Hollywood Round #1

I love auditions and I love the Top 24 and beyond but I’ve never really enjoyed Hollywood week. It’s the drama that kills me and probably the crying. Way too much crying.

Adam: I totally agree. The Hollywood round is the cold, cruel hand of reality that smacks the spirit right out of the show. Why everyone gets so excited when they hear, “You’re going to Hollywood,” I have no idea. When they get their golden tickets, they should say, “Congratulations, you’re going to be forced into a team with annoying divas, leave crying, and watch your dreams die in a week.” And these shows are 90% drama, 10% singing. I’m really here for the singing.

Adam? Who’s your favorite judge? I just have to ask. My favorite is Randy. And then Steven and then Jennifer but not necessarily in that order. Needless to say, I am so happy with the judges this year.
Adam: Jennifer is my favorite. I don’t know why. I’m sure it has nothing to do with her flawless beauty and effervescent charm. I’m warming up to Steven as a judge. He actually seems to have a good ear for melody, he’s not afraid to be direct, and he’s functionally insane. I do like Randy, though, but I’m impressed with the new blood.

The first contestant, Brett, is up and he’s a great singer but I am having such a hard time not calling him Carrot Top. Carrot Top ruins everything.
Adam: Good call. I was thinking Kenny G and Bette Midler had a baby, but his carrotness is undeniable.

I’m seriously appreciating the speed at which people are being eliminated. Victoria, the really spunky girl, well, she didn’t make it through and as much as her spunkiness made me twitch, when she saw her Mom, hugged and said “I love you,” I thought, “you know, I need her to be a role model.“
Adam: She’s a nice girl. She’ll probably be back next year. And the next. But she’s too sweet for this show . . . and for my ears.

Idol seems to be hitting on all of the contestants whose stories made us weep during auditions, right now, Chris is up. Chris, the guy who was to be married when his fiancee was in a terrible car accident. You know what story I’m talking about, right? The one where Steven got up and hugged her and said “that’s why he sings so good cause he sings to you” which made the entire nation fall into a collective emotional mess and then we pressed rewind and cried again. (okay, we pressed rewind one more time and cried, once again.)
Adam: I don’t remember this. I certainly don’t remember crying like a baby. Twice. But you’re right about the weepy-story contestants. Some of them have me worried, particularly James, with Tourette Syndrome. Great voice, I just hope he can keep his wits and emotions in control. Idol’s pretty unforgiving.

Oh, Steven.
Anyway, What’s the first thing Steven does? Ask how Juliana is. And now I want to cry and I want to give Chris a free pass to the final twelve. And he’s through and now Idol is playing Coldplay and why does Idol want to kill me?!
Adam: Nope. Not crying. I don’t know what you mean. My allergies are killing me, though.

And that big boy, Jacee? Adam? Hello? HE CAN SING.
Adam: Word.

I love the way this panel of judges is willing to share the appreciation for good singers this year. They’re not so stoic, they’re more joyful. And also, Kara is gone and that is more joyful.

This couple that is no longer a couple? Man, they have such great voices.

And that dude is in such denial. Trying way too hard to act like he doesn’t want to get back together. We see through you, Rob. You love Chelsea. Congrats.

And the couple that is really cheesy and smiley and in love? They make me throw up a little in my mouth and I they both waaaay over sing. If they let them through … I’ll put a fork in my eye. If they separate them, well, I’m not going to lie, I’d be pretty much okay with that.

oooooh, the drama.

Adam: Isn’t it delicious? If only their shmoopieness hadn’t robbed me of my appetite. Oh, hey, his desperate departing attempt to stay made me hungry again . . . for their sweet crash and burn. Mmm, tasty. I’m so glad they got split up. This is good for them.

And the baritone voice of Scotty? Beautiful. LOVE IT. Adam, can you sing like that?
Adam: Pretty much exactly.

So, I imagine I should probably bring up Tiffany (girl with the silver stars on her boobs) even though I do not want to because she is AN-NOY-ING. I like sparkly but her hair is over-sparkled and her clothes are over-tight and her attitude is over-the-top and I really want her to go bye-bye.

Adam: And she’s on the express train to Crazytown. I kind of want to see what happens when it crashes into the station.

DAMMIT.
Adam: Trust me, you’re going to enjoy how this ends.

And the end song is a favorite of mine, it’s called Duet by Rachel Yumagata, it is so amazing. You should all listen to it, unless you don’t like to cry, then don’t listen to it.
Adam: I love her rendition of “Jesus Was a Crossmaker,” from the Elizabethtown soundtrack, too. Also a must-listen, but for the dry-eyes crowd.

Before we close for the night, I need to ask Adam two important questions: If you had to choose between one of these three
runners-up to have lunch with, who would you choose? David Archuleta, Clay Aiken or Justin Guarini? (by the way, the lunch is on you.)
Adam: Archuleta. That kid can’t eat much. Also, I need to know if what I see is really what I get with him. I think I know Clay and Justin well enough as it is. They’re open books. David? I think I could get him to snap, and I want to see the beast explode out of that marshmallow exterior.

Sanjaya. Yay or nay? (if you say yay, we will have to seriously reconsider our collaboration or at least move our cubicles away from each other.)
Adam: Nay, BUT, I’ll always appreciate that he brought us screaming Sanjaya girl. And his effect on Simon was outstanding theater. So, there’s some yay there that I can’t den
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