The truth is, I am having a hard time. I’m hesitant to write this post because I should be showering rather than posting but mainly because I don’t think I can handle all of the judgement that could potentially go on from writing this post.
You know how us Moms and future Moms can be when it comes to babies, right? We all know everything? We all know what’s right and what’s wrong and we’ve all said “if that were my baby, I’d do this not that ...” And maybe you’ve never said it, but you’ve thought it.
Yes, you have.
It’s pretty awful but we can’t help it, that’s what makes us mothers, I guess. But I’m hoping as a human you’ll just listen to me and let me talk this out, let me share this with you because I know I am not alone in my thoughts. Somewhere, someone can completely relate to what I’m saying here. And if not, that’s okay, I need to share. This is my therapy.
Elijah is a difficult baby. The day he was born, he was the coolest little baby, totally laid back, just laid around sucking on his perfect little fingers, hanging out with his family, I even called him Vincent Vega because he was so cool.
But then the first day ended and he wasn’t so easy going anymore. When he was three days old, he was up for seven hours straight, crying.
A newborn.
Seven hours.
I’m not going to lie to you, it’s been downhill ever since. And not downhill in the sense that I’m going to jump off of a bridge because I am not. Downhill in the sense that this tiny baby who was supposed to just “eat, sleep and poop?” Well, that was false advertising. He cries.
ALL OF THE TIME.
He very rarely has quiet awake time, where he just looks around an takes it all in, in fact, it’s so rare that we all just kind of sit and watch him when he does do it, marveling at this quiet moment of him not in our arms or screaming. I usually grab a camera because “Look! He’s not crying or nursing and his eyes are SO BIG AND BEAUTIFUL and oh crap, he’s crying again.” (as I write this, Brian is walking around with Eli, keeping him calm, it’s peaceful but I feel like I’m taking up Brian’s time by writing this. Mommy guilt at it’s best.)
Eli is a really great nurser, he has beautiful poopy and wet diapers, as of last Monday he was gaining just like he’s supposed to, everything seems to be okay with him except how can that possibly be when he’s obviously trying to tell us something with his little (BUT BIG) cries?
Today I am meeting with a lactation consultant where she is going to watch me nurse, just to rule out any problems there. Eli loves to eat and gets impatient waiting for letdown, he kicks and screams and grabs my nipples, it’s fun. But we manage to work through each session. (thanks to the support of my sister and my best friends.)
At first I thought that this was just the normal newborn phase but after three weeks of feeling like your baby is always miserable? Well, now I’m wondering if there is something else. I’m trying not to feel like a failure but I’m feeling like a failure.
This too shall pass, I KNOW THIS. I know that before I know it he’s going to be working on his math with me at the kitchen table and I know that this time passes so quickly that we often don’t even remember it but honestly, that doesn’t help me RIGHT NOW at this moment.
I just want my baby to be happy. And comfortable.
I can’t seem to accomplish that.
Beth,
I have followed your blog for a long time, but I have never commented before. I just wanted to let you know that I think that you are a wonderful person and a great mom. Sending good thoughts your way that things will get easier for you soon!
I’m so sorry, newborns are so tough. You are so brave to write how it really is though!
Just another thought as you are working through the process to find what’s making your sweet guy so uncomfortable… I have a dear friend who had to give up all dairy because her nursing newborn couldn’t process it correctly. She’s become a label reader & several of us friends have learned to make fabulous desserts for our Girls’ Night In that she can enjoy without paying with a crying baby.
Hang in there, you’ll find the solution & you’ll both be back to cool, laid back people.
Wow! it’s like my daughter wrote this post. (I have older kids and also a new 10 month old of my own). My daughter’s son is 8 weeks old. She has been going through the exact same thing. She did try gripe water and it helped quite a bit. (it’s sold at walgreens/cvs and some walmarts). She ended up two weeks ago having to quit nursing. She had to go take him for a few tests and then FINALLY found a formula that soothed him. He wasn’t digesting quite right, he was spitting up quite a bit. He was soooo fussy. I felt to bad for her. Her first son had colic and she was hoping for a ‘happy’ baby. Now he is doing much better.
Hang in there. We’ve all been there.
My daughter was the exact same. After weeks of crying, I stopped eating dairy and say and it made a huge difference. It was very hard for me, but she was much happier. Luckily, when she was 1 year old she was okay to eat dairy. I am sorry, I know it is hard,
Had the same problem with last child and it was dairy. Even now at 20 months she drinks Lactaid instead of milk. Hoping I will be brave enough at 2 years to try cows milk but after the way she cried I don’t know if I have the heart. Good Luck and I pray its a easy fix for you.
