Right now my kids are playing with Play-doh. Noah is making sushi and Anna is making balls of huge color with dots in them. I just took a shower while Eli napped, Anna and Noah listened for Eli as he slept.
I’m painfully tired. Eli woke up almost every two hours last night and wanted to nurse and my morning started at 7:30 am after going to bed at midnight.
Today we have grocery shopping to do, errands to run, school registration to complete and everyday things that must be done.
I’m painfully tired. Okay, I said that. But today is different as both Anna and Noah are being punished today. Anna may not go outside and play with friends or watch TV and Noah can not watch TV.
I’m not a perfect parent and I swear I hope I never hope I am. I think that’s the problem with a lot of parenting these days is that parents think their kids are perfect when really when their kids are not near their parents … THEY ARE SO FAR FROM PERFECT.
I’m even talking about my kids. No, really, I am. Also, as far as parenting is concerned, I give myself a 4 (on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being obnoxiously awesome) on bad (most) days and an 8 on the rest (rare) days. Just this past Sunday, we were at a family reunion, I had Eli in my sling, I was carrying two plates, getting lunch, trying to be SUPERMOM! when Eli put his hand in the mashed potatoes and burned his little tiny hand. Here I am, holding two plates of food with sticky, (sub-par) mashed potatoes burning his hands. My brother-in-law grabbed one plate, my sister the other, I grabbed a handful of napkins and wiped his hand, while he screamed.
He’s four months old and he burned himself. Ultimate parenting fail, right? Except WRONG because this has already happened to one of my kids. When Anna was just shy of her first birthday, she put her hand in hot mashed potatoes when a waitress put mashed potatoes right in front of her. So, now I’ve decided to banish mashed potatoes forever because they are trying to kill my kids. (except I’ll eat my Mom’s mashed potatoes and mine and Lovelyn’s and my mother-in-law’s and also the mashed potatoes from Chili’s because they’re all garlic-y and also at Thanksgiving. God I love Thanksgiving. Only 16 more weeks!)
Wait. Where was I?
Oh yes, I’m trying to kill my kids with mashed potatoes. Yes.
Anyway, yesterday my daughter did something quite naughty. Like as in baaaad. I’m not going ot tell you what it was because I think that would be wrong, it was just wrong. I mean, it’s not like she stole anything, OKAY SHE DID, SHE STOLE MY iPHONE, are you happy now?!
She did. While I was upstairs with Eli, she took my iPhone outside and played with it and let her friends play it, too.
How did I catch her? I came downstairs and found my phone way too close to the patio door. And if I hadn’t caught her that way, I would have caught her when I saw that she took pictures of her friends outside and of my neighbor’s car and of the grass. I wonder if, as a good parent, I should teach her how to better hide her poor decisions by, you know, DELETING THE EVIDENCE, but I’m guessing I should not.
By the way, in case you are wondering, I did not fall asleep on my bed with Eli while my kids were downstairs except, yes, I did. But you know what? My kids are 6.5 and 7.5 years old (the POINT FIVE definitely matters, here.) In some countries, kids that age are working and bringing home paychecks to their parents (remind me to revisit that idea after writing this post.) I’m not saying I AGREE with that, I’m just sayin’.
So, while I’m upstairs parenting *cough* Eli, my iPhone gets stolen by my daughter and shared with her friends.
Note of interest: I do not let my kids play with my iPhone. Mainly because a.) it is mine. b.) I can not afford to get another one, if it breaks I have to use a calculator as my phone and c.) IT IS MINE. Now, things may change with Eli getting older because he looks at it and grabs for it and says “oooh, twitter.” So, you know, I’m always open for change. But not behind my back.
Also, while I was upstairs “parenting” Eli, my other child, Noah, allows a girl, twice his age to come in and go through my cabinets to look for food to eat because her Mom won’t give her a snack. Now here’s the thing, I wasn’t totally sleeping because Anna came upstairs 43 times in a 60 minute time period and asked for a marshmallow and each time I said “no” because I’m not downstairs and if you choke I should be with you. And then Noah would come upstairs and ask for ice cream sandwiches for our neighbors and also WHY AREN’T WE FEEDING OUR CHILDREN?
(it’s important to note that I do not allow other children in my house mainly because that gives me too much *unpaid* responsibility and also because I can’t keep up with my kids’ messes, let alone other kids’. Also: I HAVE AN INFANT.)
