I’m so tired. Are you tired? I think I’m getting a cold and it stinks.
Today we are leaving for my sister’s house. I’m excited but extremely nervous because my feedings with Eli have gone from okay to bad to worse. Each session is just as frustrating as the one before. Most feedings I spend walking around feeding him because otherwise he screams at my breast. I’m not sure where to go from here. I just don’t.
I’m so disappointed that after 12 (nearly 13!) weeks this still is not anywhere near a good nursing relationship. Well, sometimes it is, but not often. I feel like I’ve tried everything and still continue to work at it but it gets us nowhere. Things I’ve tried and (some) still continue to try: blessed thistle, fenugreek, mother’s milk, pumping after each session, switching (upgrading) pumps, walking and nursing, seeing a lactation consultant (multiple times), having Eli checked for problems, switching positions…
but when he nurses well, it’s so beautiful and I’m so thankful for all of the hard work I’ve put into it. And now, when I’m putting him to sleep, he sometimes turn his head down, he puts his forehead on my arm, spits his pacifier out and starts to suck on my arm which means he WANTS to nurse, so I do and oh, I love that I can provide for him what he wants at the moment.
I just wish he wanted it more than say, three times a week.
But I do want to say that I don’t think formula feeding is the end of the world. Both Anna and Noah were formula fed after having a rough start in the NICU and you know what? They are everything I could ever dream of – we have a wonderful affectionate relationship, they are super smart, I just wouldn’t change a thing about them. (well, I maybe would have them do a better job of making their clothes right side out before putting them in the hamper, but you know, beggars can’t be choosers.)
Anyway, breastfeeding should be so much easier and cheaper than formula feeding and it’s really awesome and beautiful - that’s what keeps me going. But I’m not sure he really wants me to, based on every single feeding throughout the day, day in and day out.
Enlighten me, friends.
I only read about the first 25 comments but totally agree about the La Leche League.
I had a similar miserable nursing relationship with my first. Saw a lactation consultant, but it was a leader of LLL who actually came to my house voluntarily and spent time watching him nurse and encouraging me, who actually solved our problem. Not to bash the LC’s but the LLL are a unique group who provide such amazing support. Free, and no obligation for joining. Don’t just go to a meeting and sit there silently and take it in…. Call the local leader, tell her you need one on one help and you’re on the cusp of changing gears. ASK if someone would be willing to spend time in your home where you feed him. Speak up and whip out the boob!
Hang in there – it sounds like you really want to nurse. Don’t let it stop you from enjoying your baby though. You’re right – bottles are not evil! You’re doing great.
My boy is now 5 months old. I nursed for 4 months. I went back to work after 3. That 4th month was very very hard. I couldn’t do a thing to increase my supply. I went from a single pump to a double, I tried all the herbal stuff, I tried nursing through out the night even though he didn’t need to, I tried it ALL. I cried the sunday he didn’t want it anymore. He had had enough. I would have kept trying. But when he decided he’d had enough, I knew I had to stop. Very rough on Mama. I’ll pray that you two can get your nursing relationship down. I enjoyed EVERY SINGLE minute of it. Good Luck, mama.
Hey there…I have been away from Bloggyland from awhile. I really, really need to come back. I don’t know all of your BF history since I have been a little out of it, BUT I scrolled through all of the comments and noticed that no one recommended watching Dr. Jack Newman’s BF video clips online. Like you, I did the thing with multiple lactation consultants, multiple pumps, diet, fenugreek, suplemental bottles, etc. My second baby did not stop taking supplemental feedings until he was TWELVE weeks old. I watched http://www.drjacknewman.com/ OVER AND OVER. I did the breast compressions. I kept that baby on for 20 minutes on ea side like he says, while compressing (squeezing) my breasts. I was living in Hawaii and we were on a trip back to CA. I packed my pump, but I was so busy on the trip that I did not have time to pump. And then guess what? I opened up a stinky, poopy, breast milk poopy diaper while on the trip and I was in total shock at the volume. BREAST COMPRESSIONS, girlfriend. My milk supply must have caught up with him! At 6 months he only weighed 13 lbs. That was so different than my older son that was off the charts! Anyway…mr. drama king that stressed me out over all of the breastfeeding nursed until he was 18 months old! Then I decided to wean him. But seriously, I was an extra on LOST and my husband had to force a bottle down his throat because he became a breast snob even though he had bottles from the beginning of life!! He up and one day refused the bottle. So I stayed on the fennugreek until he was 8 months. I supplemented his feedings until he was 3 months. Then my milk supply just kicked in. But it really did take that looooooong. WATCH the Jack Newman video clips. They are very um, graphic, visual, and totally helpful!!!! OH. And that son had a pacifier in his mouth from day 3 until he was 2 yrs old. I think at 3 mo old don’t worry anymore about the pacifier. Two words. Again. BREAST COMPRESSIONS. Watch the videos. AND YES your son will be totally fine if you formula feed. I pumped exclusively with the first one for 6 months, and then gave him formula the other 6 months. He is amazing, and almost 6 years old now. But if you want to continue to breastfeed, watch those video clips on line and do BREAST COMPRESSIONS!