It doesn’t help you right now (and I couldn’t being on the other side of the world) but I have been where you are now. And it’s hard. I was always told the third child just slotted into life and would be sooo easy going. WRONG!!! Someone obviously forgot to send Miss 3 the memo here!
She has been my fussiest, crankiest, sweetest, baby! The poem about the little girl with the little curl? That was written just for her! She still has the worst tantrums of all three girls!
So, you’re not alone, no judgment, no advice just sending you loads of love to get through this unsettled phase!!!
Hi Beth!
I am sooo sorry! My little girl was born on Jan 1st and we were also in a similar state. The problem with us turned out to be caffeine (and the more she was up the more I needed it) and I have to go easy on the dairy and no tomato sauces… they all make life hell… but mostly the tomato and caffeine. Once we cleared that she’s been much better, not quite Vincent Vega cool… but after the hours of screaming, she’s pretty damn good
Sending you big hugs, I completely understand!
Oh, Beth, I have so been in your shoes. K was just like this. Crying for hours on end, but eating well and gaining weight and peeing and pooping like she should. I finally called our ped’s office in tears. I remember saying to the nurse “I’m not a first time mom, this can’t be normal, we might loose our minds if she doesn’t stop.” A trip to the ped’s office later discovered that she had silent reflux. A change in formula (my boobs forgot what they were designed to do) and some meds and the crying decreased significantly. This may not be what is wrong with Eli, but know that there may be a light at the end of the tunnel.
K’s still way fussier and more vocal than L ever was, but now that we know how to help her life is better for all of us.
(((HUGS))) I’ve been there. Hope you get some answers soon!
NO Mother is perfect!!! This is your life, your moment, your struggle nobody elses. Don’t let what other people think bother you, this will in time pass. We do what works at the moment for us at that time.
oh! i know exactly what you are saying. my first was exactly like your little guy. right down the the little baby birth mark on the forehead! and man! that would be bright red when he cried… which was all the time!
i totally understand your feelings of helplessness. it’s not fun. at all.
if you are anything like me, you are tired of the crying, stressed because of all the crying, and deep down (afraid to say it out loud) you are worried that there is something seriously wrong with your precious little baby. i totally understand.
not only did i miss out on lots of sleep because my little guy was crying, nursing and pooping, but also because i spent many hours of the night checking to be sure he was breathing. sigh.
my heart goes out to you! and to your wonderful family.
of course we know how thankful you are for your little baby bundle. that would never be in question… at least to me. being a mommy is so hard. there is so much we have to know. so much we stress about.
sending you [[[[hugs]]]] and warm, peaceful thoughts. and remember… breathe.
Hey Beth! I’m not a mom yet, but I’m expecting my first baby in August. My friend just gave me a book to read called “The Happiest Baby on the Block” by Harvey Karp. He talks about babies like Elijah, and there might be some helpful things for you in there if you’re interested. You probably don’t have time to read a book right now, but I just thought I’d throw that out there. I’ll be praying for you!
I have been a long time follower of your website and I am happy for you to vent all you want! Anytime! I agree with those above that it could be dairy. My sister did the same as a baby and mum said she just cried ALL THE TIME and she turned out to be allergic to dairy so it was probably being passed onto her from my mum while feeding. Maybe worth a try.
Oh my goodness, 100-some comments! I think you did the right thing by posting this! First of all, Vincent Vega? I had no idea who that was…had to google him. A Pulp Fiction character? Sorry, not a fan of that movie. Anyway, I am SO sorry it has been rough-going. I know what you mean about having the idealistic, snuggly newborn baby visions while pregnant and poor little Eli is just not happy…poor mom!
I know what you mean about the “you’ll get through it” comments…does NOT help while you’re in the midst of the turmoil. One thing you must never forget is what an amazing mama you are…we all know it, so you must know it, too. Eli must have something (colic?) going on that is beyond your control…because you do everything you can for your sweet baby boy. How hard that’s gotta be….I am praying for you to get through this stressful time and for Eli to find comfort and happiness!!!
Love you!
I just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. When our babies cried and cried we would always joke that they were “broken.” I hope you can work through it, figure out what’s hurting the little guy, and get some sleep.
And you’re so right about the mommy guilt–why do we think we need to hurry up with what we’re doing when the daddies are holding the baby so we can get back to doing our “job”?
Good luck to you.
Oh you poor thing. I can so relate to this. I had a newborn crier. I remember many days and nights walking him and trying to sooth him while I cried along with him. It was so frustrating. After 3 loooong sleepless months, we finally figured out it was a lactose intolerance and put him on a soy based formula. It was a miracle!