I’m finally waking up with tiny Eli, which was good because God knows what would have happened in my house if I hadn’t or if I had slipped into a coma and Noah comes up and says “can Trudy* have cheese-its…she reallllly wants cheeze-its.” ”um no, Trudy* may not have cheeze-its and how does she know we have cheeze-its?” (and also is there really a “z” in cheeze-its?)
Needless to say, I figure all of this out, while nursing on the couch and drinking diet coke (SUPERMOM!) and I’m like “get your asses inside and send your friends home.”
Except I swear to you, I NEVER cuss in front of my kids. YET. The rest is true, though.
They came in and I felt betrayed and I told them so and they admitted to making dumb choices and allowing a much older girl to influence them but also they know the rules and GAH. I was “gone” for one stinking hour.
So, today my kids are being punished. Now Noah is playing Uno by himself (against two other “people”) and Anna is writing numbers down 1-300 and it’s surprisingly quiet except in my mind I’m so disturbed by yesterday’s events that my heart hurts and I’m wondering how they learned to be little jerks when I thought I raised them to be friendly.
I’m ending this with four thoughts:
1. I will be using Eli’s video monitor to monitor Anna when she is seventeen. And eighteen.
2. You may think your child does no wrong but you are probably wrong and if you don’t realize that we are all in trouble. (also, if you have older children who hang out with younger children, I implore you to ask them not to share their views on Santa, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy with their younger, more innocent friends.)
3. Lives online are never perfect. No matter how they’re portrayed.
4. This is the point when I can see parents giving up on their kids. If you think this is the only thing Anna has ever done wrong, you would be wrong, there are all sorts of problems that are leaving Brian and I very concerned. I can see parents shrugging and saying “it’s just her personality, she likes to be in control.” Except NO. I do not accept that. I accept her personality, I do not accept disrespect.
The buck stops here, little girl.
*Trudy is not her real name. Every girl in our neighborhood has the same name, I’d hate to wrongfully incriminate the wrong girl just because THEY ALL HAVE THE SAME NAME.
You are such a good mama! Your children are blessed to have a mom who cares so much, enough to discipline and enough to be sad when they misbehave. God bless you all!
Mary
Your kids aren’t perfect, but they’re not evil either. I think it’s important to find the balance there. Yes, they did stupid stuff, but they did it because they’re kids, and being a kid is all about doing stupid stuff. ((hugs)). You sound like you need lots of those today. Cut your babies some slack, and yourself too.
Reading this from a teacher perspective, I love you for all of this. Seriously, your childrens’ teachers will love you, too. Here’s why: Let’s say I have Anna in class 6 years from now and she misbehaves. When I call you, you’re going to listen to what I have to say, then you’re going to assure me that you’re going to discuss it with Anna and it won’t happen again. You are NOT going to do as many parents and insist that your child never misbehaves, that your child is an angel, and that the problem must solely be me. That’s dumb. Even the best of kids misbehave when the situation arises.
Of course, all of this is so very hypothetical because if I DID happen to have Anna in my class as an 8th grader and she did happen to misbehave, I’d pull her aside and say, “Knock that shit off RIGHT NOW, otherwise I am going to call your mom and have her sit in the back of this classroom, DON’T THINK I WON’T DO IT.” This would be awesome because I don’t usually get to swear at my students, but I’m pretty sure you’d let me get away with it. ANYWAY, the point is that even though you feel like a four, you’re much higher.
Oh Beth, how I feel you! Especially about not accepting her as she is behaving! Boo is smart, she is great. She is a wonderful little girl, but the girl has issues of her own that concern us. There are things that we CONSTANTLY work on with both our kids, but sometimes things with her just make me nervous.
Kids can be jerks, I tell my kids that all the time. And that does include them. They can be mean, sassy and just plain rude. That does not mean I will be okay with it and that they will go unpunished. With Hunter I know he is 13, he is just one hot mess right now. But dude, roll your eyes at me one more time…. Boo is 8 and going through her own issues, but I swear the whiny sassy tone just makes me want to cringe every time.
I think you are a better mom then you give yourself credit for, I think we all are. Bad days happen, and good day happen. But, thank you for reminding me that I am not alone in the fight, that we are all in this together in our own ways.