About that pacifier, I meant he has been on it for 3 months. IMHO I think stick with it at this point! Watch the video clips! Watch the deep latch video and the breast compressions!
dont know if you have already tried this, but see if when you dont use deodorant he nurses better. i had the same issue with my first daughter and thought we would have to give up nursing, but my midwife told me to stop using deodorant and we didnt have nearly as much trouble after that. the fighting and arching and crying were all gone!
hope its something like that, because i cant tell you how awesome and stupid i felt at the same time. it was amazing.
these are such beautiful photographs! especially love the one by the water
great work
Both Jake and Emma were Formula Kids and that’s what I would do again if we have a third. Breastfeeding was too stressful with Jacob and I didn’t even try with Emma. I had a lot of guilt giving it up with Jacob. I felt like I was a failure.
But once we made the switch, the stress level dropped dramatically.
Only you can make the decision, but you need to make the decision based on what is right for you and Eli.
Really quick, here’s my nursing story, in case you can see something in it for yourself: my daughter was almost 10 weeks old before I nursed her one day and thought, “Hey, I didn’t even cry or clench my jaw the whole time!” So there was pain. She also cluster fed from 6-11pm every night– probably at least 6-8 times in those evening hours. Every night. I’d ask my husband to take her and as I was fastening my bra he’d say, “Uh, she’s rooting on me.” And then I’d cry and feed her again (feed her nothing because, seriously, nothing was there). She’d pull away and bob her head and yell and root and all those crazy things babies do. She also spit up about 60 times per day. FINALLY, months into it (pain was gone and cluster feeding had decreased) I decided to avoid dairy because maybe it would make her stop spitting up; I was seriously tired of walking around with a baby wipe and scanning our hardwood floors…to say nothing of my wardrobe. I had read it takes 2-3 weeks for it to be out of your system entirely and right around 2.5 weeks she stopped spitting up altogether. It was magical. I bought a case of rice milk from Costco and counted the weeks until I could try to reintroduce milk into my diet. And really wished I had done that at 9 weeks when she was feeding 16 times per day, because I think the cluster feeding was linked to her allergy.
So now she’s 26 months old and eats milk and yogurt herself and is still nursing. When she was 9 weeks old I was doing the math on how many feedings left until she was 1 year old every time we nursed. I never thought we’d be here. AND, she’d be the same amazing, smart, giggly little girl if I had started bottle feeding her at 9 weeks instead of saying, “I’ll try for one more day,” every single day. One of my friends who had a difficult nursing relationship said once, “This baby thing would be a piece of cake if we weren’t nursing.” I think that’s key. If it’s making you stressed out, Eli stressed out, your family stressed out to see you guys that way, it’s not worth it. There will never be a research study that says, “Breastmilk is so important that you should do it at the expense of your experience of life, your well-being and your relationships with family.”
I know how that feeling, “When it’s good, it’s really good…when it’s bad, it’s really bad,” messes with you, especially when you’re tired and you have other people to care for and you’re running a business and really, just EAT already, baby, it’s your whole job! I hope you can find an answer that works for all of you that leaves you peaceful and proud of yourself, because you ALL deserve that. That and a beer.
You’re an inspiring person. I stumbled upon this blog through a friend of mine. I haven’t managed to post any photos for the weekly theme, but maybe I can comment on breastfeeding. Breastfeeding, though it should be this beautiful, natural thing, is stressful. And stress can affect your milk production and flow, etc. First off, any breast milk your Eli has, is better than none. So even if you switch solely to formula, even if he is only interested three times a week – it’s better than nothing and you can feel proud of yourself for being so devoted thus far.
I had an easy time nursing my first child (now three years old) and we even did extended nursing until she was two. When I got pregnant with twins, I wanted so badly to be able nurse them. However, when they had to spend a few days in the special care nursery, the doctors needed to see that they could suck and swallow before we could take them home and my milk hadn’t come in at that point, so on to formula we went. I had info on increasing production, and it’s exhausting – the pumping after feeding, or cluster pumping for a couple of hours. Sigh. We supplemented with formula for at least the first few months and then I was able to nurse exclusively.
I’m not a lactation consultant or LLL, just a nursing mama. If you are pumping and not having results, I’ve read its a good idea to stop, take a break, relax, get something to eat, etc. Something to help you relax and possibly help you have a let down – maybe look at a photo of your child. I’ve also heard that increased skin to skin contact is good – maybe take Eli’s shirt off before nursing, and yours as well. Even taking a bath together and nursing in the bath can serve as a sort of reset button for the nursing experience (ideally you’ll both be calm in the bath, the skin to skin contact is positive for him and can help with your let down).
Good luck and enjoy every minute with your precious ones.
Beth, I’m just catching up on your blog so I hope you get to read this comment. By the way, I didn’t read any other comments because I wanted to respond to you “in the raw” and not others.
#1…your job is to feed your baby, and if you need to do that with formula or a combo of formula and breast milk, then so be it. Why is breastfeeding so damn emotional for us?? I’m speaking from experience, trust me. Shouldn’t feeding our children be simply about feeding our children and not about how we could have done better, should have tried this or that, etc?
#2…breastfeeding is not free…your time is worth something, right? And I’m going to guess that you spend a whole lot of time trying to nurse.
#3…have you considered exclusively pumping? That’s what I do because E would never latch. It makes me feel great that she’s getting breastmilk, we get to measure her intake, other people get to feed her, etc. I obviously don’t know your whole story so I’m not sure if this would work for you.
And speaking of stories, everyone has a different story, everyone has a different experience. You can only do what is best for you and your child. So do what’s best and hold your head up high…you’re an awesome Mom.