Idol Chat with Adam & You

Hi friends, it’s me, Beth. I’m busy preparing for my early morning departure by packing and planning, unpacking and replanning, spazzing and eating ice cream so I can’t fit Idol into my schedule this week which is so unfair because it’s the only show I watch on TV and now what am I supposed to do?

Luckily, for all of us, Adam has volunteered to take over Wednesday night’s recap (we’re skipping Thursday night, it’s just too much!) which is incredibly kind of him. This is a great opportunity to share with Adam and I your feelings on the season so far, who your favorites are and also, who do you want to stab?

Before reading, please know that Adam mentions Paul McCartney turning over in his grave. I think what he meant was Sir Paul turning over in his bed, HIS BED. Because I don’t recall Paul dying and also I did a google search and it tells me I’m right. (okay, I’m lying about the google search. If I’m wrong and Sir Paul did die, I apologize to all of you and my condolences go out to the entire McCartney. Except for his evil, wretched ex-wife.)

I hope to back with you guys on Friday!

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Vegas, baby! Over the course of two nights and four hours, American Idol is taking 61 contestants to Vegas, bringing 40 back to Los Angeles, and sending 24 lucky/talented finalists into America’s merciless texting hands. I hope you’re ready.

And while Beth is off taking her talents to new heights (according to legend, this is possible . . . Can. Not. Fathom.) I’m just going to try not to break her blog. On to the recap. Ryan promises heartbreak. I’ve taken my Claritin.

We get to meet Peggy, the vocal coach from hell. I hope she’s a regular part of the show, because my sides hurt from laughing at the finger pointing, the hands-on-hips eyebrow raising, and the ranting. (“Sing, dammit!” and “You’re going to die on stage. Make me a liar.”)

Who am I not hoping to see for much longer? Ashley von Locopants. Or should I say Mrs. Ashley von Locopants. She feels the need to get married in Vegas before she runs out of crazy. Her wedding dress: pleather pants. Her choice of chapel: the same place her hero got married. Her choice of hero: Britney Spears. I fully expect a head-shaving when she gets eliminated later. (And did I mention she threatened to kill her fiancé?) Anyway, she gets married. On Idol. And even the Vegas marry-people lady thinks she’s crazy. This woman sees imbalanced and/or drunk people get married every day, and even she’s taken aback by how far gone Ashley is (and how much she resembles Parker Posey’s character from Waiting for Guffman).

The Beatles performances were largely forgettable, including a version of “Can’t Buy Me Love” that really could have used some Patrick Dempsey. The standouts: Haley, Jacob, and Naima sang “The Long and Winding Road” and absolutely killed it dead. Just awesome, and without the facial contortions from Jacob (my early pick to win it all). Tim Halpernan and Julie Zorrilla (Who are they? Seriously, I found myself asking that question all night) did an amazing rendition of “Something in the Way She Moves.” And stand-up bass Casey and make-‘em-cry Chris sang “Hard Day’s Night” on a bed. Jumping. On. A. Bed. Paul McCartney is rolling over in his grave.

Some were just atrocious. Ashley and Sophia decided to make “We Can Work It Out” sound like a garbage disposal. I genuinely believe it sounded exactly as they intended. Scotty, Denise, and Lauren camped up “Hello, Goodbye,” (the judges said goodbye to Denise). Carson for Cocoa Puffs and his friend Caleb sang a song that is no longer recognizable as part of the Beatles catalog.

The first round of cuts also robs us of Molly the intern, Carson, Caleb, Melinda, Ashley (who somehow handled her dismissal better than anyone . . . I’m genuinely shocked by this) and a guy I swear must be El Debarge. So we’re at 40. And Ryan says they’ll sing for their lives! I’m surprised the Idol judges will be executing the losers, but whatever. The survivors move on to the top 24.

The first to go through is Naima Adedapo. I haven’t been incredibly impressed with her singing, but her story is great and her outfits are out of this world. The mother of two will clean toilets no longer, because she made it. Excellent. (Also completely endearing: she tells Jennifer Lopez she used to want to be a Fly Girl on In Living Color. So precious.)

Then sweet Holly Cavanaugh, who looks completely innocent and did a nice cover of Alicia Keys (although for “singing for their lives,’ they sure aren’t showing much of these performances at all) is J-Lo’s personal favorite. But Steven and Randy didn’t think she was quite ready. Jennifer took the news as hard as Holly did: not well.

Lakeisha’s gone. Alex Ryan is gone. It was nice to meet him tonight, though.

Hello . . . Clint. And look, he sang Lionel Richie’s “Hello.” And now he’s gone to Sally Jesse Raphael glasses, his best look yet. Again he rehashes his “nothing personal” rejection of Jacee, which was totally personal. He doesn’t want anyone to take that the wrong way. Don’t worry, Clint, no one viewed that the wrong way. We viewed it the right way. The way where you’re a human fart. And hooray, we get to vote him off. Take your silly red shoes back home and get ready for me not to call your number (or vote for you on facebook . . . you can vote on facebook this year, by the way).

Haley Reinhart – I have no idea what she’s singing, what note she’s supposed to be hitting, or what she’s wearing. She got the memo about the red shoes. Red-shoed people make it through. I do not understand, because her singing is entirely sloppy.

Deandre Brackensick, one of the talented “Minors” has some growing to do. Sorry, we don’t have enough room on the show for all your hair.

Paul McDonald, Kenny Loggins on helium, is dressed up in a mistletoe jumpsuit. And he sings his own song. He’s a crackly little sparkle bunny. And Idol has room in the top 24 for a crackly little sparkle bunny.

Ashthon Jones is the reason Idol is running out of hair space. Diana Ross levels of volume in those locks. Her earrings could be the size of Rhode Island, but they look tiny in the hair. She’s through, and she pulled the “I didn’t make it . . . yeah I did” trick on her family. Good for her!

The show concludes with the fate of Chris “the walking allergen” Medina, of whom we’ve been seeing clips all night. He sings Coldplay, “Fix You.” (He knows what Coldplay does to Beth, and making people cry is what he does.) And they pretty much showed his whole performance, which was soulful but erratic. He tells the judges that Juliana, his fiancée, had the greatest moment of her life on this show when she met the judges and Steven Tyler kissed her and America cried like babies.

And it’s not enough. Chris is gone. He’s not through. This is the second time I’m seeing it, and I have to take my contacts out because they’re completely irritating me. Chris takes it with the grace we’d expect. He hugs the judges. He smiles like a pro. He destroys the tear ducts of America.

Cliffhanger: his Jennifer is in an emotional tailspin. Will she recover? Can she go on? We can only wait and see. Thursday night’s episode will presumably be comprised of 90 minutes of clips of this moment. Oh, Chris. We will miss you. We will love you. But if this sends J-Lo off of the show, I will not forgive you.