I feel ya!! I have 4 kids, 3 boys (ages 9, 8 and 6) and 1 girl (6 months old.) They know when mommy is stressed out and tired and they pick that moment to drive me to the brink of insanity by doing the things they know they shouldn’t. They’re so frickin smart!!
I totally feel completely worthless as a parent on those moments, but I know this too shall pass.
Hang in there Beth, you’re a great parent with very smart kids!!!
Yep, kids aren’t perfect. And your oldest? She sounds a lot like my oldest. This parenting gig isn’t all sunshine and roses, but when it *is* sunshine and roses it makes life pretty sweet.
I don’t even know you, but I love you. I love this post.
Honesty in parenting is SO HARD. I feel like I go around saying “perfect!! perfect, perfect, perfect!!” but when I try and temper that I feel like I’m being negative and whining and portraying my life as something it’s not in the other direction. I’m not good at expressing things like you just did. Good job!!
Yeah, tough job here and the stakes are high. My kids are jerks sometimes too and I fret for the future. In addition to the jerkiness, one of them has a terrible habit of saying he’s going to kill himself and I never know whether to call his bluff or hospitalize him. (we compromised by calling his ped and seeing a counselor). I worry a lot.
But the silver lining I think here is the approach. There’s a little kid in my neighborhood and his parents are really rude to him all the time. And then he IS a jerk at school, all the time, but when the teachers take issue with it the parents turn around and attack the teachers because THEIR kid is PERFECT and clearly the teachers all have issues. Then they go home and treat the kid like dirt some more. THAT situation I really worry about because the kid really is a jerk and is hard to be around there’s no one who treats him lovingly and kindly and it’s really hard to remember to be that person who treats him kindly because the kid? is a real. jerk.
At least you care enough to kindly and lovingly stop the buck.
(((HUGS)))
Ha! My eyes couldn’t keep up with how fast I wanted to read this. I enjoyed every word. Oh, and I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks that “because it’s mine” is a good enough reason not to share. Oh wait…I think that only applies to iPhones or Blackberrys.
Hi Beth!
I usually don’t comment, but love to read
Your post today has left me no chice but to comfort you with the fact that I have 3 girls of my own. THREE girls to raise! They are 12, 10 and 3. The oldest 2 are my “step” daughters, but all the same I am mom and they are my daughters. They came into my life when the youngest was 5.
Not to scare you…but it continues to get worse!
Girls are definatley a challenge to raise, but way worth it I am sure 
I am constantly reminding myself that as a parent we can only do what we can do. I teach them all the right things to do, and lead by example. And sometimes…I feel completely betrayed when they go against their better judgement. As moms I think we can’t be too hard on ourselves, or them (although VERY hard at times) because sometimes all you can do all you can do, and they will still let you down.
If you feel like parenting is a hard job, in my opinion, then you are doing it right!!!
Amen, girl.
One of my biggest pet peeves is parents who DO NOT discipline their children. Drives.Me.Crazy. I won’t even get started on that, because my comment will end up as long as your post. Hah! ;p
Breathe.
I love your blog. I love how you say you are not perfect and either are your kids. That is one thing I can not stand when parents are blinded by their children!
This will stand as one of my most favorite posts ever. Even though I only have a 3.5 year old, I can totally relate to what you just expressed so well.
My husband and I are very stubborn people and very independent. Our daughter … well, us times two. She’s brilliant and charming and hilarious, but stubborn and defiant and testing the waters. Some days I just feel like I’m doomed to fail.
Over the weekend she told her mamaw “That is NOT acceptable!” when she was denied something she wanted. My thoughts are two-fold – A) you can imagine she hears that a lot and B) I’m so in for it when she is a teenager. I pray every day that four is better than three. Anyone who says two is bad has never seen three.
I love this post, it’s soo true. Nobody is perfect, but really why would anyone want to be, how boring would that be!
Kids take so many layers from us,(I’m just starting on this crazy journey) that it’s pretty much a requirement to have something that’s all YOURS.
I think your a great mom compared to some others, your there for you kids to guide them and show them right from wrong and that’s what really matters. Everyone has off days that for sure we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t.
krys <3
I am with you on knowing I am not perfect and my children also are not perfect. Its something that I pride myself in and try not to be, perfect because than I set myself up to fail or feel as if my kids have failed me.
great post, loved it and loved the honesty!
