Elijah has started reaching. Sometimes, when I’m trying to grab a quick picture with my iPhone, he surprises me by grabbing my phone.
Sometimes, when he and I are just staring at each other, which we do, a lot, he reaches up and touches my face.
He smiles.
I melt.
On Saturday, it was just he and I at home. I had just finished feeding him, I was helping him to sit up in my lap. He looked directly at my James and Jake necklace, he reached over and held it in his hands.
He didn’t let go.
I wish I could tell you what that felt like to me. Like some sort of heart bursting, full circle, heavenly, torturous, loving, painful moment that I will remember for the rest of my life.
I sometimes wonder how close James and Jake really are to us. Like, did they gently lift his arm and guide him to that necklace. ”Here. Mommy will like it if you do this.”
We’ve been doing landscape work in our yard. We have two bricks with their names printed on them. I moved them and then picked Eli up. I held him like you hold a baby. His eyes sparkled from the bright sky’s reflection. I asked him if he knew James and Jake. He just stared at me. I said “what were they like?” and he laughed.
I think that means they are funny.
Two years ago tomorrow is their due date. They should be turning two, instead we’ve been living without them for over two years. In a strange way, I feel incomplete but on the other hand, I feel so complete. I feel like I am the lucky one who gets to call James and Jake hers.
They are.
Mine.
Forever.
I’ll always be reaching for them and I know they are reaching for us. I believe, wholly, that we will always meet in the middle, spiritually.
Which is beautiful and perfect and makes being their Mom…awesome.
love you.. and this.. and them.. so much!
Much love to you, I love this post.
My lost boy, Elijah, would have been two this month as well. I didn’t realize their due dates were so close. It’s so strange to think of a two-year-old little boy romping around my house, instead of a one-year old little girl toddling around. This loss changes us. I’m glad for you beautiful moment.
I bet you will see a few sets of birdies tomorrow….just letting you know that they are lucky to be yours too. Thinking of you and family Beth.
Their mommy is awesome! She touched my heart (again) and made me cry.
this makes me smile
This is so beautiful, Beth. Every bit of it. You and Eli sharing James and Jake with each other. Eli’s recognition of your necklace. You. I love it, and all of your amazing boys.
I’m at a loss for words. This is so very beautiful Beth. Thank you…
So, breathtaking.
Steph
very beautiful…its like you know just what I am thinking when its my days to think that.
Oh, my goodness (smiling thru tears.) That bursting-heart feeling is the Happiness spilling out. Thank you for allowing a little bit to splash on me today.
)
what a sweet post! thank you for sharing your heart so open and honestly. i have been encouraged by so many things you post. this one made me smile (and tear up a little, too).
So beautiful. And oh so sweet. Definitely moments to cherish.
his laughing when you asked what they were like has my breath taken away….my due date is this saturday (m/c was in december) and i’ve tried to resolve being positive this week….it’s not working….i wasn’t as far along as you were, and it wasn’t twins, but, man, it still hurts….thinking of you….xoxoxo
What a wonderful moment. There is no doubt in my mind that your little guy knows his big brothers. How comforting and special that smile must have been!
This post is beautiful and I’m SO GLAD I fianly got to meet you yesterday! And thank you for letting me hold your little man– his grins and kicking feet made me smile.
What a beautiful moment that you thought to share with us.
xo
I love this oh so much. And I am certain James and Jake are guiding Eli along the way. Whispering secrets about you and giggling about the same heartbeat they all three heard while inside of you. That beautiful heartbeat. You are amazing.
Beautiful post. And what a beautiful connection Eli made through that necklace, through you, to his brothers. He knows them, no doubt about that. Your family is a beautiful inspiration, a testament to love and strength. Thank you for that.
Eli is reaching and James & Jake are giving. They always will be. It’s so heartwarming that you KNOW it and you SEE it. Thinking of you with great love… xo
Beautiful
Beautifully said…and definitely a moment to remember.
So beautiful, so touching and so sweet. Almost like the 3 boys knew each other,and have an inside joke. We have the best mom, you watch her now, til we meet again.
What a beautiful post! I am sure Eli knows them. What a sweet way to always remember them and to keep them alive in your hearts.
Beth, thank you for sharing your heart….extra prayers for you and your family!! xoxo
This is so beautiful. I bet the jokes they told him were amazing. I bet someday, he’ll be able to share them.
You are lucky, but so are they.
*ugly crying*
wow, my Mum is 13,000 miles away and I realized when I read your post what I’ve missed. be blessed!