I look back on this past year of my life and it feels so vivid and dreamy, you know, like one of those realistic dreams you wake up from and it sticks with you all day long. That’s how my life feels.
Friday night, I was casually browsing the interwebs, which I rarely give myself time to do anymore and I came across support sites for babies lost, it sent me barreling down that dark place, remembering what it felt like to lose James and Jake. Reading stories about deliveries and holding still babies.
Part of me wanted to hole myself up in a closet and be totally left alone. But the other part of me, the stronger part of me, maybe, encouraged me to go to bed and count my blessings, one. two. three.
four + five.
Each one uniquely mine.
I laid in bed and thought about Anna’s hilarious laugh and her ability to act like a teenager when she’s just a seven year old.
I smiled at the thought of Noah holding my hand at church and whispering to me “this is really nice time at church with my family.”
I pictured myself kissing Eli’s chubby cheeks and looking deep into his eyes, wondering what he has seen.
and I dreamed of two angel babies, watching over the family that loves them so much.
I drifted off to sleep. Happy. Healthy. Thankful.
I woke up to a lego trophy for “best Mom.” And a baby boy with a tiny tooth set to emerge any day now and an monstrous mess of papers, laundry, food, crumbs, with my name on it.
But happy. healthy. thankful.
Nothing else matters.
Elijah turned five months old yesterday.
So sweet. He might be the most photogenic baby ever.
Happy five months, Elijah! And I’m in awe of your strength. I’m glad that you have such great memories to carry you through the not so good ones.
He’s grown so much! It’s nice to be aware of our blessings, isn’t it?
I hope you gave him five spankings for each month he’s been here.
You really are blessed. I’m glad you’re happy.
And SHUT UP! with how cute he is.
wow…i can not believe it has already been 5 months!!!! time flies
He has changed so much. Happy 5 months to a very sweet little guy.
Thanks for sharing your family with us. This little guy makes me smile every time I see his picture.
OMG Beth he is so cute. I don’t know how you get anything done all day with that cute baby hanging around!! Enjoy him!!!
oh my goodness – i just want him!! seriously i just want to hold him and love on him. he is so darling.
I can tell he’s getting a little personality already, isn’t he? Such a cute little guy. And here’s a “cheers” to being happy, healthy and thankful…
What an awesome reminder about what really matters! I didn’t think it was possible for him to get cuter, but I think he has – each month! Love the pictures!
As far as you mentioned in your other post about your breastfeeding journey may be coming to an end, I am so sorry – I know this is something that you really have wanted, and wanted to enjoy, and I am SO proud of you for hanging on this long. I pumped everything for my son for 6 weeks, and I thought I would go insane from being SO tired…I can’t imagine five months!
i am not kidding when I read your stuff I think you are me! Although I can take pictures at all
anyway he is adorable and I sure hope that little tooth isnt a trouble tooth!
love the trophy… so fitting and true. squeezy, loving hugs to all – both here and up above…
Eli is amazingly adorable. You have a beautiful family. A beautiful family of seven. HM
Happy 5 month birthday gorgeous boy!
Thanks for reminding me to take it slow and take stock in the smaller, beautiful things in life.
I am in awe of your strength. You are amazing and very lucky. You do have so much to be thankful for. I loved seeing you and Brian and your beautiful children yesterday. It made my day.
I can’t believe he is already 5 months old. He is so cute and I love that you share him with all of us.
((hugs))
He is the sweetness!
He is absolutely adorable! Hope that tooth breaks through soon and gives the little man (and you) some relief.
Great series of ‘growing’ pictures. He certainly is a photogenic little boy. I love how his personality comes through in all the photos.
And great post about your family. I love it.
So well put! You are a blessed woman. Sometimes we do forget when we are living this life out. Thanks for the reminder. BTW, he is a DOLL!
Oh my word – GENIUS! Why did I not think of “watermarking” the milestone month info RIGHT ON THE PHOTO?!
I had to scroll back up to the top and I was all, “Is he really 5 months old already?” I know it sounds cliche’ but somewhere in the mix, I lost a couple of months. Wow. Time flies.
hope those little teeth stop giving him trouble :0
Hello friend,
Just dropped by for a look-see. I’m so glad to see that shings are good with you.
Love and kisses!
Thank you so much for sharing about your lost boys. I have enjoyed reading your blog for the past couple of months, but before today I didn’t know about James and Jake. We have something in common – I too lost a boy, Miles, shortly after a healthy and full term birth. His life and death have become the mystery – and the gift – that punctuates the beginning of the second half of my life. I have Vivian now, but Miles will always be here, yet gone, all at the same time.
5 months? really?? oh goodness, he is growing so fast … and getting more and more beautiful by the minute.