What?! My kid’s not perfect?!
Teehee… just kidding.
The fact that you CARE about the jackass things your kids do and actually enforce consequences and discipline your kids shows me what a great mom you are. Well lots of things show me what a great mom you are, but this post wasn’t about all the other stuff.
Your babes are going to be just fine. And I agree with Erin – you might feel like a 4 (and we all have those days), but you’re way higher.
My number 1 pet peeve is parents with blinders on. I’m glad to see that you don’t have them.
Oh and I agree with you 100% on respect. We deserve respect, and if we don’t demand it, then our parenting skills are sub-par.
since MY ‘children’ are 13,14 and 17 — i can only say, it will get worse before it gets better. BUT!!! I’m lol’ing so big after reading “Now Noah is playing Uno by himself (against two other “people”)”, that all the other stuff really doesn’t matter, because all ALLLLLLLLLLLL kids will be kids and no one ever said they were always perfect. (even thought I know some online Moms’ think they are PERFECT.)
BUT Beth, they ARE awesome and yes, they will be naughty when given the chance.
*still laughing @ Noah’s card game*
I love your brutal honesty.
I also love that you break the rule of having long posts. I eat up your long posts!
Don’t beat yourself up over the mashed potatoes–even if it occurred twice! Stuff like that happens, and you just learn to be more savvy the next time. Along the way to raising three wonderful young people, I dropped hot grease in a thin stream all along my daughter’s head as she sat in her high chair and I flung a hot, just-extinguished match head onto my toddler son’s face, just below his eye. They are all fine citizens now. And they don’t hold it against me. Yours won’t, either!
Obviously Noah is your favorite. To prove me wrong, I need you to burn him with mashed potatoes.
I’m really glad our neighbors are all 112 years old because I would lose my shizz if random kids were just up in my stuff. RUDE.
Also, that photo=LOVE.
xoxoxo
Love. I have a 18 month old going on 15. She tests and tests and tests and I swear there are days where she lives in timeout. I am always worrying about my kids, I have twin girls, and I am just tired. Its been a trying few weeks…to say the least. And its funny you mentioned the “because its mine” because as mothers we have so VERY FEW things that are just “mine.” Mine is my reusable cold starbucks cup. I LOVE IT and it is MINE. No you cannot pull the straw up and down, no you cannot have a drink out of it even if it is just water, no you cannot walk around with it and yes I will turn into a crazy snack haired woman if I see you with it, because its mine.
Let me start with the fact that I love your honesty. It’s refreshing to know that I’m not the only mom out there that feels much less then perfect. Children are children and need to be parented and raised into good caring adults.
You shocked me today with your post though. 16 weeks until Thanksgiving? Could you not put a number on it, please….LOL! That just means that there are only about 21 weeks or so until Christmas. AHHHH!!
Kudos to you for posting. Usually long posts turn me off, but I was intrigued, and kept on reading. Totally, totally agree with your main points…especially #3.
Wondered if there was a full moon? My little boys were just outta control today, too. If I didn’t have too much to do, I think I’d go to bed early. And with that thought in mind, I think I’ll get off the computer now.
This is a great post. I like to think my kids behave better when I am not around, and for the most part that seems to be true based on what I am told. But, not always. Just a couple of weeks ago my almost 9 year old daughter threw a piece of pizza at her brother! We were not home, they were with a sitter, but the sitter was an adult! I was stunned. So we talked about it being disappointing and frustrating and hopefully it won’t happen again. There is so much going on in our house on a daily basis that I feel like things are slipping through the cracks and behavior is one of them. We can never take a break from it, can we?
I promise I read all that and took it all in, but first i have to say that I just LOVE that photo.
My kids can be BAD too. And do things where i look at them and say, “WTH???” because I’m like TOTALLY baffled that they just did that. (okay, I leave out the “H” part…) Especially if it’s one of those times where I JUST said, “don’t do THAT” and they did it anyway.
Anyway, I get you. And if it makes you feel any better I never thought you were perfect. Hopefully much more like me and perfectly IMperfect.
Thank you. Really, thank you. It’s when we don’t share the realities that we cannot be encouraged. I encourage you, keep on keepin’ on.