He’s 18 now, graduates from high school next month and ended up being the most laid back, best kid ever!!! Although, he still hears about his days as “cryin’ ryan”
I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and it’s obvious you’re a great mom! Hugs
I would say cut the dairy out too. My son had that same issue too to some extent. It sucks but you can do it! It is for such a short time that you will look back and think it was all worth it!
If you are a big milk drinker try soy milk. I thought ew gross but gave it a try and it isnt that bad. I like silk. They sell it in 3 packs at sams or costco and double packs at target. Do you have jewel? They have alot of different flavors. There is rice milk, or almond milk too that you could try. I havent tried those but it is worth a shot.
Cheese was the hardest. But just think- those are calories that you wont have to burn off!
If you have a trader joes and some supermarkets they sell rice milk ice cream. It doesnt taste that bad. Remember- it is all worth it in the end! And for such a short time that will be over before you know it!
good luck!
Oh you poor thing. My neighbor had a similar experience with her now one year old daughter and she nearly lost her mind. I didn’t even believe her until I witnessed the never ending cry fest myself. Just frazzles those nerves and makes you wonder what’s up little one?? I feel for you and hope you figure out what that little guy is trying to tell you soon. Best of luck!
Lots of hugs. It never is easy and each kid is different.
Has he been checked by a pediatrician. Sounds like it may be reflux-which with some meds around nursing times should help calm the situation. (even if he is not spitting up it can be silent reflux)
http://www.annabelkarmel.com/community/babies-toddlers-families/3454-reflux.html
Good luck. And get as much help as you can form whoever will help you.
There is nothing more frustrating than loving someone so much and you can’t do anything to console them, is there? And after awhile, no matter how much you love love love them, the constant crying just wears on you. Please make sure to get a little time to youself…we’re all better Mommies when we can just get a little breather. I’ve even just went and sat out in our van and read the newspaper in peace and quiet while my hubby helped in the house. That alone helped A LOT. You gotta take care of you before you can take care of everyone else!
I have heard of people taking their fussy newborn babies to the chiropractor. I never tried it, but some of my friends swear by it. They even take them there to help with ear infections and other things. I can see that they may need a little help stretching out after all that time scrunched up in our bellies. If I’d had a really fussy baby, I may have tried this. Just thought I’d pass that thought along (not trying to give you any advice here, just a little lifeline???)!
I think a cranial osteopath is who specializes in that.
Here is some info:
http://www.cranial.org.uk/page2.html
Hang in there. I finally realized (with my third) that their digestive systems are just so new…can’t expect it to work 100% perfectly so soon. That helped me give him (and myself) some leeway to cry and cry and cry if need be.
And I cried…=)
i was totally in your shoes when i had my daughter. she was just unhappy ALL.THE.TIME. it made us all miserable. after some visits to the dr. and some testing it was determined she had reflux. the kind that didn’t come out but lingered in her little chest making her have real pain there. she got medicine and things seemed to get better. but, she’s now 6 and i can say with absolute certainty, that is just kind of the way she is.
you are right. it will pass. but, it can seem like forever while you are living it. don’t feel guilty few for taking time for yourself. you need it. even if all it is would be going in the bathroom,turning on the fan and looking at a magazine for a few minutes.(i still do that;)
please don’t ever feel like you can’t come to your blog and tell it like it is. this is your blog!
Oh Beth. I’m so sorry. Newborns are HARD! I remember when Emma was tiny, I thought to myself, “Well, now I know why some people only have one kid.” And I feel for you so very much. I hope you are able to get an answer for his crying – reflux? colic? And even if it’s not “something” I hope you are able to get some peace and rest. Very VERY soon.
xoxo
Oh, I’m so sorry Beth. It is so frustrating when you can’t make them happy-because as moms we feel like we should be able to make them happy.
I’m sorry you guys are both having a rough time, that things are not working out just as you hoped–hang in there!
I would never judge you for being honest, this post is going to make so many others feel better about their situations and show them that it is okay to tell the truth. Will be thinking of you! X0
I already responded previously, but wanted to add-
When my second baby was born. He was so good the first day, as well. Then all hell broke loose. For two straight weeks, he cried all.night.long. He didn’t cry so much during the day. Which was a relief. But man oh man, those nights were hard. I’d start getting upset around dinner time, because I knew it’d start. The two of us would end up crying together. Even my husband broke down one night, because of the crying and lack of sleep. Our house was in shambles. Our oldest child was wondering why mommy and daddy were walking zombies. It was awful. It did end after two or three weeks. But those first few weeks were absolute hell.
