I sort of wish I didn’t know her, if I didn’t it would mean she’d be making cupcakes and wrapping gifts today.
She has the silkiest blond hair and the most amazing, perfect eyelashes.
When I first met her this past January, she was wearing boots that I loved, I knew that I had to have them.
I sat with her on my couch, I knew her story, I had read it online, but I didn’t know her story. I knew her baby, but I didn’t know her baby. And I never really will.
My God she is so beautiful. And her son? He takes my breath away.
She stayed overnight, she was very organized, very type-A, she and Noah worked on finding baby names for the baby boy that was in my belly.
On the inside? Her heart was broken. Her baby, her Joel, had gone to heaven last June.
Even though I’ve had my own loss and my own heartbreak, I don’t know hers, having held his perfect body in her arms with that perfect beating heart and having to say good-bye. My tears fall as I can’t imagine what that feels like as a Mother. I can’t fathom the anguish, the despair, the anger, the confusion.
One year ago today, he was born.
Today, I am doing my best to celebrate Joel by holding my own children tight, screaming from the rooftops how much I love them and thanking God for every gift he has given to us. My heart can hardly handle her heartbreak, I can’t imagine what it must feel like to her.
And then hug your loved ones after that.