My kids have been fighting so much lately that last night they were fighting in my dreams. They don’t even give me a break when they’re unconscious. No rest for the weary…
I mean seriously, why do they always have to go after the iPhone? And do they MAKE us punish them…because it’s really like punishing ourselves and that just sucks for all of us! This was post was an absolute joy to read…
Sometimes I miss when my kids were young. It seems so hard with teens but I must just have selective memory loss. As hard as it is sometimes to discipline our kids, it’s even harder to let them run around like banshees. A disciplines child is a loved child and don’t they know it. I’m actually giving myself this little pep talk because my own son is giving me fits right now about watching tv. Take a long hot bath, and close the door.
I love this because it’s so real. Mine are 7 and 11 and going on out of control. It seems like every day I am on the mom rollercoaster in which the same child can be awesome and …well not awesome in the same breath. In fact Sunday, while shopping for school supplies the two could not stop fighting, I completely understood how some animals in the wild eat their young. It seems so much more reasonable than parenting, some days.
Great post! I totally have had this happen in my house too. I would love to know however how you get Noah to play Uno alone and OMG Anna to write numbers 1-300 QUIETLY?! (which BTW I used to do and I graduated with a BA in Mathematics!!) When I punish my kids from going outside they make it torture for me inside – what should i do? i’m bored? I really cannot wait for school to start in 2 weeks and 18 hours…lol…you are good parents…
This is what real blogging is. These things happen to us all, most of us are just too scared to admit it to the world. I stopped letting my kids play with the neighborhood kids because I was the ONLY parent paying attention to what they were really doing outside. The other moms told me to my face that I am too overprotective. I don’t care. Then, the 8 year old boy next door was arrested when the others dared him to break into someone’s house, and he did it.
I know my kids make bad choices at times. We are of the opinion that paying attention to these things and catching them (hopefully before they seriously injure themselves or someone else) but not so early on that they figure out how they are giving themselves away, that we can stay a step ahead of them. It should also be noted that we were both “good” kids who got away with way too much as teenagers, so we are anticipating this, and have planted thorny bushes in front of all windows, LOL:)
Also, my kids are 5, 6, and 8, and I make them take afternoon “rest times” each and every day. Mostly so I can take a nap myself. There. I said it:)
Thank you for this! There are so many times I’m reading someone’s blog (who has kids, of course) and they talk about how their children are perfect angels, never disobey, etc. My SIL does this too – my niece can do whatever, whenever (and she’s 3!!) and the double standards are ridiculous! It’s so refreshing to read that you’re doing this right (not that there was any doubt!) and have perspective, love, and use your brain. I’d say you’re far above a 4!
hilarious…but not..no no no shakes head.
yeah it is.
here’s what I remind myself when I’ve been a bad mom had some issues with the kids….they have to make bad choices sometimes to learn. right? right.
ok, i’m so ready for summer break to be over! my 10 yr old is bored silly, my 6.5 yr old is becoming a little teen terror herself and i just want to nap & cuddle my baby! i’m only kidding! well, half kidding!
my 6.5 yr old has picked up some awful attitude things that i will not accept! ever! i am reading the book “the explosive child” for ideas because i dont know what to do with her. door slamming, yelling, crying, stomping. so much drama for such a little girl. we are working on it but she needs the mental activity she gets at school. my little attempts at workbooks isnt too thrilling for her this summer.
Ask Christy what our 3 older children did outside when we thought they were playing. My first introduction to “my kids would never do that but oh yes they did and then conveniently forgot to tell mommy about it”. SMFD.
I absolutely enjoyed reading this post…. I guess it’s not very nice of me to find enjoyment on your children being bad, but I guess I needed to read that it’s not just my children.
I haven’t been to your blog in a while… I have no idea why, but I should probably remedy that since your blog has always been a blog I enjoy.
Love the post – it’s so hard to pre-emptively think of every little thing that could possibly go wrong (like killer mashed potatoes – I would never have seen that coming), but it’s what we do as parents.
And I so can wait until my little 2-year-old bit of sweetness grows up into doing this kind of stuff because I’m NOT ENTIRELY delusional and I KNOW she’ll do it, too, one day. 
I have a post on my blog where I ranked myself as well… I think that day I may have given myself a “6″. It was a good day.
