Adam, thank you so much for taking care of my blog last week, that was really, really nice of you.

I haven’t been able to see last week’s episode but thanks to your recap, I feel pretty caught up. So, should we talk about what happened with Casey last week on the results show or the fact that I finally announced my pregnancy or how unbelievably hot J-Lo looks tonight?

Adam: My pleasure, Beth. I don’t think I can resist talking about any of those. I’m so glad Casey was saved, because I love having a Casey and a James on the show (on account of my ginormous, full-blown, shameless man crush on Casey James last season). And J-Lo is a vision tonight . . . no idea what anyone else is wearing. But your pregnancy? Makes me happier than if Casey James and Jennifer Lopez were watching Idol with me on my couch right now. And it’s not even close.

Adam, your crush on Casey James disturbs because I distinctly remember wanting to stab him in the neck at some point last year. Who knew we could be so different?

Tonight, I’ll be talking about the boys, Adam is covering the girls, which brings us to Scotty McCreery. The contestants are singing songs by Elton John. I enjoyed Scotty’s performance, he seems so comfortable up on stage these days. I think he’s maturing right before our eyes. *sniff* (STILL NO HAT BUT WHATEVER.)

Adam: I can’t decide if Scotty’s performance and song choice was complete brilliance or abject silliness. I’m not sure it matters. He just needs to walk out there, throw down a big pile of aw-shucks, and rake in the votes. The song, while fine, was forgettable. That last power low note, however, was anything but. Scotty’s only going to get better.

Naima Adedapo gave Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing” the reggae treatment, which was a huge risk. And I don’t care what the judges say, I absolutely loved it. I don’t like the song in its original state, and I’m not a reggae fan. Even her execution was a tiny bit lackluster. It probably won’t even bring her the votes she needs. But if that’s how Naima goes out, she should be proud. It was a song worth singing, and I loved how she sang it.

I don’t know, Adam, I mean, it was entertaining and it was interesting but would I buy that album? Um, no. Would anyone in America buy that album? Um, no. I love her originality, I love her ability to always be herself but I really did not enjoy that song.

Paul Mcdonald. Oh, Paul, what are we going to do tonight? First, I want to water his suit. Second, I really love this song but but but … I don’t think his voice is strong enough for this song. It’s like his performance just sat there or something. I did enjoy his calmness tonight. (OH MY GOD, I JUST HEARD STEVEN MENTION WATERING HIS SUIT. I said it first! I said it first! DANGIT.)

Adam: We’re back to Paul McDonald, and he took his Ritalin, which means we get the Paul we can watch without squirming. Without the kicking and pointing, the thing about Paul that distracts me now is the extra dose of crackle in his voice. Too much crackle! It’s like a Crunch bar that’s more crisped rice than chocolate. His “Rocket Man” never really got off the ground, but I could drink coffee to it. Meh.

Pia Toscano is so gorgeous it kind of hurts my eyes. But I don’t want to let that distract me from giving an honest critique of her singing. She’s also got a very good voice, but frankly I think “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me” exposed her as a second-tier vocal talent. George Michael can sing this song. Oleta Adams can sing that song. And, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John can sing that song. Pia doesn’t quite have the soul to pull it off. It’s not just one big note, it’s a song full of impact powerhouse potential, and it kind of ate Pia up.

Well, I think Pia is certainly pretty but she reminds me of Elaine from Seinfeld which is funny because Paul McDonald dances like Elaine from Seinfeld dances. Interesting, right? No? Not so much? I enjoyed her performance. She always surprises me with her big notes. She did great tonight!

Charles in Charge is up next. I’m really starting to like this fellow, I like his attitude, his smile, I like that his name is Stefano but I did not enjoy how this song sounded tonight. Very nasal, crazy vibrato, just a lot of ugh. He’s cute. But I think his time on the show is very limited. Luckily he has that popular 80′s sitcom to fall back on.

I don’t know what you mean, Beth. Joanie loves this guy. Seriously, I have no idea how he does it, but Stefano pours a ridiculous amount of effort into performances that are somehow completely devoid of energy. I just don’t feel the song when he sings. It was good that he sang a song about another fabulous ’80s sitcom, with this whole “Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza” business. (I know that joke is from Friends, but they stole it from me.)