Oh Beth, I SO hear you. Eli sounds just like Seth. He was SO unhappy and it was SO hard. We had to have white noise playing at our house, almost non-stop, for 9 months just to keep him quiet. We have a video of him where we have the white noise on and he is happy as a clam and we turn it off and he starts screaming.
It is so hard and so frustrating and I remember feeling like such a failure.
Gripe water helped some…hopefully that Lactation Consultant will help more. Are his poops green and frothy at all? That could indicate a hindmilk/foremilk imbalance….ask her about that (unless you’ve already gone before you see my comment).
You are not alone, but I know it is SO hard in the mean time. Praying for you and your cute little one that you get some answers.
xoxo
Our middle child was exactly like this! I won’t lie, the first four months were up and down with him, but now he is 11 years old and the easiest, most well-adjusted of our three boys. He’s a peach and I look back on that difficult time and it’s just a blur. It’s brutal going through it so I’ll be praying for you to have patience because it’s so worth every minute!
this may have been mentioned already given that you have 170-some comments as i type this (popular, much!?), but i’m going to post it just in case.
have you ever taken one of your babies to the chiropractor? i have two children (so far) and neither one of them had this phase of serious fussiness so i haven’t tried it personally. but i have heard of chiropractors who adjust infants and it soothes them instantly.
i go to a chiropractor and have seen her adjust (very gently, with a machine, not cracking or anything) a 5-day-old baby. the baby didn’t even wake up.
the mom told me that her first child (not the one i saw) was very fussy and actually wouldn’t nurse and was losing weight. as a last-ditch effort, they tried an adjustment (she REALLY wanted to keep nursing), and it was like a miracle. the baby that was screaming for hours on end was altogether peaceful.
i don’t know all the science behind it, but it might be something worth looking into.
oh, and judgment? um…the only judgment i pass on you is that you’re fabulous, beautiful and inspiring.
praying for you and your family.
i’m crying after reading your post-because of course i can relate, as can most moms. keep snapping pictures of that beautiful baby. how about some of his crying fits
Hi!
Thank you so much for being real! That doesn’t happen enough among moms.
I hope you can figure out what is going on soon!
I am praying for you.
Gina
Another trick? Bra less! yep, you may end up bath/showered in your own milk, but when you are nursing on one side? leave your other flap down too. If you cna catch it in a extra bottle great? if not don’t worry about it, it’s a great skin therapy.
You just pretty much described my twins’ first 2 months or so of life. It was horrible… SO.MUCH. SCREAMING. I was shocked when my third daughter came and barely made a peep. Who knew babies could be peaceful creatures that enjoyed sleeping, riding in the car, etc
I saw your post from today and think it’s AWESOME that you have some help and hopefully some answers. Good luck!
And it will pass quicky…but I remember feeling like I was in a black hole of angry babies….
Oh sweetie. It really is the hardest thing in the world when you can’t seem to make them happy. My little one cried constantly for the first 3 months. If she was awake, she was crying. So many times i would cry with her and it was a nightmare…
We later figured out that she:
A) wasn’t getting enough milk
B) we are guessing she’s lactose intolerant (like her momma)
After a few weeks of “playing with” her diet, she improved a lot. But having that sweet new little baby seem sad all the time, can really be so hard on a mom. I know your such a good momma, let people help you out and just know that, like you said, “this too shall pass” .
Sending you a hundred hugs!
Yeah — such good news…
I’m just getting this today. I’m glad you felt your blog was the safe place it should be for YOU to voice your thoughts. It’s a shame that that is not always the case. I hope the lactation consultant was helpful and that you are able to get more info about a baby’s intolerance to his mother’s diet. I’ve had friends who’ve gone through that and each one of them had a different trigger food. Hopefully that is the issue!
Having a newborn is exhausting and emotional all by itself, the more older siblings there are in the family, the harder it is and to add all the crying. I’m feeling for you tonight!
Hello!
I just found your blog, and oh…this post…I can so relate. Nine times I can relate! You write so honestly and so many of us moms can appreciate that. Hang in there…you’re doing a wonderful job:)
I’m Praying for you. Fussy babies are never fun and it takes guts to admit that you are frazzled by it all. I feel for you completely. My 3rd child was far more emotional than my others {and still is}. He was big and grew by leaps and bounds, but never ate well. We finally figured out that his little body wasn’t able to break down the proteins in my milk {which come from all dairy}. I cut out dairy and he was much better, happier baby.
My wife had a low supply at the beginning. Stay strong and resist the urge to give him a bottle to keep him quiet.