Also, I never used to cuss at my kids either. And then they turned 11, 9, and 5. Just sayin’…….
Yesterday my parenting was a 1. Or maybe a minus 1. The shrieking you heard from your neighborhood was me being completely done with my boys fighting with each other. And that was only 10 minutes after I got home from work.
And, I don’t let my kids have other kids in the house (except for the approved friend…not just neighbors off the street either because they do things like raid our food and make messes and drive me crazy and I can barely deal with my own kids.
And 3rdly….do your kids ride the bus home after school? Cuz my soon to be kindergärtner will be riding back to your neighborhood, where I best friend will be meeting him until I get home from work.
Perfectly awesome post. Period. My 3 yr old girl gets me sometimes. She is so much like me (read: stubborn, emotional, needs space, needs lots of cuddles) that my husband already has to mediate between his two women… fast forward to 7 then 17… ugh…
i love you lotsly. [and not just because you'll still eat my mashed potatoes.]
you know that i sometimes feel we are completely and utterly failing our kids. and that sometimes i feel that our kids are complete and utter jerks.
i seriously printed out this quote from erin d. the other day because i believe it with all my heart:
“The thing I try to tell myself, whether things are up or down: the bad days don’t mean I’m bad and the good days don’t mean I’m good. I’m just here, loving my kids as hard as I can and giving this crazy mom-ing thing my all. On the days it is easy AND on the days it makes me want to throw things. Things will get easier and things will get harder. My job is to do my best.”
I hope you are feeling less… let down by your kids! My kids are only 3 and 1 and we have our own little sets of problems I see they only continue and get bigger!
I try to be the best mom I can be but I do slip up and make mistakes and fall a sleep with my 3 year old downstairs! It happens!
I say to him ha at only 3 “I know you are better than that because I HAVE RAISED YOU TO BE BETTER THAN THAT” And I can see that phrase sticking around!
On a weird note I can’t wait for this age and things like this to happen, just another way we can teach our kids to be better!
You are better than a 4! Give yourself more credit being a parent is hard work!
Thanks Beth. It’s nice to be reminded that every (good) mother has kids that act like kids. And you know you’re a good mother because you “care” enough to turn it over and over in your head. (Did I handle it right.Did I overreact. Did I this, Did I that). If we didn’t care so dang much, we’d “bark” and be done with it.
Love the silhouette shot btw!
Pretty sure you have been reading my old journals.
Again.
Thank you! You don’t know how you made my”crappy mothering” day seem normal. I often question my parenting choices and wonder how other mothers make it all look so easy/perfect. SO thank you again for showing us your true colors, and making all of us love you more for it:) I also have a 6.5 year old boy and 7.5 year old girl, so I truly get where you are coming from because they seem to have similar personalities as your guys too! The only thing that is missing to make me your “stunt double” is my own little “Eli”, but that is my on going personal struggle and something I know you get more than a lot of others…
I love all of your posts….but this one….I really, really, love!!!! thank you for your honesty!!!! thank you for letting us see the real you!!! thank you for assuring me that I am not the only parent that has made mistakes!!!! You rock, Beth Helen!!!! keep up the good work!!! xoxoxo
What a neat picture – Anna’s profile is just beautiful!
We used my daughter’s baby monitor to listen for my 17 & 18 year old step-sons sneaking out of the house. They get sneaky and wily at that age!
the fact that you care? that right there makes you a whole lot higher than a 4, even on bad days.
i have had to quit going to the pool with a friend and her son who is 2 days older than emma because he hits emma multiple times just in the few hours we are there. hard. and her response is always, “oh, he’s just a boy.” um, yeah. a boy who just smacked my kid straight in the face for no reason at all. wtf? the “oh well … it’s just who they are” is something that i don’t respect.
so the simple truth that you wrote a long post about it and about how it’s bothering you? well, that’s better than most parents these days.
you are doing an amazing job, beth. while i’ve never met your kids, i can tell just from what you and your local blogging friends have said that your kids are amazing. not perfect. but pretty doggone wonderful. and you should be so proud of that.
I think I might read this again and again because it is super funny. I mean, I’m sure at the time of finding Anna stealing your ipod it wasn’t, but you know, it makes for a great story.
And Thanksgiving? LOVE. Only 16 weeks away? Score.
I hope tonight brings you much better sleep!
Abra