints or “This worked for us” things….but the truth is everyone figures out what works for them. Your big kids will pitch it, you’ll surprise yourself, and it will all work out okay. Even if someones hair isn’t brushed (it was usually mine), someone has mismatched shoes (again, usually me), and if the baby cries for a minute or two because he’s hungry (come to think of it – that was me once or twice as well!).
You will be okay. You’ll be better than okay. And in no time? Someone will ask you how you did it and you’ll look back and think “I don’t know…I just did it and it was all okay!”.
You will do just wonderful in the mornings getting the kids off to school, I just know you will! You will succeed!
and if you don’t the first time I’m sure you will continue to press thru 
Can you make donations via paypal?
I’m sorry he’s still struggling with eating – how difficult! I hope your lactation consultant has some answers, but way to stick with it so far, even though the difficult feedings!
Praying for you, as you start staying home by yourself – I was scared to death, with my first AND my 2nd, but it will go fine! 
I donated. I hope you reach your goal!!!
Good luck today. I hope this coming week is another 60% better!!!
It’s been about 16 years since I nursed a baby and lot of water under the bridge since then, but there are a few things I remember distinctly from those days. I could eat anything on the McDonald’s menu that wasn’t green and still lose weight. As soon as I ate ANYTHING green, including lettuce, it altered my breast milk in such a way that my son would fit and fuss while eating and often scream afterwards. I’d been so careful during the pregnancy, doing a wonderful job of eating healthy. I was so proud of myself and wanted to keep up. My son’s diet choices though overrulled my own. Greasy didn’t bother him, carbs were great, a little bit of fruit thrown in for good measure was OK, but bananas were preferred. But, as soon as anything that resembled a vegetable touched my lips, his complaining began. I’d heard stories of how certain vegetables like broccoli or spinach, when eaten by mom, could cause stomach distress for a nursing infant, but nothing like this. I worked my way through foods keeping track of what worked and what didn’t. Luckily my pregnancy vitamins were refillable and didn’t seem to have a similar effect.
Barb
Hi. Glad things are going better. Hope they improve more and more each day.
And that picture of him is the sweetest! I remember those days of them sleeping in those cute positions … so little, tiny, and precious. Oh, I miss those days!!
God bless you and your family.
Beautiful photo! SO glad to hear things are going better! I donated! Hope you meet your goal!
The picture reached out and grabbed my soul!
Nell
That is one of the most lovely pictures of momma and baby I have ever seen.
I’ll be thinking of you as you walk for James and Jake tomorrow and wishing you peace. I know they’ll be with you with every step.
Oh how I love those little baby bottoms! What a precious dear you have! Fabulous photo!
Praying all continues to improve for you and Eli as the days go on – And your new mom solo flight goes well.
Keep tucked in the back of your mind … for reference only (you never know) silent reflux (GERD) babies really struggle when they nurse, They seem really eager and can’t wait to latch on but then they pull off and struggle, and scream and fuss, punch and wriggle and writhe, over and over and over trying to eat. Really making the nursing time a war time. I say it only because every time I read what you are going thru when you describe your nursing sessions, I remember so clearly how hard that was for my little one – I was induced 10 days early from my due date, and we came to the conclusion that it was an immature digestive system. He was only on meds till he was 8 months. But I tell you it sure was a whole lot more peaceful when they stopped his pain.
Good luck- and we keep praying for you all.
Chin up!