Elijah is up from his morning nap already, I have a ton of errands to run, both Eli and I have colds.
Eli is sleeping better, only waking up once between 8:30 and 6:30 these last two nights and he’s even nursing pretty well. I haven’t really talked about nursing lately – not purposely, I just never fit it in. We’ve had some serious issues with Eli biting me and not just biting me but biting down and blood instantly spraying out. (I wish I were joking.)
In case you’re wondering…IT FREAKING HURTS. Not just at that moment of his teeth violently slaughtering my lady regions but also upon latching at each subsequent feeding.
I finally figured out that I was just going to have to stop because telling him no and screaming ‘OHMYGODNOSTOPITSHITSHITSHIT.” Just wasn’t working.
He starts to bite and it’s like he remembers and stops. (for now.) I approach every feeding treading softly and carrying a big stick. or at least a band-aid.
I just want to nurse until I we see the gastrointerologist in a few weeks because breastfeeding is really best for babies with reflux, so if I can do something that helps, I think I should do it. But if the cost is losing a n!pple, preventing me from nursing another child, well, I’ll have to take another look at our painful situation.
And yes, I do fear for my n!pple. Wouldn’t you?
I’m missing my babies today. Yesterday morning, Eli was still sleeping as I prepared Anna and Noah’s breakfast. (prepared=pouring milk over dry cereal.) I was feeling so full of love and I decided to share my feelings with Anna and Noah. I said something like “I just wanted to tell you guys that I love you both so much and I think I am the luckiest Mom with the best kids and the most amazing husband.”
They both responded with “I love you, too and also don’t forget about James and Jake because you love them, too.” Then they discussed James and Jake’s ages and where they are and my mind drifted to wanting to be able to tell Brian that “Jake won’t stop hitting James and James will not take a nap and why do they keep asking me questions ALL DAY LONG……”
Because that’s all I want. I want them HERE with ME, getting on my nerves, making sleep nearly impossible, causing me worry.
And it’s interesting because I do worry about them. I worry that they’re not being hugged up in heaven. I worry that they worry about us too much. I worry that they don’t know how much I love them, every second of every day.
EVERY DAY for the rest of my life.
So, me, my headache, my horribly grouchy baby, we are going to face this day and make with it what we can knowing that whatever happens, we can handle.