Oh my gosh, I’m so thrilled that they have Howie Mandel sitting next to his twin, Stefano’s dad. That’s just outstanding. So then we have Lauren singing “Candle in the Wind,” which is a favorite car ballad of mine. It’s kind of weird to see Lauren singing about Marilyn Monroe, but she did a nice job. Her voice really does hit the ear nice and smooth like. She’s cute. I don’t know if she completely takes herself seriously, but maybe that’s what I like about her?

Yep, she sounded fantastic, she looked great and yep, she doesn’t take herself seriously, you’re right, Adam. It sort of makes me want to shake her shoulders and say “WAKE UP, GIRL!” But really, she’s good stuff. I look forward to her each week.

James Durbin is performing Saturday Night’s Alright. He sounded good, definitely involved the audience, it was a good performance. Although, I closed my eyes during the performance and I heard Axl Rose. True story. Rewind and try it. Also, I’m just going to say out loud what y’all are thinking … boys with ears that stick out, should probably stay away from mohawks.

It was a great performance in a style that I’m pretty much done hearing. He does have a great voice, no question. But he needs to pull it out of the late ’80s early ’90s for me to love it. But he sure does own those ears.

Thia Megia has been accused of being a little boring and sleepy, so it’s perfect that she chose the most soporific song in the Elton John/Bernie Taupin catalog. Even though I’m one of her accusers, I loved her performance. I just don’t think sleeping America is going to vote for her in their dreams.

I’m so confused by Thia. I mean, her voice is nearly flawless, it really is and this performance was good but it was also a bit bland? Why doesn’t she like to wear color? Has she ever done an uptempo song?

So, Casey Abrams is up with his new “less hairy” look, which I’m super glad about it. Also, I’m super glad the judges saved him. Also, America? PICK UP YOUR PHONES AND VOTE FOR HIM, DAMMIT. He’s performing Your Song, which I like, I like his toned-downedness of it all. I’m pleased with him tonight. I do sort of wish this had been done with an acoustic guitar, either way. I’m a fan. Still.

Casey is that guy in high school you have to convince your friends is cool, because you know he’s awesome but he constantly does dorky things that make people gigglesnort. I do love his voice and his trimmed down beard. He’s massively talented. Look past the dorkiness, America. I swear, Casey’s solid.

Jacob Lusk sang “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word.” I agree with J-Lo, the last note was really amazing, the whole performance was a bit dramatic and that bothered me a lot. The smoke? A bit much. He sounded really good but I can’t figure out where he fits in with music today, you know?

Jacob sang another one of my favorite Elton John ballads. It’s so emo he didn’t even have to overdo it, if breaking down in tears two-thirds of the way through isn’t overdoing it. Vocally, though, it was pretty controlled I thought. He’s just so powerful. I wish he and Pia could join forces. Anyway, I loved this song in all its effeminate vocal luxury.

Haley Reinhart is kind of the Casey James of the girls. Amazing, gritty voice with a bit of a goofy sense of style. Every week I’m more impressed with her ability as a singer, but I still find myself laughing in parts because of her Walmart dresses and awkward motions on stage. The arm flailing, the weird poses. The inability to get off the piano that I thought was on fire earlier. I don’t know, I love her, but I can’t stop laughing. Also, are J-Lo’s earrings getting bigger as the night goes on?

I think I can honestly say that I hated this performance. Yes, her arms flailing, her movement on stage is completely awkward and just like Casey James, I want to stab her in the neck. Wow, the judges love it. I think I’ve had too many ice cream bars tonight, there must be something wrong with my eyes and my ears. GAH.

Who’s going home?

Beth chooses Naima & Stefano.

Adam thinks it’s going to be Naima and Thia.

What do you guys think?

You feel it, don’t you? That conspicuous absence permeating this space right now? It’s palpable, I know. What you’re experiencing is called Bethlessness, and it’s not pretty. I’m blogsitting for tonight, which is always intimidating. But especially on Motown night.

Because Motown night is—wait . . . Jennifer Lopez is dressed up like one of those really expensive old Barbies nobody’s allowed to play with . . . awesome—anyway, Motown night showcases some of the very best songs ever recorded by some of the most talented musicians of our time. So it’s a huge opportunity and a huge challenge, just like what I’m facing tonight. So I’m empathizing with you, Idol people. Let’s not blow it. Because Liv Tyler is watching.

Casey Abrams starts us off with a slightly funky and gravelly version of “I Heard it Through the Grapevine.” Casey followed his producers’ advice and kept himself from exploding in a big pulpy mess on stage. Visually, he’s this crazy mix of suave lounge singer and sweaty lumberjack. Vocally, he’s back to true gold. I loved it so much, I think I’ll listen again.

