This was my kitchen on Monday night. Every square inch was taken up with something. It suffered from a severe case of too much going on in one weekend and no time to clean it. Monday was so busy, so busy that I nursed Eli in the parking lot at Walmart after having a doctor’s appointment in Chicago, but I had to buy groceries.
I came home and started to clean up and unload groceries. Nothing pains me more than to bring in groceries on top of a mess that already exists. I fed Eli again, put him down for a nap, I ate lunch (late), the kids came home from school, then there was homework…
the mess just piled up.
I had decided to make dinner for a friend. This is not a big deal, I mean, I’m making dinner for us, why not double it? I tried a new recipe. It was all from scratch…the mess. Onions on the floor. Spinach on top of grocery bags. Measuring cups piling in the sink. Cutting boards. Knives. I have a really big kitchen…it felt so tiny.
My friend’s meal was done, I wrapped it up, prepared the salad, cut the bread. I was so happy. I realized how happy I was to be making this dinner for my friend. It had nothing to do with glory or praise, just goodness. It felt almost selfish it felt so good.
I dropped off the meal. Came home, finished preparing ours, ate dinner, fed Eli and tackled this mess. Once again, as I was sweeping the onions off of the floor and scrubbing the cream sauce from the stove top, I realized how good this was for my soul.
I feel too busy for my own good. There is always something that must be done. And truly, these things, must be done. But I need to sneak in the things that I love to do. Like making meals for friends and family.
Or putting my hair in velcro rollers and not a ponytail.
I’m beginning to feel like something has to give. Every second of my life is taken up with something. Do I have to give something up? What would it be? I love everything that I do…
God, what a good problem to have.
I’m working to reorganize my house, re-work my day schedule, use my brain when I’m most aware (in the mornings.) I may need to hire a babysitter a few hours a week or a cleaning lady. Something to give me more moments to look at my children and to sit with my husband.
I tucked Noah into bed on Monday night and he, being always insightful, said to me “man, I barely saw you today.”
I was too busy. and he confirmed it. (but mostly, I love that he noticed, which confirms that I am doing something right.)
I don’t want to stop doing things that I love, no. Not that. So, the moments, when I can, I will be mindful, I will actually be in THAT moment and not off doing something else in my mind.