The lactation consultant we saw told us to do this and we’re pretty sure it contributed to my wife’s constant low supply.
Could it be reflux? Hang in there, Beth…the same thing happened with my son…it was a rough time for sure! THey put him on Prevacid and things got much, much better.
That was exactly my problem with my little Ella, she was only getting about an ounce of milk each feeding…..I have to day don’t be afraid to give it up and supplement. Its OK. I totally needed someone to say that to me but I had so little support. After I was forced to give up breastfeeding by a doctor because my little girl had lost too much weight….I was entrenched with guilt. A friend of mine who lives on a farm said…..not all animals can feed their young that is why you see leopards feeding dogs in those zany pictures online…..I regret not throwing in the towel earlier and enjoying the first days with my daughter…I tried all the stuff, teas, supplements, hot compresses..nothing worked……I hope and pray it works for you and your little guy gets happy!!!
Bless your heart. Just prayed for you. And no judgement coming from me! My ears are still ringing from our dear boy’s infancy screaming. And he is 10. Years, not months.
Supervised belly time?
Nate’s Mom
Keep up the good work! I am encouraged that you are using natural supplements instead of just sticking your baby on formula! He will be healthier and happier in the long run!
No judgment. We’ve all been there. It’s those who haven’t who tend to judge
I love that picture. His little lips are perched, waiting for a boobie! So cute!
It’s great that you found the source of the problem. I think that was the problem with my son when he was younger as well. Its really difficult. I didn’t bond with him immediately like I did with my daughter and I thought I was a horrible mother.
All these things are natural. You are so exhausted and overwhelmed with emotion, not to mention hormonal imbalances that you end up feeling all things at once: the highest of highs, the lowest of lows, and even numbness. It’s a crazy time, but it’s going to go really quickly. Soon, he’ll be a year, and this will all be just a distant memory.
Congrats again for finding the problem. Not having to guess at what the problem is takes a lot of pressure off you and the baby.
Happy resting!
Hi, Beth,
I haven’t commented in awhile though I’ve always been a big fan of your blog. I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this right now. I’m afraid that I won’t be much help as I don’t have any children, but I can tell you that from what I’ve gathered here, you are a wonderful mom and you should never question that. Obviously you want to do all that you can for your son, and I’m sure the other mommies on here can help answer some of the logistics, but I wanted you to know that you have many fans on here and we all wish you the best of luck
Please keep us posted!
I just wanted to share that my son was the same, spent his first three weeks of life being fussy and we thought we had a colicky baby. Turns out he was STARVING and would nurse, down 4oz’s of formula and then be ready for more. After going on domperidone I was able to get my supply back up enough to eliminate formula entirely! I felt horrible knowing that we could have supplemented earlier with formula and had a much happier period of time with our little guy but we didn’t know any better! Hope that your supply boosts enough with the herbal supplements, they didn’t do anything for me at all so I went on domperidone instead, and it worked like a charm! I’m at just over ten months with him and nursing still!
Hey there Beth,
Baby colic is very real, and VERY VERY hard. Something that isn’t talked about near what it should be.
My newborn cried from the moment she came out and never stopped. As in she only slept 4 hours a day as a frickin newborn!
They wouldn’t even keep her in the nursery in the hospital. So not fair!
She ended up having colic for a whole year (which the doc’s said was very rare to have it that long) and none of the typical drops, swaddles, etc helped my girlie.
But as long as he’s nursing and wetting well, know that he is OK even if he’s crying all the time.
Colic is VERY hard, but it sounds like you have an amazing family and friend network to help.
Best wishes mama!
OK, i have tears in my eyes, because I remember what it was like with my 3rd child. He was a fussy baby and he’s now 16 and still fussy! At the time we thought it was just colic, so we gave him the gripe water and some herbs to help calm his tummy and digestion. As he got older, we were able to see that this is not going away! Our Cody is a sweetheart and can be a tenderheart, but he’s a tough bugger to deal with and always will be. If he doesn’t like something, he lets me know and the whole world always knows too! Hang in there. I wouldn’t trade Cody for anything in this world. Tough kids make tough adults. He just just knows what he wants and he will get it! And that’s ok.
I’m so glad to read that you’re feeling like you’re getting some answers! Those lactation consultants are amazing and are such a source of knowledge and comfort. Your kids are absolutely beautiful!
Not sure if my comment worked or not. Just wanting to send you positive vibes and tell you you’re doing a great job!
If it makes you feel any better, he’s probably not as unhappy as he sounds. That colic thing is a mystery, though, isnt it?
If I lived close, I’d come and rock him for you for a few hours to give you a break!
Hang in there, mommy.