Next we have Thia Megia, who desperately needs to rebound from a couple of performances far too boring for someone with a cool rhyming name like that. At first she had her “Heat Wave” groove working, but she ran out of steam halfway through. She has a nasty habit of losing notes on stage. I can still see them waiting there, wishing they had been sung. Thia has tons of potential, but she’s not there yet. But she’s so cute!

Jacob Lusk singing Motown? Yes please. “You’re All I Need to Get By” is a soulful song with a subtlety that demands an artist’s touch, and I’m beyond glad that Jacob is taking it on. But I think I have to close my eyes through the performance because he’s a giant goofball. A giant goofball who just killed it. He’s unorthodox, but crazy good. And Steven Tyler ran up and hugged him. That was fun. I like this dude. Randy thinks it’s the best thing that ever happened to anyone ever in the universe. Okay, Randy.

All I ask is that Lauren Alaina takes this song to Nashville. R&B/Soul and Country like to play together. Unfortunately, Lauren stayed rooted in Detroit and gave us a straight-up retread of the original “Keep Me Hangin’ On.” She sounded great, don’t get me wrong. Her zebra dress and Candace Cameron Bure charm are all good, but I still wish she would have brought more of her style to the song. Instead, I’m bored and hungry for Krispy Kremes.

Stefano Langone is Miami Vice and Ralph Lauren and Justin Bieber all rolled into one outfit. He sang, “Hello,” and it was weird. The notes were right. The tone was good. But he may as well have been singing in Japanese, because it didn’t sound like he knew what he was expressing. This is Motown, Stefano. Leaving out the soul is like forgetting the turkey at Thanksgiving dinner. And the gravy. And the pumpkin pie. And half your family.

Connecting with the audience = straighten your hair, wear tight shorts and monster heels, and walk down stairs like you have to pee real bad. At least that’s Haley Reinhart’s theory. I like Haley’s voice, and she sang “You Really Got a Hold on Me” pretty dang well. I was distracted beyond belief by the stage awkwardness. And why is everyone wearing white coats? (Side note: the chemistry between the judges is really working for me this season. They relate to each other so naturally. I enjoy.)

I think Scotty McReary has officially and finally rejected Beth’s request for a cowboy hat. This would have been the perfect night to break it out, but at least he gave us the Man in Black look. Even more importantly, he deep fried “For Once in My Life.” See what I mean? Motown and Country are best friends. I loved it at the beginning. I loved it in the middle. I giggled at the end. Note to Scotty: you can’t just shake your head and expect powerful notes to come out. You gotta earn that payoff, son. Loved the style, though.

Apparently this is “try not to insult Stevie Wonder” night. Pia Toscano is taking on “All in Love is Fair,” which, in my eyes, is her biggest test yet. This is where we separate the Cheez Whiz from the cheddar. I don’t know what that means. I do know that Pia is g-g-g-gorgeous. Her voice is, too. I’m not thrilled with her when she’s not piledriving high notes into our ears, but wow, can she hit the big notes (yes, she can). Still . . . I’m kinda bored with her music.

Okay, here we are. The bizarre moment we’ve all been waiting for. Paul McDonald. I actually think I might like him singing Smokey. “Tracks of My Tears” is beautiful. And he’s holding a guitar, so that should stop him from pointing at us, right? And hey, look at that! Paul is pretty much rocking and sounding interesting. A+, Paul. (I’m grading on a personal curve for you, Paul.) I really liked it. And Randy’s right: the end sealed it.

Are we done yet? Did we go back to 24 contestants? No? Man, this is taking forever. C’mon, Naima Adedapo, make me dance in the street like your song says you will. Or, you could give me shelter in the spacious confines of your bell-bottoms. I like Naima. I do. But I’m not in love with her vocals. And the dancing was a little too Napoleon Dynamite-y. The judges love her. I just like her. As a person.

James Durbin is in on the Stevie Wonder festivities. “Living for the City” is no easy task. It’s no frivolous one, either. I’m not sure how I feel about the song choice for Idol, but here we are. Um . . . sorry, James. I’m a fan of yours. But I can’t listen to this. However you sang (pretty well), I’m afraid you missed the point. I hope this is your lowest moment of the season. But that was the essence of what people hate about Idol. Great songs turned cheap.

Overall, I thought it was a pretty decent night that could have been much better. Beth? Hurry back.

My pick to go home: Naima. Sorry, girl.